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It’s a while since I wrote part 1 of this series. And to be honest, it was possibly just a tad ranty. But only a little (okay, I’m still apologising over that one…) and well, I still meant most of what I wrote – behind the anger (which was related to other things going on right then).
Anyway, it’s a brand new year (hooray!), and I’ve been handed another lovely blog award by Linda’s Yoga Journey (my humble thanks!).
Plus, I seem to have levelled out a little from last week’s meltdown, and hopefully I’ll handle any future episodes with a little more style. Hopefully.
So. Let me backtrack to the start of this particular story. The year was 1998.
Seeking…?
Actually, I never meant to have a Guru. I wasn’t seeking one out. I had no idea they existed up til the time I met mine. And even then it took me a few years.
There are people who are dubious of Gurus. And well, to make this story appear all the more dubious – he’s not Indian. He’s a white man. An American too, for good measure. And yeah, he uses a funny Sanskrit name.
So do I, these days…
Not that I knew any of that at the time… I was there for the runes.
Oh yeah – I have a long history of searching, my whole life really. Not knowing what I was looking for. And it led to a whole bunch of experiences in the ‘pagan’ community. You name it – I’ve possibly been into it at one point or another.
Actually, Anthroyogini wrote a fabulously funny post, letting rip on her early ‘spiritual pursuits’. I laughed hard when I read it because I have plenty of my own foolish stories (in a post coming soon-ish).
Anyways, I’d been learning a Norwegian runic system for about a year and a half – a really interesting oral tradition of runes as an oracle, mythology, martial arts, healing, breathing practices, trance work and a whole bunch more.
So the guy I’d been learning from (referred to in this post as my ex, A) says - the dude who taught me this stuff is gonna be in town and will be running a two day workshop. You should come along. And so I did.
Walls of glory
I stayed at the house of my rune teacher, and we drove to a beautiful part of northern Sydney, surrounded by nature and spitting distance from some of the most glorious beaches in the country.
We arrived at a split level home surrounded by trees, entering a few minutes late via the bottom level.
Finding a spot to sit, I noted walls plastered almost floor to ceiling with the most amazing pictures I’d ever seen. Iridescent people, with eyes you could stare into for eons. Incredibly intricate and emotive images I could sort of associate with all things Indian. The room itself was alive.
Its here I meet my Guru for the first time, in his own home. He is my rune teacher’s teacher. That moment of introduction was innocuous, I can’t recall it exactly…
I do remember clearly, however, when he started talking.
The topics were runes, mythology and rune carving (below is a photo of the set I carved that weekend).
If I’m very honest with myself, I was captivated from the first word.
But who was this 6’3″ tall, cocky yet humble, loud but gentle, funny, intense, wise and knowing American with the New York accent? I still had no idea.
I felt enchanted, and strangely attracted to this man talking to us about Norse history, layers of meaning associated with runes and cross-referencing to the mythology.
He seemed to like my questions, and my attempts at discussing various topics. I just really liked listening to him speak.
By the end of the second day, I was floating on some kind of bliss cloud. I couldn’t have told you why.
But not in a ‘let’s jump in the sack and have wild monkey sex’ kind of way…
More of a ‘oh wow, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as interesting as this person. I’d really like to talk to him again’ kind of way…
So, I did.
At that time I was working as a practice manager for a team of alternative health professionals. Doing the Saturday morning shift. I had with me, this man’s home phone number. I was nervous. About calling him.
What was I doing anyway? I mean, why was I calling this guy? And what did I even want to talk to him about? I had no idea…
But then he was on the phone, and he was chilled, funny and genuine. Just like I remembered.
And, despite his busy schedule, he made time to meet up the following weekend. Just him and me…
~Svasti
Svasti,
Yumyum
This is really well done.
I’ve been waiting for this posting since reading the earlier piece…and I am looking forward to the next installment…thanks for inspiring me and my cup o’joe this mornin.
As a person who worked very intensely with a guru for two years and last summer broke it off with him, I am still processing what the hell happened – both the relationship and now, the non-relationship…(actually, I still sometimes see him on social occasions since this is a small town).
You inspire me to try to work it out in writing !
Though I learned an incredible amount from my teacher, in the end I felt he was unethical and hurt more than helped.
