No news and #iquitsugar week 3

Tags

Anxiety, As You Like It, blood sugar levels, Christmas, detox, Easter, Father’s Day, gluten denial, guardian angel-type people, Halloween, Hashimoto’s, I Quit Sugar, joblessness, Mother's Day, Shakespeare, sugar, sugar addiction, swings and roundabouts, Thanksgiving, trick or treating, Valentine's Day, worry

An empty street stage in a Melbourne laneway, waits for its actors

All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players:

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts…

~ Shakespeare, As You Like It

Joblessness

In case you were wondering, the saying “no news is good news” is a crock o’… you-know-what.

Waiting, waiting and waiting to hear back about various leads from recruitment agencies. Sometimes the company withdraws an advertised job for financial reasons, or suddenly they’ve hired someone by other channels. Yet all the recruiters tell me what an amazing skill set I have! Often I’m just not getting a look in. Even with short term jobs that don’t pay as much as I normally get paid, but that I’d be willing to do just to have some cash flow happening.

I like to imagine that the Universe has a hand in this. As in, I won’t be placed in a job if it isn’t good for my health or stress levels etc. Ironically, having no job at all is NOT good for those things either.

It’s a case of swings and roundabouts, as the saying goes.

Then again, being in the thick of an undesirable situation is never as bad as worrying about what might happen if such a thing comes to pass. In the last weeks of my contract role, my belly was very unhappy with all of the anxiety and so (excuse the TMI) I had the runs.

Now I’m all unemployed with no new job lined up, the runs (sorry!) have cleared up. I’m getting a lot more sleep, and taking time to do the things I need to do. So that’s actually nourishing for my health. As long as I keep faith that the Universe will provide, then my stress levels are under control, too.

Plus, I find myself surrounded by lovely guardian angel-type people. Folks I wouldn’t have met had it not been for this blog, yet they are kinder and more giving than my own family.

Two such angels are Nadine and Kerry, whom I’ve talked a lot about recently. Let’s just say they are beautiful people as well as being excellent at what they do. I’m so grateful to have them in my life! Thank you! xxx

Quittin’ sugar, week 3

Last week I was dealing with a box of chocolates that I really didn’t want in my life. Bloody hell. I had some of them.

But the funny thing is that I didn’t want to consume them all like I would have before starting my sugar detox.

In fact I’ve noticed that the less sugar I have, the less I want it all. Very. Interesting.

Today at the supermarket I again noticed an absolute homage to sugar at checkouts, hoping to catch people at a weak moment.

I also really saw for the first time just how much sugar is tied to holiday occasions: Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and birthdays.

You folks in the US also have Thanksgiving and Halloween. I understand there’s even a Thanksgiving dish that involves marshmallows! Let’s not even talk about the diabetes in waiting sugar situation known as trick or treating.

Anyway, like I said before: the less I have, the less I want. Conversely the more sugar I have, the more often I want it. Which is a telltale sign of addiction.

Big business bets on this addiction by including sugar in most of our processed foods. So then those extra treats at the checkout are harder to resist because there’s already plenty of sugar in our body, crying out for the next fix!

I recall certain periods in my life where I HAD to have chocolate every single day. But no longer, because this autoimmune condition of mine does much better when my blood sugar levels are balanced. Too much sugar and my body freaks out!

Honestly, I consider that a blessing.

So this week as part of the detox, I’ve been upping the ratio of good fats in my diet. Things like avocados (which are crazy cheap right now), pumpkin seeds, coconut oil, certain cheeses etc. Unsaturated fats in small doses that quickly sate my appetite and provide much needed nutrients.

In addition, I’m eating more vegetables and organic/free range meat. Plenty of water, coconut water, green tea, tulsi tea and chai.

Basically, it’s all going well and I don’t seem to be missing sugar at all. For now. Apparently it gets harder in a few more weeks…

Also: gluten denial!

Oooh boy. I confess I’ve been majorly in denial about gluten.

Only certain types of food containing gluten cause me real physical grief, specifically things like bread and pizza. In small doses I can handle dumplings (my weakness)…

But gluten is gluten.

Part of me really hates the idea of being all “special needs” with my food and this fuels my occasional rebellion.

However all the reading I’ve done on Hashimoto’s strongly recommends going gluten-free.

