Rabbits, window sills & pyramids

Tags

artists, Betty's Bad Medicine, Beyond Words, blog award, Emily Rabbit's Bar None Award, Flux Capacitator, Ordinary Enchantment, pyramid, Rabbits, Shattered Into One Piece, Witchy-Bun

I’m sooo not normally into this award business. Yes, I graciously accept blog awards (and post them here) when offered because I think it’s absolutely lovely of someone to think my blog worthy of some link love. Personally, I subscribe to around 300 blogs on all kinds of topics. I know, I’m a little blog-addicted!

But what can I say? How often does one receive an award with a rabbit on it? A rabbit that is against barring anything, for that matter? A very wise rabbit, really…

This was given to me by a very special lady – Karin from Beyond Words. Here’s the post she wrote on the awards (scroll down past the pretty pictures), and you can read about the origins of the award here.

Karin is an artist extraordinaire, and someone I’ve come to think of as a friend. She is so very talented, and also very giving. She has made video tutorials to explain her artistic processes for others, and last year I won a very special little green book from Karin’s giveaway competition.

I treasure it. But I’m yet to decide what I want to use it for, because writing in longhand is permanent, and so I want it to be GOOD! Perhaps it will be my diary when I’m immersed in a long retreat again later this year?

I didn’t share it at the time, but Karin also sent me this…

Isn’t it gorgeous? I had to fold it up into a triangle, and now it sits on the window sill, just off to the left above my writing desk with a collection of things that make me happy…

I hope Karin won’t mind me mentioning this – since she writes so bravely of it herself – but she is currently doing battle with breast cancer. While she’s been dealing with mortality, chemo, and intense pain (on top of the chronic pain she suffers in her wrists), she has still been creating, sharing and showing humour and grace under fire.

If you haven’t checked out her beautiful art yet, you should do so. Every post is a visual treat!

There are a lot of bloggers out there that I admire. Some of them I’ve linked to over and over again in various posts. And, while I could point to many of the regular suspects as “no holds barred” writers (you know who you are!), I thought I’d give this award to three bloggers I’ve come across more recently who also happen to write with painful-yet-inspiring honesty, and everything hanging out in the wind. They are brave to the point of bleeding and also very fine writers IMHO:

• Betty’s Bad Medicine
• Shattered Into One Piece
• Flux Capacitator

(Note: feel free to pass this on, or not!)

I don’t mean to offend anyone by mentioning some blogs and not others. I love all the blogs I read, regardless of how many comments I leave. And yes, you’re ALL in my Google Reader, okay? xo

Also, speaking of rabbits, I never did do a show and tell of the beautiful bunny that (the also very talented artist) Marcy from Ordinary Enchantment painted for me towards the end of last year. I did have a plan, believe or not! I was gonna to wait until I bought a frame for it and then write a post about it, but being the disorganised creature that I am (sometimes), I’m yet to buy a frame! So, please enjoy my photos of the initial un-boxing of my lovely rabbit painting. 🙂

Thank you Marcy, I REALLY do love my Witchy-Bun!! She makes me smile in my heart as well as on my face! 😀

~Svasti

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Kudos & house guests

Tags

antique coffin, bellydance, blog award, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, cat flu, Cleo, cranky horse, cursive writing, Dead Can Dance, Egypt, Espy Hotel, handwriting, house guest, Interview with the Vampire, late night contemplation, Meme, Miss Cleopatra the Cat, pyramids of Giza, Rockwiz, snoring, True Blood, vampires, whoosh, Yulunga

Its been busy over here in Svasti-land, where yoga teacher training swallows my Saturdays whole (takes the rest of the week to digest every succulent morsel), and a family visit on Sunday which should’ve taken up only 65% of my waking day instead took the whole dang thing (result of train break downs and seemingly generous offer of a ride from parental unit, but oh, we’ll drop you and your bike off at a train station as close as possible to us and as far as possible from your place). Its my fault, I shouldn’t have assumed they’d do otherwise.

Yup, the weekend went whoosh!

Consequently, not much writing was done, even though on Friday my wonderful-super-special-lotus-book arrived (from the marvellous Karin). I love it!! And to introduce it to its new home, I’ll take it sightseeing (for inspiration) and some happy snaps of my little treasure seeing some of the landmarks of Melbourne-town.

Here it is this morning, catching a tram to work with me… more photos to come (in another post)!

(You can click on all pics to enlarge)

It was rather foggy this morning

And… for the next week I have a house guest! He’s the 23 year old son of one of my fellow yoginis. In fact, she and I shared a bamboo hut together for four weeks in Thailand last year where I inflicted her with my snoring on a nightly basis, poor thing. Maybe sending me her son is payback?

Nah! 😉

He’s here from Brisbane (major climate difference to deal with) doing some work experience in sound engineering, interning with the Guy in Charge of Sound for Rockwiz – which is filmed in the iconic and handily positioned Espy Hotel.

Lucky thing!

He arrived Monday night, so there’s been plenty of good hostess duties going on and yup, not much time for writing (except when I’m at work where there’s little else to do! Haha…)

Blog lurvvvve

Seems I’ve won the jackpot of blogger-friend love, with BlissChick, Brooks & Linda-Sama all listing me as fellow blog award folks for the exact same award!

