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Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

~ Recovery from PTSD & depression + yoga, silliness & poetry…

Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

Tag Archives: Facebook

Generating lurvvve – part 1

07 Wednesday Oct 2009

Posted by Svasti in Learnings, Spirituality, Yoga

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

ardha chandrasana, bhakti, Cycling, direct realisation, Enter your zip code here, Facebook, Inspiration, kaleidoscopic, kirtan, Krishna Das, kryptonite, Love, neediness, Om Namah Shivaya, Shadow Yoga, Sri Krishna Govinda, Suffering, Yoga, Yoga of Chant

A kaleidoscope mandala

Recently life’s been a little kaleidoscopic. So much going on, it’s kinda hard to work out what I’m actually meant to be focusing on.

Which can be good and not so good. Then when there’s half a moment to calm down, sometimes things settle in a pattern that makes sense of the world a little more.

And that’s good, right?

So, last week I heard this (voice in my head), then wrote it down AND made it my Facebook status:

Do something you love, something from the core of your being. Give over to it entirely. Let your heart open. It makes all the difference…

And today I’d like to add this:

Doing the things you love, generates love.

See, I’ve been thinking a lot about our outward seeking culture recently and how needy we human beings are as a result.

To clarify, there are two broad definitions of need that I’m talking about here:

Need type #1 – fundamentals that help us to live. E.g. oxygen, sunlight, breathing, nutritious food, love (yes, I think love falls into this group). Characterised by things we do not thrive without.

Need type #2 – internal or external objects of desire that we crave. E.g. entertainment, clothes, physical appearance, other people, money, cars, houses, iPods, travel, fame etc. Characterised by a belief they will improve our self-image/confidence etc.

Of course, needs from type #1 can and do cross over into needs from type #2. And we tend to believe strongly that needs type #2 are in fact, needs type #1.

I’ve been wondering about that. Why? Why are we so needy? How do we get these different types of needs so messed up?

And I confess. Most of my life I’ve felt that sense of need, based on what I think I’m missing. How, if only I had a boyfriend who loved me, or more money, or more friends, or if I was prettier, or wasn’t such a dork, or had a home of my own, or children or nicer/better taste in clothes, or if I was taller/shorter/thinner, or if I didn’t have to work for a living or… you get my drift… that I’d be happier.

Maybe other people are smarter than me and have this stuff figured out already? But I’d be willing to bet that most of us, even if it’s only in a very subtle way these days, experience that kind of need. It can make a person feel desperate at times. Or hollow, even.

But generally, we just think less of ourselves because we don’t have what we think we need.

This my friends, is need type #2. The kind of need that creates suffering because it makes us feel incomplete in some way. But actually this is really just the default human condition, until we get sick of it that is, and seek another path.

For me, that path is yoga. And what I’m trying to convey here are some personal realisations combined with everything I’ve studied and learned to date.

So, let me talk a little about my own personal kryptonite: love. Or the lack thereof.

I’ve had such a funny relationship with love in my lifetime. Mostly, I’ve felt like I never had enough love, or enough of the right kind of love. Not accepted. Not wanted.

And if you believe it, and so it will be.

Like many people I grew up believing that we must be loved by someone else in order to have love, and to feel like we are valued. And much of the “evidence” in my life suggested that I was not valued very highly at all!

I have a good idea how these beliefs arose. As far as I can tell they date back at least several generations before I was even born. I grew up saturated in them and so of course, I’ve inhabited those ideas for myself.

At the same time, as I’ve been re-counting, my other life-long goal has been spiritual evolvement, before I even knew what that meant. There’s been this ongoing battle between my extreme neediness and my desire to shed such a limited view of life.

Of course, throw a few traumatic experiences into a person’s life, and watch the neediness factor multiply. Especially if they’ve got screwy ideas about love in the first place.

I’d say this is something that’s plagued my relationships and friendships for most of my life. Even worse, it’s had endless impacts on my relationship with my Self…

A few weeks back I went to something called ‘Yoga of Chant’, conveniently held at a yoga studio just a five minute cycle from my place. It was advertised on a meet up website that I’ve used before, and I was immediately drawn.

First one I didn’t get to as I was at home with a horrible flu. So disappointing! Second one was only two weeks later and I was determined to go! Of course, it had to bucket down rain just as I was leaving. I arrived kind of sodden but it was worth it.

Had to peel off my plastic pants and rain jacket, so the chanting (or kirtan) started before I found a seat. The dude running the group (a yoga teacher) played electric keyboard and sang (gorgeous voice!) while his friend played double bass (it worked really, really well), while we sang extended versions of Sri Krishna Govinda and Om Namah Shivaya mantras (Krishna Das style).

I don’t get too many opportunities for kirtan here in Melbourne (i.e. none) and this one rocked. It was kinda awesome actually and for me, there was real bhakti in the singing – loudly, deeply, from the very center of my heart.

Its not that I have a fantastic voice, but I absolutely ADORE singing kirtan.

Next day I was still buzzing, and had this lovely-warm-gooey-heart-opening sensation most of the day. The sort of feeling I get when I do ardha chandrasana and reeeaaalllly rotate and open through the torso…

…times about a hundred!

Interesting, I thought… and went to the next one (last Saturday actually).

The other thing I did last Saturday was attend a free Shadow Yoga class (more about that in another post). And I came away literally glowing with happiness. I could feel it, and I noticed other people noticing it, too.

Cycling home from the yoga class (before the kirtan), that’s when those words popped into my mind: Do something you love, something from the core of your being. Give over to it entirely. Let your heart open. It makes all the difference…

And I got it. Hey, sometimes it takes me a while to get things!

