Yes, I am getting better.
No, I really can’t tell you how or what or why. Only that it is, and more than anything I’ve ever done this healing work is Very Strange.
Mostly because the results aren’t ever what I expect them to be, even when I’ve got a good idea about some of the related particulars.
So I keep thinking – I really wanna write about that… – before the moment(s) pass and I know that somehow, even though it IS interesting, it just isn’t what I want to say.
So instead I say nothing, and like one of those pseudo-documentary movies (remember Baraka?) everything moves and there is beauty and sadness and incredibly distinct experiences and yet… I can’t seem to find the remote for this life, the one with the pause button that’ll give me a few more minutes to write what I see before the scene changes.
Life doesn’t really stop for toilet breaks, does it?
We’re working here, you know that, right? It’s a deconstruction zone but not the kind that leaves rubble and mayhem. What I’m getting instead are whiffs of jasmine and incense and easeful transitions in areas of my world that are wholly surprising.
To tell it straight might sound like one cliché after another, I think. It’d also be a great disservice to the entire process.
What’s working? Lots of things. But as I said, it’s been about throwing spaghetti for me. So is one thing working more than another? Probably. If I tried to guess though, I’m sure I’d be wrong. Like my approach, it’s possibly a bit of everything, and I’m good with that.
But to be clear(ish) it’s these things: kinesiology; Ayurveda; lots of yoga (of course); developing routine sleeping and eating habits; insane amounts of coconut water; cranio-sacral osteopathy (madly esoteric? why, yes!); acupuncture; kirtan (singing sacred words with joy bursting forth from my heart and tears rolling down my face).
That’s a bit of a montage, isn’t it? Yet, what’s going on is – MORE. So much more energy that I’ve felt a little bit crazy, since I haven’t felt this good in a very long time (and we’re not done yet!). More strength, more vigour, more happiness. And LESS: anxiety; mood swings; insomnia and other related madness.
Then, unexpected things happen.
But as it turns out, not actually as disconnected as it might initially seem. For example, a gradual release of long-held angst – for all sorts of reasons – towards my very own ma and pa.
All part of the healing work, and oddly amusing in its own way.
That’d be the next post, though.