Boot Camp, cyclonic activity of me, fitness, Healing, honesty, personal training, Shadow Yoga, spring clean, vanity, Yoga
It’s so literal, it’s actually beyond cliché. The fires are still burning, the kaleidoscope’s whirring and I’m cleansing everything in sight with an unabated frenzy.
Someone must’ve fed me a hallucinogen or two. Or three perhaps, or maybe my water supply’s laced with the stuff.
There’s bound to be some explanation for the cyclonic activity of me.
A crazy wench demands (now that she’s relatively sane-ish), she ALSO wants to claim her body back, too. There’s vanity in there, of course. But there’s also victory, power, aliveness. A synchronisation between heart, mind, soul and body.
Thus, I found myself signed up to group personal training (aka Boot Camp) twice a week, necessitating early nights and mornings, pre-dawn cycling, sweating, running, boxing and skipping. And more. Ole!
And yes I feel like I’m dying and a small but pointed voice asks demoralising questions like So why the hell are we doing this?? Luckily the wench has an answer ready, lobbing it back quickly BECAUSE we want our cardio fitness back.
Then, the yogini signed up for yet another yoga class, an eleven week course. Her voice is loud too, but emanates from the heart, not the ego. There was a moment in that demonstration class where the pleas started. We HAVE to do this course!!! NOW!!
Oh… I didn’t want to talk about Shadow Yoga yet, as I simply don’t know enough. It’s a mystery actually like a pass the parcel prize I get to unwrap a little more each week.
Perhaps though, I can talk about how I’m doing: simultaneously undone and re-made. I scatter into a thousand rainbow shapes and, learning new alignment and strength pulls me back together. It makes me sob, but in a good way. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s something rather miraculous.
Like its moniker this work takes me inside my yoga, working from the inside out. I see angles and creases where before I only saw form. And already my body is doing things I never knew it could.
Hilariously, this is just the introduction. Not yet the preludes. There’s barely any asana happening and there won’t be, not for months. Still, I work hard and sweat and I feel it in my body.
Between regular yoga, yoga teacher training, cycling everywhere, Boot Camp and Shadow Yoga, my body triumphantly aches.
And there’s a desire to CLEAN. Everything! The twice a week early mornings are rubbing off on other days. Now I awaken freely, no alarm needed. The absolute opposite of the past few years. And there’s in-the-corners-totally-thorough type house cleaning going on. Weird.
Strangely I find myself saying things I don’t expect. Randomly, an old work mate strikes up a Facebook chat and says something like With all that yoga you must be so bendy. Must keep all the boys happy!
Says I: Boys? What boys?
Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realise [assumes I bat for the other team]…
No [guessing her assumption], what I meant to say is, the man-drought is still in full swing…
And then this conversation leads me to openly, freely and very clearly explain exactly why that is. Initially, the man-drought being self-imposed until it became self-perpetuating! And why.
Strange. Who is this woman talking openly to another person about where I’ve been for the past four years? Undramatic. Straight-forward. Honest with outsiders. Without shame. Where did SHE come from?
Too many questions. So much movement and activity. I fire up iTunes, clean the windows and sob as my heart undergoes suction, extracting puss and atrophied tissues.
Brooks Hall said:
Wonderful, Svasti! So inspiring… I hope some of that rubs off on me, too! Yes!
Just beautiful. Really.
I’m feeling so much of this same power of movement, as you know, and for once, I feel pretty darn patient to allow it to take me where I need to go — without my brain planning it all out. 🙂
Bob Weisenberg said:
Great writing and feeling.
Lucky us to be able to share it with you.
svasti, I got chills watching the Shadow Yoga clip on their site because it looks like the way I’ve been moving forever, ever since I was very young — in my own yoga practice and otherwise. very intuitively. people have always told me I have a “beautiful practice” which frankly, embarasses me, because I just move like I’ve always moved. however, I never move like that when I teach.
@Brooks – What do you want to rub off? The mad cleaning frenzy? Hehe!!
@Blisschick – Its a nice feeling, isn’t it? Just allowing it to unfold and be whatever it will. Hope you’re adjusting to your ‘re-entry’ a little better now?
@Bob – Thank you for witnessing this. Its important to me. 😀
@linda – If I had to describe Shadow Yoga in one word, right now that word would be “primal”. Very primal. There’s a lot of circular actions and very deliberate and graceful movements in this yoga. And right now, I’m simply learning how to build up to the point where I can move that gracefully and purposefully.
I think its awesome that you see something familiar in Shadow Yoga. Maybe you should move like you do when you teach as well as in private?
Don’t be embarrased, have vajra pride instead!
the thing is, if I taught the way I move in my private practice, people could not keep up with me, so to speak. and my yoga style is already an acquired taste, I don’t want to scare any more people away….;)
I need to find my own yoga tribe.
@Linda – Ah yes, but you don’t start teaching your students at the same pace that you work at, not to begin with. And maybe some of the Shadow Yoga folk would be good for your tribe? 😉
I still haven’t gotten used to the comments being at the top of each entry (weren’t they below for a long time?). Or perhaps it is just me!
Svasti–this post made me exhausted just thinking about all you are doing–but bravo for you on the self-betterment front. I am getting ready to go on vacation (YAY relaxing) and plan to do absolutely nothing but sit my butt on a beach in the Caribbean and do a little snorkeling and biking around the island. Boo-yeah, that sounds great!
Spring cleaning is always a good thing!
@Melinda – Hi Melinda, I think its just the link at the top, comments still get posted at the bottom. 🙂
Ah, vacation, haven’t had one of thsoe all year. But I will have a small one just after Christmas, thank goodness! Your holiday sounds wonderful!!
Don’t worry, I’m exhausted too in the doing of all of this! But its a good thing really. I guess its needed to create room for other things 🙂