Anonymous, cloak of anonymity, Courage, nom de plume, outing, strength, vulnerability is my power base, willpower
I intend to write this book under my own name. But, I don’t want the readers of this blog to not know, or have to guess who I am.
So it seems that my nom de plume has almost outlived its usefulness.
I needed it very much when I began writing this blog, for everything I had to say was so raw. And the courage to write what I wanted to write required a shield, which I gave myself with this cloak of anonymity.
I’ve been writing this blog for over four years now, and actually, these days my identity is a bit of an open secret. Mostly because I’ve made so many wonderful friends via blogging: reading other blogs, and having others read mine.
Already, I’ve met several of my blog friends in real life, and there are more such real-life meetings to come!
Some of these friendships have lasted, while others have not. There are other people who still read this blog that I’d like to to be better friends with, but to be honest, it’s those friendships that haven’t worked that cause me to hesitate.
But really, only because I don’t wish to be outed before I’m ready, and even though the pool of people who know me already is probably more than I’d like, I’ll still try to contain things a little longer.
In recent times, I’ve held on to my semi-anonymous state because it didn’t feel right to change it, and also because I didn’t want people from my 9-5 job to know such intimate details about me.
But that was then. When I was fearful of my own vulnerability.
Before I realised that in fact, my vulnerability is my power base.
That having lived through what I have, I am stronger when I reveal the truth of my experiences.
For there is no weakness in dealing with adversity. Only strength.
For whatever reason, it doesn’t feel that way when you’re going through it. Which is very annoying. But to make it through to the other side? Requires such strength, courage and willpower.
Then, it takes time for your own power to be revealed to yourself.
You don’t have to be a super-hero, only really, really determined.
Because I’m just like everyone else. Not imbued with extra abilities. What I’ve done in my journey of recovery? Is available to anyone who wants it.
So. I’m preparing for my own self-outing. I’m not clear on the timing yet, but it’ll be soon-ish. Because I want to be able to link my journey with the book I’m writing.
In order for people to know that actually, you can rise up from the worst experiences of your life.
And when you do? You’ll be:
More real, more awake and more human than ever before.
I’d love to know your real name. And cos I’m in New Zealand I’m not going to be stalking you or anything 🙂 But seriously, it’s understandable that you’d want to write about such difficult things anonymously, at least at first. But I think I will enjoy your blog even more, knowing your real name. Good luck with your book – I look forward to reading it.
Thanks Anne-Marie. Well, all will be revealed before too long! And I definitely couldn’t imagine you’d be a stalker. This blog, and people like you who’ve been reading it for so long have really helped me build up my strength. 🙂