So I’ve had a very stern talk with myself: *clears throat* Even if we’re not having an obvious physical reaction to gluten (hello, dumplings that aren’t gluten-free!), that doesn’t mean its okay to eat it. And no, we can’t occasionally have pizza with gluten just because it’s more convenient. That’s dumb-ass, young lady, and we know it’ll hurt! So. Just. Stop.

Sheesh. Sometimes I’m very stubborn about the wrong things.

That’s all for now, y’all.

Oh! I do have a couple of things going on. I’m writing a couple of guest posts, and also maybe doing a bit of freelance work. More updates soon…

~Svasti

P.S. Please do send the Faeries In Charge of Jobs and Abundance over to my house for a spell, okay?

Christmas Eve & everything’s okay #reverb10

Tags

#reverb10, Christmas, Christmas Eve, equinox, Everything IS okay, full moon, Love, solstice, you are loved

A few minutes after this post goes live, the wee hours of Christmas Day will be upon us (here in Australia anyway).

I’m not much of a Christmas person really. For one I’m not a Christian, so the celebration of the birth of a guy who wasn’t even born on 25th December doesn’t really do much for me. I’m more interested in solstices and equinoxes and full moons in general, I guess.

Never mind. I’ve come to accept that for me, it’s a day to spend with family (if you’re lucky enough to have any nearby that aren’t too freaky). My definition of family is about where my heart is, and a lot of my family don’t live here in Australia. But my blood family do, we’re a small band of people.

Things have been up and down for a while in my relationship with my parents. We’re on more of an even keel now, but one that was born of my acceptance that they love me in whatever way they can. Thank goodness for my sweet nieces, because without them it’d still feel like a very lonely day, surrounded by disassociated family members, too much food, and gifts I don’t need.

Perhaps that sounds ungrateful, but if you’ve been reading along then you’ll know I’ve been dredging the channels of my inner world for a while now. One of the results of that, is being okay with things that aren’t great and at the same time working out what I really want, and being clear with myself.

And I’m clear that this isn’t one of my favourite holidays.

Christmas for the last bunch of years hasn’t been much fun for me – everyone being so cheery and excited! None of it made any sense in the face of the terror and grief I lived with every second of my days.

But anyway, that is past. This Christmas feels… empty in some way. I’m not excited by it, but then again I’m not overly freaked out either. It’s just neutral territory and a day to get through.

::

Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
~December 24th prompt

Everything IS okay, even when life is doing it’s best impersonation of a commercial junk pile, and I’ve felt like I’d never kick my way out.

But a moment of proof that everything will be alright? I’m not sure there’s been a definitive point in time like that.

Except maybe this: a time where I was unsettled and ruffled, jobless and stressed.

I spent a day with my sister and nieces, hanging out at their place. I’m sure I was freaking out my sister with my rather dark mood, until the second smallest person in the house opened her mouth.

We all love you, Auntie Svasti, she says. Unprompted, unrehearsed and utterly perfect.

Oh good lord, wisdom from a child!! Does it get any better than that?

Yeah, everything’s gonna be alright… despite appearances. It really is.

::

Regardless of how you’re spending your Christmas Day, I wish you love. I send you warmth and hugs and if you’re alone, I want you to know that you’re never really alone.

The best knowledge we can learn is that regardless of our circumstances, we are ALL loved and lovable. Even if everything seems hopeless. My sweet little niece showed me that.

Be well, take good care of yourself and if there’s no one around to hug you, hug yourself! And know that if I could, I’d be there doling out my very own version of a bear hug. Just for you.

~Svasti xo

Fucking December – or – where’s my hermit permit?

Tags

behind the curtain, Christmas, December, Depression, dithering, faceades, gently smiling smoke-screen, hermitage, kirtan, parties, PTSD, socialising, solitude, system overload freak out shut down, trickster-self, wandering sadhu

For the first time in way too many years my end-of-year dance card is in danger of collapsing under the weight of my social commitments.

Honestly it’s a first since… well, since I moved back to Melbourne towards the end of 2004.

Don’t get me wrong: I was never a social pariah exactly and once in the mood I enjoy a good party. Really. And December of 2004 included a decent heft of socialising. That was back when I had an actual boyfriend (the one I had before I dumped his ass and several months later met the guy who caused this blog to come into being). I mean, the ex-boyfriend had friends and we did stuff with them. Nothing too hectic, and not really about the heavy drinking – which has never been my scene anyway (well, not after I turned twenty-one anyways). It was nice.