This is it!

Personally, I think that’s kinda cool to be triple tagged. They’re all very special chicks, so I am honoured!

And I also think that given this warm three-sided embrace (nothing dirty here folks, move along!) I should respond. But hey, you’re only getting one lot of seven things from me.

Tidbits about me I haven’t told you before (I think) x7

1. Call it the curse of being taught cursive writing in primary school, but I have two types of “E”, “s” and “F/f” that I produce in my handwriting. I never know which one I’m going to use until it arises. This is what they look like…

Notice the variations on F, S and E! (This is really how I write)

2. Sunday night when I really needed some sleep, instead I was kept wide awake with contemplations on the nature of fire, fiery natures, anger and sex. All topics I’m chewing on at present. There might be a post or two in there somewhere and I’ll share with y’all sometime (perhaps).

3. I’ve got a bit of a thing for vampires and own the entire series of both Buffy and Angel on DVD. Plus season one of True Blood (awesome show). I dream of them every now and then, and it’s always an adventure.

4. I was once stood on by a very cranky horse. While I was on holiday in Egypt, believe it or not. We were planning a jaunt around the pyramids of Giza – my boyfriend on a camel and me on a horse. I’d been persuaded this particular horse was okay to ride even though I really didn’t think he was. So we start riding and the horse was definitely not okay. He veered away from where we were meant to be going, wouldn’t respond to riding commands, dumped me in a puddle and came back around to stand on my left inner thigh. For the rest of the trip, I had an enormous bruise which was a little tough to explain at the swimming pool!

5. My very first ever belly dance performance was held as part of a very fun dress up night one of my ex-boyfriends and I organised when the movie Interview with the Vampire premiered (see point 3). We organised approximately forty people to head to the movie all dressed up like vampires, arriving in style in stretch limos.

Yes, I'm in this photo somewhere...

After the movie we wandered a few blocks from the city to Darlinghurst. There, we’d booked out the entire upstairs area of a fantastic Indian restaurant in a gothic styled building. A friend brought an antique coffin (of course) as a center piece.

A coffin, candelabra & plenty of gothicness

We had a quartet of violinists (buskers we’d met on the street) playing as people arrived. And my debut bellydance performance was there, among that environment. I danced to one of my favourite tunes, Yulunga by Dead Can Dance, and I absolutely loved it!

That's me with the veil!

6. As a result of much dancing, performing and teaching others, I developed a theory about human movement (I later realised its not an original observation at all – just tapping into existing knowledge in the world). Its especially clear when people dance – most people either move with their head/neck/genitals/limbs only, or head and heart plus limbs/genitals. Very few people move with their whole body, or sense their lower torso. Even fewer have the ability to isolate the muscles in this area.

Its no coincidence that the lower torso is where we store suppressed emotions and fears. They live in the body until we work with them, and/or they make us sick. Bellydancing especially is great for liberating that part of the body and its one of the reasons I like teaching men as well as women to shake their thang.

I also firmly believe that all kids should be taught to dance and learn at a young age so they avoid feeling self-conscious.

7. Last week Miss Cleopatra (Cleo) the Cat decided it was a good time for a dose of cat flu. Which caused a lot of worry and necessitated a trip to the vet. The vet of course, informed me she also needs approximately $500 worth of dental work in the next couple of months. Sigh.

Payin’ it forward…

You’re also meant to pass this on to seven other people. For the first time in ages, I’m playing along. But only coz there’s some people I’d like to learn a little more about…

• Holly from Earth to Holly
• Christa from Giggle On!
• Amanda from Anthroyogini
• Mama Dharma
• Clinically Clueless
• Caroline of Laughing Yogini
• Jaliya of A Post-Cynical Seer (and a couple of other blogs too)

~Svasti

Getting into it

Tags

blog award, Contemplation, Fear, Growth, Mirror to the soul, Release

There’s a place I’m trying to get to, in the recesses of my inner landscape. It’s sorta like that attic room no one visits any more. ‘Cept of course to store more stuff, completely ignoring and obstructing its original purpose.

I really know this place! And I know what’ll happen… oh yes… once I’ve pushed aside the cobwebs and detritus yet again, allowing dappled sunlight to find that sweet spot where, I’ll rest, contemplating the truest ideas I know.

Even thinking about it seems to cause a kind of shift in my outer world, let alone the relief as my heart breathes a sigh and my body’s meridians vibrate gleefully.

And when I do think about it, something briefly grows, thriving on the potential of what could be. It’s a lightning fast moment and I almost miss it, though very definitely I feel it, thrillingly.

Sort of like that hot and cold location game we used to play… You’re warm…now lukewarm… NO, NOW YOU’RE FREEZING!!!! Less freezing, not so chilly now…hmmm, warmer, warmer, warmer, BOILING!!! YES!!

Except… when I drift away, things aren’t just freezing. They get dull. Harder. Stranger. Confusing. Yet if my thoughts turn inwards, towards that place, even it’s if only a fleeting glimpse, I smell incense!! The songs of joy recommence and beguilingly, the siren song calls.

Not that I always answer.

