With a little over one week left of this January writing challenge, I feel like I’m starting to hit my stride.

My final Small Stones post will cover the last nine days of the month. I hope you enjoy these microscopic peeks into my world!

Week three of my daily Small Stones.

Monday 16th:

Nature’s evaporator = a heavy sun factor reflected on concrete / Burning oil from the eucalyptus trees perfumes the city / Close your eyes and be transported.

~~

Tuesday 17th:

Not the usual suburban kerb-side garden / Stones and succulents / Settle at the feet of a teenage tree.

~~

Wednesday 18th:

Wide open greens / Nine holes / Anonymous somebodies with time on their hands / Hitting tiny balls into tiny holes / Is this space’s raison d’être.

~~

Thursday 19th:

Relief is apparent on bodies and faces / As our train emerges from underground / Phone reception returns / Every second person is heads down / Thumbs are suddenly busy.

~~

Friday 20th:

Ordinary beauty: a profusion of purple and white /
Divide two sides of the road.

~~

Saturday 21st:

Sailing seas of fluffy whiteness / Seen from above, not below / Beneath the wings, above the weather / Northward, we zoom above the world.

~~

Sunday 22nd:

Five old friends / Two squishy new people, born weeks apart / Lunch overlooking nature’s array of bushland beauty / Mutual love and enjoyment all-round.

~~

[ small stone round up week 1 ]

[ small stone round up week 2 ]

~ Svasti

Well, says Nadine (aka The Divine Ms N) almost doubtfully, I hope you got something out of today.

As much as she claims to be the Queen of Unsubtlety, here’s this beautiful yogi with her mellifluous South African accent, sounding unsure of the magic she’s just enabled for a room full of women.

*Ahem* DID I get something out of Nadine’s workshop? Errrmmmm… f#ck yes I did!

The premise was to find two words to set your intentions for the year, instead of making a mountain of resolutions or intentions.

The idea was that we’d work it out via a bit of story-telling, laughter, inappropriate jokes, and a process of self-inquiry Nadine had written down in a workbook for everyone. This was to be interspersed with a bit of yoga, food and relaxation and eventually, we’d all find the words that would sing out to us.

Words that represented how we want 2012 to go: things we need, want or are challenged by.

To be honest, I signed up for this workshop when I was still in the Land of Overwhelm.

I’ve been a wee bit terrified of the coming year – will it be another round of physical, mental, emotional or financial disaster? The worry about such things was the cause of much unexpressed anxiety.

So I signed up thinking fark, I’d better get as much help as I can for myself in starting things off right and bloody well hope and pray it all turns out… better. Better than the last six years in every way.

I am ready for better. Very ready.

Even though Nadine had emailed us earlier in the week with some question prompts, I really hadn’t thought about what my words might be.

But funnily enough, as we got started with our first session of yoga one of my words just… *POPPED* into my mind. Okay, cool.

It makes perfect sense for me, yes?

I’d still no idea what the other one would be, however.

We then started talking with each other, reading our workbooks and writing, just to get the thought processes moving (I’d bought my extra-shiny glitter gel pens to inspire me!).

Nadine started passing around some food (stating that she can’t concentrate if she’s hungry!), and we all either kept the word brainstorming going and/or tucked in to the nibbles – whatever worked for each of us.

A bit of tea, a few nuts and muffins (although no muffins for me!), some chatting with other participants and I still didn’t have my second word.

Until I did.

Just by… I don’t know, standing there and listening to other people talk. Suddenly it was glaringly apparent and I was hot-footing it back to my yoga mat, attempting to write down that darn word – because until then I simply hadn’t written anything like it in my workbook!

Which I didn’t do without some serious face-pulling, like I’d been eating too many lemons!

Whoah. I REALLY didn’t want to have to face that one but there it was, staring me in the face.

Acceptance.

GAH! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MIGHT MEAN??!!

The last thing I thought I wanted was to work on accepting myself, my life and where I’m at but apparently that’s what I need this year. I mean, can’t we put that shizz off til much later? Next life, perhaps?

But… too late. Like the ringing of a bell, it was blatantly clear that like it or not, for me 2012 is the year to get into some acceptance (grumble grumble bloody bloomin’ heck!).

Once everyone had their word(s), next up was investigating exactly what those words might mean for us.

