What’s that place called? That in-between world? Not quite home yet, but somewhere along the way?
Feels strangely familiar, though I’ve never been here before. Has a lot in common with bus stops and airport lounges and waiting for a cab home late at night from places I’ve been all around the world.
But that’s not where I am right now, not at all.
Hardly any thinking occurs here. It’s kinda blank. Yeah, blank. And I feel so tired. There’s no reason to hold it in now, y’see… no need to pretend, keep up pretences.
And it feels like I’m not anywhere in particular, almost like it doesn’t have a latitude and longitude. But that can’t be true, right?
So how did I get here? Bought a ticket, that’s how!
I knew it’d be a trip, but apparently it’s hard to take good pictures along the way.
This place, it’s a sensate chasm.
Wringing out my nervous system, skin tingling pain – the kind that tells me good things are happening… despite the anguish.
But it’s all under the hood, so to speak, non-verbal, the re-structuring of my emotional landscape.
Sure, there’s stuff we talked about along the route. Looking at this scene, then that one.
Drawing up tears, emotions, pain, questions and haunting memories, imprinted there, since the night he…
So much, so fast, it’s hard to catch my breath. Can’t remember everything we said.
Not that it matters right now. Sleep is what I needed, sleep. A slumber to soothe rough edges, turn the soil and plant new saplings of hope.
To fill the vacuum, where once certain dreams held court, terrorising the breadth and depth of the kingdom. Happily, their landhold is now reduced. Weakened. Perhaps… not gone, not just yet.
But those eyes? The eyes of the predator that for years haunted me every day, without fail? The ones I could see without trying, eyes wide open? The photo-negative image containing so much rage and terror, like a brand, a tattoo, always there?
Must’ve left ’em behind on my trip. In that other place.
Sometimes, it’s good to lose possessions you wish you’d never had.