Recovery from assault, post-traumatic stress & depression, plus poetry, silliness, yoga & spiritual stuff…
Namaste
I’m a little haphazard. I haven’t been telling my story in strict chronological order. Start with this post: Once upon a time.
Or check out the timeline of events.
If you’re not new here: all new posts will now appear below this sorta message board one…
Om Shanti!
~Svasti
I accidentally sat down on my poor little niece on Sunday!
She’d been sitting next to me when I stood up for some-reason-or-other. Stealthily, she moved over to where I was sitting without saying a thing! Then I went to sit back down without looking behind me…
Tears!
When you’re two years and eight months old, having your thirty-seven year old aunty sit down on you – even if it’s only for seconds – is quite the shock, I’d imagine.
She wasn’t injured. But those beautiful long and dark brown lashes drowned in the backwash of her tears, and her deep dark chocolate puddle eyes were entombed in a layer of moisture.
So I picked her up and gave her many hugs and kisses. Told her how very sorry I was. Checked she was okay. Still, she cried.
Then I asked her what I could do to make things better, suggesting a game of chasey around the house (she loves chasing/being chased).
Immediately the tears dried up and she shouted “Yes!!!”.
So we played chasey. Several times. And there were tickles. More cuddles and kisses. Laughter.
And it was over. Forgotten.
Sometimes I wish that as fully grown humans, we could retain the ability to move on just like that… to just drop our shit and get on with life.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Seems to me, that’s kinda part of what yoga is about. Or something like that.
~Svasti
Haven’t been talking much about my yoga teacher training here. Which surprises me; thought I’d be writing about it a lot more than I have! And here we are, a month from the end and I’m almost qualified (hooray!).
Yet, I feel a little remiss. I could have shared more here. In some ways I’ve wanted to. But much of it has felt so very personal. So interior. Like my body has been drip feeding secrets to my mind. So I haven’t been in a place to share, because I’m still getting it myself.
Huge day today though.
Including a MASSIVE session on inversions. So we can learn how to teach them, as well as checking our progress.
And yeah. We did Every. Inversion. Going.
Or tried to. Couldn’t quite cut it with Scorpion/forearm balance. But it was right at the end, by which time I was pretty zonked.
*Yawns!*
Excitingly, we learned a new way to teach headstand that allows for a free-standing pose, but with support so it doesn’t seem so freaky. Well, it’s a new teaching method to me, anyway!
The following is a description of what I learned.
But please: if you aren’t familiar with headstand, please don’t try this without a yoga teacher around!
Sit in dandasana with your feet flat against wall. Place a blanket where your knees are, so that its a lower leg distance away. Which means your starting position is near, but not right next to the wall.
Come onto your hands and knees. Elbows are one forearm distance apart (cross your arms to check the distance). Hands are clasped, forming a triangle with your elbows. Both wrists and elbows press firmly into the floor. The crown of the head is cupped by the hands. Walk your feet towards your head, making sure you are balancing on the crown of the head, not too far forward or back.
When you’re ready, kick or raise the feet up to touch the wall. The knees are bent (behind your body). Then practice lifting one leg off the wall at a time, so the leg is vertical and aligned with your body. Keep pressing into the elbows, the head and forearms must bear the weight evenly. Eventually work up to both legs off the wall and above the head, which requires core stability, strength and balance. The good thing is, the wall is always there to keep you safe! Which helps people overcome fear of falling, a limiting factor when attempting headstand.
Cool! And today, using this method I achieved the best headstand I’ve done to date!
Then… my turn to teach a practice class and receive constructive feedback. I’d invited a friend to join us, someone who isn’t as familiar with asana as my fellow students. Gotta make sure I can teach real beginners!
Putting the class program together was kinda dream-like. Actually, part of it did come together in my waking dream! I’ve written a few programs already, and it seems to get easier every time. So at 6am this morning (it’s been a busy week!) I woke, and in my demi-somnambulant state arrived a few visuals. Or perhaps they were thoughts? It’s a little hard to say.
