aneurysm, Anxiety, Depression, Donkey Kong, evil zombie ninja, indelicately explode, newspaper cartoonery, Potential Impending Unemployment Survival Kit, PTSD, quitting sugar, Repression, sapling, Stress, vrksasana, Yoga
I laughed out loud when I saw this and not just because hey, yoga is now so mainstream it’s an object of daily newspaper cartoonery. But because I recognised myself right there.
Despite our best intentions of being steadfast and strong, sometimes we look more like the right side of that cartoon than the left.
Guess you could say I’m feeling a little sway-ish once again.
Seven more working days in total. That’s how much/little confirmed work I have left right now and believe me, I’ve been looking for a new (and more permanent) job for at least the last six months. But for one reason or another, nothing has turned up. And now this contract is coming to an end and… nada.
So I am very busily finding my balance right now and doing an awful lot of wobbling in the process.
Sometimes I’m all calm and mellow and trusting in the universe to provide.
Others, I’m all twisty leaden bellied and constricted chest and throat on account of the OMIGODDESS it’s-right-before-Christmas-and-my-fully-paid-up-holiday-and-whoooaaaah-what-am-I-gonna-do-if-I-don’t-get-a-job?
Which causes me to batten down the hatches. Which helps me to understand how I did such a good job of hiding my PTSD and depression for years on end from anyone but the most observant of folks.
Because I internalise like a champion. It’s a super power. I mean, if I could take down a hoard of evil zombie ninjas by internalising my rage and fear, they’d ALL BE DEAD AND THERE WOULD BE NO EVIL ZOMBIE NINJA PLAGUE TEARING APART SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT…
Whaddya mean there IS no evil zombie ninja plague? And how can you be so sure? Evil zombie ninjas have many faces, y’know!
Anyway, the point is that I’ve got a killer “there’s nothing going on here” facade, which kicks in when I get hyper-stressy. Yet all the while I’m wobbling like a wee baby vrksasana sapling in a hurricane.
Well, sometimes anyway. When I’m feeling less super-heroish, that is. Which is only sometimes.
At this point I could go on and on about all kinds of angsty things and I realise my luverly readers here would probably let me get away with it. But that’s kind of a crappy use of my blog, I’m thinking, over something as piddling as potential impending unemployment.
And trust me, I’m working my connections and contacts to find some work ASAP. It’s on like…like…Donkey Kong!
So instead of letting my anxiety run riot here (which I’m trying not to have anyway because hello, Hashimoto’s), I thought that instead, I’d tell you about my…
Potential Impending Unemployment Survival Kit
Because that’s MUCH MORE fun. Such a kit contains:
- Invoicing slightly early for my October yoga teaching duties, the sum of which almost pays for an entire term of me being a yoga student – until the end of the year. So that the yogas are covered.
- Getting a much overdue haircut this coming weekend so I look stylish while I’m broke.
- Making plans for the 16th November (potential impending unemployment day 1) which include: taking the cat to the vet (immunisations and grooming); and going to see my accountant (still haven’t done my taxes yet for this year).
- Being resolved that even if I do get a job, I won’t work on the 16th so I can get to the vet and the accountant anyways.
- Committing to getting some of my writing work going. On account of if I don’t get it out of my head soon, I might just get an aneurysm or otherwise explode rather indelicately. And nobody wants to see that.
- Putting out the feelers for some extra yoga teaching gigs. It mightn’t pay the bills too well but it’ll sure keep me in a good mood. Which might be beneficial for job interviews.
- Spring clean of the house. It. Must. Happen.
- More riding of my push bike, which has sadly spent a great deal of the last few months doing very little.
- Otherwise spending as much time as I can outside and by the beach.
Oh, and as of Monday, I’m going to be starting a new experiment: the quitting of sugar.
I’ve done it before, many years ago now. But I lapsed. Because of the Hashimoto’s I’ve been seriously curbing sugar anyway, but I’m convinced the timing is right to give it a go once more. For my health, and not just for vanity or because everyone else is doing it.
But I’ll talk more about that next week.
Anyway, the plan is to keep trying to find my balance and engage in activities that’ll make me feel good. Well, except for the cat grooming – although that’ll help with less cat hair to clean up. And the accountant – although hey, a tax refund will be in the works, so yay!
Also, my giveaway winner finally turned up (HOORAY!!) so there will be no re-draw of the yogAttitude cards.
Til soon, lovely peoples…