Here’s a short summary of mine:

Healing

• Getting my thyroid and body back into balance.
• Regaining normal iron levels and other blood work tests.
• Hopefully being able to get off thyroid medication and manage my health by diet and yoga/kinesiology/acupuncture alone.
• Finding the right doctor/naturopath to help me achieve these goals.
• Continuing my kinesiology sessions.
• Getting enough sleep, eating the right foods and staying away from the wrong foods.
• Feeling full of energy once again.
• Finding my ideal body weight.
• And… when I’m ready, being able to remove the impenetrable protective bubble that still surrounds my heart. To truly let love in once again.

Acceptance

• Being honest with myself about ALL the things I don’t accept about myself right now.
• Finding ways to accept the things I currently reject: physical appearance; what I’ve been through; what I think I’ve “missed out on” as a result of having PTSD; the things I want in my life that I don’t have; parts of my personality I don’t like; my current lifestyle; not living/doing the things I really want to be doing; my health…
• Understanding that acceptance of all of these things isn’t about giving up. Rather, it’s about not wasting energy fighting things I can’t change.
• Embracing self-love in all aspects of my life, and being happy and joyful within myself!

Nadine asked us to think of a yoga pose(s) that embodies the essence of our words for us, and then wove them into our second yoga session.

Interestingly, there were a LOT of mentions of warrior and tree pose, as a many people had words like balance, stability and openness.

The intention of the second yoga session was to seal the words we’d each chosen into our bodies and minds.

We began with a simple meditation on our words, inhaling and exhaling them like a mantra. Playing around with which word felt right for the inhale and which for the exhale [inhale: Healing / exhale: Acceptance].

This time the practice was a little stronger than our first session, and we carried our words with us as we moved and breathed.

How do your words feel with this pose, asked Nadine, as she left us in each pose for a while to ponder.

Finally, we finished with another meditation. Allowing our words to steep and settle in to the sub-conscious and anywhere else they’re needed.

Like all Nadine events, there was lots of laughter and light-heartedness. But ultimately, it was an elegant and thoughtful process of getting to the Stuff That Matters for each person.

That’s most definitely what happened for me!

So yes, Nadine. I got PLENTY out of your sweet little workshop. And it’s something I think you should run on a yearly basis because I’m sure there are lots of folks out there who’d love to learn this simple but powerful method of organising oneself for the coming year.

~Svasti xo

P.S. You can read Nadine’s two words and Kerry’s two words as well. Yay!

P.P.S. You can also join the Two Words Project on Facebook, if you’d like to join in the fun.

Week two of my daily Small Stones.

I didn’t realise how much this little project would feel like a meditation. Just a handful of minutes of my day observing and then later, writing down my thoughts. Nor did I realise it would quietly draw me out from the fuzzy little cocoon I still live in sometimes.

These words might seem like tiny things, but each observation represents a magical moment in time that I could’ve missed, had I not been paying attention.

The world, in all of it’s mysteries is a fascinating place if only we let it in…

Monday 9th:

Just when I my world feels as if it’s entirely a mess / I plan for the yoga class I’ll teach tomorrow night / Thinking of my students’ needs / Generates clarity and calm.

~~

Tuesday 10th:

Concrete rectangle, will you one day be a home? How strange if so…

~~

Wednesday 11th:

The wind gives expression to the desires of trees / Their branches dance a symphony of conversation.

~~

Thursday 12th:

Tiny dirty paw prints meander across the kitchen counter / Announcing that I’ve absent-mindedly / Left the cat food out overnight.

~~

Friday 13th:

Grey men in grey suits on trams / Talking about their divorces and insomnia / And corporate box seats to the tennis.

~~

Saturday 14th:

Five jade coloured bathroom Buddhas smile wisely / As I go about my business / Neither seeing nor saying / They wait and watch eternally.

~~

Sunday 15th:

She speaks apologies from her hunch-shouldered posture / Steady brown eyes full of purpose as she looks up / And haltingly asks for a few coins / I hand her my change and she takes my hand / God bless you she says / As she totters away.

~~

[ #smallstone roundup week 1 ]

[ #smallstone roundup week 3 ]

~ Svasti

Confession: since coming back from Bali I’ve been outrageously cranky. Out of sorts. Not terribly pleased.

It’s been suggested by one of my lovely friends that my holiday was simply too short, although I didn’t feel that way at the time. I really, really enjoyed my wee break to Bali.