Because… that’s commitment to some serious change we’re talking about. Change I always say I want. And let’s face it; I’m full of bravado, always taking risks. But they’re highly controlled risks, most of the time anyway.

I do want it though, something I whisper to myself in the dead of night… yet Fear whispers back… Just how irrevocable would it be?

For a moment, let’s consider the tricksy ways of the mind. Especially one that’s used to ducking and weaving to conceal things from the outside world. Do you think that talent for evasion works only on others? Hell, no! In some ways, it works best on myself, because the part of me that hides… knows the rest of me too well.

And so it’s always a challenge. Unless of course I can just surrender.

That’s what it’s all about you know, the stuff I study… yoga, meditation, philosophy. Surrender. Sounds easy in theory. And there’s so much I’ve already given up. Given freely. Said… Sure, I surrender, don’t need this prop any more.

And its all sunshine and roses, feeling lighter than clouds… til I find myself face to face with my biggest weaknesses. Those hamstringing bastards!

Just on the other side of my skin, part of the blood vessels and tissues, part of what’s made me who I am… that’s where my integrity flaws abide. Resting in my DNA, and their defence is so clever… Who, me? Noooo! I belong here. We’re part of the package deal... somewhat convincing for a while!

So the question is: Can I surrender my bullshit long enough to enter that fateful, entrancing zone… to ask those hard questions and not shy away from the answers? Can I then do what needs to be done?

Worked out recently, this battle is taking place on two fronts – internally, for sure. But then, externally I see I have a mirror. A human mirror. A mirror of humans. So… the battles I fight aren’t really about other people (no matter what I think), but my Self.

Oh!

Easy to be distracted by this and that, pain and sorrow and feelings. Feelings, getting in the way of an underlying resolution. Actually, they hold it all in place, suspended and unchanging. Afraid of change we are, afraid of the eternal implications…

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Been gettin’ some more award love of late… thanks to Ana and Brooks for thinking of me. 🙂

For those of you who don’t know Ana, she’s Brazilian, but writes in English (her second language). Just Ana is her main blog, and deals with issues of mental health, the over-use of medication and just… stuff! But she’s a busy lady, running Hella Heaven (visual art and funnies) as well!

Brooks is a yoga teacher from Chicago and I love what she’s doing with her passionate and thought provoking blog posts. I get such a buzz of kinetic energy from Brooks’ pictures (she’s often the model), and that gives me an appreciation for what it’d be like to hang out with her (kinda cool I’m thinking…)

~Svasti

Procrastination to the power of 25

Tags

25 random things, About a Boy, blog award, Butt cheeks, Catatonic Kid, Fake ID, Horses, Malicious Intent, Meme, molè, Muriel's Wedding, Santa, Sixth Sense, Sleep talking, Synchronised swimming, Tea pots, Toni Collette

Despite having plenty to do right now, I can’t even be bothered hanging my washing out (although I’m gonna, I promise, just not right now).

The lovely Catatonic Kid is writing again (some beautiful posts as always), and so she memed me (don’t care if that’s not a word, I’m making it a word). Which I reckon is somewhat akin to mooning someone… ‘cept without the butt cheeks.

And instead of vacuuming or sending out résumés (things I really need to be doing), I present to y’all my list of utter randomness:

