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Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

~ Recovery from PTSD & depression + yoga, silliness & poetry…

Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

Tag Archives: claustrophobia

Because I’m a dot-dot-dot

28 Saturday Aug 2010

Posted by Svasti in Fun

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

backpacking, claustrophobia, Egypt, giant flat screen TV, kirtan, Luxor, pedicure, pyramids of Giza, salsa, Valley of the Kings, vodka martinis, wandering sadhu, wilds of nature, Yoga

Had a bit of a HUGE night out last night, most unexpectedly. Catching up with an old workmate (in town from Sydney) I haven’t seen in almost six years. There were vodka martinis involved, and towards the end of the night a very fun-loving woman I’d met only ten minutes earlier was trying to hook me up with some very inappropriate men. Men, quick, run the other way!! I don’t date anymore, doesn’t she know that? Haha!

It was a rather late night out, and combined with alcohol (which I rarely touch these days), today I am wiped. I was meant to be going out tonight but instead I’m mouching around my apartment, feeling a little fluey and just a touch avoid-y about writing the things I REALLY need to write about.

So instead, you get this. Which I borrowed from Rachel. Who in turn borrowed it from others. Because it’s fun and because otherwise I wouldn’t be writing anything here at all.

  1. The most adventurous thing I’ve ever done is… I don’t know if this is the MOST adventurous thing, but it’s what I want to write about right now. Many years ago I visited Egypt with my then-boyfriend. I think I was 22 or 23. We had two weeks in this mad, wild and ancient place and I loved every minute of it. I hope I get to go back some day!
    I’m trying to remember if it was at the Pyramids of Giza or down in the Valley of the Kings in Luxor, but I found myself going into this (once) secret passage-way inside of some dusty old tomb. Thing is – getting into the secret passage-way required lying on one’s back and shimmying underneath a thick stone wall. The space inside was not terribly generous either. I did it without thinking and ever-after I’ve had this feeling of claustrophobia whenever I think of what I did.
  2. If I were a pair of shoes I would be… as close to barefoot as possible, while still being relatively stylish (think painted toenails and a pedicure) and something you can take backpacking around the world. I dunno what kind of shoe that is, but yeah!
  3. My preferred mode of digital communication is… well, it used to be email. But these days I find it easier to reply to tweets than emails. Oh uhhh, and then there’s this blog I have…
  4. I feel happiest when… I’m singing (kirtan, so it’s a shame about tonight), dancing (at a live music gig, salsa or belly-dancing etc), and doing yoga. Also, whenever I’m in the wilds of nature. Oh. Yes.
  5. A little dream I have for my life is to… ummm, I actually find this one a little challenging right now. It’s been a while since I allowed myself to have dreams for my life at all, and I’m still not real good with that. But here’s one: living somewhere in Asia, teaching yoga and perhaps being a freelance writer and published author. Living a very simple and joyous life, with not a single giant flat screen TV in sight. Yep, that’ll do.
  6. The one modern convenience I could NOT do without is… Yup, the internet! A little while ago, I wrote this tweet: “Y’know, I really wouldn’t mind the life of a wandering sadhu. As long as I could keep my internets”.
  7. Music, movies, TV or books: if I could only choose one to enjoy I would pick… music of all kinds. Beautiful vocals, instrumental stuff, tribal drumming music and everything in-between. Except for metal and country. Not really my thing!

~Svasti

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Another good reason to be a yogi…

04 Tuesday May 2010

Posted by Svasti in Fun, Life

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

AcroYoga, claustrophobia, coffin-like, kirtan, kumbhaka, lasers, Lighthouse Family, magnetic forces, MRI, nanna nap, panic attack, pesky shoulder, physio, Yoga Balance, yogi

All that breath control’s gotta be good for something other than kumbhaka, right? And yes, it is!

It’s fantastic for when you find yourself lying half-naked on a table and wearing one of those flimsy paper gowns, all squished up into a coffin-like machine to get an MRI of one’s left shoulder. Yes indeed folks – that was my Friday night last week!

All on account of that pesky shoulder injury of mine. Hopefully, it’s met its match now and won’t defy diagnosis much longer. I’m grateful for that. But I’m not grateful for the non-rebate-able $280 bill! Apparently I can’t even claim it on my health insurance (and for the US folk, here in Australia we do actually have affordable health insurance that’s usually pretty good at rebating medical services).

So. The MRI is one heck of a weird experience. One of the first questions they ask you before getting started is whether or not you suffer claustrophobia. And hey, even if you don’t, there’s a good chance you’ll dislike being inside an MRI machine while being strapped to the table/bed. It probably isn’t so bad if you’re getting the lower half of your body scanned. But when it’s your head or shoulders, you get ferried head-first into the roundish un-spacious innards of the machine.

And being a yogi helps because you’re instructed to breathe from the diaphragm (long and slow), to make sure the pictures don’t come out blurry. I can only imagine how tough it might be to manage this task if you’re finding the whole thing rather anxiety-inducing!

As for me – well, it’s not been too many months since my last panic attack, so I played it safe and mostly kept my eyes shut, focusing on breathing and repeating my mantra. I was given headphones to wear in a (failed) attempt to block out the really loud noises the machine makes – it sort of sounded like road works with lots of banging. More practically, the headphones allowed the technician to communicate with me while I was entombed (it definitely felt a little tomb-like when I did open my eyes for a few seconds). But I really could’ve done without the bland GOLD FM music streaming through them at the same time.

The interesting part about it was that I could feel the magnetic forces as the scans were in progress. All up I had about six scans and each one took around 6-8 minutes. The sensations were quite varied – everything from heat to prickly-ness, to feeling like lasers were radiating through me. The weirdest was feeling as though my body was being pushed around at a particle level and from the inside. Which was probably all of those big magnets in the MRI machine I guess…

Anyhow, I see my physio this Thursday. Fingers crossed I don’t need surgery. Though I guess if I do… argh! More $$ I don’t have but will have to find because while I can cope for a bit, I don’t really want my repertoire of asana to be limited on a permanent basis if I can help it. And it’d be nice if that pain thing could be taken care of, too. 😉

The rest of the weekend was much more fun! Kirtan and after-kirtan dinner on Saturday night followed by Yoga Balance (a form of AcroYoga) on Sunday…

I had no idea how much energy this kind of thing takes (prompting a late afternoon nanna nap)! I got to be both the base (person on the bottom) and the flier (person balancing on top of another person). No photos from my session though, but maybe next time. It was So Much Fun!!

Woke up yesterday still feeling sleepy and tired, so it was a very mellow start to the week. Perhaps that’s why I had a bit of a musical flashback to just over ten years ago, when I was working as the office manager of a chiropractic/natural health business in Sydney. We used to like playing beautiful and uplifting music and one of the chiropractors who worked there introduced us to the Lighthouse Family.

It’s not so much my musical taste now, but I did LOVE these guys back then. And listening to them yesterday made me feel really great. Enjoy!!

~Svasti

-37.814251 144.963169
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