Carried by a Promise discussion [1]

Tags

Carried by a Promise, Diary of a Woman's Search, kula, Paramahansa Satyananda, Reviews, spiritual seekers, Swami Radha, Swami Radhananda, Swami Sivananda, Yoga

This month I’ll be writing a number of posts about the book: Carried by a Promise by Swami Radhananda. I’m fortunate enough to have been offered a review copy, and right now I’m about four paragraphs in and enjoying it immensely.

For me there’s a personal connection to this story, even if it’s several times removed. Swami Radhananda’s guru is Swami Radha, and her guru is Swami Sivananda. Another student of Swami Sivananda was Paramahansa Satyananda, who is my guru’s guru. So we are of the same root lineage.

Additionally, I’ve always felt very connected to Swami Sivananda through reading books by and about him and through his photos.

This was the first photo of Swami Sivananda I ever saw on a wall at my guru’s house when he lived in Australia:

It’s hard to explain, but I feel that I know him even though he died before I was born. Then when I first read Swami Radha’s book [Diary of a Woman’s Search], I found it very compelling – in part due to her relationship to Swami Sivananda and also because I had an intense healing experience mid-read, lying on my couch in a tiny apartment in Melbourne.

I’ve re-read Swami Radha’s book many times, always gaining some new insight I could relate to. I’ve since given it to someone else that I felt really needed it, but I’ll buy it again some day as it’s one of those books that lives in my heart.

Given all the above, Swami Radhananda’s story is of great interest to me. Once again we have the story of a western woman on an intense spiritual journey – and there really aren’t enough of these stories – which is odd when you consider that the western-world yoga scene is primarily dominated by women.

For much of 2010 the yoga blogosphere was on fire about what “real” yoga is, who’s doing it and who isn’t, the uber-commercialisation of yoga as a brand and so on. In stark contrast, what Swami Radha and Swami Radhananda are writing about are very personal and real stories about their yoga practice. About the transformation of their lives through yoga – and we’re not just talking about who can do what poses.

So far from what I’ve read of Carried by a Promise, it is rich in honesty and self-reflection. I am impressed by the number of questions Swami Radhananda managed to come up with as she struggled with her burgeoning spiritual life at the same time as her marriage was disintegrating, while she worked to raise her kids and pay a mortgage without an income from her husband.

My first impressions are that she was both vulnerable and fierce in the pursuit of her studies. Her words are like honey, and they remind me of everything that’s happened in my own life since I first met my guru in 1998. I feel like I’m reading the diary of someone I know and it invokes that same sense of “home” I get when among my kula and with my guru.

Suffice to say I am looking forward to wading in deeper!

So hang tight, and I’ll be posting my reflections from the book in the next little while. In the meantime you might enjoy checking out Swami Radhananda’s website, which includes video clips of her reading parts of the book.

Finally, you can read a review by Roseanne at It’s all yoga, baby – she’s already read the book and her account has me very excited and curious!

~Svasti

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Happy Diwali

Tags

Community, Diwali, Essence Nature, Festival, illumination, inner battles, kirtan, lights, mediation, Rama, Ramayana, rangoli, Ravana, Sita, Swami Satyananda

Image from Free Greeting Cards: http://is.gd/gLDVe

Heading out in a little while to a Diwali celebration at a friend’s place – someone I met through the various kirtan groups I’ve been hanging out with.

Diwali translates as “row of lights” and it’s a beautiful tradition. Basically, it’s about bringing people together and sharing food, activities and fun. Many lamps are lit to create a beautiful illumination over the five days of Diwali.

Diwali also ties into the Ramayana, as a celebration of Rama and Sita returning from Sri Lanka after Rama (and Hanuman) defeated the demon Ravana. So your basic triumph of “good” over “evil” or light over dark. I always like to consider these sorts of stories as inner work: we all have our demons, our inner hero and that part of us that needs to be protected. And when we accomplish a triumph or two over the “darkness”, or those things that would pull us down and away from our essence nature, there is a sense of illumination – hence all the lamps.

He who Himself sees all but whom no one beholds, who illumines the intellect, the sun, the moon and the stars and the whole universe but whom they cannot illumine, He indeed is Brahman, He is the inner Self. Celebrate the real Deepavali by living in Brahman, and enjoy the eternal bliss of the soul.