The 2005 end-of-year social season began just a couple of months after I’d landed upside down and back-to-front on the mental un-wellness rollercoaster and into a rather noirish Tim Burton version of my life. Where nothing grows and the order of the day is pretty much hiding: your wounds, pain, trauma and desperately trying not to look too freaked out by anyone, no matter what.

Generally speaking, living in that world means doing less and staying the hell away from people. Of course, I’d go to the odd work event because I’d already decided work was a “safe zone” – one where I’d managed to stuff the nightmare my life had become into a densely compacted travel compartment: it came along for the ride as a stow-away. But mostly I’d keep my out of work socialising to zero.

In fact, there was even a year in there where I almost didn’t make it to the ol’ family Christmas lunch due to a whirlwind of indecisive dithering: I couldn’t figure out what to put in the salad, which was really about stalling for time so I didn’t have to be around people too soon erecting yet another gently smiling smoke-screen to fend off the worst of my inner demons.

See my wounds? No, please DON’T see my wounds because why should you be as horrified as I am numb and scared and pretty much completely fucked up?

And so going out in public meant not just the usual make-up, hair and wardrobe choices. It also meant the careful concealment of heart-rending anxiety, draping the curtains just so over the gaping chasm of my chest so no one would be the wiser. Because everyone knows that nobody’s allowed behind the curtain. Right, Mr Wizard?

Fast forward a few disassociated years of madness and despair…

Then there was 2009. It was a huge one for me. Not so much socially, although my diary was inked with a couple more “do’s” than usual… but it was pretty much the year I came back to life. The first time I felt real relief from the ongoing doom of depression stalking my every second.

I remember that lightness as something I noticed… hey, what’s this?? This extra energy, this impulse to leave the house for more than just buying food or going to work? This… delighting in nature, talking to cats and dogs on the street and taking photos of street art. This… feeling of spaciousness and lightness and… HOLY SHIVA, PERHAPS I’M FEELING BETTER!?!!

For months I waited and watched and hmmm, that did seem to be the case. Although this year hasn’t exactly been full of candid camera type happily-ever-after moments, there’s definitely been a slow-burning series of incremental improvements in my ability to handle the ups and downs. Give or take a few one step forwards, and two back.

And perhaps it’s just some kind of coincidence, but hey, whoah! Trying to keep track of December 2010’s comings and goings is proving eventful. Who is that girl impersonating a butterfly? Thank goodness for the blessed and painless synching of Google calendar with my iPhone!

Thing is, I think I’ve grown accustomed to my solitude. As desperately lonely as I’ve felt in my self-exiled world of personal torture – alone is safe. Easy. Comfortable. There’s no unexpected surprises. Well, not once the flashbacks stopped anyway! 😉

There’s a party tonight and while this wretched neck of mine still ain’t its usual frolicking self, I feel obligated to go out even though I’d rather invest a few more hours in slumber. Thing is, I still sort of want to go and I know I’ll have a good time. These are people I like. Yogis. There will even be kirtan and potluck dinner at someone’s home.

Yet the call of “take it easy – you’ve had a hard week” shoots rippling soundwaves of longing around and around… that old comfort of not being anywhere in particular. I hear it’s logic. I know what my night would be like. Safe. Fucking safe and going nowhere fast. And safe.

But. BUT. I feel like if I don’t go then I’m just kind of failing, you know?

Letting little excuses keep me home when I know I could just as easily hang out at someone else’s place, enjoy some music, giggles and hugs from people I know. People who might even become friends rather than mere acquaintances if I’d just leave the door open a little wider.

Because I’ve done this already more times than I can count. I’ve painfully deliberated and often deliberately missed going somewhere I was invited, kicking myself for my cowardice while feeling grateful I didn’t have to try and remember how it goes, all of this small talk business.

All of that fitting in and feeling comfortable and knowing how to be witty and thinking of stuff to talk about when really, I kinda prefer less talk. Maybe it’s all the meditation, or the self-imposed solitude? Dunno, but I’m really not that same chatty girl I used to be, the one who’d find almost anything to talk about in almost any circumstances.

The way I see it though, not going = encouraging how things have been. And I think I’ve had enough of that already, don’t you? I need to bust outta my somewhat hermetically sealed environs and loosen up a little, yeah?

However this is a bit of an ask, especially in fucking December. So a red flag’s been raised. Danger, Ms Svasti, danger! I feel that slippery bastard-trickster part of my nature spinning it’s wheels, just looking for an opportunity to wreak a little havoc.

Most nights right up until Christmas are booked out. There’s a few free ones left but I’m being cagey about those. And I’m sort of in denial about the state of December because there’s a good chance that trickster-self of mine will engage in the arcane art of sabotage, giving me a perfect out on at least half the invites I’ve accepted already.

Just call it some kind of system overload freak out shut down mode. I need my alone time, it seems. Time to regenerate surrounded by a fifty meter zone of peace. No talking. No noise. Thank you very much.

Which is just… hey if I’m going to be like that, I might as well take my place as a wandering sadhu already, yeah? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’d like to think I can find my feet again in the world of social interactions before I take up permanent residency in the hermitage. One day I’m pretty sure that’s gonna happen but hopefully not until I’ve spotted my first grey hair at least. Right?

~Svasti

P.S. Don’t worry, I’m going! Might be getting there a little late but I am dragging my sorry ass over there. Fucking December!

A yogic Christmas

Tags

Catatonic Kid, Christmas, Paramahansa Satyananda, press release, satsang, Shiv, Sydney, Yoga

…I wish you a promising Christmas at any time in your life. You may not expect to hear Merry Christmas and so forth from me, but I am trying to bring home to you who the Christ is, who Mother Mary is and who that immaculate son is…
~Swami Satyananda

A week ago I read this transcription of a satsang with Paramahansa Satyananda, from Christmas Day in 1983.

Swamiji has a fascinating take on what Christmas means and what it can mean for us all, and for more than just one day a year.

Please do read it – you’ll be blown away by what he says.

And – please consider donating to Linda-Sama’s fundraiser, if you haven’t already (follow the link to find out how).

Today (Christmas Day) I’ll be at my sister and brother-in-law’s place now that they’re living in a house big enough to host everyone. Which works for me! Christmas at my parents’ place is just a little too… tense and sterile for my liking.

There are nieces waiting for me, and they make everything 500% better. Even Christmas.

Boxing Day evening I’ll be on a plane bound for Sydney! Just a short break for eight days, I’ll get to stay with some of my closest buddies, and catch up with a host of old friends.

How nice it’ll be to have a little holiday in the gorgeously warm Sydney (as opposed to unpredictable Melbourne), see all my friends and chill out a bit after what’s been a very difficult and challenging year (2009 was a bit of a bastard for many people!).

Also, here’s an unofficial press release for y’all:

*********************

BLOGGY NEWS BULLETIN

On New Year’s Eve I’ll be meeting up with some very fabulous bloggy friends. Two people who’ve been incredibly supportive and wonderful to me – Catatonic Kid and Shiv.

They were among the very first people I made contact with when I started my blog, and thanks to Twitter, IM, Facebook and y’know, everything else… we’ve become good friends. I totally love them both, and apparently they don’t mind me either!

Shiv is here to visit his beloved CK, and I kinda invited myself to stay for a night or two. Hehe! We have many plans, especially for Shiv’s birthday on 1^st January (secret plans, mwahahaha!!).

*********************

It’s all very exciting!!

Not sure if I’ll be blogging while I’m in Sydney, but I’ll certainly be writing. And taking plenty of photos.

Wishing you all a safe and happy Christmas or whatever you do or don’t celebrate, however you’re spending it.

~Svasti

Karma Yoga

Tags

Christmas, donations, Giving, Heart of Yoga, karma yoga, Rikhia, Sat Chandi Festival, Seva Foundation, Swami Satyananda, Yoga

Karma yoga focuses on the adherence to duty (dharma) while remaining detached from the reward. ~from Wikipedia

I’m soooo not into Christmas. But it’s a ritual that my family adheres to, and I’m expected to take part. So I do what I can to spend responsibly. I don’t buy outrageously expensive presents, and I try to make them things people actually want, or will like and use. Or experiences – dinner, gold class movie tickets etc.

However, it really doesn’t sit well with me, this spending spree at the end of the year. Just on family members alone, I can end up spending several hundred dollars (especially now that my nieces are here – I am weak when it comes to spending on them!).