Anyway. Class time. My fellow students and I were pretty exhausted from the inversions so I decided to mellow it up a little. Slow it down. And out it flowed.
Somewhere in there, about three quarters through, maybe in Pigeon pose, ethereal whispers wafted into the room. Like a just out of earshot conversation, but really, addressed to me. No one in the class was talking, that’s not what I mean…
Snippets of comprehension flowed into my body, but not my mind. The gist being something like: THIS is why you’re doing it!
As in, why I’m becoming a yoga teacher. Can’t say I’ve got a handle on that just yet. I didn’t quite plan it this way, yet here I am. And why? I’ve asked myself, but don’t have any honest answers.
I mean, why does the world need yet another yoga teacher? And why me? I was happy enough being a long term student of yoga in all its facets. I’ve never felt a desire to teach before, not really.
My body knows more than I do, though. It’s become the great furnace to process and reduce the dross, outputting refined and gleaming metal. So… guess I’ll find out when my body sees fit to release its secrets.
Its okay, I can wait…
Til then, it’s enough to know my class was enjoyed. That I guided people to a deep state of relaxation. That my friend felt “great” afterwards, compared to how she felt before. It’s a start, right?
And despite my lack of self-confidence for a good three quarters of this year, despite the heavy events that have threatened to sink me to the bottom of the ocean, somehow I am becoming a yoga teacher.
Even if I’m not quite sure how that came to be!
~Svasti
In the treacly syrup of therapy sessions that I waded through last year (and earlier this year), I’ve endlessly tormented myself with a clutch of seemingly unanswerable questions.
Why did this (assault/PTSD/depression) happen? To me? Why did I have such a strong reaction to it given it was a single incident? Why was I having such a hard time “getting over it”?
I had no answers. My therapist suggested that if it was important, we could address it later on. That there might not be any ready answers and in fact, worrying about the why just then was counter-productive to getting on with the healing process.
She was right. So we moved on to other topics, but I did keep returning to them for regular self-flagellation. I should have known better, right? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
We want answers. When something unthinkable happens, especially when it’s personal… we want to draw a logical line from point A to point B and say Ah!!! So THAT’S why!
I suspect that in our hurry to understand why, we create reasons. And then, people tell us things like: Everything happens for a reason. Or… Something positive has to come out of this.
People might even suggest a reason or two of their own. Good people. Well meaning people.
But it doesn’t help.
Rarely will someone say those kind of things about positive life experiences. We don’t ponder (not too much anyway) why we met our life partner, or why we get to travel, or win the lottery…
And to be honest, I don’t know if everything that happens in this world (and to us personally), has to have a reason. Maybe what we think of as “the reason” is not even the real reason. If there is a reason beyond general randomness!
After all, the universe has the capacity for randomness. So perhaps that’s the real reason that seemingly senseless things happen. Perhaps they just are senseless.
Can we live with that? Sometimes, and then sometimes not…
Over at Michele’s blog, we considered the idea that perhaps the reason doesn’t matter in the end (read the comments).
Perhaps.
Although there might not be exact reasons, there’s definitely contributing factors to certain events. Influences that led you to be where you are. Again, there’s no real proof that these actually cause an event to occur. Or not.
Whatever.
Lately, I’ve been considering my pre-disposition towards abusive relationships. All kinds. Friendships, lovers, family. And I do think that pre-disposition was a contributing factor that led to me being involved with a physically violent person.
Basically, it seems I’ve put up with people treating me poorly for many years. [Note: not that I'm perfect, or that I've never treated other people badly. I'm not saying that.]
Which is related of course, to poor self-image/self-worth. Similarly, the next level of waging war – in addition to beating ourselves up – is to extend the war to others. And this shows up as abusive behaviour between people. Often it goes both ways. Starting within our family, of course.
Parent to child. Sibling to sibling. Child to friends. Friends to child. And so on. The circle continues to widen.