The sun does not shine there, nor do the moon and the stars, nor do lightnings shine and much less fire. All the lights of the world cannot be compared even to a ray of the inner light of the Self. Merge yourself in this light of lights and enjoy the supreme Deepavali.
~Swami Satyananda

And hey – this year has been full to overflowing with my own inner battles. In fact, life’s kind of been like that for the last five years! So I’m very much looking forward to this evening of honouring the light in myself and other people.

So what does a private Diwali celebration look like in Australia? Well, first of all, our hostess is originally from India, so it will be a hybrid Indian/Australian festival. We will make rangoli, get our kirtan and mediation on and later, eat together. I’m contributing some Indian desserts and organic wine, and a whole mass of tea lights.

And I hope that you take a moment to reflect and appreciate all that you’ve achieved this year. All the demons you’ve battled and defeated, and remember that all of us are none other than Essence Nature.

Even the “demons” we encounter – they are too, are just working through their own perceptions of this life.

Om Shanti!!

~Svasti

Waking up

Tags

cheerleader dance, Essence Nature, Grace, Guru, Guru Purnima, Jaya Gurudev, Love, non-dual state of awareness, Yoga

Here’s what Grace looks like sometimes: a photo of someone you love unflinchingly with your whole heart; someone who inspires you and is both honest and fierce in their approach to life and seeking a truly non-dual state of awareness. They aren’t even looking at the camera and yet love, joy, and open-heartedness ripples and radiates from every pore of their being. It’s uplifting and you can almost taste it. This photo has the power to reflect your true Essence Nature right back at you without effort. BAM!

I have a photo like this. It’s of someone very, very special to me that I haven’t seen in two years now, and who I might not get to see later this year unless I get a job and/or money coming in VERY soon. My heart’s inspiration. My Guru.

Yesterday – 25^th July – was Guru Purnima. A day to celebrate all gurus and wisdom masters. And celebrations were had although I didn’t get to attend any. Not that it matters – this photo (which I am loathe to share with others because it is such an intimate matter for me) is more than enough. Without a word, it speaks volumes, and wakes me right up.

It says: Drop the frustration, for that is no way to live! Are you paying attention or are you forgetting? Tune into your heart; tune into the things that make you sing! Are you really alone anyway? Railing at life will not make it better. To grow, you MUST do the work! Celebrate! Get EXCITED!

Yes, a photo can say all of those things. At least, this one does. Well, that’s what is reflected back at me when I look at it, and what rises up within me in response.

There’s a very real possibility I might not be able to go on retreat as planned in October – back to Thailand and my fellow yogis and yoginis – because currently I’m living on the money I was saving for my flight and living expenses… and even that will be running out pretty soon.

That’s all I have. I don’t have other savings. Four months of unemployment last year knocked all of that out and the last twelve months have been about re-stabilising myself, trying to save for retreat and make sure I don’t look too shabby (i.e. owning relatively decent work clothes etc).

So, I might not get to go. Even if I get a job now, it might not be possible. I’d really have to save like the blazes to make it happen, but then, who am I to say what the next few months will be like?

In some ways it doesn’t matter at all. I have a wealth of teachings and practices to revel in. I know I am fortunate to be able to call someone like my Guru, my teacher. And I can’t begin to explain all of the ways that the distance doesn’t matter.

Anti-guru sentiment often surrounds the concept of someone being perceived as setting themselves up as a Guru while really just being a charismatic charlatan. There’s this suspicion that all they’re doing is building up a bunch of blind followers who unquestioningly adore them, and manipulating said followers to do their bidding – whatever that might be.

Even in India, there are both the pro-guru and anti-guru camps. I know it. There are even teachers I respect who, while not exactly anti-guru, sure aint pro-guru either.

And I know I can’t speak for anyone else’s experience of gurus, because my experience only includes mine.

But like any experience and preference we have, a guru-student relationship isn’t for everyone. In the same way I’m never going to be an astronaut or a dentist, not everyone will want to/be able to have a guru.

None of this matters to me. For whatever reason I was fortunate enough to meet this wonderfully inspiring person. I was also open enough at the time to see there was something to learn from him (massive, MASSIVE understatement).

