Before I continue to expand on topics surrounding my assault and recovery, I wanted to share something that for me, is an important piece of the picture. In fact, its a central pillar of my life.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been a seeker. Before the age of ten, I’d already considered and discarded various religions of interest to me – and I was interested! In my teenage years I was writing things in my diary that I didn’t understand the meaning of. Things I wanted to see, do and experience. But they were things I’d never really heard of at that time.
You see, I grew up in an environment as far away from a spiritual or religious background as you could imagine. We didn’t go to church, and philosophical topics including god or the meaning of life etc, weren’t discussed.
However, I’ve been strongly affected by energetic states all my life. I had/have some pre-cognition ability. I see auras and I sometimes have dreams of what will be. I am visited by deja vu-like experiences often, when my life is ‘tracking’. These things are somewhat irrelevant, however they did form part of my impulse to search for ‘something more’.
I spent much of my 20’s testing out and discarding various spiritual paths. Looking into the neo-paganism world including shamanism, witchcraft, Norse/runic traditions and so on. Actually, it was through the Norse/runic traditions that I met my Guru. And on meeting him, my searching stopped and the exploring began.
My Guru is a master of many spiritual and martial traditions, having dedicated his life to learning. And so it was that I attended a workshop he was teaching on the Norse traditions I’d been learning.
The connection was instant, but it was also something that took me many years to understand. It wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t physical, it wasn’t your garden variety attraction. It was and is, something much more. Its a relationship that grows whether I see him or not. It stretches beyond time and space. He is my inspiration and a wise and compassionate guiding force in my life.
I know there are many people who don’t understand the whole Guru thing, and those who are downright suspicious/cynical and so on. But I’m not asking you to do as I do. I’m simply trying to explain where I’m coming from.
Meeting my Guru changed my life irrevocably, and for the better. Without the teachings and practices I’ve been given, my studies and my fellow students – I’m not sure what shape I’d be in (mentally) right now after what I’ve been through. I’m extremely grateful for the karma and blessings that have brought me to these learnings.
It is almost impossible in a single post to explain to exactly what I study. So I will try to provide a general sketch here, and also explain briefly what it is not.
Essentially, I study a traditional form of yoga – which, contrary to general understanding, is much more than a physical practice of ‘yoga aerobics’. It is a complete system of philosophy, meditation and physical practices that teaches us to look at reality with all the ‘filters’ of life removed. It is all-encompassing, and non-transcendental. The body of teachings is known as ‘non-dual’, and comes from a lineage of yogis stretching back through history. It is not, however, an unbroken tradition. The goal of the practices is to achieve enlightenment, which is seen as a life-long practice, not something you can learn on a weekend course.
What I study is NOT:
- A cult
- A bunch of people being taken for a ride
- Making me dependent on my Guru (in fact, just the opposite!)
Okay, so the reason I’m posting about this is two-fold.
First of all, my Guru was one of the first people I tried to get in touch with although he lives on the other side of the world from me. Some of his advice to me, once I finally did get in touch with him was this:
As far as working with the energy directly, I discovered a “technique” along time ago growing up in a place where brawling was considered touch therapy!
After a confrontation (I never started them) I felt a charge toward the person and myself. Why would they do that, how should I have responded, why is the world so insensitive???
I found that if I prayed for them, for the pain that they were obviously experiencing,…those unknown karmas, prayed for their release and for their healing that the energy immediately ceased being problematic for me, and the karma between us was resolved.
Later I learned many techniques to formalize this early ad libbed “practice”, but the key is the same.
Love them and you resolve the tension, possibly for both of you.
Although at the time, I was unable to take in and process this advice, it was to prove crucial for me later. In the interim , I sincerely tried to apply this practice for many months, to no avail. At the time I was thinking: “How on earth is it possible to love the person who assaulted me?”. I had no answers to this for a good eighteen months.
Secondly, the practices and philosophy have provided me with invaluable tools, which I’ve really and truly needed to get through all the crap I’ve been dealing with. Its provided me with insights and perspectives I simply couldn’t get anywhere else.
It’s important to note however – many people assume that if you have spiritual beliefs or pratices, this means you should somehow be walking around all peaceful and serene. But that is what we would call a ‘transcendental view’.
Our ‘view’ is that its important to work with and resolve emotion, tension etc – however long it takes you. Everything is included in your eventual enlightenment – everything. Nothing can be left behind.
So the work I’m doing here, and many others are doing for themselves in their own blogs… is very important. It might take many years, but in taking on this work, we are in fact, working towards a state of supreme consciousness and awareness.
Finally – even though I’ve been studying with my Guru in one form or another since 1998, I am no expert. I’m still a babe in the woods when it comes to comprehending the bigger picture of what I study.
Despite this, when I was assaulted I felt like I should have been able to handle things better since I was doing all this meditation. But this was not so – we all have to deal with what’s right in front of us, not what we’d like to deal with.
As I learn more and more, it becomes easier to integrate my knowledge and experiences, but for now, I still have my “L” plates on.
You’re so lucky to have found your Guru! I don’t think I’m quite there myself yet, not quite ready, but I feel that I am coming to the end of my time of searching soon. As you’ve read on my blog, I have found a place that fits for me in vedanta and the teachings I’ve found there. And it’s not just about finding the path that fits, I’m now coming to a point where I feel that *I* fit to the path. By that I mean that I am now ready to explore my spirituality and start working towards being one with the universe.
But in the meantime, I’m slightly jealous of you 😛
@Shiv, don’t be jealous – just keep asking with sincerity and your Guru will come your way if that’s what you really want. And, the asking doesn’t have to be “I want to meet my Guru”. It can be more like “I really and truly desire to grow as a human being. I desire enlightenment beyond anything else”. Something like that.
I know what you mean about feeling as though you fit the path… I think I was lucky and met my Guru before I was really ready to understand what he had to teach, which is why it took me so long to start formal studies with him.
The path doesn’t really matter – whatever works for each and every one of us is the right path. I wish you the very best of luck and blessings with your search!
Hi – the inexplicable and the unexplainable – sometimes are sent to us as an assurance, a little taste of omnipotence.
Way back – I wished desperately to travel some distance across London to a meeting of a spiritual group I was becoming more and more attracted to, at the helm was a Guru. I was aspiring to become inducted – and it is a challenging process – confronting all our previously held beliefs – putting everything seriously under the spotlight.
I decided I would get on a bus – and somehow, by giving my name and address, would be allowed to travel to my destination – with a pledge to pay later on.
I left the house – full of resolve.
I’d travelled less than 50 yards when I spotted something on the footpath ahead of me.
I was drawn to it.
On picking it up – to my incredible joy – it was a little book, “At the Feet of the Master” – which kept me fully absorbed for the rest of my journey – on the bus – I was allowed to travel, for free.