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Asana, bird’s eye view, Blogging, Depression, Fat Boy Slim, Happy blog birthday, Healing, Meditation, Nataraj, Natarajasana, Post, Post-traumatic stress, PTSD, Recovery, Retreat, Spirituality, Therapy, Trauma, Truth, Unemployed, Yoga, yoga teacher training, Yogasana
For years I was totally hopeless with balancing asana in my yoga practice. I’d wobble, fall over and enviously look at others, wondering why I couldn’t do what they did.
Then some time ago, wobbling through Natarajasana (dancer pose) I had a realisation that changed everything… You’re not just trying to balance on one leg – you need to stabilise yourself by engaging every little piece of your body!
Oh! Seems so obvious in retrospect, but for some reason I really didn’t get that, until I did.
In turn, this taught me something important about life, in a very practical (not theoretical) way: Nothing in our lives is disconnected. Nothing.
Funnily enough, I’ve had this realisation many times – during meditation, from reading books and listening to dozens of lectures on the matter too.
Seems we don’t get it, until we do. Nothing is disconnected.
We’ve come a long long way together
Through the hard times and the good
I have to celebrate you baby
I have to praise you like I should
~Fat Boy Slim
For those of us consciously trying to heal our inner wounds, with our fragmented selves desperately trying to keep up… we’re often so busy focusing on the trauma, it’s hard to see the bigger picture.
Just for now though, I’m taking a bird’s eye view, trying to see the lay of the land, so to speak.
Why? Well, today marks the first birthday of Svasti! Hip-hip-hooray!!
To quote my last post, this blog grew as something of an impulse – a very strong desire to save my sanity. A much needed space to expel the violence, sadness and struggles I’d been dealing with all alone. Screaming into cyberspace seemed like a good idea, and I was right.
Blogging I’ve found… is sort of like travelling the world with an entirely different perspective. Instead of seeing museums and temples and the like, I find myself surveying the inner workings of people’s minds all ‘round the world.
In the process, I’ve made a lot of friends and learned plenty about myself and others.
Such as: There’s no simple cure to PTSD or depression. And there’s peaks and troughs to recovery. The peaks make me feel like I’m finally getting somewhere. The troughs make me feel like checking out of Hotel de Life.
Healing is not a one-shot deal. There’s no magic pill to solve all my ills, or anyone else’s. But the more we express, the better it gets (in the long run, if not straight away).
And given human nature is how it is, we find resonance in each other’s words. We discover we aren’t alone. We’re all connected. So, what we write can benefit others. That’s a good thing!
But I’ve also learned the assault I started writing about was only a small part of the story – a kind of bookend really, to a certain era of my life. An era I’m learning I need to write about. That’s all connected, too.
In the last twelve months I’ve: started therapy, quit a stable (but soul-destroying job), spent five weeks in spiritual retreat, conquered the worst of my PTSD symptoms (although I’m far from symptom-free), gained and lost another job, had a second niece arrive, found new friends, started yoga teacher training and struggled with a very morbid attack of depression. And I’ve spent the better part of this year unemployed, surviving on a fraction of what I usually earn.
Seems I’ve been shedding one skin after the other, kinda like an onion and with just as many tears.
But none of it is disconnected, I’m convinced of that. Where we’re at is a result of where we’ve been. There’s no plot device that led me down this path.
Gotta say this much – it’s a glorious place from which to find my balance in life, and I know I can do it.
So, here’s to the next twelve months in my/everyone else’s journey.
And thanks everyone for reading!
~Svasti
More congratulations to you, Svasti!
One whole year…you’re proof that a blog can improve your life and that’s so inspiring. I started out to do nature, pics, Miss Lucy…but I’ve found that just thinking about unloading a little on my blog makes me feel not so alone.
There I go, off about ME again!
Anyway, you really have come a long way…it appears as though your life is on a completely different path. Is that how it feels to you?
Here’s to many more years of the Svasti blog!
@earthtoholly – Yes, here’s hoping there’s a few more years left in this blog yet! Oh and its quite okay for you to be talking about you!
I think if you want to write about other things on your blog, you should! After all, its your own damn blog, and I’m sure the wonderful Miss Lucy wouldn’t mind sharing the spotlight. Then, perhaps it might work for you to have a seperate blog to post your inner workings to? However it works for you, I just hope you do it.
Life does feel quite different – but I think its too new for me to really understand just how different it is. I’m sure I’ll find out before too long, though! 😉
Happy Anniversary Svasti!! I love the way you began this post – even as I was reading it, I felt those inner tumblers within myself begin to settle into alignment; to calmly unlock that full being balancing that you describe. ahhh
yes, it’s the whole, not one leg, or one thought, or one trauma that we address and heal once we walk through the gateway of inner exploration, knowing and healing. Thank you for so courageously peeling those layers away here in such an honest and public forum, which I imagine deepens your own process, and as a reader and one who loves your feedback, I know deepens mine.