Perhaps, I thought, it was because I’d had a taste of what I want for my future life. Yoga, yoga and more yoga in a beautiful tropical part of the world. I could see myself living there, teaching yoga.

Or, maybe it was a cultural thing? In Bali people are mindful, even if they’re harassing you to buy something or hire them as a taxi. Everything is done with a sense of politeness and respect.

Back in Melbourne, not so much. Road rage, people who bash into you with their bag or their person, and a general numbness and lack of care shown by the general population towards each other. Perhaps it was that, I thought.

Then there’s looking inwards. Any rage or unhappiness I feel is of course, emanating from within. No one causes my reactions except for me. I own it all, baby. But why now? What arked up all of this personal dissent?

It hasn’t helped that my home has been infested with tradies working on the two apartments above mine. Like cockroaches, they’re hard to get rid of. My request to not start work so very, very early in the morning (by law they can start at 7am!) with their banging and hammering and drilling… were pretty much ignored.

More – they’ve taken to openly taunting me and harassing me. Several large burly men outside where I sleep and live in the early morning. The police have been called but are useless unless something “actually happens”.

I’ve recently expressed to the body corporate, the landlord and the real estate agent that I will move out unless something can be done to manage these horribly aggressive men. We’re working on it…

This has been going on for a couple of months now, and unfortunately it’s not so great for my stress levels. And stress isn’t great for my health.

So, perhaps it was this, too. Probably. Maybe it’s an “all of the above” situation, perhaps?

Then last night happened.

The yoga school I teach at re-opened this week and I was back on for my regular Tuesday night teaching gig. Hooray!

For January we’re on a reduced timetable, so where there would usually be two classes running on  Tuesdays, for the next few weeks there’s just my class.

Usually I teach in the smaller room at the back, which holds twelve students at the most. Last night for the first time, I taught around thirty people in the main room. Some of whom usually do the intermediate class.

Whoah. The pressure. Haha.

At least I thought it’d be a little scary but I simply taught what I know, the way I usually teach. Of course I had to project my voice and look around a heck of a lot more. But it was cool.

The dynamics of large classes are different – less time to deal with people’s individual issues, not as much explanation time and wow, but the class flew!

For sure it was less intimate and although I think I prefer teaching smaller groups, it was lots of fun.

Afterwards I felt just really, really happy. Teaching yoga brings me happiness. Then I realised that the last class I taught was exactly four weeks ago. Wow. That long?

So. That’s what I’d been missing, huh?

Come February, I’ll have been teaching yoga on a weekly basis for twelve months. Before that I taught more sporadically. So teaching has become a part of my routine and my favourite part of the week. But I don’t think it’s just the routine I was missing.

It’s this: even though I know I’ve got a long way to go in my yoga teaching career, and a WHOLE BUNCH to learn… it feels like I’m doing something right.

So often in the last year I’ve questioned my teaching: I’m not a perfect yogi; I haven’t mastered every pose; my body isn’t the right shape or size; there’s heaps of poses I can’t do yet; my knowledge of A&P isn’t as deep as I’d like… so why am I teaching again?

Surely I should just leave it up to the REAL yoga teachers?

Another confession: at Nadine’s yoga teacher Christmas party in December, I very much felt like an imposter. There I was surrounded by all of these REAL teachers, hoping no one would figure out that I’m just faking it til I make it. I don’t have the same level of knowledge or experience as everyone else. WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!!

Only it seems that this teaching thing is a part of my purpose in this life. I felt it last night as I walked to the yoga school, as I began the class and all the way through. And especially afterwards. I humbly accepted compliments on the class and headed home feeling ecstatic.

And lo, all of the antsy cobwebs and crankiness of the last few weeks have vanished like magic.

Almost as if this time out and then coming back was a reminder that yeah, I AM doing the right thing. I AM in the right place, as a yoga teacher who will forever be also be a student who never feels like she’s learned everything she needs to know.

I’m not perfect, and perhaps I’m not a real yoga teacher yet. But I’m on the way, baby.

~ Svasti

Gimme some sugar, sugar

What with everything else going on around here, I’ve let my I Quit Sugar updates slide.

Ooops.

The eight week program is now officially over. It’s been a mixed bag, but overall I’m really happy with my progress, and I’m gonna keep right on going!

I totally own up to cheating/caving a handful of times in these final weeks. Mindfully so, however. And mostly in Bali, because it’s very difficult to turn down all of that amazing fresh fruit.

While I don’t weigh myself, my clothes ARE gradually getting looser. I once again fit into a work dress that I hadn’t been able to zip up for most of last year. My jeans are threatening to fall down. It isn’t a dramatic change, but I’m digging it.

The best thing however is that I don’t have daily sugar cravings anymore. When the cravings do come, I can usually recognise them as one of two things: boredom or stress. To distract myself from either, I used to eat chocolate mostly.

Sugar cravings used to feel like a slippery slope. As soon as they arrived, it used to mean that I’d inevitably cave in. Maybe not immediately but it was definitely a sure thing.

Now the initial impulse arises and there’s no compulsion to back it up. It’s like: YEAH I WANT SOME CHOCOLATE…. wait a second… Nope. I really don’t.

Well how ‘bout that.

Week 6 (ending 18^th December)

The lead up to my trip to Bali, and my first couple of days there. I took sugar-free snacks on the plane – macadamias, almonds, pepitas and cheese. At first, I was really good and avoided the fruit, the juices and everything. I felt very virtuous!

Week 7 (ending 25^th December)

Then my birthday came around (while in Bali) and I was a bit cest la vie, and had the most wonderful grilled banana and ice-cream for desert. Heaven.

I started eating a bit of fruit here and there, but not gorging on it.

Also, I indulged in the organic raw chocolate cake at Kafe.

However, I never felt like I was over-doing it and I didn’t feel like I HAD to have more. For years, that’s how it was.

Once I came back to Melbourne, there was Christmas. But I’d already asked my family not to give me chocolate as a present. However, I did have a small slice of gluten free plum pudding. I know. *sigh*

Week 8 (ending 1^st January)

New Year’s Eve meant I drank a little wine, which I seriously regret. Ugh, dehydration!

But that was about it. No sugar binges. Hooray!

It seems I’m now in control of my sugar addiction instead of it controlling me. I can take it or leave it and most of the time, I leave it. Sugar doesn’t interest me anywhere near as much as it used to, now that I’m not a sugar slave.

And beyond…

My approach now is pretty much as it’s been through the eight weeks of my sugar detox.

I actively avoid added sugar, confectionary and I’m keeping my fruit consumption really low. For most of last year, I didn’t really drink (alcohol is often high in sugar) since it’s bad for my autoimmune condition, and I honestly don’t miss it too much. If I want some, I have it. Otherwise I don’t.

So it’s all very conditional. I refuse to be completely stringent about it all, but on the other hand I no longer NEED sugar every day or even every week.

Sarah’s ebook was helpful because it was like having a friend along for the ride to hold your hand. Someone who’s been there, done that.

If you’re thinking about trying to quit sugar for the new year, Sarah is also running an I Quit Sugar support group right now, with weekly posts to help you through the process.

I highly recommend giving up the sweet stuff if the idea appeals.

Even if you don’t stick with it, I promise you’ll learn things about yourself by changing your diet for a while.

And you might even find that you like sugar-free and/or really-really-low-levels-of-sugar living.

Whatever you do with your health and diet, take care of yourself.

~Svasti

Presenting my first round up of daily Small Stones…

Sunday 1st:

A pale-skinned, black clad and haired youth in 30C+ heat on the Windsor sidewalk. Is he dancing as if underwater, still drunk or high at 5pm on New Years Day? Or both?

~~

Monday 2nd:

Superbly ripened and resting on the grass, their yellowness like brilliant beacons inviting collection. On closer inspection though, they’re all too squishy to touch. Over-ripe. The best are still hidden between darkest green leaves and rusty brown branches.

~~

Tuesday 3rd:

The grey-haired man in the plain taupe shirt peels bark from the supermarket carpark tree, as if tidying up for company. Then wriggles down Nelson, towards Carlisle. Crossing to a street-light pole festooned with layers of posters, and cleans off excess sticky tape as it waves in the breeze.

~~

Wednesday 4th:

She sits and stares with knowing golden eyes, her voice expressive tho I can’t quite catch the meaning. Her paw reaches towards my chest but we’ve yet to breach the human-feline veil that scrambles her thoughts for me and mine for her.

