Foundations

Tags

Balakrama, Balance, bone graft, Chakri, Chankri, Faith, feet, Great Barrier Reef, light bulb moment, non-existent limitations, Plant your awareness in your feet, Shadow Yoga, Travel, Trust, Vahni, Yoga

I’ve large feet, but apparently not as large as they should be (anatomically speaking) for my height of 179cm (or 5’ 10.5”). They are an Australian size 9½ which is a 41 (European) and 8½ (US).

They are my father’s feet: weird squiggly toes and plenty of calluses that I get smoothed down whenever I have a pedicure.

They’ve carried me to many places around the world: Egypt, Chile, England, Wales, Orkney Islands, New Zealand, America, Bali and Thailand. They’ve trekked through dessert sands, snorkelled on the Great Barrier Reef, climbed dormant volcanoes, skied many an alp, belly-danced all over Sydney, walked dogs, taken part in the Sydney City to Surf, swum thousands of kilometres… they’ve done a lot for me, these feet.

And yet, it seems I do not trust them as I should.

Have I taken them for granted? Have I assumed limitations for them that do not exist? Am I wary of what they can and can’t do, and am I afraid to find out?

It’s true; they’ve let me down in the past. Or perhaps it was me that did the letting down? There’s been two broken toes in their history (both on the left foot – little toe, then the one next to the big toe), one bone graft (see photo), and several sprained ankles. They’ve suffered abuse as all dancer’s feet do. They’ve coped as well as they could given my high instep.

And actually, they still make awesome ballet pointed feet, even today. Which was always a bonus as a synchronised swimmer, back in the day…

But now I understand that I don’t have complete faith in my feet. Which, when you think about it, means I don’t have complete faith in myself. But of course!

Last Sunday in Shadow Yoga we began to learn another part of the Balakrama form. You can see a little bit of the series in the video of Emma Balnaves, below…

Unfortunately it cuts off just before you get to see Chakri. Which is performed with the legs in horse stance, and requires you to rotate your upper body in a revolving circle. Dipping the upper body forward and down, between the legs and back up again. All the while, keeping the legs in horse stance.

In case you’re wondering, it’s not easy to get it right. But it is far easier than I thought it was. At first, I relied very much on my upper body and core strength to complete the circle. I don’t think I was the only one.

Our instructor corrected the class with words we hear often in Shadow Yoga: Plant your awareness in your feet.

Then perform Chakri! And oh, the lightness in the body! The smoothness of my circles compared with how they had been!

All I had to do was allow my body to rest in my feet completely. Doh!

More evidence is to be found in my attempts to perfect Vahni, which is in the opening sequence of the video clip. Here’s a screen grab so you can get a better look…

In Vahni, you are sitting on your back heel. This is what anchors the pose. Thus far, it’s the hardest part of my Shadow Yoga practice (of course, what we each find challenging varies with our different bodies, strengths and flexibility).

Sometimes I can do it and others I find I’m still holding onto a block either side of my body as I struggle to find my balance.

But I learned something last weekend: I don’t have a balance problem at all, if I allow the weight of my body to sit more fully on my back heel.

Right now when I do that, it feels almost like I’m going to fall over. But then I don’t fall; instead I’m sitting on my heel. And Vahni (the flame), is steady.

While it feels as though I’m leaning back, really, I’m just becoming more upright. My weight shifts onto my heel and I am vertical.

But a lifetime of leaning forward has pushed my sense of vertical off-center. I’m perfectly fine with standing, of course. But balance poses (as I’ve mentioned before) have always been a bit vexatious for me.

It’s been both a physical and emotional leaning forward. Physically, because I was always head and shoulders above my friends from age twelve. And because I got very busty, very quickly: something that’s caused many back problems over the years. Emotionally, because the first instinct for someone in pain is to curl up in a ball. Our shoulders hunch forward and we seek comfort by making ourselves small and round.

Shadow Yoga is fascinating because it seems like the “under the hood” version of yoga. Like how a boy with his new bike will take it apart so he can see how to put it back together. This is my experience of Shadow Yoga thus far, in all its primal and intense expressions.