1. As a child, I used to act out cereal commercials at the breakfast table. Y’know, pretending to be one of those kids eating Coco Pops on TV and talking about how yummy they are (especially when the milk turns chocolatey).
2. I shouldn’t be allowed to sit too close to anything made of sandstone, coz I might just have an orgasm (I have a seriously weird fetish for the stuff).
3. I have two common recurring dreams, always a little different of course. One is about sharks and swimming with them, unafraid. The other is about vampires. Usually I get to become one and then I have super powers, like the ability to fly. And that rocks.
4. The beguiling Malicious Intent (you need to request access to read her blog) recently awarded me with a blog award. Many thanks, MI!! *blushes*
5. I’m feeling a little embarrassed about the recent spate of blog awards I’ve received. Is there somewhere I can donate them for charity? Actually, if you feel like it, go pick one up from my awards page and tell everyone it’s from me (I’ll back your story up). If you want it, it’s yours…
6. I collect tea pots. Sorta. I’m kinda against accumulating too much ‘stuff’ which conflicts with my desire to collect tea pots. So I only have four. Which isn’t too bad. And I use them all, since I’m a fan of brewing large pots of tea.
7. I was a synchronised swimmer for around nine years of my life, starting at age nine. Yep, glitter, sequins, gelatine (used to keep the hair out of your eyes when performing), wearing make-up in the water – all of that.
8. Synchronised swimming, whilst looking rather camp, actually requires a great deal of strength and skill. Not to mention the ability to hold your breath for long periods of time. So don’t diss the synchro swimmers!!
9. Gelatine, made of horses’ hooves or something revolting like that, actually makes one’s hair very soft. So, each time there was a competition, we’d all looked forward to washing our hair at the end of the day for our ‘hair treatment’.
10. Speaking of horses, I always loved them but was never allowed to have one. Dang! I had a horse poster above my bed for years and used to imagine he was real. A lot.
11. I once sold Toni Collette (of Muriel’s Wedding, Sixth Sense & About a Boy fame) a futon, when I worked in a futon shop. It was for her mother’s house. She was super-nice and very grounded. It was before she was super-famous, although she was definitely well-known by then. I decided to play it super-cool, so I didn’t gush, didn’t say hey, aren’t you… (I knew it was her when she handed over her credit card).
12. When I worked out Santa wasn’t real I used to ransack my parents’ bedroom just before Christmas. One year, I found three albums and knew mum and dad would give us one each. So, I dropped hints about the band I liked, and received the one I wanted (teehee!!).
13. I used to make fake ID for myself and my friends. That was back in the days where a birth certificate extract would suffice! I found a way to fuse together blue and white paper (like the real thing) and with a bit of white out, a typewriter and the school photocopier… I’d run up very realistic looking birth certificate extracts.
14. As a result, my friends and I went to way too many nightclubs in our last year of school. One of those times, I passed out drunk in the toilets. My friends thought I’d gone home and left without me. I had to make my own way home at 6am or thereabouts.
15. I was a vegetarian and/or pescatarian for oh… a good nineteen years of my life. I do eat meat now, but prefer white meat to red.
16. Although, when it comes to wine, I much prefer red. Almost exclusively. Mmmm, one way to my heart is with a very nice bottle of red!
17. Something else you can feed me if you’re trying to seduce me is molé. Oh god, how I love, love, love molé!!
18. Whilst my hair is reddish-brown, I haven’t seen my natural colour in years. Before I started dying it, my hair was often described as ‘strawberry blonde’ – whatever the hell that means – and its been various shades of red ever since. Right now, it’s kinda natural-ish but I’m getting a little bored with that…
19. If you come to my house, I’ll ask you to remove your shoes. I’m anti wearing shoes inside that you’ve worn outside, getting who knows what all over them. Eeew! I’ll offer you slippers or socks to wear instead, so your feet don’t get cold.
20. My parents never, ever respect my take off your shoes rule, even when I ask politely. Neither does my sister.
21. I’m incredibly visually oriented. Often, things I want to say, write or do appear to me as pictures, way before they become anything else.
22. One of my many skills includes the ability to raise my right eyebrow independently of the left. It’s something I practiced for years in front of the bathroom mirror. My mum can do the left and the right, but I only ever learned one side, damnit.
23. Speaking of skills, I’m very flexible. Have been all my life. I can still do the splits and most of my joints hyper-extend. When I have my leg straight and not over-extended, it feels bent.
24. I thought I’d outgrown my sleep talking habit, but in Thailand last year sharing a bamboo hut, my room mate reported my nightly mumblings each morning. Apparently, sometimes you can have a conversation with me while I slumber!
25. I’m fairly certain I know what I’m gonna write my first book about. Hooray! But it’s still a baby seedling of an idea, protected from anyone else for now.

P.S. I’m one of those folks who’ll happily pass on a cool email, but remove the imperative to do so or else bad luck is coming. So, if ya wanna play and haven’t already done so… then go for gold! 😉

~Svasti

Kymberly Getting Flattened

Tags

Anne Hathaway, blog award, Blood moon, Ella Hooper, EMDR, Friday 13th, Hoodoo Gurus, Magic Dirt, Rachel Getting Married, Rockwiz, Sidney Myer Music Bowl, SPiderbait, The Laughing Yogini, The Seekers, Therapy, Twitter

On Sunday, someone I adore told me via Twitter to cheer the fuck up – which made me giggle… seriously I’ve been a little maudlin lately. I know it, okay??

New therapist

Friday’s session with the new therapist was pretty much just a history taking session. All about me (not a topic I enjoy so much). Before I even got there I’d already cried at work… cycled a short way to the therapist’s place then cried again before three sentences had passed my lips.

It’s still such a large glowing ball of pain and grief with the power to open one of its many waterways at the drop of a hat – which really annoys me. As I told AN (new therapist), I’m sick to death of it all.

But AN thinks she can help clear out all of the physiological responses, the trauma reactions that make no sense. Stuff that’s preventing me from moving forward. GOOD!

I’ll see her again in two weeks for a two hour session – she says it won’t be easy, but the effort will be worth it. Fingers crossed, eh?

Got home from that session, sat still for a bit while the internal car crash of my emotions slowed down and stopped reverberating through my molecular structure.

Rocking under smoky skies

Luckily for me, that evening (Friday 13^th) was far from unlucky.

My very good friend L had gotten us tickets for some event – I wasn’t even sure what it was. She just said – be outside the Arts Center at 6.30. Cool.

It was a brilliant night, unexpectedly so! There’s a very funky TV show here in Australia called Rockwiz, and in honour of the 50^th anniversary of the Sidney Myer Music Bowl (fashioned after the Hollywood Bowl)… they did a live show there… under the smoky skies and blood red setting sun, tangible evidence finally, of the bushfires surrounding Melbourne.

Essentially it’s a music quiz show involving both members of the audience and rock stars making up teams. Between question sets are live performances of various songs related to the theme of the night.

