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A little secret

Okay, here’s something I haven’t really shared on my blog til now (tho it’s no secret to friends and family)… I’m a major league klutz.

Like, if there was a celebrity-style A list and B list etc for klutz’s then I’d be like… George Clooney A list material.

Yep. I am that serious a klutz.

Too many broken bones, sprained joints, and other soft tissue damage to count – well I did try once actually, and it wasn’t pretty. So let’s not go there.

Today, things started off with a bang. Or was that a crash? Or… it was a loud noise anyway. Came directly after I missed the second step as my workmate and I were leaving a client meeting. Certain there was only one step (there were two in reality), I was looking backwards and talking to the client while stepping forwards and…

I know I’m falling, and in the microseconds that exist between mid air and finding a landing that’s not too damaging (thank goodness for yoga, martial arts training, learning to ride/fall off horses when I was young, etc), I remind myself to relax.

Left foot makes contact with the floor, head is in danger of some nastiness, til I pull back a little and right knee followed by left knee and then right hand take most of the impact on the concrete floor. On the flip side, I saved myself from being impaled on shop fittings, which is always a bonus.

I swore my workmate to secrecy and kept quiet about my embarrassment. But then the aches kicked in. Damage isn’t too bad though… one skinned and two sore knees, achey right wrist and I can feel some of the muscles through the core of my body (the ones that saved my head from the floor).

But I am feeling a tad sorry for myself right about now… a grown woman and I still can’t be graceful. Hrmph!!!

Tax and bike trash opera

To add to my strange day, I finally got my act together see my new accountant (referral from my good friend L, I love that girl!). Wonderful man.

Til now, hadn’t done my taxes for the past three years (happens I reckon when you’re going through depression and stuff) and was expecting a modest refund back.

Ahem. Will be getting a little more than a modest refund! Though, most of it I won’t even see. Gotta pay back my folks and pay off a credit card bill (hooray!). But, there’ll be some cash left over to spend on stuff I desperately need/want.

Like fixing my bike.

It needed a service anyways… but then as I’m riding home from the accountant (way across town), I was cranking it up a hill when I felt my bike seat move a little. Then… crack! It fell right off! Couldn’t work out how to bolt it all back together on the side of the road…

So I rode back to my office without a seat (not so comfy), locked it up (there’s a bike shop near work) and feeling exhausted and a little sore, flagged down a cab (couldn’t be stuffed taking the bus).

That’s when it happened again. The song that’s been haunting my life came on the radio of the cab.

Ever been haunted by a song?

Now, I know this is gonna sound hokey, but…

I don’t even particularly like this song (a little too boppy and positive or something).

Don’t own the music, never bought the album. It’s called ‘Dream Catch Me‘ by Newton Faulkner (had to Google that).

The lyrics are all a bit self-empowerment based, too… not that I’m saying that’s a good thing or a bad thing, mind.

I tell ya, this song freakin’ follows me around!

Sorta started whenever it was I decided to quit my job last year. Every time I’ve made a significant decision, this song has literally played on the same day. Never by me. It’s just been around…

Like – when I quit my job, packing up my house/moving, travelling to the airport on the way to Thailand, just before and after getting my current job, finding my new home… others I can’t recall (thanks crappy memory) and then today, getting in the cab. After finally seeing the accountant.

Now, I know I could be hearing the song other times, but then especially noticing it at certain moments, but it’s kinda weird that it haunts all the ‘good’ moments in my life in recent times…

Don’t ask me how the embarrassing fall and bike seat breaking fits in to ‘good’ moments. But lemme just say the visit to the accountant was very good. Like, superpowers good.

As in, I haven’t been fantastic about taking care of myself, my health, my affairs… none of those things in the past few years. I simply didn’t care, or didn’t have the energy to do anything about it if I did care.

But this year, things are starting to shift.

Like – I’m not sleeping in all hours of the night and day any more. I can actually get up when my alarm goes off. For the longest time, I didn’t even hear it go off.

And – there’s the year and a half where I ran away down to the beach to live. Or rather, to hide. Didn’t have many people over to visit. And I didn’t go out much at all. Especially on weekends where I’d literally only leave the house to buy groceries.

So, taking charge of doing my taxes, along with my yoga course, improved ability to get out of bed, and getting the therapy help I need… all add up to me kicking depression’s ass!!

Just a little bit more, y’know?

~Svasti