And while I have many teachers of yoga and wisdom in my life – and I am profoundly grateful for all of them – my Guru alone causes my mind and body to sing (quite literally sometimes). He shines a great light on the possibilities of this life and when I’m not around him, I miss him very much. I wish I had the karma to live nearby him – perhaps that will happen later in my life, but not now.

Often, he is in my dreams and there are photos of him in my house and on my computer. Somehow, even those interactions are lessons with much to offer.

Guru to me, is essentially a big mirror. But one that reflects back my true nature as a human being, not just the small distorted view of myself I often have! Eventually, the idea is that one day I’ll I look in the mirror and see Guru and my Self as one. No separation, because Guru is me, and I am my Guru. In a real sense, not just imagined or desired.

Also, Guru is someone who has travelled the path I’m on and has come back to share knowledge with others. Guru is experienced, wise, compassionate and patient while I struggle with my fears. And always, Guru is waiting to help me take that next step whenever I am ready. And when I do, Guru is the first to break out the cheerleader dance.

Jaya Gurudev! Om gum gurubhyo namaha!

~Svasti

Grounded Spirituality

Tags

Blog Catalog, grounded spirituality, Sivananda, Slovenia, Yoga

The vagaries of Blog Catalog never cease to amaze me, but occasionally it’s turned up some wonderful gems – people who are now good bloggy friends of mine.

Recently in another happy accident, I found myself receiving a message via BC from Ben Ralston, a yogi in the Sivananda tradition (sort of a sister school to mine!). Ben’s based in Slovenia, which sounds terribly exotic to me!

One of his recent posts is on the topic of Grounded Spirituality.

This is something a few of us blogging yogi types have discussed before, and I totally dig what Ben has to say.

My spirituality and my yoga are not this airy-fairy-love-and-light-always-perfect kind of experience.

Instead, it’s a very real and gritty path which encompasses my faults and everyone else’s –  such as getting outrageously angry, making mistakes, having my heart broken, saying the wrong things and all sorts of other human foibles… every bit as much as the so-called “good stuff”.

It also includes the realities of physical and mental health.

When I was first assaulted, I truly felt like I was losing my spiritual self. I questioned how any of those things could happen to me. I felt very, very separate from my yoga practices and studies.

But guess what? None of it separate. All of us are innately spiritual beings, even if we don’t realise it. Even if we don’t care and don’t want to know – too bad, it’s just part of the stuff of this world.

What we need to understand is that spirituality does not equate with living in some kind of fantasy land where everything is always WONDERFUL.

I’ve met people with that view of yoga and the world, and while I’d never tell them to get real (coz I think that where we’re at is all relative anyway) it’s a state my Guru refers to as the god realm (note: must do a post on the different realms sometime!), where life is always easy, beautiful and wonderful. And some people live in the god realm almost permanently. True!

But all we have to do is go to a third world country, or even the poorest part of our own country, and spend some time in the streets (instead of a fancy hotel) with our eyes wide open… to realise that that’s simply not everyone’s experience of life.

And if we try to cut out all of the “negative/bad” things in our experience, then we are not fully integrating with the world.

I also believe we can find spirituality in almost any experience – no matter how grim. No matter how hopeless or sad or horrific it is.

On that note, you should really read this story if you haven’t already: On Blistered Feet

Grounded spirituality is going through the world with open eyes and an open heart, and somehow finding a way to accept everything as it is anyway. It’s the path of deep, compassionate love for all beings.

And that’s what I’m working on, that is my path…

Namaste!

~Svasti xo

My yoga story (a guest post)

Tags

guest post, Namaste, Suburban Yogini, wily reporter-type questions, Yoga

Hey y’all! A review of the wonderful yoga/kinesiology workshop I went to on Saturday is a-coming.

But before that, I wanted to share my latest guest post with you.

The lovely Rachel of Suburban Yogini is taking some time out from her blog to attend a yoga conference. And so she’s lined up a series of guest posts (clever lady, that one), including one from moi!

The guest post is in an interview format, with Rachel asking the wily reporter-type questions.

You can read my interview here: My yoga story 1: (svasti)

It’s a little potted history of how I came to yoga in the first place, what life was like pre-yoga and of course, now that yoga is a huge part of my life. And some other stuff, too. But if you wanna find out the rest, head over and read the post!

And don’t forget to stick around for the rest of Rachel’s interview series and her regular yoga blogging goodness.

Namaste, sweeties!

~Svasti

The Workshop of Love – part 3

Tags

Asana, Mantra, Mark Whitwell, Meditation, Missy Higgins, Puja, Steer, Worship, Yoga

Photo liberated from Mark's Facebook profile 🙂

[Read part 1 & part 2 first]

**Note: La Gitane raised a valid point in the comments for part 2 of this series. When Mark is talking about “your yoga”, this doesn’t mean only doing the asana that you like, or not doing a full complement of forward bend/back bend/side bend/twisting/inverted poses – if you’re capable of doing so. Instead he’s talking about a practice that contains the appropriate elements of a yoga practice, but in a way that suits your body and its limitations. Just wanted to be clear about that!**

Around two hours into our Sunday session, we’d just finished our first asana practice for the day when a young girl and her mum walked in. Mark had clearly been expecting them: This is Melissa and her mum Margaret. Come in and sit down, but just watch the rest of the group for now…

(Fact: I almost never notice famous people even when they’re right under my nose. And being in a small windowless room full of yogis proved no exception. “Melissa” was in fact, Missy Higgins – a talented and successful singer/song-writer in Australia. Of course, I didn’t realise until after we’d finished for the day when I heard others asking if it was ‘really her’).

Even when Mark quoted lyrics from one of Missy’s songs, I still didn’t twig:

…But the search ends here

Where the night is totally clear

And your heart is fierce

So now you finally know

That you control where you go

You can steer…

~Steer, Missy Higgins

Although we didn’t know it yet, Missy’s mum Margaret, was our lesson for the day. Especially for all the yoga teachers in the room.

All of Margaret’s kids love yoga and she’d always wanted to join them but found it almost impossible. She had some very serious back problems and could not join in a regular yoga class. But she could still breathe, and as such, yoga was possible.

Mark promised to help her find “her yoga” – a practice she could do, that would benefit both her body and mind.

She was game for it, and so after listening to our dialog with Mark for a while and watching while he put us through more asana practice, he started to ask her about her situation. I won’t go into what she told us specifically, but essentially any movement beyond very gentle forward bends was out. No rotation of the spine.

It meant that her practice was mostly seated and on her hands and knees. Very little standing, no twisting and nothing energetic or advanced. At the start of the session she mentioned how her mind drove her crazy with non-stop thoughts, but by the end of practicing “her yoga” (which we practiced with her) she felt so much better and found her mind was much calmer.

Now, Margaret’s yoga doesn’t look like anything you’d find in a yoga class, or even in what is taught at yoga teacher training. But still, yoga it is. And, with continued daily practice, it should benefit her every bit as much as a full-on hour and a half yoga class works for other people. Because it’s appropriate for her body and because it allows her to consciously engage her body/mind/breathe connection.

Other reasons it can still be defined as yoga are directly related to the principals of Strength Receiving that Mark taught us:

1. Breath movement IS body movement.
2. The breath starts and ends the movement.
3. Inhale from above, exhale from below.
4. Body, Breath and Bandha are a seamless process.
5. Asana, Pranayama, Meditation, and Life is a seamless design.

There’s a lot to unpack in these principals, but as I’m still unpacking them myself, I’d suggest you buy Mark’s book and/or get to one of his workshops if you can. I promise you that you’ll love it!

Towards the very end of the day, as we sat in naturally arising meditation, Mark had us chanting and placing mantra at various points of the body. Repeating the mantra at the heart centre, the crown of the head, the shoulders, the belly, the groin, the upper legs, the knees, the top and bottom of the feet.

Try this using any mantra you know. It very much felt to me like “self-puja” (or self-worship). Not as in blowing smoke up your own… y’know. But honouring your Self with love and respect. Recognising the miracle of your existence, and that your yoga practice is a sacred contract with yourself to remember who you are, every time you practice.

I’d say the most important thing I got from my time with Mark was the transmission of his gentleness. He reminds us that our yoga practice isn’t meant to be a struggle, but a pleasure. And that we have all of the tools we need for uncovering our own sense of beauty and divinity.

As he recently wrote on Facebook:

Technically, a yoga practice must make a person feel better. Then it is correct practice. “There is no bad yoga. If it’s not good, it’s not yoga!”