My teacher operated much more intensely than yours, from what I gather …and that is a good thing. Mine was TOTALLY in my life…how I became involved with him??? Well now that’s what I’m still trying to sort out.
It’s refreshing to hear of a student-disciple relationship that WORKS! I hope you talk more about how exactly it does and what you learn from the process.
Have you read Irina Tweedie’s CHASM OF FIRE? I’d love to hear your thoughts on her process.
Glad to hear you’re doin’ better this week.
This experience you describe reminds people that in real life, when a pupil is open to learning, then that pupil recognizes when teachers present themselves. You reveal that being open to alternative learning stetches you in ways that bring you closer to understanding your soul.
In reality, each of us is constantly surrounded by new opportunities to interact with people and to learn. It is just what we consider “fascinating people” or “appealing choices” changes. Our awareness and state of mind shift to alter our perceived reasons for curiosity and excitement.
Speaking as a primary inspiration for the angry ranting in Part 1 (note to readers of this blog: I am NOT Andre…just the guy who leaves obnoxious and inappropriate comments that piss people off sometimes, especially when they’re already struggling to work through trauma…jeezus, it sounds even more dickish when I spell it out like that…), let me add that I’m still apologizing as well (though with a “z” instead of an “s”)…even though we both know we’re well beyond forgiven….
Actually hadn’t realized there was a connection between your guru and that whacked-out rune stuff you’re into…oh, shit, am I doing it again? Ah, well…you of course know that if I took part in that blog awards thing, you’d have them raining down on you for the incredible intelligence, sensitivity, courage, and openness in every single post….
Keep on rockin’….
When the student is ready the teacher comes… That’s a whole side of runes I was not familiar with – very cool!
Congrats on the award….
I’ve always liked the idea of having a guru…but I think the way you found yours is the right way…and I’ve never had that sort of luck.
the reason people have opinions about gurus that are negative is because a whole hell of a lot of people who call themselves gurus have done weird stuff and not only weird but unethical and horrible stuff too…I study this sort of thing…so it’s not such a strange thing for people to have a bias about, though I don’t agree with it.
There is a risk when someone is at the center of a collective as gurus often are to abuse power….and it happens too often…
this does not mean that all gurus are bad…by no means…
I highly regard a number of famous gurus throughout history who have shown that they have great integrity.
Not all do.
Glad you found something that works for you…
I loved this post, Svasti–it really reminded me of when I met one of my own gurus–a Native American medicine man (a Shaman) who took me to that same level of bliss after talking to him–I honestly felt I was ‘high’ off truth that day (and with him, it had absolutely nothing to do with ‘monkey sex feelings’ (lol–I loved that line!).
I still contact my medicine man in Montana–as well as a Buddhist Monk that I met while traveling in Africa–he is another one of those gurus who just always seems to say the right thing at the right time.
Here’s to those gurus who keep the path lighted for all of us.
Cheers!
Melinda
I’m glad you are feeling better. It’s kinda stinky of you to get me so sucked into this story and then just cut it off. I hope you don’t wait too long to do the next installment.
@laughingyogini – Y’know, I think the thing is, Gurus are ‘strange and different’ to white folk. Then, if some of them are ‘bad’, they’re all painted with the same brush.
Shame, really.
I’m sorry you had a bad experience. I might suggest that if this person was really so bad for you, then he isn’t really your Guru. Perhaps he just thought he was, perhaps you just thought he was?
Its actually meant to be a very nourishing experience… although not necessarily all puppies and roses.
Ethics in any teacher is paramount. I mean, there’s people from all walks of life that will rip you off in one way or another. So its important to look for ethics and integrity.
I didn’t trust my Guru straight up regardless of what I’ve described above.
I haven’t yet read ‘Chasm of Fire’ although its on my list of books to read. In my Amazon ‘wish list’ in fact. But I’m already sadly behind on my reading list!! I’ll get to it some day!
@Liara Covert – I didn’t actually recognise him as my teacher on a concious level – at least not at this point! It was something a little deeper than that…
We can certainly learn from any person in our lives, but when a human being like my Guru comes along… wow!
@Jay – you shouldn’t even still be apologi[s]ing, since you know all too well, my anger wasn’t about you. And as you say… all is well past forgiven, m’darlin’…
My Guru is actually trained in several different traditions – too many to name and I’m not sure I know them all! So yeah, I came to know him at first through learning about runes and Norse traditions.