~~

Thursday 5th:

And then there’s Alfie, all three foot nothing with his shiny cobalt eyes and wispy strawberry curls. Skin glistening and his excited wee voice gleefully lisps “Toot! Toot!” on repeat.

~~

Friday 6th:

Perhced on the weathered bus stop seat, sooty tail swinging and golden eyes gleaming, she waits for the bus. Oh kitty!

~~

Saturday 7th:

How can it be that such a thing – a profusion of glorious violet trumpet-shaped blooms – could in reality be a noxious weed?

~~

Sunday 8th:

Seemingly manifesting under my left armpit as though that’s where she was born. Flitters around my bike, then away! Over to the tall green shrubbery where her orange and black hues are more pronounced. How much of her life was this moment?

~~

[ #smallstone roundup week 2 ]

[ #smallstone roundup week 3 ]

~ Svasti

A huge chunk of last year felt like one long relay lap between the doctors, specialists, blood test places, health food stores, yoga classes and my bed. There were a handful of bright lights in 2011 – my good friend getting married, starting a tradition of Sunday walks with said friend and new hubby, my third niece’s birth, and my trip to Bali. Teaching one yoga class a week was a steady constant and a blessing, and I’m forever grateful for my ongoing kinesiology sessions. But everything else felt VERY BLEH.

It was all about the descent into being Very Unwell and the subsequent healing work.

Basically, 2011 was exhausting and extremely tough. Just when I thought I’d finished all of my hardest work.

And, dear readers, over the last few days I’ve begun to notice with total clarity that I’ve not come into 2012 feeling all shiny-brand-new-bursting-with-energy-and-positivity.

You heard me. NOT.

Instead, what I’ve got right now is a case of overwhelm.

Life feels a bit like a game of Twister.

All the bases are loaded with hands and feet everywhere and WHERE ON EARTH is the next foot or hand going when the wheel is spun, once again? Will we topple over in a heap, or keep the precarious balance going a little longer? And just how do we get things untangled again?

You see? Overwhelm.

I’m pretty sure most of this hangs on the issue of:

My Health
(dun dun duhhhhnnnnn!)

Currently it can best be described as “hmmmm, okay-ish”.

Seems I’ve hit another wall in the healing process, which means that the early January 2012 version of Svasti is issued with less than a full tank of energy. And when it’s gone, there aint no more.

The only remedy is rest, calm and quiet. Eating right, sleeping a lot, doing yoga, getting acupuncture and/or kinesiology and praying like crazy for better health.

Yet… there’s been so much going on:

Finding a new job yet again and all the new job stress; dealing with the two apartments above mine being renovated for months and months on end (So. Noisy.); thinking I was going to be penniless again and then I wasn’t; organising my birthday trip to Bali (to relax, ironically!); coping with Christmas; and then looking after my mother.

On top of this, I haven’t gone back to see my expensive thyroid doctor for further tests and treatment because I didn’t have a job for a while. Now I’ve changed jobs, her offices are nowhere near where I work or live. Plus, I wasn’t entirely happy with some of her suggestions last time.

So… I’m a little bit at a loss as to what I should do next. I mean, I know I should go back to my GP and get another round of blood tests to see where things are at. But then I think I need to keep looking for the right specialist to further investigate the cause of my health problems (on top of my kinesiology sessions, of course).

And damnit, if I’m not totally anxious about getting my health back on track! I want it NOW.

Which is ridiculous. I’m also:

• Frustrated that I didn’t get to pay off all my debts by the end of 2011.
• Determined to get my debts paid off THIS year, but afraid that some other minor financial disaster will strike again. I really hope it doesn’t.
• Worried/hopeful about fitting in/coping with my new job okay. I don’t want to have to look for work again in a hurry!
• Really wanting to move to a cheaper place to live but at the same time, I’m loathe to do so.
• Wanting to write my books!
• Wanting to teach more yoga.
• Wanting more FUN and socialising in my life this year.
• Desperately missing my guru and wishing that it was possible for me to both pay off my debts this year AND travel to see him. But I really doubt it. And being debt free has to come first, so I can do all of this.
• Really, really, really wanting to date or have a guy in my life again. Really.
• Aware that I probably can’t really have all of these things, certainly not while my health is still all wonky.

So, this weekend I’m gonna do some goal setting using Kerry’s Alignment Kit.

