anniversary, Assault, Depression, Healing, Memory loss, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, Therapy
Shhhh! Did you notice the date? The time? I did, but only just.
Five years ago tonight and roughly around this time, this was happening.
I don’t have time to write about it tonight. Because I’ve just finished writing a post on Facebook, sort of “coming out” to a whole bunch of people in my life that I’ve never really told the full story to. I also told a short-hand version of the story on Twitter – that’s another whole bunch of people there I’ve never told, either. Well, except for those who follow me on Twitter from this blog!
I’m not de-cloaking my Svasti identity though…it’s sort of an open secret these days I suspect, but as long as it remains separate from my professional life, then it’s all good. 😉
I never told most people in my life because I used to be terribly embarrassed and ashamed about being assaulted. And then eventually, I simply couldn’t remember who I’d told and who I hadn’t – it’s a memory loss thing associated with having PTSD.
Anyway. Five years. And wow, SUCH a five years it’s been. Of course, life hasn’t been anything like I expected it might be. I thought by now I’d have met the man of my dreams and perhaps even have had a child or two. But no. In fact, I’ve barely managed to date at all in this time and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had sex (no dirty puns, please!! Hahahaha!!)
Nope. Life has given me a handful of 360 degree shifts instead. I’m still not entirely sure where I’m at as a result, but mostly I think I’m better off. I can barely believe I’m writing that, but I think it’s true.
Anyway, more on all of this soon. Just not tonight.
I’m feeling a bit weepy now that I’ve noticed this milestone. Generally speaking I haven’t paid attention to my “anniversary” dates at all. Most of them have gone by without raising so much as a blip on my radar. But for some reason tonight, I was prompted to check the date (one of those little voices in my head – so I had to look it up) and there it was. Today. Right now.
Yeah… time to go to bed. Process. I’ll chat to y’all about this maybe tomorrow night.
But one more thing before I finish this post… the next five years? I reckon they’re gonna blow the last five OUT OF THE WATER!
P.S. Here’s to all those out there dealing with PTSD, depression and/or any other mental health issues. Keep on fighting, digging deep and working your butt off, because life can get better eventually!!
Christine (Blisschick) Reed said:
Big beautiful, bright blessings to you on this milestone, strong and wise Svasti.
Rachel @ Suburban Yogini said:
you are as always an inspiration 🙂
Congratulations to your milestone and that you have come this far! Everything takes it’s time (sounds like a real cliche, right) and you will find love again when time comes!
Y is for Yogini said:
You are resilient and wonderful and brilliant and inspiring. Looking forward to all the amazing things that I know will come your way in the next five.
Michele Rosenthal said:
Congratulations on passing such a milestone with POWER, STRENGTH and COURAGE! You have worked hard. You deserve to be weepy but also to honor yourself for the changes you have made and the wonderful person you have become. After trauma we all experience that ‘who would I have been by now?’ feeling. The good news is, who you are right now is a creative woman forging a new path that helps herself and others access transcendance. Wow…. not a bad result from a bad situation. Sending you joy to smooth out the rough spots… xo
That is all.
Oh, and an extra glass of bubbly at the Weird Party xoxo
Congratulations for 5 years Svasti! WoW! Thank you for inspiring me to speak my truth and for all your support these past few years. My heart is filled with gratitude for all the wonderful people I’ve met in cyberspace, including YOU! Keep writing 🙂
@Christine (Blisschick) Reed – Blessings right back at you, lady! xo
@Rachel @ Suburban Yogini – *blushes* Thanks m’dear!
@Maria – Hey, I really hope so too. But one thing I’ve learned from all of this is that nothing in this life is guaranteed. It just doesn’t work that way!
@Y is for Yogini – Whoah, slow down with those compliments there!! Not sure I can swallow them that fast, y’know? Hehe! I reckon I’ve had my “five down low” and now it’s time for my “high five!” HAHAHA!
@Michele Rosenthal – Thank YOU! As someone who’s been there, done that and also been along this journey with me for a while, I appreciate your words. Yes, it’s not a bad result from all of the crap I’ve been through. Woulda been nice not to have the crap, but then how would I know how to help others? I wouldn’t. And so it’s done, and here I am, getting ready to be able to do that. 🙂
@nadinefawell – Thanks luv! And YES, bubbly at the (not so) Weird Party!!
@Christa – Hey there you! Glad to hear from you. I hope you’re doing well. Yes, it’s been a long journey for us all, on each of our respective paths. Not always fun, but as long as we keep on travelling, I’m sure we’ll do good things with our time. 🙂
Congratulations!!! You have grown so much since I first met you online. You have really been an encouragement in my life. And, I wholeheartely agree with “Keep on fighting, digging deep and working your butt off, because life can get better eventually!!” It really does get better.