We were also treated to a performance by a very youthful looking Judith Durham (wearing an outfit from her 70’s wardrobe) plus Ella Hooper (used to be Killing Heidi), Cram from Spiderbait, Adalita from Magic Dirt and a whole bunch of others. Lots of good musos!

The night ended with a classic 80’s Aussie rock band – the Hoodoo Gurus – playing a mini set of their hits (including Come Any Time, What’s My Scene, Bittersweet, 1000 Miles Away). The Hoodoos still rock!

Got home though, and noticed the moon… nasty looking reflection of the fires (still) consuming my home state.

Again with the blog awards

Woke up Saturday to discover the lovely Caroline of Laughing Yogini had bestowed the Triple Award on this blog… must be award season again ’round these parts.

[Pranamming deeply in gratitude for the acknowledgement]

One day I’m gonna just hand the lot of them out to a bunch of blog folk, but it won’t be today!! 😉

Rachel Getting Married

On Sunday, by some happy accident (my own inability to get places on time), I’d intended to see Milk, but ended up watching Rachel Getting Married instead.

Personally, I’ve sub-titled the movie Kymberly Getting Flattened.

A really amazing move, but capable of causing lots of tears. It’s not lightweight viewing.

Containing more than enough ‘ouch’ moments I could relate to, there was also plenty I couldn’t.

Like… the outbursts of intensely personal arguments in front of others. I found myself feeling quite mortified on Kymberly’s (Anne Hathaway being brilliantly dark) behalf when family secrets are vomited in front of family-in-law to be, friends and strangers alike.

My family just never does that shit, and while I recognise the benefit of speaking freely like that… it’s akin to running a rake over my soul.

Kym has a dark secret. One of those ‘don’t go there’ stories, stuff everyone in the family desperately wishes never happened. I can relate…

The person about whom so much is avoided and ignored, although not entirely. Where no one wants to face up to the reality, or to their own part in what happened. And everyone tries to pretend it’s over but then, hits a speed bump drawing ugliness from the depths.

Reflected in Kym’s misery and deep abiding self-loathing, she even managed to say it out loud – I can’t forgive myself.

For how many of us does this ring true? Certainly, it’s something I struggle with.

Not to mention the intense sisterly dynamics, the emotionally distant mother, the father trying to keep it all together (and not very well).

There were times in the movie when I palpably felt Kym’s wish for obliteration, way before she crashed the car… a wish I’ve had for myself more than once.

Thing I liked most of all is the way the movie ends – Kym isn’t healed, no one has magically gotten better. Life goes on imperfectly, everyone doing what they can. Loving each other as you do with family, but not necessarily liking everyone all the time.

Kym has the sort of strength I think you can only get from being wounded and making a firm decision to get better – and her power is in her resolve, as fragile as that might seem at times.

Again, I can relate…

~Svasti

Yoga, Awards & Bushfires

Tags

blog award, bush fires, CFA, Ganesha, Hatha yoga, Nataraj, Prayers, Yoga

Yoga…

So, last night I went to my first class at the yoga school where I’ll be studying this year.

Lovely school, got to meet the principal and one of the yoga teachers who’ll be around for parts of the training. Her class was a lovely mix of Vinyasa, Hatha and Iyengar styles and very enjoyable.

There’s beautiful art on the walls – a painted Nataraj here, a Ganesha there, a Kali yantra over the other side… books that I recognise and rate line the hallway, too.

There’s an orientation on 21st Feb, and then we commence the following Saturday. Yay! 🙂

Bloggy award goodness

Okay, so the other day, Holly from Earth to Holly gave me a blog award, which I’ve duly posted on my awards page (things were getting a little cluttered in the side bar).

As I mentioned to Holly, I’ve got a kinda ‘hybrid’ approach to these things.

Don’t wanna offend those doing the offering (so I say thanks and accept them, coz its lovely!), but also get a bit exhausted thinking of blogs I haven’t passed an award on to. Stopped doing so after my second or third one I think! So, if I’m feeling inspired I’ll give them out as and when…

Victoria’s bushfires

Last, but definitely far from least – I wanted to mention the horribleness that are the bushfires Australia is currently experiencing. Most of them are occuring in the state of Victoria (where I live) and so far, they’ve claimed at least 183 lives.

I am safe – don’t live anywhere near the regions they are occuring in. And unlike the fires that encircled Sydney some years ago, from Melbourne we can’t even smell the smoke, the sky above us isn’t red and there’s nothing other than the dreadful photos to show us how bad it really is.

Sadly, it seems that a number of fires were started by people. Deliberately lit. Then with the 46C day we had last Saturday with hellish winds, there’s so many people who just never stood a chance.

There’s an incredibly vivid piece of journalism in The Australian (a rather decent newspaper here) – written by a journalist who actually fought for his house and the lives of his family. Worth a read.

Of those who survived the fire, so many families have lost everything. These fires have wiped out whole towns in country Victoria.

If you’ve got a spare coin or two, there’s plenty of ways you can donate – such as the Australian Red Cross or the Salvation Army.

But if you can’t afford to send money, spread the word to those who can and also send your thoughts and prayers. Anything is good at a time like this.