And when I get the chance, I’ll spend more time with him again. Absolutely.

~Svasti

This is my yoga…

Tags

abandoned, Asana, Giving, headstands, heart openings, japa, kirtan, Mantra, Meditation, mortality, Puja, trees, Yagna, Yoga

La Gitane over at Yoga Gypsy just wrote a post on this exact topic, and I thought I’d turn it into a bit of a meme. Or a mala, as she put it!

But actually, going back to 2005, there’s also Linda’s post on Paz Yoga. Then more recently, This is My Real Yoga, and Show Up and Shut Up.

Not long ago I wrote Yoga is…?? but it was more of a comment on the fact that there’s still a whole bunch of people in the world who still have no idea what yoga is beyond some vague concept of physical movement (which is okay, really).

And now, here’s my version – THIS is my yoga – well, some of it anyway…

Love.

Kirtan.

Sharing.

Breathing.

Random headstands.

Pre-dawn meditation.

Laughing when babies laugh.

Befriending cats and dogs in the street.

Finding out the truth about who I really am.

Heart openings. As many as I can manage, every day.

Running my fingers over beautiful patterns in tree bark.

Coming to terms with the full capacity of being a human being.

Yoga asana in the studio, at home, in the park, at work, in the dark.

Getting really real with myself & seeing reality without the multitude of filters we embrace every day.

Understanding I’m not what I think I am, and being able to get glimpses here at there of what I really am instead.

Not pretending. There’s no point in being fake with myself or others. Genuinely acting from compassion, which doesn’t always mean what we think it might.

Really getting the pointlessness of grasping at things. It doesn’t mean I don’t want things (possessions, lovers, money etc) but it does mean I end up not wasting my energy because I don’t have them.

Had a conversation with a girl last week about how there’s a perception that people who are into yoga and spiritual work are all “love and light” all of the time. And how when I first stepped onto this path consciously (as opposed to always being on it but unaware) that I thought that’s what being spiritual was. Now I know that spirituality is gritty, sometimes dark and very, very real. No fantasies. No fluff.

Learning to put aside the never-ending monkey-mind thoughts, the ones that want to drag me down into fear, hate and anger. Or distract me with material things I don’t really have any interest in, or cause anxiety if I let them. Yes, seeing those thoughts for what they are and learning to walk on by without getting too involved.

Learning to exist in the world without feeling the need to manipulate myself or anyone else. That’s a big, hard lesson because one of the stories that’s been running most of my life is that of feeling abandoned. We all attempt to seduce, coerce, have our own way, influence etc. We all do it, even in very tiny ways. Babies learn the favourable responses of adults around them and how to repeat the behaviours that caused the response they want. We teach them our game, and they learn to play. But as adults, we need to learn to disengage from that aspect of our habits and culture, because it takes us away from who we really are.

Learning that giving to others is one of the best things we have to offer to other human beings. Whether it’s a hug, food, money, a conversation or whatever. Giving opens up the heart. It’s not about stroking your ego – instead it’s about realising you are no more or less important than anybody else. Everyone in fact, is equally important in this world. Keep giving, no matter what.

Really, REALLY realising that in the end, we’re all going to die. It’s one of the conditions of life, and part of what makes it so special. But also realising that I am not this body, that who I am is part of something much bigger than that…

Honouring all living things as part of the whole, including rocks, trees, the ocean and the wind.

Riding my push bike, wind streaming through my hair and singing joyfully and loudly.

Participating in puja to witness divinity in all living beings, myself included.

Helping other people in whatever way is appropriate and useful.

Discovering where I think my limitations are and aren’t.

Yagna ceremonies on full moon and new moon.

Dancing like a wild woman.

Cups of tea with friends.

Endless rounds of japa.

Midnight meditations.

Surrender.

Learning.

Stillness.

Mantra.

Joy.

Yeah… those are just some of the things that yoga means to me…

If you’d like to play along, please do so – and perhaps link to the other posts on the same topic to keep the mala threaded!

~Svasti

Kirtan by Ragani

Tags

Best of Both Worlds (Kirtan Cafe Vol. 1), kirtan, Music, Ragani, Yoga

I really love Twitter. I’ve found so many wonderful people, things and experiences as a result of spending time there.

