Tags
Anxiety, Broken heart, Fear, Freshwater beach, Harbord beach, Healing, Heart, Love, Love story, Manly beach, mermaids, Northern beaches, Recovery, sandstone, Sydney, Truth
I am awash. Deeply, soulfully and to the bone. I’m surrounded, but not attacked. I am sinking, yet rising too. Opening painfully, my heart speaks a thousand stories at once, most importantly it tells me – Thanks.
Not that I really did anything. Although, I didn’t realise just what sort of load the ol’ ticker had been carrying. As usual.
Yet somehow, the pressure’s been undone.
What remains surrounds me like a warm bath, with ever-so-gentle caresses, asking no questions, and breathing so much easier.
Kinda like this one endless summer day, when, living on the northern beaches of Sydney (paradise, and hardly anyone heads further north than Manly, the least stunning of the beaches on that peninsula)… I strolled the fifteen minute walk to my local – technically, Harbord beach, but colloquially known as Freshwater.
Not very large, as beaches go. A smallish but perfect cove dwarfed by rugged sandstone cliffs, tucked around the corner from north Manly’s shores. Crescent shaped, regardless of high or low tides. And, for a stretch of sand and water not far from the big ol’ city, incredibly beautiful and clear.
That day was one of many lazy Sundays I joyfully wasted inhaling the glory of the world.
It was soooo warm, but not too hot or humid. Just incredibly pleasantly warm. And Freshwater on that day (but also many others), lived up to its name: fresh and clear. Not too salty. And perfectly bath-water warm.
Even better though, since this bathwater never gets cold, doesn’t leave you shivering with a sudden need to get out. And the sun is pleasantly shining. There’s no wind. A perfect beach day burned into my hard drive, filed under “utter perfection”.
Ahhhhh…
I tarried, swimming lazy laps the length of the beach, floating and doing back flips. Strolling the edges, spying on fish schools and lying across the smaller cliff flats, soaking up the radiating warmth, easing tension from my shoulders.
Stone, sky and water and I was blissfully happy, wanting nothing else. Perfectly content just to be.
And while it’s not quite like that now, there’s an evocation of that particular day going on. Not that I’m trying to get back there, just, remembering the comfort it gave my heart, broken as it was at the time.
Actually, I’m convinced my heart’s been broken for years and years on end now, never really healing as I plunged headlong from one inappropriate romance to another… and reaching the end of that line with a violent punch in the face.
My heart, while it’s still managed to break since then (but not over romance), hasn’t been available for the past few years either – and to this day it wears its ‘Closed for Business’ sign, truth be told.
But finally, its telling me stories, many stories, and I’ve pulled up a comfy chair, cat on my lap, having grabbed the largest pot of tea I can muster, to sit there and listen…
~Svasti
Beautiful, Svasti. Oh, what a day at the water can do for our souls.
Marcy and I spent yesterday late morning at the lake’s edge and I have not felt that relaxed in quite some time.
We all need to do these things MORE. 🙂
Anything that brings comfort to a broken heart is always a good thing. I’m happy for you that you are in this place. Listen well to the stories and learn because you are far too young for your heart to be ‘closed for business’.
What a peaceful read, Svasti.
Wouldn’t it be nice to experience that feeling all of the time…no matter what? Actually, you probably carry it in your heart to retrieve anytime, as you’ve done here to share with us…
Thanks!
@Blisschick – Oh yes, the water and particularly oceans do wonders for me. At that time I was spoiled for choice, living a tiny distance from a bunch of beautiful ocean beaches. But getting into nature of any kind does the same thing for me too. Whether its out bush, in the mountains or the ocean.
And yes, we need to try to do these things more, and with regularity.
@tricia – I think its just been ‘closed for business’ for the past few years, which is probably a good thing. And I’m working on it…
@earthtoholly – Yeah it would! How lovely it’d be if we could dial up our seaside memories at will! There’s a couple I have like this that are fairly handy, but I don’t really think of them often enough 😉
god, what a beautiful post this is. I feel as if I’ve had a walk along those sands, just thinking about these thoughts of yours. Your heart isn’t totally closed for business, because if it was you couldn’t affect us deeply the way you share.
@Lydia – thank you, that’s such a lovely thing to say! I’m glad to share some of my beach memories with anyone who wants to read them. I was so blessed to live there for the years that I did. Hmmm, I think my heart’s more ‘closed for business’ when it comes to love and relationships, but certainly not for sharing with others. 🙂
This was both beautiful and vivid. Quite a lovely piece. And I think your heart can’t possibly be permanently closed for business! It just takes a long time to reopen sometimes.
@Jennifer – I really take that as a compliment coming from you (and from other wonderful writers who provide compliments, too!).
I think both you and Lydia are right. Not completely closed, but then, not open for falling in love, either…