Much of my young life featured what I’ll call “low-level” abuse on an emotional and physical level. I used to think it was normal for people to be nice to me one day, and horribly upset with me the next as a repeating cycle. There was the bitching, the withholding of affection, the physical violence, regular screaming matches, being given the silent treatment for months on end and bring threatened with abandonment.
To be clear, its not that I think any of the above is particularly unusual. Actually, I think it’s the status quo in a lot of families, and almost accepted as normal even.
But it’s not normal. This is abuse.
We get used to treating other people badly, and being treated badly ourselves. Of course, there are more extreme situations, with children being molested or otherwise mistreated. But the more casual forms of abuse are important, too. Perhaps because they’re so very ubiquitous.
Possibly, growing up like that doesn’t bother everyone. At a minimum the impact would be the way people mimic abuse that was visited on them – they deal what they were dealt.
But for those who are extra-sensitive or vulnerable or otherwise naive (like I was), it can be a disaster.
When I consider the relationships and friendships I’ve had/have, it’s clear to me that I seek peaceful and harmonious relations with others. Well, that’s what I want, but it’s not always what I’ve been attracted to. Certainly for the most part, it’s not what I’ve attracted into my life. Until recent times, anyway.
Maybe that’s one of the great learnings for me – seeing just how much abuse I allow myself to put up with (not to mention the abuse I’ve dished out in return), and why. It wasn’t a one-shot deal though. It’s something I’ve continued to learn about, especially this year.
For example…
I was trying to be friends with someone who didn’t really want to reciprocate. Like a puppy dog, I wanted to be liked. I bent over backwards to be nice to this person. I gave them things. I spent money I didn’t have to do things for them.
In return, there seemed to be a friendship developing. Even if it was uneven. Even if, from time to time, this person decided to take offense at something I’d said and chuck a temper tantrum about it, way out of proportion to the actual event. Even if they gave me the silent treatment from time to time. They still encouraged me to rely on them. And so I did.
Because I wanted to be friends, exhausting as it was.
This was an abusive friendship – both ways. But I stuck it out until in the end, after we’d both torn shreds off each other. And by then it was clear: I was barking up the wrong tree. This situation came about because really, that person never wanted to be my friend in the first place.
If only I could’ve seen the other person’s abusive reactions for what they were – a cryptic message to back the hell off! But because I was used to accepting abusive behaviour, I didn’t.
This time, the end result wasn’t a physical assault. But it was an assault on my heart and self-esteem.
And I think (and hope) it was the final wake up call.
I don’t want to be abusive towards others, and as a yogini I’m working towards stripping these tendencies away from how I move about in this world.
Equally, I don’t want to be friends with people who treat me badly.
Just maybe then, that is the reason why? In the end. Or perhaps it’s just a by-product? Either way, it’s a good piece of knowledge to have on this journey.
~Svasti
A lotus heart bounded up from nowhere really. Just to say hello. Just because it was there and it wanted to let me know.
It was Saturday and I was singing as I’m want to do. Not particularly well of course (no arias are born when my lips part). But I sing for love, not fame or money (and thank goodness for that!). And the love I sing for is my own and let’s just say the coffers are looking healthy right now…
So anyway, I’m singing and ringing my Tibetan bells (awakened from years of idleness) when the stanzas begin. And I’m losing myself in the masses of voices and the drums and double bass cello and keyboards and before long, there it is!
And what do I know from lotus hearts? Never seen one before and in actual fact, can’t really say I saw this one, except in the depths of that place I go when my eyes are closed and sound wells up. Have you ever noticed it’s possible to sing just that little more in tune when you put your heart in charge instead of your dorky old brain? And that’s what I was doing just then…
Short was the visit and sweet, so sweet. Just all blue-white crystal petals, thousands of them and yet so warm and porous and inviting. Breathing at me, it was. Of course.
Later as we sat contemplating silence and our thoughts, a few key words wafted by. Maybe on the tail of the scent of the lotus heart, perhaps?