Like this kirtan track, which is available as a free download: Ganapati Kirtan from Ragani

You can also download the entire album from CD Baby for US$10 – a total bargain!

And it’s beautiful music for your yoga practice. Or perhaps like me, you also enjoy listening (and singing along loudly) to kirtan while you cook. I always think it puts a nicer energy into the food when I do that…

Enjoy!

~Svasti

Huzzah! Here’s to flow, change & working things out

Tags

chai, Change, Depression, flow, hooray, huzzah, kirtan, mental health, physio, PTSD, Shadow Yoga, shoulder injury, Twitter, Yoga, yoga for depression, Yoga teacher

Here’s what’s going on right now: more whirring, more change and more opportunities continuing to unfold even as I don’t notice them until they are knocking on my door!

You see, I’ve worked out what was holding me back in the area of yoga teaching. Right now, I don’t want to do it for money! Well, not just yet anyway.

Let me explain – starting with today, even though of course today isn’t the first thing I’d tell you about if I was to write this story in chronological order.

Finally (and it only took me four months), I faxed (and emailed) all the documentation I needed to send in for my membership application to the Yoga Teachers Association of Australia. Hooray! Including payment of my membership fee, and by the time I got home I had an email confirming my membership number!

Double Hooray!! Which means I can now get my public liability/indemnity insurance. Which means I’m all systems go for teaching where ever and whenever.

Also, I went to see my new physio for the first time today. One I found out about via Twitter. After several sessions with my former physio I was getting frustrated when he kept insisting that my shoulder problems were actually just referred neck pain from my messed up neck. And while it’s true that I do have a messed up neck, my shoulder problems are quite specific from a bike accident I had last year (see this post: Crash). As a yogini, I’m probably more familiar with my body than many people and I wasn’t buying his diagnosis.

So I was complaining about that on Twitter, and I got a reply from some guy I’ve never met recommending another physio – someone who looks after all the circus people in Melbourne. Which sounded promising – since circus people and yogis both do relatively weird things with their body.

And yay! He was very competent and definitely thinks there’s something up with my shoulder as opposed to my neck (which has its own issues, but nothing unmanageable). After much prodding and poking, he has a working theory which will require an MRI scan to confirm or deny. And while it may require surgery – we don’t know yet and I’m not about to freak out. Whatever the deal is, I feel like I’m on my way to the correct treatment path and it will be SO GOOD to eventually have full use of my left shoulder back. Which is all good!

After the physio I met up with a new friend – a fellow yoga teacher that I met at Mark Whitwell’s workshop in February. We’ve been discussing the idea of approaching a national organisation here in Melbourne about running some free yoga and meditation classes for those with depression. We both have a history with depression ourselves, and want to give something back to the community. Also, he wanted to borrow a book and ended up borrowing two, and I scored some home-made and very nommy bliss balls!!

My physio appointment finished slightly earlier than I expected, so while I waited for my friend to pick me up, I briefly plonked myself down in a small cafe/wine bar, which didn’t seem to have a name. Bonus – during the week they have a very VERY cheap happy hour, so I downed a lovely glass of red, which set me back all of $2 (I’ll be back!). 😉

ALSO, I’ve just lined up a face to face meeting with another charitable organisation I’ve been in discussions with (via email thus far) about running some free yoga classes. I got the name of the organisation from someone in my kirtan group! This one works with “those who experience mental illness, disability, homelessness, substance abuse issues, addictions, and social and economic hardship”. I will be so happy if I can get some classes going!

There are plenty of yoga classes out there for those who can afford to go. There are even free classes at studios that offer them. But there’s a segment of the community that would probably never make it to a studio yoga class, whether it’s because of socio-economic and/or mental health issues.

And I’ve been in that place where the world seems exceptionally small and painful and feeling nourished and loved seems impossible. Except I was lucky. By the time I developed PTSD and depression, I’d had yoga in my life for many years, and it was instrumental in my recovery. However, there’s a lot of people out there who don’t have yoga, and might never try it. People who’d really, really benefit from it and not just because they want to learn to touch their toes or do a headstand.

I want to bring yoga to those people. And that’s my first order of business as a yoga teacher! Once I worked that out (it came to me in a meditation session on Monday), then suddenly everything started happening.

I’m sure I will eventually start doing some classes that I charge for. But not just yet!

Finally – tomorrow I start a new phase in my Shadow Yoga practice and it’s both exciting and the teensiest bit terrifying. After an awesome conversation on the weekend with the woman whose classes I’ve been attending, I think I might finally be ready to write more about my experiences with this intense and amazing practice.

And that’s my update for now. More to come soon, I just need to find some time (currently in short supply) to sit down and write my heart out for a bit…

~Svasti xo

Yoga Or Die

Tags

Autumn, carbon-based bipeds, Change, chanting, Chogyam Trungpa, Crazy Wisdom Dude, emptiness, gap-world, Love, Meditation, Melbourne, pas de deux, seasons, spaciously vacant, Summer, Yoga, Yoga Or Die

Summer is phasing in and out, performing its pas de deux with Autumn as Melbourne heads back at a leisurely pace into it’s grey wintry world. For the long haul. A blast of cooler air here. Dazzling sun rays streaking through a gap in the clouds looking like one of those paintings where the Big Man In the Sky talks to the people on Earth. A sudden downpour, followed by warmth and humidity reminiscent of early January. The flowers and leaves changing. Darker mornings and a lessened desire to get out of bed as a result.

In this world, I’m finding my feet more and more. And my balance and inversions, too. And discovering that for me at least, there’s no other choice. It’s a little bit like Yoga Or Die. Sure, we’re all dying anyway – don’t you know that the main cause of death is birth? But for me in this life there’s little else that’s important, so it seems.

Sure, there’s my teachers and family and friends and books and dancing and music. But I’m not that enamoured of fashion, eating in fancy restaurants, big cars, having the most toys or anything else. Go ahead and mock my lack of a fancy new flat screen TV if you like, I’ll just giggle at the supposed importance of that inanimate ‘must have’ object or anything else you think my life is lacking.

A simple life seems to bring me more than enough contentment. As long as there’s yoga and chanting, beautiful colours and poetry, candles and easy access to gorgeous natural surrounds then I’m pretty much all good. And hey, is there anything I can do for you? Anything that you need? Being of service fits in right alongside my simple needs, too.

I know that I’ve been a little slack on the frequency of my posts lately. There’s been my recent spate house guests and also, dropping into what that Crazy Wisdom Dude (aka Chogyam Trungpa) called “gaps”.

Yeah, it’s a little weird in here right now and any time I find out that that’s where I am, I have to remember the secret of functioning effectively here before anything else is possible (P.S. one of the key ingredients is LOVE). But more often than not, I find in that kind of space I don’t feel like doing anything in particular. Not even writing, much as I love and rely on it at other times. Much as I’ve got lots to say and plenty of draft pieces lying in wait.

And I know I’m sitting in one of those gaps when my thoughts turn to the complete beauty and yet utter pointlessness of everything. Not in a depressive frame of mind – I’ve had plenty of that and I can tell you this is WAY different. In fact, these days I suspect that some of those episodes of depression were in fact, gap-flavoured. Maybe that’s how some of them started off in the first place?

Because the thing about gap-world is that it feels starkly empty and spaciously vacant. And more often than not, that makes carbon-based bipeds with a tendency towards awareness feel rather neurotic or anxious or both. What’s wrong with me? we ask… (The answer, actually, is “Nothing”. But we rarely believe such home-spun truths).

And so we try to work out how to fill all that space instead of just letting it be.

But if you can keep your hands and your thoughts to yourself, it’s a bit of a free-fall at first, and quite terrifying. Kind of like falling asleep in the way we renounce control of our faculties (which is also said to be similar to the change of the guard when we die) except that we’re awake. Awake and yet not anywhere in particular. But of course that can be frightening!

Slowly, like Autumn’s certain advance, I find I begin to notice this emptiness is in fact not empty at all. It’s just a world apart from the usual busy day to day-ness of most of the rest of the time. And it’s not so scary afterall.

All the spaciousness that characterises gap-world is like an extended meditation where nothing is the focus and nothing is the result. However, it does leave room for an expansion of sorts. More often than not what I notice is the size of my heart. It feels like it’s grown at least as big as my entire body, if not larger.

And it speaks it’s very own language as it generates waves of love and compassion for everything in this world, including myself…

~Svasti