**UPDATE** Check out these pictures, which show in graphic detail the nastiness of the fires…

~Svasti

Why I have a Guru – part 2

Tags

blog award, Guru, Linda's Yoga Journey, Runes, Sanskrit

It’s a while since I wrote part 1 of this series. And to be honest, it was possibly just a tad ranty. But only a little (okay, I’m still apologising over that one…) and well, I still meant most of what I wrote – behind the anger (which was related to other things going on right then).

Anyway, it’s a brand new year (hooray!), and I’ve been handed another lovely blog award by Linda’s Yoga Journey (my humble thanks!).

Plus, I seem to have levelled out a little from last week’s meltdown, and hopefully I’ll handle any future episodes with a little more style. Hopefully.

So. Let me backtrack to the start of this particular story. The year was 1998.

Seeking…?

Actually, I never meant to have a Guru. I wasn’t seeking one out. I had no idea they existed up til the time I met mine. And even then it took me a few years.

There are people who are dubious of Gurus. And well, to make this story appear all the more dubious – he’s not Indian. He’s a white man. An American too, for good measure. And yeah, he uses a funny Sanskrit name.

So do I, these days…

Not that I knew any of that at the time… I was there for the runes.

Oh yeah – I have a long history of searching, my whole life really. Not knowing what I was looking for. And it led to a whole bunch of experiences in the ‘pagan’ community. You name it – I’ve possibly been into it at one point or another.

Actually, Anthroyogini wrote a fabulously funny post, letting rip on her early ‘spiritual pursuits’. I laughed hard when I read it because I have plenty of my own foolish stories (in a post coming soon-ish).

Anyways, I’d been learning a Norwegian runic system for about a year and a half – a really interesting oral tradition of runes as an oracle, mythology, martial arts, healing, breathing practices, trance work and a whole bunch more.

So the guy I’d been learning from (referred to in this post as my ex, A) says – the dude who taught me this stuff is gonna be in town and will be running a two day workshop. You should come along. And so I did.

Walls of glory

I stayed at the house of my rune teacher, and we drove to a beautiful part of northern Sydney, surrounded by nature and spitting distance from some of the most glorious beaches in the country.

We arrived at a split level home surrounded by trees, entering a few minutes late via the bottom level.

Finding a spot to sit, I noted walls plastered almost floor to ceiling with the most amazing pictures I’d ever seen. Iridescent people, with eyes you could stare into for eons. Incredibly intricate and emotive images I could sort of associate with all things Indian. The room itself was alive.

Its here I meet my Guru for the first time, in his own home. He is my rune teacher’s teacher. That moment of introduction was innocuous, I can’t recall it exactly…

I do remember clearly, however, when he started talking.

The topics were runes, mythology and rune carving (below is a photo of the set I carved that weekend).

If I’m very honest with myself, I was captivated from the first word.

But who was this 6’3″ tall, cocky yet humble, loud but gentle, funny, intense, wise and knowing American with the New York accent? I still had no idea.

I felt enchanted, and strangely attracted to this man talking to us about Norse history, layers of meaning associated with runes and cross-referencing to the mythology.

He seemed to like my questions, and my attempts at discussing various topics. I just really liked listening to him speak.

By the end of the second day, I was floating on some kind of bliss cloud. I couldn’t have told you why.

But not in a ‘let’s jump in the sack and have wild monkey sex’ kind of way…

More of a ‘oh wow, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as interesting as this person. I’d really like to talk to him again’ kind of way…

So, I did.

At that time I was working as a practice manager for a team of alternative health professionals. Doing the Saturday morning shift. I had with me, this man’s home phone number. I was nervous. About calling him.

What was I doing anyway? I mean, why was I calling this guy? And what did I even want to talk to him about? I had no idea…

But then he was on the phone, and he was chilled, funny and genuine. Just like I remembered.

And, despite his busy schedule, he made time to meet up the following weekend. Just him and me…

[Read part 3]

~Svasti

Sandhis & shout outs & stuff

Tags

blog award, Blog Catalog, First Dog on the Moon, Fuck you Penguin, Happy New Year, Sandhi, Sanskrit, The Girl Who Wears My Shoes, Trauma

Sandhi is a Sanskrit word, meaning something like  ‘space between points‘. Sort of like that point on the horizon that’s not really anywhere… The changing of the year is basically one of those… and this one was very different to the past few years.

Which is, in itself is a very good start. So… Happy New Year people!

Sure, I spent a good bit of time alone. But I was recovering from a horrendous mucousy flu/cold almost all week just before and after Christmas. No fun!

I also got out and saw the world a little. And some friends, too (admittedly one of those friends I got to see coz he came over to jump-start my hire car – I managed to leave the headlights on overnight – doh! – and he rescued me!). Then I went to see my very ancient old grandma, who at 93 is nuttier than a bag of chestnuts and now living in a nursing home.

I had to work between Christmas and New Year, coz being new in my job and all… I don’t actually have any holidays to use up right now!

Then, I spent New Year’s Day talking for hours to someone who’s become a very good friend via this whole blogging malarkey… so there we were, getting to know each other a little better and talking with voices instead of IM (wow, old fashioned, I know!). It was awesome! If we coulda talked all day, we would’ve I suspect! Instead, I… well, actually you don’t need to know what I did with the rest of the day…

So there. I’ve been social, I’ve been spreading my wings and I’ve even possibly discovered some studies I’d like to do this year. Now, I just gotta find the money to make it happen! More on that later…

Svasti, don’t forget the shout outs!