Our breath is the one thing that’s with us from the moment we are born and it’s the last thing to leave us when we die. And it seems to me that each breath in between contains a little part of that first breath and a little part of that last breath…
And our thoughts are with us too, always. Our mind reaches out, racing and touches everything, so many things all at once and all of the time. How gently can we sit here, just watching our breath and our thoughts as we slowly reel in our racing mind, asking it just for once and just for now… to stop reaching. To allow all those things to touch the mind instead?
~from Michael, Zen Buddhist
Everything vanished, just for a moment. Perhaps it was more? Anyway, a space appeared. A gap. I think that’s the way the lotus heart went, too.
And I saw. Or I felt. Or perceived.
Nothing.
Or not nothing.
Because, I Am That.
Apparently.
~Svasti
There’s a lot of relief flowing ’round the ever expanding Svasti-world right now. (Read the title of this post for a clue why)…
Yeah. Phew!
In June this year, I took a contract job that I wasn’t particularly happy about on account of the fact that it’s a big corporate giant that owns the company I worked for last year, just before I quit and went to Thailand. Not to mention the pay was pretty average, the contract written heavily in favour of the company (they could call an end to the contract any time without notice). But it was that, or continued unemployment.
And considering I was out of a job for roughly four months prior to this job offer, I wasn’t in a position to say no.
So I took it, with reservations… someone I used to work with once made me promise to never work for this company, but such things mean little when you’re wondering how you’ll pay rent next month. I also had the words of a Vedic astrologer ringing in my ears from a reading two years ago… something about a karmic debt still owed to my employer.
Really, it’s been a bit of a mixed blessing.
The good: a regular pay check; nice people; not being homeless; a non-stressful work environment. Well, sorta.
The bad: anxiety (due to nature of contract); the corporate environment I’d tried so hard to escape; the lack of actual work to do.
Seriously.
Y’know, when I’ve needed to hire a contractor myself in the past, it’s usually because there is too much work to do and we need help, pronto.
But not this job. I’ve never actually figured out why they decided they needed to hire me. They just did, and I’ve really only done little pieces of work (they call them projects, but I’d describe them as small tasks) here and there.
Some people might think it’s cool to get paid to sit on your butt all day and do almost no work. For me, it’s kinda okay for a short period of time. But not for months on end.
I don’t know how people work here permanently and do it for a much longer timeframe!
In a way it’s been kind of a blessing, too. I mean a job where I have almost no work to do? Giving me time to read blogs and write and no one gives a damn?
I suppose it’s been nice having time to get my head together as I’ve worked to shrug off depression.
But then there’s my work ethic, sense of pride in my work, and the endless hours of utter boredom to contend with!
Not to mention the anxiety I felt for a couple of months there. I mean… there I was on a contract that could be terminated with no notice. None! And there wasn’t enough work to keep me busy all day, every day. So I was waiting to be told they’d worked out they didn’t need me there any more.
Eventually, one of my work mates told me that pretty much EVERYONE in the team is in the same boat. Either there’s a stream of last minute/short run ‘project’s or there’s nothing to do. And that it was extremely unlikely they’d end my contract early.
Okay… but I was still bored and felt like I was losing my edge, so to speak. I could feel my brains turning to mush and seeping out my ears. Welcome to an ex-public service company, apparently!
Probably, I shouldn’t confess this. But, here goes! Look, things got so bad there for a while, with no motivation to go to work and do nothing all day, that one particular Monday I simply didn’t show up. And I didn’t ring. I was kinda testing to see if anyone noticed. AND THEY DIDN’T!! Seriously.
I was also worried about my résumé. There’s not a heck of a lot I can say about my time here, and very little that I can point to and say: This is what I achieved. Which bothers me, and my work ethic!
Also, I have a wide range of skills that are just sitting idly by in this job. In fact, its a job I can do with my eyes closed (when there’s actual work to do).
