In case you missed it…

Tags

India, new blog, Travel

It was kinda buried in my previous post BUT two things…

1. I’m currently in INDIA! Remember when I said I wanted to go to India?!
   Well, it hasn’t happened *quite* like I was thinking it might. But I’m currently on week 4 and I’ve another month to go after that. Linda and I finally got to meet – of course we love each other, as expected after 3-4 years of online friendship. :D
2. I’m writing about my travels in India, just not on THIS blog.
   So if you’d like the download on my adventures, leave a comment below and I’ll ping you. 

Hope life is treating you all well. India has so far… been utterly transforming.

I know that sounds like a cliche but its true on some incredibly profound levels.

Much love from me.

~Svasti

Talking about healing is hard to get right

Tags

Dealing With Your Shit, healing process, life changing events, Light Up Your Life ecourse, Nadine Fawell, PTSD, Trauma

Whenever I read what people have to say about healing – or even if I’m the one doing the writing – I always think it never really comes out right.

For those who’ve never experienced life changing events from which serious healing is required, I suspect the sheer scale of what’s been achieved by those who’ve bravely faced their personal wounds… is highly misunderstood and/or under-rated.

Even just a few years later, the worst of those wounded or healing years can take on a dreamy quality. It can be difficult to recall properly because honestly, don’t we all want to forget?

Then, for those who ARE wounded at that deep soul level and are pre or mid-healing?

Reading accounts of people who’ve made a full recovery can sound implausible.

Like…are they just making this shit up?

We wonder: can people really overcome PTSD, sexual abuse, depression etc…and not *just* cope, but come out the other side, thriving? Happy? Fulfilled? Living a better life in spite of it all?

I reckon there’s this underlying idea that if you can truly recover from a terrible situation, it can’t ever have been THAT bad in the first place. And if it really is that bad, well then you can NEVER truly recover.

As if serious tragedy is permanent and unrelenting and that once you’re broken, you’re always broken.

Sound familiar? For sure, it can feel that way. For years, even. It’s how I felt, too.

We judge ourselves like this and others as well. Quite unintentionally for the most part, I think. Even now, the worst of my healing process feels like it happened to someone else, or as though it couldn’t have been “that bad”.

But then I read through some of the archives on this here blog and realise that HECK YES, it was exactly that awful, and ugly, dark, scary, hard, and difficult.

For most of my healing journey I was alone. Desperately, sadly alone. And going through it all quite blindly. What I wouldn’t have given for a guide!

Unfortunately there was very little in the way of support groups or appropriate assistance for someone like me who didn’t fall into any particular pigeonhole.

But guess what?

A guide to help your through the darkness now exists!

My friend – and fellow yoga teacher and survivor – Nadine Fawell, has written a book, which turned into an ecourse: “Light Up Your Life” (starting January 14th 2013).

Nadine’s taken her hard-won wisdom – earned via healing a traumatic past that includes sexual abuse as a child – to become a kick-ass woman that I’m proud to know. She’s strong, funny, and running an inspirational yoga business. Doing the work she loves and making a living from it.

Recently Nadine gave me a sneak peak at the Light Up Your Life course, and I think its something that’s very much needed in our world.

There’s nothing like a helping hand from someone who’s been through the worst that life has to offer, as opposed to a well-meaning therapist who might never have faced adversity of any kind.

It’s a bit like imagining what its like to visit a certain country, versus getting advice from someone who knows that country well. Even better? Is advice from someone whose lived there, right?

Horrible life experiences are horrible

As I’ve written before, there should be no judgement on the size or relative importance of the event(s) that have brought you to your knees.

If you’re suffering or life is getting increasingly difficult to manage…then you have a choice to make: do something about it or keep going the way you are.

And if you choose to do something about it?

You’re already waking up to the beginnings of your future strength. For, taking actions to heal your life will make you stronger, even if you feel weak while you’re going through it.

I wish I knew why it works that way, incidentally!

So, do you need a hand with your healing process? From a local?

Both Nadine and I are super-duper locals in the realm known as Dealing With Your Shit.

Whereas my ebook will be support for people who are still going through the worst parts, Nadine’s book and ecourse are for people who’ve started to pull themselves out of the mire and are ready to work on making their lives awesome.

Nadine uses the metaphor of dusk-night-dawn-daylight to help step you through various phases of self reflection and of course, yoga and lots of powerful insights on supporting your life through the changes you’ll be taking on.

As Nadine says herself, Light Up Your Life is:

a more sophisticated version of the Two Words Project, helping you get clear on the life you want to create by finding your intrinsic motivation.

I’ve been using the Two Words Project this year and let me tell you, it’s been powerful! My posts to date on Two Words are here, and I’ll be writing a couple more before the year is through.