That’s right… I’m pretty sure I wrote something in the title here, about a shout out or two??

Okay. So as well as the above, I’ve been exploring Blog Catalog a little more. To feed my blog reading addiction.

Which is how I found Tricia and her blog The Girl Who Wears My Shoes.

This is a woman who’s lived a lifetime of sorrow. And somehow she managed to get to this point in her life (I’m too polite to speculate on her age) in one piece. Sort of. Despite everything.

And I’m awe-struck, because I’m not sure I would’ve been able to hold all that in for decades. I think I would’ve ended up in a ditch, become a complete lunatic or just taken lots of drugs. Or something.

Anyways, not that suppression is good for you or anything of the sort. But, Tricia did what she needed to do to survive. She’s clearly very strong. But that strength hides such an inner fragility.

What’s astonishing is that Tricia is now taking steps, carefully of course, towards bringing her heartache and pain into the light. Which is hard at the best of times, but when you’ve pushed it down, down, down for such a long time… that’s a tough pattern to break.

It was shocking to her, to discover the intense and latent emotions that re-surfaced as she wrote. Which just goes to show – if ya don’t deal with trauma, it just dives deep, and lies in wait.

Oh, and Tricia is a beautiful writer.

She’s had a lot of internal struggles in writing some of the things she’s written. But I truly hope she keeps it up. For her own sake as well as for the sake of other women of her generation – if only my mum could do for herself what Tricia is doing!

I heartily suggest taking a peak at her blog.

Oh, and thanks muchly for the blog award… I’ve added it to my ‘Awards’ page. 😉

And, for completely irreverent giggles…

I also feel compelled to point out another couple of blogs, also recent additions to my blog roll:

First Dog on the Moon – an Aussie cartoonist who pokes fun at many things, including Australian politicians, but then, just generally life. He’s ace!!

He recently unleashed an unwitting but brilliant marketing ploy via Twitter. Indirectly, that’s how I found him actually.

Fuck you, Penguin – ever had a lil’ distaste in your mouth about all the things really cute animals get away with, just coz they’re cute? Well, this blogger gives them all a little what-for in return! Funny. Silly. And lots of cute critters.

(Thanks to FDOTM actually, for this little find…)

~Svasti

Sunday soliloquy

Tags

Birthday presents, blog award, Confidence, Makeup, Mexican food, molè, Soliloquy, St Kilda

What a weekend of strangeness, joy and beauty this has been…

The wonderful John D of Storied Mind kicked off proceedings by offering a blog award in my general direction… many thanks for your generosity!

I’m still getting used to having my own space, and for me, lots of it. This place is quite huge from my humble perspective. And so different from my last place – which was something of a cave, perfect for hiding out in – but I’m done with the hiding, in more ways than one…

That bullet-hole ridden memory of mine almost cost me an early birthday present! L said on Friday night (out at dinner – it’s the time of the year for multiple outings…) she’d treat me to lunch on Sunday at one of our favourite places to eat in St Kilda, possibly all of Melbourne…

Well, actually, it’s probably second… only to the amazing Mexican place in Fitzroy with the molè (we’ve dubbed it ‘sex food’ coz it’s that good). But still, our favourite vegetarian eatery with a view of the bay and always, always great food. And did I mention the chocolate coffee pot dessert yet? No? Well… it’s an essential when eating there. Mmmmm…

I’d said I’d ring and book and I forgot. Then I forgot til I saw L that we were even doing lunch before shopping! Somehow, we got the last available table…

That feeling I’ve mentioned before of ‘not belonging’ – something I experience a lot – is more about people than places. Some people feel like ‘home’ to me, but most do not… L is one of those people who do.

I’m so thankful for you L, having you here in my life… I really and truly am. I didn’t know the smile I’d get in return would be so beautiful…

Our last big night out, L demonstrated her impressive makeup artist skills on my face and told me… we need to take you makeup shopping. I bow to her wisdom… she’s been trying to get me to pay more attention to girly things for a while now… attempting to build up my (almost non-existent) confidence in my looks…

We walk into the brightly lit makeup area of a large department store in the city and L immediately strikes up a conversation with a cute gay guy with bright blue eyes and insanely colourful tattoos. At the Mac counter (no, not computers!).

The two of them are speaking a language I can’t decipher. Something about tones, and finishes and stuff…

He starts peppering me with questions I don’t know how to answer. I look helplessly at L… She’s never done this before, L explains to the funkily dressed makeup dude-in-a-hat. He draws me over to a chair in front of a large, confronting mirror and turns on the fluorescent lights… [inward cringe]

A smart black toolkit slung over his shoulder is full of mysterious brushes. He expertly applies foundation in thirty seconds flat. Then the two of them decide I also need a bronzing powder, some blush and a touch of eyeliner.

Its way more makeup than I’d normally wear, even to go somewhere special… but I look… sorta kinda okay… you can see my freckles and my green eyes shine brightly (what’s in that stuff that it makes my eyes shine?).