Anyways, the contract end-date was early December, and that brought on a whole different kind of anxiety: Potential unemployment through December/January!!
So for months I’ve been slogging away, trying to find another job. I’ve been to a bunch of interviews. There were a couple of near misses. Each passing week meant more anxiety… here comes unemployment again, here it comes, here it… THEN one of my recruitment contacts called me.
That call resulted in a new contract job offer. HOORAY! Which keeps me employed til end-June next year. Maybe longer, potentially.
But the best thing is that it’s a job working in my industry (digital media) on something that’s actually worthwhile for once: Education.
The company I’m going to work for is a government initiative delivering digital/online education resources for primary and high schools throughout Australia and New Zealand.
My role will be as a Digital Project Manager… pretty much what I do anyway, just with a different title. Which is cool. And they are paying me a proper contract rate. And I’ve had three endorsements to date that my new workplace is good.
So I’m excited!!
I start my new job on Monday. Which means I have approximately one day and three hours to go (at the time of writing) here in my current job… where the people are nice, but mostly a little incompetent… where the pace of doing things equals a snail’s.
Also, the other cool thing that happened recently was the re-signing of the lease on my apartment. I fully expected some kind of rent increase, but nope! The last place I leased before going to Thailand was quite maniacal about upping the rent. Not so much with my current place.
I suppose none of this is particularly unusual news. It’s just that I’d kind of gotten out of the habit of expecting good things to happen. Really.
Is it any coincidence that as I’m healing and growing stronger, other aspects of my life are improving, too? I think not!
~Svasti
A Swami, a Rabbi, an Imam, a Tenzin, a layperson, and a Reverend walk into a bar…
Sounds like the beginning of a joke!
But no.
TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is an organisation dedicated to Ideas Worth Spreading. And this idea is very cool.
What they’ve assembled are six different perspectives on the topic of compassion. With – you guessed it – a Swami, a Rabbi, an Imam, a Tenzin, a layperson, and a Reverend.
Some I found easier to relate to than others, but they are all wonderful discussions on compassion.
Of course, compassion has to start with ourselves. True compassion becomes a part of who you are, not like a jacket you clothe yourself in at will, applied sporadically.
But as Swami Dayananda puts it (paraphrased)… to learn to swim you must swim… in order to be compassionate you must act with compassion… and you fake it til you make it!
Also, check out the Charter for Compassion – a brand new inter-faith initiative looking at how to develop world-wide compassion…
The Charter seeks to change the conversation so that compassion becomes a key word in public and private discourse, making it clear that any ideology that breeds hatred or contempt ~ be it religious or secular ~ has failed the test of our time.
This is all good stuff for contemplating how we treat ourselves and others. And hopefully, a little more ammunition for learning to make peace with ourselves. 
~Svasti
Did you know the majority of people on planet Earth are at war?
It’s true.
But it’s a war with no name. And it’s silent and sneaky. Very few people talk about it. There’s no protests, or political action to bring it to an end. But it takes plenty of hostages and casualties. It cuts a path of destruction on all seven continents. There’s no place it does not reach…
This my friends, is the Great War. The murderer of souls. The sniper of happiness. The assassin of freedom. The destroyer of self-acceptance.
That’s right. I’m talking about the collateral damage we drag through our lives. The absolutely violent thoughts and actions we take against ourselves every day. The unkind words. The self-neglect. The hyper-critical and unfair attitude we have about our actions and/or appearance. The public and/or private flagellation we suffer at our own hands.
Let’s not forget the way we pass our own misery on to the next generation so that it may flourish… through our actions, we show them how to be self-defeating and self-loathing. We teach them that that’s how life is for most people.
One of the worst fall outs of this war is the way we’re so willing to believe anything negative about ourselves at the drop of a hat, while being unable to accept a compliment or be proud of our achievements.
We are displaced people. Displaced in our sense of Self.
And I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of it. Because all of this adds up to an unacceptable abuse of human rights.
Worse – most of these campaigns of self-hatred are conducted behind closed doors. Of course, some do make it out into the streets too, where we drink excessively or take drugs, or lay our self-disgust at the feet of others.
But almost everyone else is engaged in their own internal warfare. And so we try to relate the best we can, limping along, tending to our war as well as those belonging to the people we love.
And sometimes we mistake other people for combatants in our war. So, we take the fight externally and make them the enemy. At last, someone tangible to fight with – the driver of the car that cut you off, your lover, your friend, your parents, your boss, the rude waitress… and so on.
Appalling isn’t it? And yet, so very difficult to control. This war has agents everywhere!
The big question for me is this: How are we ever going to make peace with other people if we can’t even make peace with ourselves?
Y’know, Ahimsa (non-violence/non-injury) is the first of the five Yamas (restraints) of Patanjali’s system of yoga. The very first discipline to master, for developing consciousness on the path to enlightenment.
And yet, it seems to be one of the hardest things to do. We can sympathise with the trials of others. We give money and/or service to charities. We’ll give a guy on the street food or cash. We’ll help someone change a flat tyre.
But we can’t stop looking in the mirror and thinking about all the ways we are “deficient”. Can we?
And to win, we have to find a way to make peace with ourselves. Have to!
I’m still working on it. What about you?
~Svasti
My friend Christa over at Giggle On! has a very sad tale to tell.
Her blog was created in memory of a good friend Jim (#1) who lost his battle with depression and committed suicide in 2005.
His death helped Christa to climb out of her own depression and since then, she’s been on a mission to fight the good fight of suicide prevention and bring happiness and laughter to the world.
Her message is: Don’t give up! Giggle on!
Or in other words: find another way. Christa’s way is laughter and humour.
The message continues: Know that where you’re at with your depression is NOT the end of the world. And that when we back ourselves into a corner of a small claustrophobic room called Depression, our choices seem very few. It looks like those limited choices are all we have.
And that’s when suicide can start to look like a good idea.
Very sadly, another friend of Christa’s – also called Jim – has taken his life, just this week. This Jim (#2) was a support to Christa as she grieved for the loss of Jim #1. And he helped her to create the Giggle On! site.
To Christa, the friends and family of the two Jims… I offer endless sympathy and love. No matter what, suicide is shocking and painful for those left behind.
You know, it wasn’t long ago I was engaged in my own showdown with depression – one that could’ve very easily ended the same way as the two Jims.
BlissChick has just written a beautiful post on the Habits of Depression. She describes something I’ve labelled the “Bottom Lurker” – an energy that’s just waiting for an excuse to re-emerge. It sits patiently on the ocean floor of our sub-concious in the shadows and it waits.
And while that Bottom Lurker exists, depression is always a possibility. It’s capable of robbing us of sunshine and joi de vivre, especially if we let our guard down.
I understand how bad it can feel to be alive when your mind is telling you there’s no point. But it’s a lie. It is your mind lying to you, pulling down the shades and painting everything midnight black and scary.
I don’t pretend to know why we so readily believe these lies. Why it’s so tough to see alternatives when we are depressed. It’s just so unfair, because right around the corner is our potential, waiting mutely in the wings for us to awaken.
The trick is to find a way to hang on til you do. To trust the stories of others who’ve been where you’re standing who can honestly say: There is another way out!
Because there really is a way to recover that doesn’t involve taking your own life.
My wish for everyone out there dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts is Strength and Persistence. And Trust. And the desire to Hold On and Push Through those painfully difficult times. And for a Break in the Clouds, one that’s big enough to help you remember what life can be like when you are not depressed.
Ultimately, I wish Healing, Joy, Happiness and the desire to live out your life in Contentment. For all of us.
Namaste.
~Svasti
Just to clarify, part 1 was NOT an ode to being selfish and self-involved taking care of numero uno and screw everyone else kind of attitude. Quite the opposite really.