Essentially, if you’re ready to step up and make some possibly challenging, but very positive change in your life…then Nadine’s Light Up Your Life course is an excellent place to start.

In terms of timing, the course starts January 14th 2013, just in time to set yourself up for an excellent year!

Early bird offer!

Like many lovely yogis I know, Nadine is a super-generous person. So of course, there’s an early bird rate:

$99 for four weeks of super-reflective and nourishing course materials

That’s about $25 a week! Total bargain, right?

The full price for the course is $129.

Still pretty affordable but you might as well get the early bird rate.

Sound good? Awesome!

Then read more about it and sign up over here!

I’ll be a part of the course, too.

Let me know if you’re joining us!

~ Svasti xxx

Sound existed before we gave it meaning

Tags

anahata chakra, heart opening, kirtan; Krishna Das; Castlemaine, road trip, Sanksrit, singing

Last Saturday I did a couple of very exciting things. They were intertwined but several aspects of my adventures each made me say:

EEEEEP! EEEEP!

Out loud.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a massive kirtan fan. If you don’t know what that is, the commercial incarnation of kirtan is Krishna Das (the pics in the clip are unrelated!).

So, devotional singing. Repetition. Call and response. Beautiful, simple music to support the chanting as the pace increases and comes back down.

What I find so wonderful about kirtan is that it’s very much meditation in action, a heart opening and a sense of clearing out all the crap that usually crowds our minds. Kirtan was responsible for helping me understand that we can generate our own happiness and self-love, without relying on other people for those feelings. That sense of connectedness.

So yeah, I’m a die-hard kirtanist. ;)

Every now and then in Melbourne, there’s a kirtan workshop advertised where you can begin to learn about playing the harmonium and what it takes to lead a kirtan. I’ve been meaning to do one for ages but the timing just wasn’t ever quite right.

Until a few weeks ago when I saw an advertisement for beginner workshop. The only thing was that it was an hour and a half out of town, in Castlemaine. A place I’d never even been before.

But I COULD go. I didn’t have any other conflicting plans and I really, really wanted it. So I booked myself in, booked a car for the day and yay… road trip!

Saturday morning I was brimming with excitement. Organising snacks for the car and making sure I’d be warm enough etc (somewhere nearby Castlemaine it snowed on the weekend!).

And off I went. Driving by the Google maps on my phone and arriving in a sweet little town northwest of Melbourne just in time for the workshop. Yay!

There were about eight of us, most were local to Castlemaine.

We learned about the harmonium and its history (originally European, actually but adopted by Indian musicians) and how to play some basic chords. WHEEEE! I’ve never learned an instrument before and it is SO. MUCH. FUN.

Playing the harmonium goes hand in hand with singing kirtan and in fact, I found it easier to remember what notes to play while singing. More feeling, less thinking!

Then there was a break to get some dinner, where I got to talk to some of the other workshop attendees. People who’ve moved to Castlemaine from the city for an alternative to high stress living. People who are very much like me! Apparently it is one of those out of town centres for spiritually-minded people. Food for thought, I can tell you.

One of the most interesting things our workshop leader said was this:

Sound existed before we gave it meaning.

He was referring to the Sanksrit alphabet, which is said to be discovered as a result of deep meditation looking for the sounds of the universe.

They say that Sanskrit letters are all parts of the vibration of the universe, which were then put together to form words. So our workshop leader says that it doesn’t matter if you know what the words mean, or if you believe in the gods and goddesses being sung about or not.

Because words are just sounds that we’ve given meaning to. And the words used in kirtan are made of the very essence of the world that we live in. Which is why kirtan is so healing and joyous and can create such clarity in the mind.

Anahata refers to the heart chakra, but is also the word for the “unstruck sound” – or the primal sound of the universe. So the sounds of the universe and the heart chakra are related. Interesting, no?

So five hours of kirtan leading and harmonium playing, plus a little yogic and music theory… made for an excellent afternoon.

Then there was a kirtan performance in the evening, but unfortunately I couldn’t stay til the end as I didn’t want to be driving home too late at night.

I’ve been singing kirtan songs in my head ever since, as the workshop has only encouraged my love of it all. And now I really want to buy a harmonium so I can keep practicing. :D

Hope you had a fabulous weekend, too.

~Svasti

Spaciousness vs Tension

Tags

Don’t over-work, Freedom, spaciousness, strength, Stress, tension, Wisdom, yoga teaching

Enjoying a little spaciousness while I cycle...

As I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before, sometimes the words I say when I’m teaching a yoga class seem to appear from thin air. I haven’t planned them or rehearsed them but there they are, being all reflective and wisdom-ish like.

I guess I find my inspiration for what I’ll talk about from observations of my experiences or other’s. Which are really one and the same thing. This is why I can talk of these things and be pretty sure that most people are going to relate to some of what I’m saying.

Because while we all have our own experiences, many of them are shared and/or similar enough in content to be relatable. Shareable. Yes?

So. Tuesday I got to thinking about spaciousness, and how when we tense everything up in our body or mind, there isn’t a huge amount of spaciousness going around. So over-tensing, over-concentrating, over-working, pushing yourself to the limits, killing yourself with running or gym (or intensive yoga) workouts isn’t necessarily helping you.

I told my students what I learned from having a couple of fairly respectable injuries in recent times: you don’t have to push to your edges in order to get the benefit of your yoga practice.

You can do less and it is okay. You don’t have to be sweating like a fiend or waking up sore the next day in order to build strength, stability and openness in your body.

In fact the harder you strain and over-work on strength, stability and openness in your body, the more likely you are to cause an injury. And that’s just on the physical level.

Then there’s the way that pushing too hard mentally can injure your emotional well-being. You judge yourself for not being able to do everything/as well as others in the class. You develop a mindset that says if you’re not pushing yourself to the edge, then you aren’t working hard enough and you won’t get the results you want.

None of this is true, but thinking or acting in these ways can cause physical, mental and/or emotional stress.

And stress is tension. Which makes us feel small and crowded.

But life and our body and mind, feel MUCH better when we have space. When our joints and spine aren’t compacted, we feel better. When we’ve got plenty of time to do the things we want to do, we feel better.

So we practice this in our yoga, and take this idea out into our life.

Be relaxed and comfortable in your poses. Be okay with where you’re at without pushing yourself so hard. Work effectively and functionally, but not excessively.

You will still get stronger.

You will still develop better core strength.

Your body and joints will open over time, to the degree that is possible for your body.

You will find it easier to calm your mind for meditation.

And you will be able to take this sense of calm and spaciousness out into other parts of your life.

So – work as well as you can in your yoga practice, on any given day. Do today, what is appropriate for your health and energy levels today. Do what’s appropriate for you tomorrow, when it is tomorrow. Don’t over-work. Doing your best without straining or forcing is enough.

Find ways to enjoy your practice. You develop more sensitivity and body awareness when you aren’t pushing so hard, because this leaves room to feel subtleties.

You are enough as you are (injured/sick/low energy etc), and you will get the benefits of the practice anyway.

It went something like that, anyway…

~Svasti

Review: Two words for a powerful year workshop

Tags

2012, goals, Nadine Fawell, New Year's resolutions, Plans, resolutions, Yoga, yoga workshop

Well, says Nadine (aka The Divine Ms N) almost doubtfully, I hope you got something out of today.

As much as she claims to be the Queen of Unsubtlety, here’s this beautiful yogi with her mellifluous South African accent, sounding unsure of the magic she’s just enabled for a room full of women.

*Ahem* DID I get something out of Nadine’s workshop? Errrmmmm… f#ck yes I did!

The premise was to find two words to set your intentions for the year, instead of making a mountain of resolutions or intentions.

The idea was that we’d work it out via a bit of story-telling, laughter, inappropriate jokes, and a process of self-inquiry Nadine had written down in a workbook for everyone. This was to be interspersed with a bit of yoga, food and relaxation and eventually, we’d all find the words that would sing out to us.

Words that represented how we want 2012 to go: things we need, want or are challenged by.

To be honest, I signed up for this workshop when I was still in the Land of Overwhelm.

I’ve been a wee bit terrified of the coming year – will it be another round of physical, mental, emotional or financial disaster? The worry about such things was the cause of much unexpressed anxiety.

So I signed up thinking fark, I’d better get as much help as I can for myself in starting things off right and bloody well hope and pray it all turns out… better. Better than the last six years in every way.

I am ready for better. Very ready.

Even though Nadine had emailed us earlier in the week with some question prompts, I really hadn’t thought about what my words might be.

But funnily enough, as we got started with our first session of yoga one of my words just… *POPPED* into my mind. Okay, cool.

It makes perfect sense for me, yes?

I’d still no idea what the other one would be, however.

We then started talking with each other, reading our workbooks and writing, just to get the thought processes moving (I’d bought my extra-shiny glitter gel pens to inspire me!).

Nadine started passing around some food (stating that she can’t concentrate if she’s hungry!), and we all either kept the word brainstorming going and/or tucked in to the nibbles – whatever worked for each of us.

A bit of tea, a few nuts and muffins (although no muffins for me!), some chatting with other participants and I still didn’t have my second word.

Until I did.

Just by… I don’t know, standing there and listening to other people talk. Suddenly it was glaringly apparent and I was hot-footing it back to my yoga mat, attempting to write down that darn word – because until then I simply hadn’t written anything like it in my workbook!

Which I didn’t do without some serious face-pulling, like I’d been eating too many lemons!

Whoah. I REALLY didn’t want to have to face that one but there it was, staring me in the face.

Acceptance.

GAH! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MIGHT MEAN??!!

The last thing I thought I wanted was to work on accepting myself, my life and where I’m at but apparently that’s what I need this year. I mean, can’t we put that shizz off til much later? Next life, perhaps? ;)

But… too late. Like the ringing of a bell, it was blatantly clear that like it or not, for me 2012 is the year to get into some acceptance (grumble grumble bloody bloomin’ heck!).

Once everyone had their word(s), next up was investigating exactly what those words might mean for us.

Here’s a short summary of mine:

Healing

• Getting my thyroid and body back into balance.
• Regaining normal iron levels and other blood work tests.
• Hopefully being able to get off thyroid medication and manage my health by diet and yoga/kinesiology/acupuncture alone.
• Finding the right doctor/naturopath to help me achieve these goals.
• Continuing my kinesiology sessions.
• Getting enough sleep, eating the right foods and staying away from the wrong foods.
• Feeling full of energy once again.
• Finding my ideal body weight.
• And… when I’m ready, being able to remove the impenetrable protective bubble that still surrounds my heart. To truly let love in once again.

Acceptance

• Being honest with myself about ALL the things I don’t accept about myself right now.
• Finding ways to accept the things I currently reject: physical appearance; what I’ve been through; what I think I’ve “missed out on” as a result of having PTSD; the things I want in my life that I don’t have; parts of my personality I don’t like; my current lifestyle; not living/doing the things I really want to be doing; my health…
• Understanding that acceptance of all of these things isn’t about giving up. Rather, it’s about not wasting energy fighting things I can’t change.
• Embracing self-love in all aspects of my life, and being happy and joyful within myself!

Nadine asked us to think of a yoga pose(s) that embodies the essence of our words for us, and then wove them into our second yoga session.

Interestingly, there were a LOT of mentions of warrior and tree pose, as a many people had words like balance, stability and openness.

The intention of the second yoga session was to seal the words we’d each chosen into our bodies and minds.

We began with a simple meditation on our words, inhaling and exhaling them like a mantra. Playing around with which word felt right for the inhale and which for the exhale [inhale: Healing / exhale: Acceptance].

This time the practice was a little stronger than our first session, and we carried our words with us as we moved and breathed.

How do your words feel with this pose, asked Nadine, as she left us in each pose for a while to ponder.

Finally, we finished with another meditation. Allowing our words to steep and settle in to the sub-conscious and anywhere else they’re needed.

Like all Nadine events, there was lots of laughter and light-heartedness. But ultimately, it was an elegant and thoughtful process of getting to the Stuff That Matters for each person.

That’s most definitely what happened for me!

So yes, Nadine. I got PLENTY out of your sweet little workshop. And it’s something I think you should run on a yearly basis because I’m sure there are lots of folks out there who’d love to learn this simple but powerful method of organising oneself for the coming year.

~Svasti xo

P.S. You can read Nadine’s two words and Kerry’s two words as well. Yay!

P.P.S. You can also join the Two Words Project on Facebook, if you’d like to join in the fun.

Re-alignment

Tags

antsy, cranky, fake it til you make it, life purpose, real yoga teachers, Stress, Teaching yoga brings me happiness, yoga teaching

Confession: since coming back from Bali I’ve been outrageously cranky. Out of sorts. Not terribly pleased.

It’s been suggested by one of my lovely friends that my holiday was simply too short, although I didn’t feel that way at the time. I really, really enjoyed my wee break to Bali.

Perhaps, I thought, it was because I’d had a taste of what I want for my future life. Yoga, yoga and more yoga in a beautiful tropical part of the world. I could see myself living there, teaching yoga.

Or, maybe it was a cultural thing? In Bali people are mindful, even if they’re harassing you to buy something or hire them as a taxi. Everything is done with a sense of politeness and respect.

Back in Melbourne, not so much. Road rage, people who bash into you with their bag or their person, and a general numbness and lack of care shown by the general population towards each other. Perhaps it was that, I thought.

Then there’s looking inwards. Any rage or unhappiness I feel is of course, emanating from within. No one causes my reactions except for me. I own it all, baby. But why now? What arked up all of this personal dissent?

It hasn’t helped that my home has been infested with tradies working on the two apartments above mine. Like cockroaches, they’re hard to get rid of. My request to not start work so very, very early in the morning (by law they can start at 7am!) with their banging and hammering and drilling… were pretty much ignored.