This bothers me. And inevitably, all this shopping for Christmas presents leads us to buy ‘presents’ for ourselves, too. I’ve done it.

As if to emphasise the point, I’ve just finished watching Heart of Yoga – a marvellous DVD on Swami Satyananda and the fabulous work he did for the small town Rikhia in India. Did you know that before he established his ashram there, it was one of the poorest towns in India?

The DVD documents the annual Sat Chandi Festival, which is all about love and giving to those in need. It includes plenty of interviews with Swamiji, and also his closest disciples. There are two other sections of the DVD – Satsang (spiritual discussion) and a little footage of the Tantric Panchangi rite that Swamiji performed non-stop for almost a year.

I’ll write up a review of the DVD another time. For now though, I want to focus on the giving aspect.

Swamiji talks about how giving is not the same as charity. And that we should share what we have with others. We should not be stingy. He points out that there are millions of people around the world in need of care and no one is looking after most of them. And that there’s no reason why this should be.

Swamiji was not a rich man. He simply created a community where giving was a part of the culture. And so people came and they gave. As one example, this giving enabled young girls from poor families to get married by providing the all-important dowry, without which Indian girls can not get married (in traditional society).

He says we have to give what people need. That giving must be practical.

Then, I thought about Linda-Sama and her attempt to raise money for the Seva Foundation. She was planning on giving them $108 from each American yogi who signed up to support the Kilimanjaro Center for Community Ophthalmology, in Tanzania.

To help people with sight problems (in terms of Christmas presents, that’s kinda hard to beat, isn’t it?).

Things didn’t quite work out like that – every place on Linda’s retreat was filled by locals in Tanzania. And maybe the Tanzanian yogis needed to be there instead. Who knows? However, that did put a bit of a dampener on Linda’s plans for donations.

BUT – what about me? And you? And you, over there? We can still give.

Even if it’s only $5, $10 or $20. Or if you can manage it, the $108 Linda planned to donate per American yogi.

I tend to think that most people who can afford a place to live, buy clothing and enough food to eat, can afford to give some amount of money to someone else.

So how about it? This Christmas, I’m asking that you share some of your money with others who are less fortunate. Just because you can.

Read Linda’s post about how to donate.

Also, ask other people in your life if they would like to show some Christmas generosity to others, too.

Blessings to you all!

~Svasti

Thumpity thump

Tags

Anxiety, Birthday, Christmas, December, Depression, Increased heart rate, Post-traumatic stress, PTSD, Repression, Trauma

PTSD research

Another post inspired by Tackaberry Chronicles – this time, about how increased heart rate and respiration are predictors for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

As I read Michelle’s post, I realised my heart rate hasn’t been normal all day, actually.

An insidious aspect of PTSD… is the anxiety caused by the increased heart rate, or is the increased heart rate caused by the anxiety?

How is it, when there’s nothing in particular that I’m stressed about right now that my heart labours at an increased rate?

You know, as I wrote that, I just realised this isn’t a very good time of year for me. I probably shouldn’t spend so much time alone…

December 2005

From the time I was assaulted to that first Christmas after the fact… was just under two months.

I think I survived that time by just diving right back into work and suppressing the terror. I wanted it all to just go away, but as I’ve found out in incredibly brilliant fluorescent detail, trauma doesn’t actually fade away without help.

Trauma won’t leave you alone. You can ignore it for a while, but eventually you have to face it. If you want your life back.

I remember I bought a new outfit to wear on Christmas day. A brown knee-length cotton skirt and a reddish-brown sleeveless top. I remember my dad telling me how pretty I looked. I remember… no one mentioning anything at all about what had happened. I remember feeling dead inside.

Hello? Can anybody see me??

Maybe this is why I haven’t really enjoyed birthdays or Christmas’ since then… I don’t even remember what happened for my birthday that year. Possibly just the obligatory birthday dinner with the family…

It’s a struggle to remember the holiday periods at all since that time. Actually, I’ve had to check my email records to bring any of it into focus.

For December 2005, there aren’t any emails.

Then, in the days after Christmas… like right now… alone. I shut the door. No one was expecting me. I hadn’t made any plans.

And I fell to pieces.

It was around then I was in touch with G. I’d told him what was happening and he was very understanding. But I edited things down – about how bad it all was. Of course.

