Tags
clarity, full moon, Guru, Guru Purnima, illumination, initiation, kickboxing, kula, Muay Thai, sadhana, Samskaras, Yoga, yogi, Yogini
Clarity can come at the strangest moments. And the volume or quality of such a moment is hard to qualify – once it hits, it doesn’t fade, but damn, it can happen so fast!
The light of such clarity reaches into every corner of your being. Things that were complex and confusing become simple and 100% crystal clear.
Just as an aside, although it’s related… in my experience there’s a few rather disconcerting things that occur if you’ve found your Guru and have taken formal initiation (if you’re that way inclined).
For one thing, you become part of a collective energy body, connected, even if you’re on the other side of the world. And that means all kinds of weird and wonderful things. I could tell you about it, but you’d just think I was taking LSD or something!
I mention this because of the recent full moon, which also happened to be Guru Purnima – a traditional yearly festival where initiates pay homage to their Guru – and to the Guru lineage in general, actually.
Jaya Hanuman! Jaya Gurudev!!
Right now, some of my kula are hanging out in Thailand together, celebrating this event with our Guru. I was of course, there for the festivities last year. Sigh!
Whenever there’s a large gathering of my kula somewhere in the world, if I’m not there, I feel it anyway.
I get ‘zapped’ by the energy being generated. Others do, too. Often, I can’t sleep, which also happens for many of us in the lead up to any intensive retreat we’re about to attend.
Two nights ago I had the worst sleep I’ve had in absolutely ages. Woke up and realised, oh yeah… full moon… Guru Purnima!!
It’s always a very powerful time of year.
Though it wasn’t just me and my kula. A lot of people were reporting (via Twitter) this particular full moon was affecting them intensely.
Even though I felt awful when I woke up Tuesday morning, I also felt renewed. Almost like… a lot of ‘stuff’ had just been clawed away.
And I was clear – it’s time to stop leaking energy all over the place.
When doing sadhana over time, practitioners build up a lot of energy. It can be quite a heady experience, especially if you’re not ready to deal with it.
Often what happens to inexperienced yogis (definitely happened/s to me) is that you’re a bit like a sieve, full of leaks through which you lose much of the energy you’ve generated. Kind of like that hole in the pot.
Those leaks aren’t easy to control initially. There’s guidelines you can follow, to help you reduce and eventually stop any such leakages. But, there’s usually a few weaknesses (habits/samskaras) that are harder to stop than others.
And so you keep haemorrhaging energy until you can give them up.
Upon waking after my very rough four hours of sleep, post full moon/Guru Purnima, things were perfectly clear.
Illuminated, you could say.
Time to put away my emotional hooks and hang ups as much as possible. I know what they are – I crave feeling connected to others. I fear rejection because it’s been a theme in my life. I hate feeling alone because I’ve been alone much of my life. So I try to forge connections where perhaps there aren’t any. I seek kindred spirits, perhaps a little too intensely.
And its time to stop. No more allowing myself to carry dead weight – mine or anyone else’s. No holding on to people or things or ideas for the sake of it, hoping for change that never comes. Just… no more of that!!
Whatever happened this last full moon, I feel like I’ve been given a wakeup call. A very loud and clear surge of clarity and self respect!
Now, I feel like I’m rebuilding my yoga practice from the ground up. Starting with the vessels containing all the good health and energy I generate – my physical and emotional bodies.
So I’ve hauled myself into the dockyard for renovations, and not just a patch up job!
Time for me to start taking names (mine!) and kicking some ass (again, mine!).
Fittingly I’m also starting Muay Thai (kickboxing) again for the first time in over five years (a nice counterbalance to the stillness).
Its way past time for the fighter in me to come out and get rid of everything standing in the way of becoming physically, mentally and emotionally healthy.
Rock on!
~Svasti
Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness 
Sounds like you’ve got your ducks in a row. Not surprised. You go for it.
Yeah! Rock on, Svasti!
What’s weird about this is that though I’m not into any of the stuff you’re into, I had this same exact experience. I had my menstrual cycle and it ended the night the full moon appeared. This was one of my more emotionally taxing cycles (including four hours of crying on the 4th of July) and I noticed how pure and clean I feel after it’s passing, like I’ve finally closed up and expelled all that I’ve been working on and through these past six or seven years of my life. The strange thing about religious themes and religious spirituality is how innate it is. You don’t have to be a practitioner to have a religious or spiritual experience. I guess it helps some people but it’s not a requirement, and that’s pretty amazing. I just had this weird feeling reading this — “you are not alone” took on a whole new intense, wordless meaning.
Reading this put such a big smile on my face Svasti – and i found myself releasing a full deep breath, from every cell in my body, it seemed, as I rode along your journey. My artist eye had a beautiful image of *you* emerging in crystal clear sparkling color, out of misty muted silvers – then towards the end as you described the kick boxing there was this explosion like fireworks – yes! A celebration and liberation, alive and free….
xox K
rock on, indeed! i’ve got a real thing for full moons. my energy does crazy cool things around them but a few months ago at Wesak festival i had a moment i still can’t fully explain but it sounds incredibly similar. it really gets everything into gear. things just fit for a future you can make as opposed to one that, like most of the time, you sort of have as a hazy goal, a desire but not an imprint sort of thing.
i have a lot of confidence you’ll make some wonderful discoveries along the way. and yes, it happens damn fast!
@tricia – Ducks in a row? Perhaps? Or perhaps its just about seeing what I’m aiming for? I sure as heck don’t have all the answers, not just yet anyway…
@Brooks – Why thanks! 😉
@Jaleesa – Its not weird. The energy of the full moon is out there for anyone to pick up on. Its not specific to any tradition. Maybe this particular moon just had that whole renewal/getting rid of old baggage thing going on? I’m glad to be able to share something with you that validates what you were experiencing on the other side of the world!
@Karin – That’s so beautiful, what a lovely visual. Have to say, the kickboxing is nearly killing me. Can’t believe I used to train like that 3-4 times a week!! But then, if its worth it, gotta fight for it, right?
@CK – That does sound interesting and kind of similar. That whole thing with the clarity and seeing what you can/should be doing instead of just moseying along.
The pace seems to go along very normally until it doesn’t and then BAM, its all with the quicksilver like moments of clarity.
Glad you’re having fun over there in the UK, Missy!! 😀
Hey Svasti–it sounds as though you are really reaching a good place! Good for you. Sometimes it is good for all of us to reevaluate what we are doing (if we feel as though we are in somewhat of a rut) and to toss out what isn’t working and rebuild from the ground up.
When I went into treatment, I had nothing–practically no possessions and I was an empty vessell, both emotionally and spiritually. It was a great opportunity for me to totally reinvent who I was. I was a shell of a person and I was able to redesign my life. What an amazing gift that was!
Melinda
@Melinda – Sometimes I think I’m reaching good ‘zones’. Kinda like when you’re skinny dipping in a pond, the whole swimming thing is generally good. Then there’s patches of beautifully warm water, but then they change or move or… anyway, its not a static thing, is what I’m trying to say.