More – they’ve taken to openly taunting me and harassing me. Several large burly men outside where I sleep and live in the early morning. The police have been called but are useless unless something “actually happens”.

I’ve recently expressed to the body corporate, the landlord and the real estate agent that I will move out unless something can be done to manage these horribly aggressive men. We’re working on it…

This has been going on for a couple of months now, and unfortunately it’s not so great for my stress levels. And stress isn’t great for my health.

So, perhaps it was this, too. Probably. Maybe it’s an “all of the above” situation, perhaps?

Then last night happened.

The yoga school I teach at re-opened this week and I was back on for my regular Tuesday night teaching gig. Hooray!

For January we’re on a reduced timetable, so where there would usually be two classes running on  Tuesdays, for the next few weeks there’s just my class.

Usually I teach in the smaller room at the back, which holds twelve students at the most. Last night for the first time, I taught around thirty people in the main room. Some of whom usually do the intermediate class.

Whoah. The pressure. Haha.

At least I thought it’d be a little scary but I simply taught what I know, the way I usually teach. Of course I had to project my voice and look around a heck of a lot more. But it was cool.

The dynamics of large classes are different – less time to deal with people’s individual issues, not as much explanation time and wow, but the class flew!

For sure it was less intimate and although I think I prefer teaching smaller groups, it was lots of fun.

Afterwards I felt just really, really happy. Teaching yoga brings me happiness. Then I realised that the last class I taught was exactly four weeks ago. Wow. That long?

So. That’s what I’d been missing, huh?

Come February, I’ll have been teaching yoga on a weekly basis for twelve months. Before that I taught more sporadically. So teaching has become a part of my routine and my favourite part of the week. But I don’t think it’s just the routine I was missing.

It’s this: even though I know I’ve got a long way to go in my yoga teaching career, and a WHOLE BUNCH to learn… it feels like I’m doing something right.

So often in the last year I’ve questioned my teaching: I’m not a perfect yogi; I haven’t mastered every pose; my body isn’t the right shape or size; there’s heaps of poses I can’t do yet; my knowledge of A&P isn’t as deep as I’d like… so why am I teaching again?

Surely I should just leave it up to the REAL yoga teachers?

Another confession: at Nadine’s yoga teacher Christmas party in December, I very much felt like an imposter. There I was surrounded by all of these REAL teachers, hoping no one would figure out that I’m just faking it til I make it. I don’t have the same level of knowledge or experience as everyone else. WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!!

Only it seems that this teaching thing is a part of my purpose in this life. I felt it last night as I walked to the yoga school, as I began the class and all the way through. And especially afterwards. I humbly accepted compliments on the class and headed home feeling ecstatic.

And lo, all of the antsy cobwebs and crankiness of the last few weeks have vanished like magic.

Almost as if this time out and then coming back was a reminder that yeah, I AM doing the right thing. I AM in the right place, as a yoga teacher who will forever be also be a student who never feels like she’s learned everything she needs to know.

I’m not perfect, and perhaps I’m not a real yoga teacher yet. But I’m on the way, baby.

~ Svasti

A yogic Christmas gift

Tags

beginners yoga, chill out, please enjoy, Yoga, yogic Christmas gift

In Australia at least, the last yoga classes of the year tend to have fewer and fewer people turning up. Do I blame Christmas with all the parties and the shopping frenzy? Or Summer, with people going on holidays? Perhaps it’s both.

Anyway, both my last class as a student AND my last teaching for the year both happened this week.

There were four of us in the class I go to as a student. Something my teacher said (and often says) as we started our lovely, visually-led only (to music) class was: Please enjoy. I do.

I had two students show up, but I didn’t care. Or rather, I did. Because I had something of a Christmas present for my students. In yogic style, it was a gift of words, not things, and it was based those four words my teacher likes to say: Please enjoy. I do.

At the moment I mostly teach beginners. You know, those of the stiff joints, uneven breathing, furrowed brow and squished up faces (from either concentration or discomfort). The stiffness releases over time, the breath smooths with pranayama, but the furrows and the squishiness are more to do with the mind than the body.

Hearing my teacher ask us to “Please enjoy”, prompted me to wonder once more what it’s like to be a beginner to yoga again. What are these students of mine going through exactly? Do they enjoy their classes? I mean, some of them keep coming back so I guess they do but… what’s going on for them?

How much do my students enjoy their yoga classes?

Of course, asking myself this meant that I also asked my students. All two of them this week!

The responses were varied. One student just LOVES coming to classes, despite having ME. In fact, her ME is helped greatly by yoga. The other student still has quite limited movement in his body so he currently finds yoga a bit painful. But he still comes back.

I asked each of them how much time they spend each class concentrating, feeling overly serious (despite my endless line up of bad jokes), and beating themselves up about how their poses look or feel…

Versus finding joy in what they are doing. Savouring the moments of peace, calm and spaciousness – even if they are only happening a moment at a time.

As I talked, I watched their facial expressions change, from which I gathered they do the beating up of themselves more than the finding enjoyment.

So I asked that for this class and in as many as they could from now on, to take this gift of words and use it to remind them to find enjoyment in their practice. Even if it’s only in savasana. Find something that they can fully enjoy to balance out all of the attitude they give themselves!

To let go of the negatives, the super-concentration and find a bit of bliss from moving your body and breathing.

Then I gave them a couple of poses in class that we haven’t done before and still asked them to relax and let go.

And I extend this gift to you – of remembering to chill the heck out in your practice.

Please enjoy. I do.

~Svasti

A yogini Xmas party & #iquitsugar week 5

Tags

champagne, Divine Ms N, I Quit Sugar, party, pavlova, Yoga, yoginis

What happens when a seven yoginis gather ’round a table of food and bubbles for lunch on a steamy hot December afternoon? Why, lots of eating, talking (about everything under the sun), and yoga (but of course).

Who says lunch is over in a couple of hours? Roughly 7 x 60 minutes flew by as a host of angelic yoginis gathered, thanks to the (henceforth dubbed) Divine Ms N.

One of the many topics we discussed was that of moderation and not being too rigid in thoughts or actions. Which is why I didn’t hesitate to have small amounts of champagne and a slice or two of this…

Nadine's pavlova

Because eating sugar is now the exception rather than the rule in my life.

My body feels better for not having it all the time. I’m losing weight without trying and I no longer feel enslaved by it. I’ve only had one menstrual cycle since I started this detox but it was a lot less grief than usual – which might be to do with giving up sugar or it might not.

The cool thing is that even though I ate some sugar, I didn’t find myself immediately craving more afterwards. A small taste was enough. I no longer have an internal debate with myself about walking past the chocolate aisle in the supermarket, either. That said, I refuse to be a pain in the ass about it when socialising. For example, at a yogini Xmas party. An occasional a piece of pav is not going to kill me as long as it’s the exception.

But back to the part-ay!

Nadine put on a fantastic lunch spread and brought some of the many yoginis working for her together for a chat. Interspersed through our seemingly endless conversation were many references to yoga.

And then. The post-lunch, post-pavlova, yoga styles comparison and demonstrations. Not a piece of lycra in sight, there was yoga in (fabulous) frocks, skirts and jeans, and lots of hands on bodies as we discussed this and that way of using core strength, for example.

It was just as delicious as lunch!

It was also inspiring, invigorating and joyful. It only takes one gathering of yoga teachers to remember how seldom we get to do just that. We have so much to learn from each other and the conversation just pours out in a gush!

Thanks Nadine (aka Divine Ms N), for throwing such a fabbo party and gathering an array and marvelous women together.

Thanks should also go to Nadine’s partner who good naturedly put up with a minor hoarde of girls taking over his house! Haha.

~Svasti

More on transformation + #iquitsugar week 4

Tags

alternatives, doing things differently, Downard Dogs & Warriors, flow, habits, I Quit Sugar, joblessness, no visible means of support, sugar, Support, Surrender, Transformation, wisdom seeds, Zo Newell

I’ve had a few sugar cravings this week, which isn’t surprising according to Sarah’s ebook. I’ve also had my menstrual cycle to deal with, and oh, that pesky lack of employment. So yeah, I’ve had a few.

Mostly I’ve dealt pretty well with them, but I’ve occasionally dipped a teaspoon in a jar of Chocolate Coconut Butter. I’ve had this tiny jar for weeks and weeks and only if I’m desperate do I open it. Because it’s incredibly rich (almost over-powering), that’s really all I need. Not even a full teaspoon of it at a time.

More than anything, I’m noticing that eating something sweet is just another habit. Something I’ve learned to do over many years, and giving up that pattern of behaviour is more difficult than the physical withdrawal.

But I’m learning new behaviours. For example, a trip to the movies doesn’t have to automatically = eating sugary crappy foods. At a pinch, I can go to the supermarket and grab some good quality cheese and nuts from the deli. Or make my own popcorn (seasoned the way I like it) at home.

Then there’s things like this: a different kind of breakfast, adapted from one of Sarah Wilson’s recipes…

My version contains:

• Pumpkin (sprinkled with a little sea salt to help it cook faster)
• Carrots
• Peas
• Pepitas
• Black sesame seeds
• Shredded coconut
• A liberal dose of cinnamon
• Two eggs broken in the pan and stirred in
• All cooked up in coconut oil

This is a wonderfully nourishing meal and an awesome alternative to the usual breakfast fare. I felt like something other than poached eggs this morning and… voila! It’s brilliant. Not to mention sugar and grain/gluten free and super-tasty.