I saw no one. For New Year’s, I told my friends I was doing a mini yoga retreat – which I was – and wouldn’t be answering the phone or checking emails. But I was also dealing with insomnia, enormous amounts of anger, sadness, crying, bad dreams and so on…

December 2006

I’d spent most of the year waiting for things to get better. I really thought it was just gonna be a matter of time. I didn’t realise how much I really needed help. All year I felt very alone, and I was missing my Sydney friends terribly. It was the year of my bone graft surgery.

That year would bring my 35th birthday. So I decided to change the date, sort of. I took a solo road trip to Sydney in late November and organised birthday lunch with my friends, by the water in Pyrmont.

For my actual birthday back in Melbourne, I managed to get together a motley assortment of ‘friends’. K, the woman came to my rescue that night. And a few others. I basically got trashed. Thank you, Long Island Iced Tea. Many of them. Generally I don’t drink a lot or at all (I can go months without drinking anything) but for this milestone birthday, one I’d previously had such different plans for… I couldn’t let it pass without notice, but at the same time I couldn’t cope with it sober, either.

I don’t remember Christmas that year very much, except my sister was pregnant with my niece. There was a lot of focus on her, which suited me just fine, I guess.

December 2007

Oh. The most recent, yet possibly the worst, and the best. I’m kind of not ready to talk about the events of November/December last year. I’m embarrassed by my actions, my naiveté.

I thought I’d met someone I could trust, but I was very, very wrong.

For now, I’ll just say that those events brought on new lows of my depression. Which eventually resulted in the amazing conversation I had with my chiropractor. Which led me to H, my therapist (thank goodness).

That birthday was spent in tears. I did go out with a couple of friends, trying to enjoy myself but it didn’t go very well. Christmas Eve, I had a conversation that helped a lot. But the whole end of last year really sucked, actually.

This year

It seems for this birthday, the universe conspired to bring joy into my life despite my attempts to keep it on the down low. A lot of love from all over the world, in fact. Despite myself. In my workplace, my inbox, on my blog, Facebook, my phone and more. And I am very grateful, even though I may not have acted that way.

Christmas day was… well, I was sick. A throat infection/flu. So I was merry for a bit, did the present opening thing, ate some food and then pretty much passed out.

This whole thing has nothing to do with getting older… I don’t mind that in the least.

But I hadn’t realised til right about now, the impact of the past few years of Decembers – birthday and Christmas alike.

I should say… I used to love celebrating birthdays. Mine or anyone else’s. I’d run ‘festivale de birthday‘ – trying to stretch out celebrations for as long as possible.

For my mid-thirties, I’d had such different ideas on how my life would be. What I wanted for myself. Instead, I’ve let the darkness and the sadness overwhelm me, take over, and steal happiness and love from my days.

Sure, I’m stronger now. I know a lot more. And perhaps, it’s this level of understanding that I need in order to be ready for my future life – as someone providing service to others.

Perhaps.

It’ll be nice though, and a sign of great progress, when I can enjoy December once more.

~Svasti

Summer Christmas Wishes

Tags

Childhood memories, Christmas, Egg-nogg, Garbos, Horse drawn sleigh, Presents, Roast dinner, Santa, Seafood, Skiing, Summer

It’s a funny thing being on the ‘other side of the world’ from whence our ancestors came… and so our customs and traditions, whilst hailing from the north, are often out of synch with the seasons.

Here in the far, far south, as far away as those Brits could manage to create a penal colony… it’s mid-summer, not winter (although sometimes lately you wouldn’t know it, crazy weather).

For years, grown up Aussies have been trying to explain to kiddies why we have snow on Christmas cards, and why Santa doesn’t get hot wearing that thick coat when he delivers presents down here.

I’ve often craved a wintery Christmas experience (which might sound crazy to those of you who live in it). In fact, I still plan to bugger off to Austria or Canada one year, ride in a horse drawn sleigh, drink egg-nog, actually have to wrap up warmly, go skiing, and enjoy that hefty wintery roast dinner.

My family’s Christmas traditions for years did include the roast dinner and all the trimmings – try eating that in the heat! But in the last half a dozen years we wised up. Now its all seafood smorgasbord – baked fish, salmon, crab, mussels, oysters (eeeww to the former two), prawns, scallops – and on it goes. Fresh Australian seafood. Mmmmm…

Childhood Christmas memories are of stinking hot days tearing around in a swimsuit and jumping in the backyard pool my dad built. Splashing about, possibly with our new inflatable pool presents or diving rings or the like… or riding our new bikes out front… some years driving from one end of town to the other, squished in the back of the car, fighting amongst ourselves, probably in uncomfortable heat… visiting one set of grandparents for lunch and one for the  evening meal (leaving us very full).