Ohhhhhhh! By doing things you really, really, REALLY enjoy, you are generating love for yourself and other people? And when you do that, there’s no sense of neediness? No space for miserable, self-defeating thoughts? No feeling bereft, adrift and craving connection with others, because the connection is already generated with yourself, through the LOVE you’ve been pumping out via your own actions?

Ahhhh..!!!

That’s what happens sometimes, when you shake all the pretty pieces of coloured light in your kaleidoscope to reveal a mandala you probably already knew about on some level… but had never experienced for yourself.

Until that moment when you do.

And it changes EVERYTHING.

[Read part 2]

~Svasti

-37.814251 144.963169

The fame of others

12 Friday Jun 2009

Posted by Svasti in Fun

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

bloggers, Facebook, fame, Jennifer Aniston, super-fantastico-cool, Twitter, yoga bloggers brat pack, yoga bloggers hall of fame, Yoga Journal

Yoga Bloggers Hall of Fame - Yoga Dork

Right, I’m gonna flaunt my connections to the glamorous world of the Yoga Bloggers Hall of Fame!

Things were all a-Twitter yesterday with a rumour (on the grapevine) there’d been a mention of the venerable Yoga Dork blog in the rather popular Yoga Journal magazine!

At first it was just hearsay, and then there was a confirmed sighting! Finally, there was extensive photographic proof!

Anyways, seems Yoga Dork wasn’t the only blogger I know who got a mention in the article. Not that I’m name-dropping or a groupie or anything, mind you…

But the article also included honourable mentions for Yoga, the Mind & Culture (Brooks)!!

Yoga Bloggers Hall of Fame - Brooks Hall

Okay, there were others too. Blogs I haven’t read before (but probably will now).

So how cool is that?!

I’ll tell you – its super-fantastico-cool!!

It’s like Yoga Journal have called a trend – they’ve picked the first generation of brat pack yoga bloggers out there doin’ their thang.

Have to wonder though, now these kids have been noticed… will life change drammatically overnight? Will they forsake their friends and long term readers for a brand new celebrity following? Will they become friends with Jennifer Aniston (noted yogi) on Facebook?

Suddenly, the world has so many possibilities!

Maybe their blogs will be turned into books and/or movies??

Ironically, this article about yoga blogs isn’t available on Yoga Journal’s website (doh!), which would’ve added some lovely back links to everyone’s blogs. Oh well…

Hopefully, at least a handful of the gazillion readers of Yoga Journal will carry their mag to their computer and faithfully type in each URL, find out more about the above-mentioned blogs and stay on.

Even if that’s like, 1% of their readership, that’ll still be heaps and heaps.

As for me, I’m getting ready to ride on their coat-tails, becoming part of the entourage, wearing over-sized brand name sunglasses, driving real fast to avoid all the paps and living off the fortunes of others! 😉

Or well… maybe not. But I’m still super-pleased for those who’ve gained a little attention for their excellent yoga-writing ways!

~Svasti

-37.814251 144.963169

Something for nothing

30 Saturday May 2009

Posted by Svasti in Learnings, Life

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Blessings, Blog, Facebook, Generosity, Giving, good luck, Human kindness, Kindness, Love, service work, Twitter, Unemployed, Yoga

Nearly lost it on the way home from my yoga studio today. No, not falling off my bike… instead, deep sobs of gratitude welling from the pit of my stomach.

Had a little temp work in the last week, from Friday to Friday, four hours a day. Crazy little job really. Sitting on a reception desk where the phone hardly rings, and being told Oh, just look up whatever you like online… They worried if I’d be bored, without realising what an internet addict they had on their hands. Being paid to read blogs/Twitter/Facebook for four hours a day really isn’t bad, considering I’d be doing just that anyway…

Due to this surge of gainful employment, I wasn’t able to do all my hours at the yoga studio this week. Which kinda freaked me out, as I don’t like to disappoint once I’ve made an agreement.

But my yoga teacher said not to worry, and that it was better for me to be out there earning money. Actually, she’s been apologising for only being able to offer me cleaning work – can you imagine? Several times I’ve explained how damn grateful I am to be offered anything at all.

And it’s not that I’m superstitious or anything, but sometimes the space for a change of any kind requires a realignment. If you can’t make it happen yourself, a warm hearted and caring person can perhaps do it for you.

But certainly, I’ve seen more work in this last week than I have in three months. And none of it happened until after my teacher went out of her way to help me. I’m just sayin’.

So anyway, I arrived two hours early today to catch up on my hours for the week. Cleaning I find, is service work of a sort. It brings me joy to help maintain a place that’s becoming like a second home for me.

Then five hours of class, and as I’m leaving my teacher asked me if I’d like to be paid for my work thus far – literally half of the time I’d agreed to. Given it was that or withdrawing more money out of my dangerously depleted bank account, I said sure.

And get this – she pays me as if I’d worked 100% of the hours. Tells me it’s for good luck when I suggested she didn’t have to do that.

So I’m leaving with cash in my pocket, only half of which I’d actually earned and my eyes stinging madly. They’ve been stinging on and off all night.

Tried to think about the last time I did something for someone like that – just gave them money or goods or food – directly benefitting them in a way they really need.

Sure, I donate clothes and belongings to charities on a regular basis. But it’s not quite the same, is it?

Not that it was a lot of money but it wasn’t nothing either, and it’s gonna keep me afloat in the coming week.

It means a great deal more to me than that, though. Such a powerful act of kindness is a teaching in itself, isn’t it?

~Svasti

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