I think its perfect timing, albeit a few days later than the first day of the new year.

But oh so necessary. So that I don’t burst.

~Svasti

Fireworks photo from another year. Re-cycled here because it's pretty.

I’m only getting around to my new year’s post today, the third day of 2012 (just so you know – every time I type ‘2012’ I mentally say ‘twenty-twelve’ in my head, which I didn’t do with 2011. File that under Useless Information!).

Happy 2012, everyone!

I hope you all had a pleasant transition from 2011 to 2012. This time of year isn’t always pleasant though, is it? I know this from experience, as I’ve spent many New Years Eves alone. Although there have been notable exceptions.

Regardless of what I have or haven’t done, my energy since 2005 has been very much inwards. It’s been all about conserving and healing and doing what I needed to do to take care of myself. Understandable really. But it’s made for a lot of fairly lonely times.

This – or rather, last – year, my plans were in flux, changing three times. The last offer both sounded good and a little scary. Going to the party of a friend of a friend of a friend. Appealingly, it was wayyyy out of town, almost in the country. Away from the drunken masses and the sort of “good time” I no longer really enjoy that much. BUT. Also wayyyy out of my comfort zone. New people? Someone else’s friends?

Funny how solo travel, which involves meeting brand new people is exciting. But at home doing the same thing can feel scary. How. Strange.

In my early 20’s that kind of plan would’ve been a no-brainer. Sure thing! Woo! That would’ve been my response, instead of the careful consideration and allaying of fears.

But… it’s time to start letting my energy and actions flow outward a little more once again.

New Year’s Eve

So I did it. I drove to the outer edges of what can still be called suburban Melbourne to meet my friends and their friends (who are absolutely lovely btw). Then we all went to my friend’s friend’s friend’s backyard party.

With a band (awesome tunes) playing, loudly enough to be enjoyable but still allowing conversations to be heard. BBQ eating, being eaten by mozzies, conversations with new people I wouldn’t have met otherwise, and hugs and kisses from friends and strangers alike.

The backyard band on New Years Eve 2011. They were great!

Quiet. Comfortable. Relaxed. And a painless expansion of my (perceived) personal risk-taking repertoire.

New Year’s Day

Unfortunately I didn’t feel so great the next day. A late night, a wee bit of alcohol imbibing, an hour’s drive each way. It meant a dehydration headache on an extremely hot day. Blech.

So for the first of the year, there was lots of resting, water and sleep.

I did however get out at the end of the day, taking myself out for dumplings and tea plus a movie.

The well-named "Love tea"

I also started my Small Stones writing (first post on 8th January), and I’ve noticed this practice is already helping me pay more attention to the world.

As I mentioned earlier in this piece, so much of my energy has been inward for the longest time. Noticing the world requires more of an outward focus. So it’s in line with where I’m hoping this year will go…

Yesterday

We had a second public holiday, which I’d intended to make better use of. But instead, found myself playing nurse to my mother. She’d had a fall before Christmas, and her suspected bruised ribs were in fact broken.

Interestingly enough, she has almost exactly the same injury I had around ten years ago – three broken ribs on the left side at the front. If you’ve got any understanding of familial karma, then this isn’t too surprising.

So I offered to help my mum around the house since my dad is away at the moment. Getting the washing on/off the line, doing dishes, putting things away. All very difficult with broken ribs. Heck, breathing is difficult with broken ribs.

On my way to the timeshare car I’d booked, my neighbour gave me a lift and pointed out that I’m doing more for my mum than either parent did for me when I needed help. But I can’t help it. Broken ribs hurt and I understand it only too well!

I also offered her some tips on getting up and down, reducing the degree/speed of flexion/extension through the spine. I hope she listens, since it’ll help her in the coming weeks!

Just before 5pm I left my parents’ house, determined to do something fun for myself as well.

Since it was still H-O-T I took off to the beach for a couple of dips in the bay, interspersed with reading and drying off in the super-warm breeze, flowing like water. It was heavenly.

I’m back at work today, but will write more tomorrow of my plans and intentions for the coming year!

Blessings to one and all for 2012. May you find inspiration, joy, peace and (self) love.

~ Svasti

In some ways, I didn’t get what I was hoping for from my trip.

Don’t get me wrong – going to Bali for my birthday was awesome.

But I’ve since worked out that mostly, what I really wanted was some alone time.