For several years we had a ‘neighbourhood Santa’ – a guy sitting on the back of a station wagon dressed in a red suit, throwing lollies to the kids on Christmas Eve. Never found out who he was. Try ‘n’ get away with that these days!

All the fathers in the street would give a case of beer to the garbos [Aussie slang for garbage collectors] in the week leading up to Christmas. There was a definite sense of community… less about commercialism, more about people having a good time.

It was never (fortunately for me), a particularly religious time. Which is just as well given I seem to have been a born pagan/heathen. My family were basically without religion or any kind of spirituality.

By far, the most prominent childish Christmas memory is my excitement about the magic of it all. Before I didn’t, I really and truly believed in Santa. I was a child of faeries and mysteries. It seemed quite reasonable that a fat guy in a red suit could pull off the great present delivery once a year.

So, it was always hard to go to sleep. Then I’d wake up like clockwork before dawn, creeping out of the room my sister and I shared… to the lounge room where, to my delight, were three over-sized Christmas themed pillow-cases hung over the back of dining room chairs and packed full of presents!!

As middle child, my sack was in the center. I’d carefully, quietly unpack each new toy one at a time. Checking to see if Santa had read my letter and given me what I desired. After re-packing everything in reverse, if I hadn’t been ordered back to bed yet, I’d then systematically check my sister’s then my brother’s sacks too!

I never ever swapped anything, but I’d wake my sister up when I’d finished my investigations to tell her Santa had been, trying to drag her out of bed to see for herself. If she didn’t come, I’d start telling her what Santa had brought her! 😉

My parents always heard me at some point – get back to bed now – they knew I’d be up, like the ghost of Christmas present, haunting the goodies til it was ‘official’ get out of bed time.

That waking up early thing on Christmas day, it lasted a long time. Twas my late teens actually, before I was able to kick that unconscious habit.

Wishing you all a wonderful day, however you celebrate…

~Svasti

P.S. For a very different and very beautiful take on an Aussie Christmas… read AnthroYogini’s Deep Desert Christmas!

My throat is a ghetto for germs

Tags

Australia, Ayurvedic remedy, Christmas, Dinacharya, Dosha, Dyslexia, Gargle, Germs, Ghetto, Hot male nurse, Neti pot, Summer, Throat infection, Turmeric, Twitter

A certain someone (remaining nameless to protect the hypocritical) jokingly accused me of ripping content I’d used in private conversations for blog post material. Well, derr! 😉

Hence the title of this post… something I Twittered earlier today.

Its two days before Christmas – and don’t forget, folks, its summer down here in the wonderful land of Oz – and I’m sick.

The whole left right (there goes my dyslexia) side of my throat feels like I’ve got a huge chunk of heated metal shoved down my mouth and lodged there, kinda underneath my jawline. Glands are up, throat is raging, and my head feels kinda mushy.

Went for a short walk down to the corner shop earlier and well, it wasn’t exactly an experience of normality. And just now, I awoke from a deep sleep and its only 9.30pm.

I’m not a very good sick patient. I sulk, a little. I’m a touch pathetic. Makes me wish I didn’t live alone – oh, for a compassionate (and hot) male nurse to bring me endless pots of green tea and tend to my every whim! (All I want for Christmas…)

But I digress.

I wanted to introduce two of my favourite sore throat fighting weapons – they’re usually very effective, but today… not so much. Clearly these germs haven’t run their course, and need further applications.

Sore throat weapon #1: Turmeric & sea salt gargle

This is an Ayurvedic remedy.

Mix up some warm water, sea salt and turmeric. Don’t ask me for measurements – I pretty much just shove in there whatever seems to be right.

It’s disgusting – but make a big glass. Then systematically, suck a mouthful back at a time and gargle for as long as you can stand it. Repeat. Eventually you’ll wanna rinse your mouth with plain water.

If you don’t have turmeric, try cayenne pepper.

Sore throat weapon #2: Neti pot

Folks, let me introduce you to my neti pot. Sure, it kinda looks like a mini watering can. And it is – just not for plants.

