I often feel like I don’t understand the whole deal with personal boundaries properly.
Not particularly yogic of me I know, but hey, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
Like, this one time in primary school (don’t know exactly when but I think I was pretty young still), I remember being in the bathroom stall next to a friend. And I wanted to say hi, so I climbed on the toilet seat and peaked over the top – ‘Hi Melissa!’.
Not to be creepy or strange, just because I wanted to say hi.
But apparently Melissa didn’t see my actions in the spirit I’d intended. Instead, she exacted her revenge… next time I was in there, bringing a handful of our friends to look over and under the door and giggle.
Not that I minded, really. But I didn’t understand either, why she felt like she had to do that. And I was still a little confused (then, not now) about why she was mad…
These days, if I was an inch or two taller, I’d be able to see over many bathroom stall divider walls completely unintentionally, and without climbing up on anything (erm, not that I would).
On the flip side, it makes me queasy thinking about the end-of-lifecycle treatment of clothes. When things are see-through, holey or otherwise falling apart way past redemption… most stuff ends up in the rubbish bin, except if it’s in an okay enough condition to give to charity.
Unless of course, a second life as cleaning rags is possible. Even then, cutting in to pieces fabric that’s spent so much time on my body… feels weird.
And I’m confused when throwing out underwear, especially. When’s the optimal time to give it up? How do you put clothing you’ve worn that close to your genitals into the same bin asthe vegetable peelings, redundant but non-recyclable packaging, and unpalatable leftovers (etc)?
I do it though, of course. It’s not like I have some kind of mausoleum of dead knickers, but still, it always feels strange throwing them out.
And I think… maybe that’s what I’m like dealing with people, too? I never know when too close is or isn’t good, or when things should be discarded, or even if they’re meant to be discarded or not. Can they be revitalised? Should they be?
My ability to distinguish and understand is somewhat impaired, I fear. Am I giving enough space? Too much? Am I crowding?
Seems my sense of personal space is fluid and strange and yet, leaves me sometimes feeling like I’m not where I want to be. Or, wondering what happened and why things or people are so far away, suddenly not easy to understand and most impenetrable.
Then, trying to understand, I perhaps crash through the unseen boundaries of others, making a bit of a mess in the process.
It’s never my intention but hey, it’s just me looking over the bathroom stall to say ‘Hi, what’s up?’ and never realising my gaffe til the china shop’s been trashed.
Sigh… a little more Svasti-introspection required please!