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Dross comes from bad iron;
The reindeer often races over the frozen snow.
~ Rune poem from the Younger Futhark.

This above poem belongs to the rune Ur, which is associated with the god Vidar – son of Odin – and supposedly the only survivor of Ragnarok (end of the world) in Norse mythology.

Vidar is one of the strongest warriors in the Norse pantheon.

His fylgia/totem animal is the auroch, an extremely large type of cattle. They roamed the plains of Europe before they were hunted to extinction in the 1600’s.

This is one of many versions of such poems, and they’re something I’ve studied for many years now.

So I’ll lend you my interpretation: Dross comes from bad iron – refers to sword making, and how, in the process of refining and strengthening the sword, the metal is purified and what remains must be cast off in order to forge the strongest of weapons. And: The reindeer often races over the frozen snow – travelling over snow is easier once it’s hardened. You can move faster, more efficiently.

Ah… enough with the metaphors!

Things have turned another corner again, and I’m feeling goood!!

The great news is – I’ve finally found a new home forΒ  myself. I move this coming weekend from my temporary digs in deepest darkest Suburbia-Urbia, to a central, close-to-work-suits-my-needs-flat. I’ll be a 35 minute walk from work, or a much shorter push-bike, bus or tram ride. I’ll be living close to the city and my Melbourne friends again too.

I’m gonna retrieve my worldly possessions from storage, and start the process of setting up what will be (I think) my nineteenth place of residence. Let’sΒ  hope I get to live in this one for a while, although with my track record I won’t hold my breath…

This marks a turning of the wheel for me. When I packed up my life back in June, I was also closing the door on the last few years. Symbolically and literally. But it hasn’t been easy. And sure, I know its not the end of the road just yet. But it is the beginning of the end of the reign of terror that Andre brought into my life, which I allowed to remain and flourish.

My new home is, interestingly enough, in the same neighbourhood I lived in when I was assaulted. Just a few blocks away. And I’m okay with that. Really.

My story however, is far from over.

I’m still not done posting about earlier parts of this story, and I haven’t quite gotten around to talking about my experiences on retreat in Thailand that allowed me to release so much of the pain I’d been holding onto. But without a doubt, I will…

My fears and issues still exist – especially around letting anyone get close to me – I’m working on ’em! There’s still alot to do, and many things that need changing.

I’m reconstructing my life again, but not necessarily in its former shape. And I have all the tools I need, for now anyway. I have an income, I will soon have a new home. I have some great friends in Melbourne, Sydney and around the globe. And even some I’ve come to know and begin trust via my blog – you folks know who you are. Muchas gracias!

Something important I’ll be doing in the short term is taking on a flatmate. I’m renting a two bedroom place just big enough to share. I could afford to live there by myself, but the extra cash will pay off some of my debts faster. However this is more crucial for another reason.

Whilst in Thailand, I spent some time getting to know one of my yogi brothers better and we talked a great deal about community and the social benefits of having a flatmate. Which got me thinking. Its very easy for me to live as a hermit. I kinda enjoy my time alone just a bit too much.

But I don’t think that’s helped my healing process at all. When you live alone and choose who you let in the door, its very easy to keep everyone out.

In doing just that, I’ve built up walls of concrete, marble and steel around my heart. I needed protection at the time, but now no one can get in. Even today, its not easy. I simply don’t trust most people. Sure, I look and act friendly enough, but just try scratching the surface a little…

Regardless, I need to try because I no longer want that experience. So I need to break down my current patterns. Starting with learning to share a home.

For I don’t just want to break down those protective layers, I want to open my heart wider than it ever was. To grow beyond anything I ever thought possible.

So this is not back to the status quo. Its the beginning of a new direction.

~Svasti

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