Its true, my balance has improved this year, and really, really improved in the last couple of months… since I started Shadow Yoga.

Still, in Vahni and Chakri I have troubles. Because they are looking through the magnifying glass at tiny details, and absolutely it breaking down. So I can see.

And what I see is that my balance issues are directly proportional to the faith I place in my feet and myself. Do I trust myself not to fall? Do I believe in the strength of my body and mind?

These kinds of realisations are one of the many miracles of yoga. And its amazing how such a light bulb moment can change your entire practice instantaneously. And then, how your practice then extends out into your life!

As has been said many times, yoga was never meant to be solely an ‘on the mat’ practice…

~Svasti

P.S. Pun fully intended. 😀

Today, I’m seven (again)

Tags

Asana, Balance, Foundations, Handstand, Headstand, Inversion poses, Seven years old, Sirshasana, Upside down, Yoga

Been seeing things upside down of late and not surprisingly, that provides an excellent, if completely opposite point of view.

Turn everything on its head, think of your usual foundations as being lighter, more sensitive and gentle. Conversely, consider that which you usually rely on for agility, detailed and technical operations, and how that can become your foundation.

School’s back – hooray – term two of my yoga studies course. Can’t tell you what a relief that is, in fact, term break is one of half a dozen or so things (all at once) that have really, really sucked about the last two weeks. I’ve really missed my yoga classes and five hour Saturday study sessions!

Right now in our asana intensives, we’re looking at inversions. First we studied standing poses (to build a strong foundation), then balancing poses (can’t balance til you have a good foundation) and now upside down poses (testing your foundations and balance, but totally in reverse).

Asana practice is big on developing your strengths equally… which makes much more sense studying it all slowly and methodically than it ever has in the ten or so years since I took my first yoga class.

Not to mention… inversions are actually very good for combating depression and anxiety. You could say I’ve been doing them a lot lately!

Excitingly, my sirshasana (headstand) is starting to develop very nicely. For years I wouldn’t try it, thinking it was beyond me. Then I did try, but couldn’t do it, so I stopped trying for ages. Then suddenly I could!!

It’s still something I do against the wall (not quite free-standing), and until today, I’ve been getting there by kicking up my legs instead of slowly raising them in a controlled way.

Now, using the wall as a ‘safety net’ only, I find myself able to play with the pose… test the balance point between my head and forearms… noticing exactly how I need to engage my core muscles… considering the extension of my arms and shoulders into the floor while my feet stretch skywards.

So exhilarating!

We also played around with handstands (against the wall), and more than anything else, this is something that instantly transports me back to being seven years old.

Specifically, doing handstands against the wall conjures up memories of being a small girl in a tiny asphalted courtyard at school… a group of us girls would relentlessly practice doing handstands, days, weeks and months on end.

It was a time when turning my world upside down was one of the best things in life!

Yet here I was, a grown woman of thirty-seven, with two other students and our teacher, contemplating throwing our legs up in the air while being supported by our arms.

As children, we trust our own abilities, and the solidity of a wall. But as an adult there’s such fear associated with flinging your head south and your feet northwards – can we support ourselves when the world is upside down? As grownups, our first reaction is to assume we’ll hurt ourselves, that we won’t be able to handle it.

I felt that fear in the pit of my stomach. I watched as our teacher demonstrated and I remembered what it was like to be that small child (showing off her knickers with her dress around her ears), who, even when she had a broken arm (with an old-style heavy plaster case) still managed to do handstands (don’t ask how!!).

Invoking that mini-me, I did it, left shoulder still slightly painful from my pushbike fall, but… there I was. Strong, upside down and having wiped thirty years of worry and fear away in a single fluid move!

Inversions are excellent for your digestive system and give your organs a break from the demands of gravity. They generate a sense of well-being, strength, confidence and aliveness.

More, I find they help increase my sensitivity and trust… in myself. Can I rely on my feet to find the wall (if needed)? If I fall, can I do so in a controlled and safe manner? Can I find my way to a balance point that makes me feel strong instead of fragile and vulnerable?

Yeah, apparently I can…

~Svasti