Anyway, this post is sort of about just that: alternatives. Doing and seeing things differently. In a really intangible way that you can’t measure or touch or truly understand with the logical part of the mind. Which makes it hard to write about, but I’ll try.

I still don’t have a job, and I’ve gone through about fifty modes of dealing with this unpleasant fact in the last couple of weeks.

If I pay attention to the stark reality of being jobless only weeks from Christmas and the no-hire zone of New Year/early January, I absolutely freak out. With heart in my throat and chest-tightening anxiety that is not helpful at all. Nor does it do much for my confidence or ability to think outside the box.

The reality about the digital industry in Melbourne is that it’s pretty small and still relatively immature. Surprisingly so given that this is 2011! Sydney has in recent times overtaken Melbourne in terms of numbers of digital jobs. Which just makes me want to move back there!!

Also recruitment agents here are more often than not, sub-par. According to one recruiter I spoke to, there’s a low barrier to entry for becoming a recruiter, many agencies are competing to fill the same jobs and my skills are quite specialised. So if the recruiter has no real experience in digital, it shows. Painfully. But sadly, these unskilled people are all too often the go-between for roles I’m likely to apply for.

But here’s what I’m discovering:

The more I worry about not having a job and when I might get one, and why didn’t I get an interview with that company etc etc etc… I feel like I’m missing out on something important, and it’s that intangible “thing” that I’m trying to convey here.

Today I finally picked up Downard Dogs & Warriors by Zo Newell. It’s been sitting on my bookshelf for months and months. Very soon I’ll have finished reading it however because it hooked me from the first paragraph.

Early on, it contains the phrase: “no visible means of support”, which has a completely different meaning in the context of the story being told than the thoughts it sparked in my mind.

Because one could say that right now I have no visible means of support. Yet this does not mean I am unsupported. Not at all.

There’s the little bit of extra yoga teaching being thrown my way. The Self-Alignment Kit I was gifted with at the right time. The kinesiology appointment I was allowed to have on credit. The possibility of a little freelance work coming my way (setting up a WordPress site). And a good friend (who reads this blog, thank you darling!) who connected me with her friend to see if I could do any copywriting or any other work with her. Another friend who offered me some amazing natural skincare products including moisturisers and cleansers (excellent timing since I was running low).

The words of one of my yoga teachers also resonate right now: the Universe will always provide.

Maybe it won’t be the job that I think I want or need that comes through right now.

The support I really need is emotional and financial. I need money to pay my rent and bills and so I can eat. It just mightn’t come from the places I’m expecting it to. So I need to stop telling the Universe how to support me, and just let it unfold as it will.

Which is challenging when talking about my financial well-being. It’s counter-intuitive to not plot and plan and scheme and have a back up plan and a second back up plan. But it’s much less exhausting to trust in the process of life.

Tuesday night I went to teach my yoga class as I always do: with a mix of a half-formed plan and an open mind about what will happen in the classroom with whoever turns up. I have some amazing repeat students, and a bunch of drop-ins who float in and out. They all have their own physical challenges, and for some reason they love my class.

Last night I heard that one of my regulars has been “raving” to her friends about the school I teach at, and my classes. Which is always completely unexpected because I’m still such a newbie teacher. But then something must be working right, yes?

Quite often, what goes on in the room has little to do with me or my plan. Occasionally I find myself spontaneously offering tiny morsels of the teachings I’ve been blessed with over the years and sometimes, there are receptive ears for these wisdom seeds.

As I walked away from the school at the end of the class, I thought about how magical teaching yoga can be.

I started to wonder what life would be like if I approached it the way I do teaching. With surrender. I don’t feel the need to control every moment of what I teach. I don’t kick myself if the class plan I was thinking of goes out the window. I never worry about the number of people in my class, unless there are too many! I hate for everyone to be too cramped in my wee back room.

Basically, I let go. I allow my training to do what it will, and I use all of my senses to respond to my students. I know the class will work out, no matter what. It even works out when there are so-called “difficult” students in the room. I don’t try to teach everything I know about every given pose or aspect of yoga at any given time.

When I’m teaching and especially at the beginning and end of the class, I open up to the Universe and offer my prayers and thanks for being able to pass these teachings on to others. I connect to my teachers and their teachers and I ask for their guidance. I don’t expect anything in particular to happen as a result. I just let it be.

This creates flow, and when my energy is flowing everything feels lighter. Easier. Happier.

I know I’m asking a lot of myself to take this approach to my current unemployment situation, but maybe it might just be exactly what is needed.

So, let’s see, shall we?

~Svasti

Feedback, grace and de-snarking

Tags

Anger, Dancing, downward dog, feedback, Fibromyalgia, Grace, grattitude, Hashimoto’s, inflammation, Kinesiology, massage, Road rage, snappy, snarky, snippy, Yoga

Giant demon baby: lurking outside Melbourne's town hall

So I want to tell you about teaching last night, but I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging.

I’m not.

I don’t think these things are so much about me, as a reflection of all of the wonderful teachings I’ve been fortunate enough to receive and pass on.

But I want to share what happened because so far in my still very early-days career as a yoga teacher, I’ve noticed that feedback from students – good or bad – doesn’t come around that often.

I mean, I’ve also noticed that as a student I too, do this lack of feedback thing. I go to classes that I love but I rarely share with my teacher how much I enjoy the class. Sure, I say “thank you” and smile and come back again and again. But as for implicit feedback that lets the teacher know what I’m getting out of the class? That’s not something I do very much.

And it’s a weird thing, being a new yoga teacher like me and sharing the teachings and… not really getting any information back from students. I get it, though. I mean, when a yoga class works for you, it creates a fairly internal experience. Really, it can be hard to share when you’re in that sort of space.

Then some days out of the blue and maybe after weeks or months, feedback arrives and it’s pretty WOW.

Like last night.

With downward dog/mountain pose, I like to observe how my beginner students fare before getting into sequences that use it a lot. Because while it looks like a really simple pose, there’s quite a lot going on!

I find there’s always a huge variance in how people interpret my initial instructions. Of course, there’s a bunch of reasons for that – body awareness, stiffness, injury and so on. So I get them to try the pose on for size. Then we talk about it a bit before I get them to try it again. There’s always an improvement the second time around, so I know they hear me once they’ve started to connect with their body a little more.

One girl had what I refer to as an “oh WOW moment”. With big wide eyes, she told me that she’s never felt comfortable doing that pose before and now it’s starting to make sense to her. She was astounded, but actually the astounding thing (as I told her later) is that she’s starting to connect to her own body and to the pose.

This is just the beginning, I said, keep up this sense of feeling and finding what works in your poses!

The other piece of feedback I had was after the class, from a student who’s been coming fairly steadily for about four months now. She’s a lesson in all of the things your students never tell you, even when you ask them to, and how much there is to learn from making time to talk with your students outside of the class.

Because until last night, I didn’t know she had fibromyalgia (no mention of it on her initial registration form!). She told me that doing yoga has transformed her health, which honestly makes my heart do a little dance. Yay, yoga!

BUT she wasn’t happy with the way the last two classes had been somewhat “disrupted” by individuals asking questions that were specific to their own needs. She likes it when the classes flow and we just get into what we’re doing. Which isn’t always possible, as I explained. This is a beginner’s yoga class and sometimes the beginners are total newbies who need specific help.

So we sat down for a little chat. I talked to her about inflammation, knowing from my conversations with Rachel that fibromyalgia/ME has a LOT in common with Hashimoto’s. And we talked about how anger and its cousins: irritation; frustration; annoyance (etc), are basically inflammation – which doesn’t help her health issues. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

I also told her that knowing all of that doesn’t mean that her frustrations don’t matter. They do, but that it’s another aspect of yoga, to work on finding ways to let go of that which irritates us because ultimately, it’s better for our health.

Holding onto anger = holding on to inflammation.

The win in this situation is this: her practice is showing her how easy it is to get irritated, and that’s actually an opportunity to do something about it.

So. What am I saying here?

I guess I’m saying… okay, from time to time, get into a little conversation with your yoga teacher. If they’re caring, they’ll be open to it. Tell them if you’re enjoying their class and/or if there’s something that bothers you. They’ll be very thankful for your words, I promise.

I’m also saying this – even if you don’t have fibromyalgia/ME, Hashimoto’s or any other condition caused by inflammation in the body, letting go of all the things that irritate you means less chance of ever succumbing to chronic inflammation and therefore, dis-ease.

So: work at defusing your road rage, and/or all those little things that niggle you in life. The stuff that makes you snarky, snippy or snappy at yourself/others on your bad days.

Because my lovelies, THAT is all inflammation. And too much inflammation will make you sick.

You can try things like kinesiology, yoga, massage, dancing and other kinaesthetic-based practices that help you connect with what’s really going on with yourself.

It isn’t easy, but it’s possible, says the formerly VERY ANGRY person writing this post.

Coz life is better when we’re not snarky at a moments notice – for us and everyone around us.

~ Svasti