Instead, on my first full day there I found a new friend. Perhaps… I got what I needed instead?

She’d also arrived the day before, from England. We were staying at the same guest house and met over breakfast. How classically clichéd! The more we talked, the more we realised how much we had in common. Fancy that.

Both there to do yoga. Both had the same camera, and similar back-story as to why we had this cheap and cheerful new piece of tech. Both with similar ideas about our trip. We did a couple of things together on purpose, but would then run into each other out and about in Ubud.

Before long we were planning activities together – yoga classes, sightseeing, massages, and my new friend even joined my birthday celebrations (a half-day tour and then later, dinner in Ubud at Cafe Lotus).

It could’ve all been very single white female, and yet it wasn’t. She’s super-nice.

Having recently re-read The Celestine Prophecy (which my travel buddy actually had with her on the trip!), I started to wonder about the myriad of “coincidences” that brought us into each other’s world.

Rather more prosaically, she claimed that of course we’d end up in the same place and liking the same things. I didn’t quite agree – we could’ve easily disliked each other, a mutual love of yoga or no.

Like I’ve written already, I don’t really believe in coincidences.

So I stayed open to finding out what sort of lessons we could learn from each other.

For me it was… that I’m an ultimate bleeding heart. Which I really knew anyway, of course. But I still need to create a few boundaries for myself (doh!) in order not to be a complete push-over when my heart gets involved.

Going to places like Bali and Thailand are especially challenging for people like me, because I want to help everyone I see.

Even though I don’t have huge amounts of money, I go to Bali and I’m perceived as rich. This is particularly hard for me to deal with. So I tip a lot and don’t haggle much when shopping.

Hanging with my new friend taught me a little more pragmatism. This is something I’m going to need when I eventually get to India, I’m sure.

For her… and perhaps this is slightly presumptuous, but I think she learned a little more about generosity. By her own admission, she’s “tight” with her money. She was often bug eyed about my tipping habits, and furious at local scams to try and separate us from even more of our hard-earned.

So one night over dinner, I explained why I do what I do – my personal philosophy on abundance. The lessons I learned while being unemployed while doing my yoga teacher training, and how that changed my views on giving.

How I used to be stingy, but now I see money as energy. Something we can exchange, and how that keeps the flow energy moving around the world.

That we don’t create abundance by holding onto everything we’ve got as tightly as possible, but by sharing and showing loving kindness to others.

That trusting in abundance enabled me to be supported by lovely people, find a job before Christmas and still go to Bali, when I’d expecteded things to be tight.

I think… we balanced each other out a little. And it was nice.

There’s more – I learned a lot from the yoga classes I went to as well. I’m still reflecting about those lessons, so look for another post some time soon.

But the alone time I craved? Didn’t really happen as much as I needed.

You’d think that for someone who lives alone anyway and doesn’t do heaps and heaps of socialising, that wouldn’t be a problem.

Still, I’d like to be away from my usual environment. Somewhere beautiful and isolated where I can really get stuck into my writing.

I did get some writing in whilst in Bali, but not enough. However, my holiday certainly revived my creative inspiration!

So anyway… looks like that’ll have to happen another time soon. Maybe a weekend escape in early 2012?

For now, I’m happy that I made a new friend and (re-)learned a few more life lessons.

~ Svasti

This time last year, I participated in the #Reverb10 writing challenge. But due to the rather hectic time I was having in November and December (not to mention going to Bali!), I realised I wouldn’t be able to join in again this time.

However, for the month of January 2012 I’ll be taking part in A River of Stones 2012 (AROS).

Why? Because a few people I know have already committed, and because it’s exciting as a writer to be challenged by someone else’s ideas.

AROS asks writers to partake in mindful writing – observation of the world around us, and write a few lines about that observation each day.

The first challenge for me might very well be about keeping each observation small, since I tend towards longer prose (read: it can be hard to shut me up!). But I’m excited to be doing this.

It is suggested that writers keep a notebook for their observations, and I realised I already have one.

I’d never been able to think of the perfect purpose for Karin’s amazing notebook, but I do believe this is it!

Utterly perfect, no?

So the plan is to write up my small stones in my lovely notebook, and then once a week I’ll post them here.

Perhaps you’d like to join this writing challenge, too?

Anyone can, so feel free to jump in, feet first.

~Svasti