Believe it or not, there’s still plenty you don’t know about me, my friend!
@Michelle – Well, actually… the fact that I was learning about runes from him and the fact that he’s my Guru are kinda seperate things. As I commented above, he just happens to be trained in all sorts of interesting things!
@giannakali – I don’t know if there’s a right or a wrong way to find one’s Guru. I also don’t think that everyone should have a Guru or other kind of spiritual teacher – unless that’s what they want, of course.
Actually, I don’t think there’s a ‘whole lot’ of so-called Gurus out there that have wreaked havoc. I think the number of those kind of ‘sham’ people are actually in the minority. Its just, there’s been some rather high profile ones.
That said, anyone who gets involved in a teaching relationship like this, is responsible for themselves. At least they should be! Its up to each and every student to decide what’s right for them, and I don’t think its fair to place all the burden on the Guru – even if they are ‘fakes’.
Its kind of like two people having an affair but only blaming one party, not both. Why does that make sense?
I have no doubt there are fakers and pretenders in the spiritual world – I’ve met quite a few.
But I’ve not met any other Gurus, and luckily for me, mine is the real deal. Something you can kinda tell after knowing someone for over 10 years
@Melinda – My Guru has also studied with Native Americans actually.
Those incredible beings who are genunine, who’ve done the work… are so rare. Its truly a gift to form a student-teacher relationship with one, let alone more – you are fortunate!
But I too, consider myself to be incredibly lucky to have met my Guru.
Indeed, blessings to all Gurus and enlightened beings – may they continue their work, shining love, compassion and wisdom on all beings, that we may also reach such states of awareness.
@tricia – yeah well, i didn’t want to cut my story short and if I’d tried to tell it all in one shot, I woulda had to! So, its better all round if I write it in parts. The next installment will come more quickly now (I hope).
I with you on all counts svasti,
except that I do think that when a guru breaks trust by being unethical he or she is more responsible…like a therapist…they are holding themselves up as people with special knowledge and we trust them in a different way….the power differential is not equal…that still of course does not mean adults who have chosen to involve themselves with a guru are not responsible at all…but I personally measure it differently.
that being said yes, in general, most gurus are probably fine and like I said the idea of having one appeals to me , but like I said I’ve studied this and it’s not just high profile gurus…those are the ones who get the media attention…
in the end gurus are people just like everyone else and sometimes they fail…
I’m really not at all ant-guru…I hope you understand that.
I am wary of all humans in power…I guess that is all.
Doctors, politicians, clergy people and gurus…
and there are good among all those people too.
@giannakali – look, I agree – people in power have the ability to use their power in the wrong way.
What I was saying is that power is given to them by the people around them. If people would just wake the hell up, and consider what’s really going on, instead of thinking what’s happening in their dream world is real, they might see. And walk away.
Sure, there will always be people in all walks of life who take advantage of others. But I don’t think we should trust Gurus, doctors or anyone else any differently than anyone else.
I mean, if we do choose to trust someone, we can’t do so blindly and never look at their actions again to determine for our selves if they have integrity.
As my Guru would say – the fruit of your practice is your daily conduct. It goes for students and teachers alike.
If the teacher’s conduct has no integrity, then neither does the teacher. And its time to walk.
Thank-you for your kind words much appreciated. I know that time is what is needed for me, but my heart weighs so heavy. It’s thanks to all the kind words that helps me find a new road to travel down.
I do yoga almost everyday and pilates. I just started to medatate. It’s hard to close the mind down but I will keep at it. I’m sure at some point I will get better at it.
Your a very strong person and I salut you for overcoming all that you’ve been through. I sound like a complete moron when I read stories like yours. I hope that all is well with you and I truly need a slap in the face lol.
Take Care
JB
@JB – something I’ve had to learn is, you can’t compare your pain to someone else’s. Its not helpful to tell yourself you’re not suffering as much as someone else, and therefore shouldn’t be complaining.
Our pain is our pain – it hurts, and we need to deal with it. Saying you’re a moron for being in pain is not going to make you feel any better!
Without a doubt, at some point your yoga and meditation will improve, and your pain will decrease. Not necessarily at the same time, but these things are certain.