Shhhh! Did you notice the date? The time? I did, but only just.
Five years ago tonight and roughly around this time, this was happening.
I don’t have time to write about it tonight. Because I’ve just finished writing a post on Facebook, sort of “coming out” to a whole bunch of people in my life that I’ve never really told the full story to. I also told a short-hand version of the story on Twitter – that’s another whole bunch of people there I’ve never told, either. Well, except for those who follow me on Twitter from this blog!
I’m not de-cloaking my Svasti identity though…it’s sort of an open secret these days I suspect, but as long as it remains separate from my professional life, then it’s all good.
I never told most people in my life because I used to be terribly embarrassed and ashamed about being assaulted. And then eventually, I simply couldn’t remember who I’d told and who I hadn’t – it’s a memory loss thing associated with having PTSD.
Anyway. Five years. And wow, SUCH a five years it’s been. Of course, life hasn’t been anything like I expected it might be. I thought by now I’d have met the man of my dreams and perhaps even have had a child or two. But no. In fact, I’ve barely managed to date at all in this time and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had sex (no dirty puns, please!! Hahahaha!!)
Nope. Life has given me a handful of 360 degree shifts instead. I’m still not entirely sure where I’m at as a result, but mostly I think I’m better off. I can barely believe I’m writing that, but I think it’s true.
Anyway, more on all of this soon. Just not tonight.
I’m feeling a bit weepy now that I’ve noticed this milestone. Generally speaking I haven’t paid attention to my “anniversary” dates at all. Most of them have gone by without raising so much as a blip on my radar. But for some reason tonight, I was prompted to check the date (one of those little voices in my head – so I had to look it up) and there it was. Today. Right now.
Yeah… time to go to bed. Process. I’ll chat to y’all about this maybe tomorrow night.
But one more thing before I finish this post… the next five years? I reckon they’re gonna blow the last five OUT OF THE WATER!
P.S. Here’s to all those out there dealing with PTSD, depression and/or any other mental health issues. Keep on fighting, digging deep and working your butt off, because life can get better eventually!!