Surrender is actually what happens when we give up the struggle. What’s that they say about getting stuck in quicksand? Oh yeah… don’t move about, be perfectly still. If you struggle too much, you’ll sink faster.
But giving up the struggle can feel like dying, can’t it?
I’m still a little stunned by the stark and clear honesty in BlissChick’s post (which I haven’t managed to respond to properly just yet). If you haven’t read it yet, please go and check it out. Tell others about it too!
So, my heart has kinda fled to its little internal cave for now, to cope with having a few less layers of protective numbness around it. That’s actually a good thing though! I’m doing okay, but can’t quite explain how I feel, having read someone else’s account of a mirror image of my very own experiences.
Then… after my next rent payment, I’m not entirely sure how I’m gonna pay my rent. I am looking for a flatmate (had been hoping it wasn’t necessary, but, ah well…). And I’m turning somersaults to find ways to earn some cash.
This is possibly the most broke I’ve ever been in my life. I might be able to ask one of my best friends for a loan, but I’d rather not have to…
Currently I’m just praying/wishing that one of the many jobs I’m applying for comes through for me, and immediately. Feel free to send a prayer or two my way, if you’re into that kinda thing…
I’m feeling rather blessed though, at least in one way. I went to my yoga school today with a heavy heart, worrying that I might have to drop out of my course (the one good thing in my life right now). Truth is, I simply can’t afford to keep paying the remainder of the course fees, which are due in monthly instalments.
But the principal who runs the school is a really wonderful lady. She told me not to worry about the fees right now, that I can catch up on them later.
More – she’s suggesting all sorts of things to help me out. I now have a flyer for my business services in the window of the school. She’s also asked me to send her a copy of my flyer to put up on her website.
Then, she’s offered me the cleaning job for the yoga studio once a fortnight for as long as I need it (which wouldn’t be much, but it’d be something). And she’s just sent me an email saying she’ll talk to her friends and local contacts to see if there’s any work they have as well. She doesn’t even want me to put this money towards my school fees for now… she just wants to make sure I’m okay.
I can’t express just how overwhelmed I am by this support. She’s only known me a few months and yet she’s willing to do whatever she can to help.
To me, this is yoga; and this is love. This is extending beyond your own needs to make sure other people in your community are okay.
Kinda reminds me of an experience I had in Bali three years ago. Since the bombings in 2002, the entire country has struggled. Much of Bali’s income is derived from tourism, and Australians used to holiday there in droves. But people have stayed away in fear, and the Balinese economy (and people) suffered en masse.
There I was in Sanur in some shop. I bought a shirt – just a light beachy kinda thing. The woman from the shop next door begged me to come into her shop next. I had a good look around, but honestly couldn’t find anything else I wanted to buy.
That’s when the woman from the first shop suggested I could buy a second shirt like the one I’d just bought, in another colour. She handed that shirt over to the other woman, so her neighbour could get the money for the sale. I was touched, and bought the extra shirt.
And now I know exactly how that feels.
~Svasti
Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness 
Svasti, What an amazing, amazing person you have found in that yoga teacher. Gave me goosebumps.
So…what is your “business?” Just curious in case there is ANY way I can help… (email me)
I’m often touched when I read your posts Svasti, but this one brought tears to my eyes. Your yoga teacher seems like a wonderful person. And the incident in Bali was very touching. I hope you find permanent employment soon, but I think you are going to be okay no matter what.
How good does it feel to have lovely people on your side? Hope you get some good work soon, but what strikes me is how this crappy situation has become an opportunity for others to give help and support to you, for you to feel how kindness is. I know it won’t pay the rent, but feeling that level of support now and then is so beneficial… holy crap, I can’t think of the right words, beneficial does not do the job. I’m in a slightly similar situation to you – ie no job, no money, and the support I’ve had from others has been truly humbling.
Bird, I was going to say something very similar to your comment. Each time we struggle, there is a chance that another person, looking for an opportunity to help, can assist us in our struggle…to help us keep rolling. Then that gives our wheel the chance to spin faster again, so that we can rush to another’s aid. I am convinced this must be the cycle of life. Your yoga teacher sounds like she lives it…in the studio and out. Fortune has smiled on you, Svasti, that you had the chance to encounter her this time around.
@Blisschick – She is remarkable. She’s the sort of person that exudes a mothering type nature and she thinks of others all the time. Very sweet of you to offer – I’ll email you but I’m probably better positioned to help people in the local area…
@tricia – One of the things my yoga teacher said was – “I just always believe there will be enough”. I’m putting my faith in the hands of the universe, and trusting that somehow things are going to work out.
@Bird – Thank you, I hope a job arrives soon, too! Yes, if there’s one lesson we can learn from hard times, its that we can become a refuge for others. And if we’re open to receiving help in whatever form that takes, we can accept the refuge of others when we need it. I hope you also find some work very soon!
@Josh – I agree, this is a huge part of the cycle of life. And being on both sides of this kind of experience helps us understand just how simple it can be to help out a fellow human being. I’m so grateful that the path of my teacher and mine have intersected.
I’m so glad you’ve got friends there looking after you, Svast.
*hugs*
Who knows, maybe Karma is going to pull out the big guns now and impress us all by finding you the *perfect* job? Here’s hoping anyway!
Hi there Svasti. I’ll have to join you and Bird in the no-job, no-money club, although the road to my circumstances is probably quite different.
Anyway, I am so glad that someone has reached out to you. There’s nothing more paralyzing than being in an unfortunate situation and having nowhere or no one to whom you can turn. A little help works wonders in freeing your mind to concentrate on the important stuff you have to deal with now.
I’ve got big hopes for you in your job search…who can resist you and your yoga self?! :o)
@Catatonic Kid – Thanks darlin’! There’s a few people around who are being especially wonderful right now, including the lovely Anthroyogini… throwing me whatever work they can. Its so touching, I can’t tell you.
And yes, here’s hoping the gods/universe etc can spare a moment or two to smile in my direction, and soon!! I’d settle for “a” job right now, but the perfect one would be nice, too.
@earthtoholly – Ah yes, there’s a few of us in that boat for certain. Quite a lot, I’d imagine. I hope you’re doing okay?
A little help from unexpected quarters is definitely a gift, and yes, it offers a little freedom and a little hope as well. Maybe I should borrow Lucy the dog to bring to interviews? I’m sure she’d win people over if I can’t! 😉
Man, does this bring me back to being in my 30s, single, sometimes jobless. I love the way your yoga teacher has made such an effort to help. There’s a new yoga studio in my little town and she has an ad that comes on before the movie at our theater. She says something like: we need yoga all the more in times of financial stress…come to yoga, even if you can’t pay…come. I can pay (I say that with gratitude) and I’ve been away from my other classes for a long time now, so I keep thinking I should get my butt over there to work on my practice and offset the expense for someone who can’t pay.
I also love your tale about the shop owners in Bali. Very special. The author Anais Nin lived in Bali in her later years and wrote so lovingly of the place…..
Things will open for you soon, I do believe that.
@Lydia – Yes! Please do go to yoga to benefit yourself and others. What a wonderful teacher, to advertise like that.
Bali is divinely stunning. Worth every word of love and admiration.
I am praying hard right now that things do open up. I really am.