Through the tears, the laughs, joys and struggles, I see you soaring higher each time you take one of your leaps of faith! Many blessings my friend, Karin
@Karin – Thanks for such a thoughtful comment! I think its when we isolate one part of our experience that it has the chance to grow bigger than it should. And in doing that, it takes on dimensions in our life that it shouldn’t. So, by engaging the whole body or our whole experience, we find its possible to put everything in its place. And we can regain our balance that way. Blessings to you, too!
Congratulations! For your blogiversary, but mainly for the journey! You’ve been writing it for just a year? Your voice is so clear and strong, I’d have thought it was longer…
@Bird – Thank you, on both counts! 🙂
Hey Svasti–
Great post! So much good stuff in there, I don’t know where to start. First, of course, I believe that everything is connected–I have seen so much proof of this in my life. This is not only true with the connecting points in our own journey but the people we run across in our journeys. I can’t tell you how many strange, serendipitious meetings I have had with people who have been connected (or who are connected) with other significant people in my life. It’s like a common bond or energy pulls us all together.
I also appreciate what you wrote about healing being a journey. For any kind of psychological roadblock or problem, it is always ‘treated’ and never ‘cured.’ Just as our physical health is reliant upon our living healthy lives, our emotional AND spiritual selves are dependent upon taking good care of ourselves psychologically and spiritually.
Recovery, whether you are recovering from childhood trauma, drug addiction, sexual assault–or whatever is a process not a destination. This was a hard lesson for me to learn at one point–but I realize now that I am always ‘in recovery’ and never ‘recovered.’ And that’s a good thing because it forces me to keep learning and growing.
I really enjoyed reading this a lot, my dear!
Melinda
@Melinda – I agree that connectedness runs to other people in our lives. How could it not?
And yes, if we stop taking care of our physical or mental health, then things decline. So, its all how we treat ourselves, right? Plus how we treat others, and how we’d like to be treated by others.
How can anything be cured anyway? I mean, to me a cure suggests something is never to return and in this life, we can’t ever really say that’s true. Its very much up to us, as to how our life travels along, no matter what outside influences impact us.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post, as I always enjoy yours! 😀
Svasti, How awesome! YAY! Congratulations. This is a very big deal, as I’m sure you know. The majority of blogs fail within the first few months (I can’t remember the exact stat on that), so you’re ability to commit to this after all the trauma…what a wonderful sign, in and of itself, of recovery.
It takes a recovering mind and soul to sustain that kind of focus. So I hope you are celebrating that fact. You demonstrate such will power, determination, and fortitude in the very act of writing down words and setting them free.
Much peace & bliss & future happiness,
Christine
@Blisschick – Thanks so much! I had no idea actually, that most blogs fail so soon. Its not so much an ability to commit as the need to keep expelling all the toxins into words. But I agree, it does help with the recovery process. Thanks for your kind words and support, which mean a lot. 🙂
Congratulations!
I have read your words mapping your journey sometimes with happiness and sometimes with tears, but always with the underlying feeling you are walking a path that will someday find you a stronger, healthier, more satisfied woman.
I always glean much of value, and at least one little perfect gem in each of your posts, and so it is today. “Nothing is disconnected.”
As simple as those words seem they are thunderous when I repeat them to myself.
Thank you.
@tricia – Thank you! Its been so lovely getting to know you and everyone else I’ve met via blogging. I’m glad that “Nothing is disconnected” speaks to you. It really is very powerful, isn’t it?
Happy birthday, Svasti! May you have many more discoveries and revelations as you continue! Best wishes!
@yogabrooks – Yes, here’s to many more discoveries, as personally I think that’s what brings joy to life. Best wishes to you also. 🙂
Yes, you’ve come a long way 🙂 Woo hoo! I’m happy for you 🙂 And happy birthday 🙂
@Immi – Awesome to see you here, Immi. Its been exciting following your progress, too!!
Hey, I just want to say there’s a lot of wisdom in what you’re saying here. I was thinking about it later as I was considering my own “peaks and troughs”.
@yogabrooks – Why thank you. 🙂
I think we’re all capable of wisdom, which is why I love reading so many blogs. Peaks and troughs kinda suck, I’m looking for that nice smooth playing field ahead somewhere…
I love the pic of Lord Shiva Dancing. When ever I think of that cosmic dance and how it can come down into the earthy plane here and manifest as beauty It makes this one happy.
Good luck with your practice and may all blessings come your way
Jay
@Jay Shanti Om – Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Yes, I love the picture too! Its really beautiful. Good luck to you in your practice also.