Tags
angsty, bones, freelance writing jobs, highlights reel, mirages, Parental Unit, tight-lipped wordless denials, unemployment, untethered, work, yoga teaching
‘Course, that’s not entirely true. And yet it is. But then, right now I’m either finding it hard to make time to write or I’m really just avoiding it in case I accidentally write something that I’d rather not let slip. Y’know how untethered the connection between the mind and typing fingers can get!
So consider this the highlights reel, and perhaps I’ll get around to filling some of these tidbits out in more detail. Sometime soon. Maybe!
There’s been… lots of anxiety lately. So many potential possibilities floating around, most of them little more than a mirage on closer inspection. I still don’t have a permanent job of any kind, but I have been working. Full-time and quite intensely. I’ve sort of possibly been offered a job where I am, but the work situation isn’t quite right. I can feel it in my bones. Yes, it’s been pointed out to me that the technically unemployed shouldn’t be too choosy. And yet… I’ve been there before. I know where that path leads, and how easily one’s heart can be overcome that way. Which is why I haven’t made any decisions there yet.
Also, unless I manage to land a couple of rather large freelance writing jobs in the next month (or find some other way to make some money), then I won’t be going on the retreat I’m meant to be attending. Even though this is the final year of seven years worth of training. This makes me feel very sad and a bit empty. I’ve missed my yoga family so much, and I haven’t seen my teacher now for two years. Of course I haven’t completely ruled out the possibility that things will somehow turn around. But really, I’ve no idea how that’s gonna happen. If you’ve got any ideas, feel free to let me know!
There’s been a recent encounter with the Parental Unit type people. And heck, if there’s anything I’m not writing about right now, it’s probably that. Hate to come across all angsty and stuff… and I would. Least, if I started writing about it all straightaway. Involving money, tight-lipped wordless denials and semi-conversations that didn’t really get as far as they might, but possibly as far as was practical anyways. Yeah…
Somehow, the volunteer yoga teaching thing has sort of ground to a halt. I mean, with the people just not turning up for the last couple of weeks. Who’d a thunk that giving away your time could be so difficult?!
But then, it looks like I’ll be teaching three paid classes next month, as relief for another teacher. And it’ll be an all-male class, comprised of personal trainers and chiropractors, bright and early in the pre-dawn morning. Am I feeling a little intimidated? Erm… yessss. So I’m going to join them this coming Friday to check out the class (Hatha/Vinyasa style) and assess how I’m going to teach these strong/fit men with limited flexibility. (**Note: This would be a good moment for you other yoga teacher types to chime in with thoughts on teaching all-guy classes**)
And there’s more. Of course. As always. I wish I was a little more disciplined in my writing, just making myself write anyway regardless of what’s going on. I have tried that but sometimes the results are a little pointless, and certainly not fit for blogging.
I’ll be back on track soon I hope. Once I stop feeling all cranky about everything in my life continuing to fall apart around me. Because on the flip side, I actually kinda like it when things fall apart. Call me crazy if you like. It’s all part and parcel of being one of Kali’s own. Well, I generally don’t mind as long as it’s not too inconvenient…
Seeya on the flip side, folks!
~ Svasti xo
Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness 
read this: http://blog.mariacristinayogi.com/2010/07/21/teachers.aspx
especially #3… about writing. i found it really changed my ideas about how i write and when.
let me know what you think!
Oh, Svasti…that title…I know exactly the feeling. My brain can feel so tornado-like that I can’t pin down any one thought in order to turn it into words.
I am sorry that there is so much (not?) going on for you right now — or going on in ways that seem rather difficult.
RE: teaching those all-male classes. I just know you will rock that. Perhaps instead of trying to give them what they are kinda used to, you could give them your uniqueness? Perhaps throw in some of that shadow yoga.
Here’s what I have discovered with my male students, who, yes, are usually very buff. They are weak weak weak in the heart chakra and with all that arm muscle cannot do nearly the Kundalini yoga that small, “weaker” women can.
It finally hit me that it’s the way we teach them to hold back their emotions…their hearts are undeveloped and Kundalini challenges that. (With arm postures that they SHOULD be able to do forever based on their strength alone.)
I think I had a point…
🙂
Dear Svasti, can you tell us how much you need for your retreat? I would love to be able to help, and I’m sure others would as well.
The parental unit thing… Phew, I know that one well. I’m in the thick of it myself… and not writing about it either (one reason being that my blog is not anonymous!)
I just recently discovered your blog, and am working my way through the archives. I feel such a kinship with you. I feel like we’re exactly on the same page in life. I read your story as if I were reading my own… and I can’t wait to find out what happens next!
I send you my love.
Hey my dear,
You have my total sympathy and support for riding out this recent tide of anxiety. Just remember to keep breathing! This too will pass.
I think when you teach Yoga, you just have to take the experience as it comes. So with your volunteer classes, tell yourself that it was a good experience, and you learned from it, and let it go if it feels like it is ‘over’. Funnily enough, sometimes people value a thing more if they have to pay a little bit for it. Also, working with such a vulnerable group of people as you did, you really bit off a huge challenge. I am amazed and impressed that you got it off the ground to start with, and I think you need to look at it as a huge achievement – not as a failure. You had an idea, you gave it a go. Maybe now just wasn’t the right time and place for it? Maybe the Universe needs your energies elsewhere.
Re teaching yoga for fit men, I did a post a while back on Yoga for Soliders where I shared some of my experiences working with that group. http://yogagypsy.blogspot.com/2010/04/yoga-for-soldiers.html. While I think that going to class beforehand is an excellent idea before subbing, remember that you will always teach your best when you teach YOUR yoga. So it may be different to what they are used to, and yes, a teacher always modifies their yoga to suit their students, but don’t try to ‘be’ their regular teacher. Just be you, and you will be great!!!
Hugs!
*hugs*
Hey Svasti–it’s easy to feel unsettled when you don’t have a permanent job. I’m glad to hear you are working–but I know what you mean. When you are working temporary jobs, you never feel quite secure in them–and that can definitely lead to anxiety.
Here’s to hoping the perfect job comes through, which will allow you to feel secure and free of anxiety.
Take care,
Melinda
it seems to be an off-track time for many right now. something in the air… time to breathe deeply and refocus on the basics.
xo
@emma – Awesome points! I’m still not writing every day but yes, I do try to write when I’m not inspired!
@Christine (Blisschick) Reed – Some really good points. And now I’ve been to the class and met them, I think you’re right. There’s much to share with them and I only have three classes with them to do it in!
@Louise – such a lovely suggestion, but honestly I wouldn’t feel okay with that. I mean, there’s so many causes in the world that need money. So many people who will go hungry because they have nothing. So, asking people to contribute to pay for my yoga retreat seems very selfish.
Thanks for commenting here, though. I’m checking out your blog and have duly added it to my RSS 🙂
@LaGitane – Thanks for the great tips. I had read your yoga for soldiers post before, and reading it again I see lots of handy ideas that will help me a lot. I definitely won’t try to be their regular teacher. Just myself. And yeah, it should be fun!
@nadinefawell – Right back at you! xo
@Melinda – I suspect it might be some time still before anything resolves properly. But then, who am I to say even that much!
@maggie – The basics. Yeah. Time for more of that 🙂
Nice.