First things first though, that old maxim is true – how can you possibly offer real love and care to others if you’re always looking outside yourself for love and acceptance? You can’t. That’s just how it is.
You have to find your own happiness first, whatever that looks like.
But what if you’re not sure how to get there? That’s where the concept of starting with just doing things you really love, and letting the experience of doing those things take you over for a while… that can help A LOT.
Of course, for some this is much harder than for others.
What if you’re not even sure of what you like, let alone what you love or enjoy? What if you’ve suppressed all of that under a mound of unhappiness and hurt and sadness and depression? What if it’s hard to even imagine liking something a lot?
Have you ever been in that place? I know I have.
So you just start small. Perhaps there’s… I dunno… a tree you like in a local park. Or the birds outside your window sing prettily. Or a computer game you enjoy. Or a TV show you like. Or taking photos of street art (one of my secret pleasures). Or ice-cream. Or… well, it could be anything. And perhaps just for a nanosecond, that gives you a fleeting thought. Like: Hey, that’s nice.
Nice. That can be enough to get you started.
Might take a few attempts before you can get from that fleeting moment to something that lasts a little longer.
Might not seem like you’re getting anywhere. But you have to stick with it, you know?
Then eventually, one day you might just be able to say you really like something. Anything. And that should be celebrated. It’s an achievement, especially for those coming from a deeply wounded place.
Keep going. Don’t stop yet. Before you know it, you might even allow yourself to enjoy something fully. Then, you might extend yourself and find yet another thing that makes you happy.
Then you might notice that doing things that make you happy has an impact on how you see yourself and everyone else around you, too.
Like = Enjoyment = Happiness.
And eventually, Happiness = Love.
A teaching I’ve been given (many times now) is this:
There’s nothing that we feel or experience that is external. No matter how subjective reality appears. All of our experiences, things we think of as caused by other people or experiences, are really just our own reactions, feelings and thoughts…
I know, that can be a lot to take in and accept.
An example of this is enjoying the finest meal you can think of. The ingredients are fresh and perfectly prepared, the aromas are mouth watering and everything is faultlessly seasoned and spiced. It’s not like you’re just eating food – it’s more like music or poetry with every bite you take. Ever eaten food that’s positively orgasmic? Yeah, like that…
In the middle of this incredible meal, you get a call that a loved one has been in a horrific car crash and they’ve passed away. Not only are you in shock, and busy trying to work out what you need to do, if you to keep eating your meal, you’d find those amazing flavours have vanished. For all you know, it could be a hamburger from the corner shop.
This is because the taste, the enjoyment, everything that you were getting out of that experience actually comes from within. It is your perception of the food that makes it the best thing you’ve ever eaten, and again it’s your perception when it loses its appeal.
And I guess what I’m trying to get to, is suggesting that there’s a lot of people in the world out there living with a chronic lack of love.
Which is partly due to our perception of life, our reaction to other people and our life experiences. The end result is however, that we feel unloved. Neglected. Rightly or wrongly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is how that impacts us.
There are well documented studies proving that plants grow better when given love. So do people. And while many have grown up with adequate love and affection, there’s many more who didn’t.
They may not have been assaulted or abused or neglected, or maybe they were! Either way they sure as heck didn’t grow up feeling loved.
What I’m saying is that our experience growing up might’ve been that we didn’t get what we needed from our interactions with the world and other people, in order to feel confident, loved, cherished.
And that’s enough to start feeling the need to shut down. And when we shut down, we stop taking care of ourselves, including activities that allow us to generate our own sense of love.
Make sense? Yeah, it does for me too.
[To be continued…]
~Svasti
Dear friends, here’s a little treat for you!
I’d embed it here, but you really should go to YogaDawg’s blog to see the awesome mashup video he produced, combining Bob Weisenberg’s wonderous Flamenco-style (I think) guitar playing with some beauteous yoga asana.
Most inspiring.
Happy Tuesday, people.
~Svasti
Lucy from Earth to Holly is such a rockstar, she now has her own calendar.