It’s my bestest friend on the health front after yoga and meditation. It’s also a tool of dinacharya (as is gargling really) – the daily practice of taking care of your physical body and health (which I only tend to do parts of).

Perhaps it’s not immediately obvious, but there’s a major connection between the health of the sinuses and the throat. I mean, think about it… the sinuses are filters that do their best to keep all the unwanted external world goop from permeating our bodies. But eventually it accumulates and then… drip, drip, drip… your throat is the first port of call.

So, good sinus health = good throat and then lung health.

Note: It’s best to get a proper run down from someone before having a go at this for yourself. But just briefly, you create a salt water mixture that’s around body temperature and about as salty as your tears. If burns, the mixture is too salty.

To start, tilt your head to one side, insert the nozzle in your nostril and let the water flow out through the other one. Not out your mouth. Once you’re halfway through the water supply, swap nostrils and reverse the flow.

This can be repeated as many times as necessary although it’s important to clear out the excess water in between – which includes much blowing of the nose and some bastrika breath performed bent over with your head down.

Neti can be performed every day if required although it’s a good idea to consider your dosha (constitution) first – for some people… all that water on the brain ain’t a good idea!

It can however, feel quite amazing. Not just in the sinuses either.

So… this is what I’ll be doing again very shortly. Trying in desperation to: a) make it to my team’s Christmas lunch tomorrow (knock off at 12 noon), and; b) ensure I’m in one piece on the 25^th for the annual family seafood cook up (seafood is a better option than heavy roast dinner in summer)…

~Svasti

Circles of samsara

Tags

Apologies, Christmas, Friday night, I'm sorry, Love, Misunderstanding, Samsara, Suffering, Trams

Out and about Friday night after a relatively serious drinking session with friends (for me, more than three glasses is serious!)… I waited at the tram stop outside the Arts Centre.

A handful of minutes pass and a young girl approaches, crying. Lost and upset, she doesn’t have a jacket – always a bad idea in Melbourne unless it’s the middle of a heat wave (the saying goes: Melbourne – if you don’t like the weather just wait five minutes).

She wanted to use my mobile to call her boyfriend. I obliged. They had a brief, catty and drunken conversation before she hung up on him.

Eventually, she told me her name and what’d happened. She’d jumped on a tram to find out where it was going – but it took off. And her boyfriend’s crime was that he hadn’t followed her.

So they were separated. He had her phone and money and she was stranded. Also, she didn’t know the way to his house exactly, where she was staying.

She was crying and swearing at her boyfriend, utterly furious with him.

I called him back and asked what I could do to help her. He asked if I could put her in a cab and he’d pay for it at the other end.

Easier said than done at one in the morning this close to Christmas.

But we tried. We went to the side of the road (trams run down the center) and I put my arm around her to keep her warm.

The cab didn’t materialise but a tram arrived going the right way… so we both got on – luckily there was a female tram driver, who helped me figure out where this young thing (just twenty-three) needed to go.

Still really pissed at her boyfriend, she was calling him every name under the sun. But when I questioned her about things, it was clear she was just mad at herself and blamed him. Because she could.

As we talked she finally agreed, several times, that it wasn’t her boyfriend’s fault, what’d happened.

I kept her talking until my stop. The lady tram driver said she’d call a cab for the girl from the terminal to get her the last leg home. Other passengers were also really lovely, looking out for her. I gave her a hug and said goodnight.

A little later her boyfriend called me – she hadn’t arrived at his place yet. He sounded really concerned and upset. I explained where she was and that she was okay.

Funny thing is… they were both so mad at each other over a silly drunken Friday night misunderstanding.

And what did I learn from all of this? Despite the late hour and being rather sozzled… I saw how easy it is to blame people for stuff that isn’t their fault, especially when we’re already hurting in some way. And make them the object of our anger…

One person reacts. The next person reacts to that person’s reaction – or what they’ve understood of it anyway… a snowball begins, picking up speed.

Just another way in which the human malaise of general delusion and madness strikes… and we have a choice every single time:

To let the momentum build, grow larger, and become overblown. And cause pain to another for no damn good reason – potentially damaging that relationship.

Or… stop.

Call a spade, a spade. Laugh at yourself for your own madness. And pull it apart. The whole stupid thing.

With love.

~Svasti