They both scoff at me when I protest the amount of goop on my face. My makeup dude says: I won’t have you going out looking disgusting or anything. Trust me, you look hot. Come back and see me when you get braver and want to try more colour.

More colour?? Sure, they’re all pretty neutral tones but I still feel like a scarlet peacock in all this… stuff.

I giggle, amused by his confidence and allow myself to be swayed… okay, so this is my early present to myself! Why not? I leave with a small bagful of goodies in their expensive cardboard wrappings…

It’s all part of a plan… to try and, um, think of myself as somewhat attractive again.

It’s been a while…

~Svasti

Spreading the Flowers lurve again

Tags

AnthroYogini, Award, blog award, GO! Smell The Flowers, Kinky Grace, Little BigGirl, Official Flower Smeller, The Nature of My Circuitry, Writing to Survive

This award serves to acknowledge others who are in their own way, smelling the flowers.

It’s November still (but only just)… and whilst I don’t plan to dish out the Go! Smell the Flowers ‘Official Flower Smeller Award‘ each and every month…

I’ve been getting to know some inspirational bloggers recently – and thought they could do with a shout out.

Ofcourse… like everyone says about giving out these award thingys, it’s hard to choose and I don’t ever mean to insult someone by not giving them one… I read a heap of blogs (you should see my RSS reader – it’s an absolute shocker!) and I wouldn’t read ’em if I didn’t like ’em (much less comment…) but well, these are the blogs inspiring me in recent times…

So who can be a Flower Smeller exactly??

Could be anyone. They may have recovered from an illness, written a book, made waves in the blogosphere, inspired others, made a major shift in their life, quit the rat race, discovering their greatness and on it GO!s as more examples from around the world start to surface. They may not even have an online presence at all – that’s where this award differs!

This batch of awards go to…

1. Kinky Grace

A relatively new blog, Kinky Grace uses words with astonishing simplicity, and without drama, yet conveys both her day to day life right through to the most shocking stories of her life… with a sincere naiveté and beauty. I’m impressed with her writing and where her blog is heading and I think its well worth a gander…

2. Writing to Survive

She’s already been given plenty, but she doesn’t have a Flower Smeller Award yet! I’ve only recently found Jennifer’s blog but I’m so glad I did! She’s a writer who mines her painful history to poignant effect. Whilst at the tender age of sixteen, she gave bith to a still-born baby, one she was planning to give up but… what does that matter? Her writing makes me cry…

3. AnthroYogini

What do you get when you cross an anthropologist with a yogini? An AnthroYogini ofcourse! And one that lives and works in Alice Springs, a rather remote part of Australia (we have plenty of remote parts since we mostly live around the edges of this wide brown land). AnthroYogini (aka Amanda) writes about yoga, her life, dealings with depression, her family, being an anthropologist, finishing her PhD and sometimes her cracking Aussie takes on life, the universe and everything.

4. The Nature of My Circuitry

Victor and I seem to read each other’s stuff and kinda go… yeah. He’s more obtuse than I am… and certainly a great deal more up front about his relationship with his mother… and displays both extreme rage and a complete sensitivity (say, about the whereabouts of his missing hamster – and no, that’s not a metaphor for anything people!).

Read his stuff. Its intense and its kinda out there…

5. Little BigGirl

She keeps it on the down-low, she doesn’t complain very much, and she’s doing a wonderful job. This is a shout out to a dear friend of mine and some-time reader of this blog.

Earlier this year, her boyfriend (whom she moved to London to be with) contracted bowel cancer. He’s in his early thirties for crying out loud! The day after I learned this news, I couldn’t work out if I’d dreamt it or not… Luckily the medics, they caught it early and his prognosis is good.

LBG is her boyfriend’s main support, in a country that isn’t her own, without the local network of her own family or Aussie friends being close by. It’s been incredibly rough on both of them but they’re making it through.

Darlin’ I want to say how proud I am of you, and how much I admire your spirit and your loving heart, being there for your man the way you have. You are strong and beautiful.

Oh, and you rock!!

[Note: I’m not linking to her blog unless she wants me to, since its really a very personal one for friends and family]

Award winners – CONGRATS!!!

Just leave a comment at this post to accept your award and the badge is yours.

Of course, that’s if you want to… and whilst there’s rules for this award, if you wanna be a maverick and ignore them (although that’s almost de rigueur these days and so its more crazy to acutally go by the rules…) then go right ahead!

The rules are:

1. Publish the Flower Smeller badge (top of the page) on your blog, and award it to 5 others by writing a post with links to the 5 blogs or websites (or whatever) that you choose.
2. From now until eternity you can award this badge to a maximum of 5 people per month as and when you come across more Flower Smellers. And – if you do, contact GSTF to let them know the 5 you choose so they can add them to the Flower Smeller section of their site and the Flower Smeller blogroll.
3. Link to the post where your award was announced, so people can read about the origin of the award and find their way to the GSTF community.
4. Write a post announcing your award, proudly displaying the Flower Smeller badge.
5. All Flower Smellers – note that you may be approached to write a 500 word account of yourself to feature in the GSTF 2009 book – it could happen to you!!

~Svasti