What a weekend of strangeness, joy and beauty this has been…
The wonderful John D of Storied Mind kicked off proceedings by offering a blog award in my general direction… many thanks for your generosity!
I’m still getting used to having my own space, and for me, lots of it. This place is quite huge from my humble perspective. And so different from my last place – which was something of a cave, perfect for hiding out in – but I’m done with the hiding, in more ways than one…
That bullet-hole ridden memory of mine almost cost me an early birthday present! L said on Friday night (out at dinner – it’s the time of the year for multiple outings…) she’d treat me to lunch on Sunday at one of our favourite places to eat in St Kilda, possibly all of Melbourne…
Well, actually, it’s probably second… only to the amazing Mexican place in Fitzroy with the molè (we’ve dubbed it ‘sex food’ coz it’s that good). But still, our favourite vegetarian eatery with a view of the bay and always, always great food. And did I mention the chocolate coffee pot dessert yet? No? Well… it’s an essential when eating there. Mmmmm…
I’d said I’d ring and book and I forgot. Then I forgot til I saw L that we were even doing lunch before shopping! Somehow, we got the last available table…
That feeling I’ve mentioned before of ‘not belonging’ – something I experience a lot – is more about people than places. Some people feel like ‘home’ to me, but most do not… L is one of those people who do.
I’m so thankful for you L, having you here in my life… I really and truly am. I didn’t know the smile I’d get in return would be so beautiful…
Our last big night out, L demonstrated her impressive makeup artist skills on my face and told me… we need to take you makeup shopping. I bow to her wisdom… she’s been trying to get me to pay more attention to girly things for a while now… attempting to build up my (almost non-existent) confidence in my looks…
We walk into the brightly lit makeup area of a large department store in the city and L immediately strikes up a conversation with a cute gay guy with bright blue eyes and insanely colourful tattoos. At the Mac counter (no, not computers!).
The two of them are speaking a language I can’t decipher. Something about tones, and finishes and stuff…
He starts peppering me with questions I don’t know how to answer. I look helplessly at L… She’s never done this before, L explains to the funkily dressed makeup dude-in-a-hat. He draws me over to a chair in front of a large, confronting mirror and turns on the fluorescent lights… [inward cringe]
A smart black toolkit slung over his shoulder is full of mysterious brushes. He expertly applies foundation in thirty seconds flat. Then the two of them decide I also need a bronzing powder, some blush and a touch of eyeliner.
Its way more makeup than I’d normally wear, even to go somewhere special… but I look… sorta kinda okay… you can see my freckles and my green eyes shine brightly (what’s in that stuff that it makes my eyes shine?).
They both scoff at me when I protest the amount of goop on my face. My makeup dude says: I won’t have you going out looking disgusting or anything. Trust me, you look hot. Come back and see me when you get braver and want to try more colour.
More colour?? Sure, they’re all pretty neutral tones but I still feel like a scarlet peacock in all this… stuff.
I giggle, amused by his confidence and allow myself to be swayed… okay, so this is my early present to myself! Why not? I leave with a small bagful of goodies in their expensive cardboard wrappings…
It’s all part of a plan… to try and, um, think of myself as somewhat attractive again.
It’s been a while…
~Svasti
Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness 