Clumsiness, Accountants & Song Hauntings

Tags

Accountants, ax refund, Batman, Clumsy, Depression, Dream Catch Me, George Clooney, Klutz, Newton Faulkner, Tax return

A little secret

Okay, here’s something I haven’t really shared on my blog til now (tho it’s no secret to friends and family)… I’m a major league klutz.

Like, if there was a celebrity-style A list and B list etc for klutz’s then I’d be like… George Clooney A list material.

Yep. I am that serious a klutz.

Too many broken bones, sprained joints, and other soft tissue damage to count – well I did try once actually, and it wasn’t pretty. So let’s not go there.

Today, things started off with a bang. Or was that a crash? Or… it was a loud noise anyway. Came directly after I missed the second step as my workmate and I were leaving a client meeting. Certain there was only one step (there were two in reality), I was looking backwards and talking to the client while stepping forwards and…

I know I’m falling, and in the microseconds that exist between mid air and finding a landing that’s not too damaging (thank goodness for yoga, martial arts training, learning to ride/fall off horses when I was young, etc), I remind myself to relax.

Left foot makes contact with the floor, head is in danger of some nastiness, til I pull back a little and right knee followed by left knee and then right hand take most of the impact on the concrete floor. On the flip side, I saved myself from being impaled on shop fittings, which is always a bonus.

I swore my workmate to secrecy and kept quiet about my embarrassment. But then the aches kicked in. Damage isn’t too bad though… one skinned and two sore knees, achey right wrist and I can feel some of the muscles through the core of my body (the ones that saved my head from the floor).

But I am feeling a tad sorry for myself right about now… a grown woman and I still can’t be graceful. Hrmph!!!

Tax and bike trash opera

To add to my strange day, I finally got my act together see my new accountant (referral from my good friend L, I love that girl!). Wonderful man.

Til now, hadn’t done my taxes for the past three years (happens I reckon when you’re going through depression and stuff) and was expecting a modest refund back.

Ahem. Will be getting a little more than a modest refund! Though, most of it I won’t even see. Gotta pay back my folks and pay off a credit card bill (hooray!). But, there’ll be some cash left over to spend on stuff I desperately need/want.

Like fixing my bike.

It needed a service anyways… but then as I’m riding home from the accountant (way across town), I was cranking it up a hill when I felt my bike seat move a little. Then… crack! It fell right off! Couldn’t work out how to bolt it all back together on the side of the road…

So I rode back to my office without a seat (not so comfy), locked it up (there’s a bike shop near work) and feeling exhausted and a little sore, flagged down a cab (couldn’t be stuffed taking the bus).

That’s when it happened again. The song that’s been haunting my life came on the radio of the cab.

Ever been haunted by a song?

Now, I know this is gonna sound hokey, but…

I don’t even particularly like this song (a little too boppy and positive or something).

Don’t own the music, never bought the album. It’s called ‘Dream Catch Me‘ by Newton Faulkner (had to Google that).

The lyrics are all a bit self-empowerment based, too… not that I’m saying that’s a good thing or a bad thing, mind.

I tell ya, this song freakin’ follows me around!

Sorta started whenever it was I decided to quit my job last year. Every time I’ve made a significant decision, this song has literally played on the same day. Never by me. It’s just been around…

Like – when I quit my job, packing up my house/moving, travelling to the airport on the way to Thailand, just before and after getting my current job, finding my new home… others I can’t recall (thanks crappy memory) and then today, getting in the cab. After finally seeing the accountant.

Now, I know I could be hearing the song other times, but then especially noticing it at certain moments, but it’s kinda weird that it haunts all the ‘good’ moments in my life in recent times…

Don’t ask me how the embarrassing fall and bike seat breaking fits in to ‘good’ moments. But lemme just say the visit to the accountant was very good. Like, superpowers good.

As in, I haven’t been fantastic about taking care of myself, my health, my affairs… none of those things in the past few years. I simply didn’t care, or didn’t have the energy to do anything about it if I did care.

But this year, things are starting to shift.

Like – I’m not sleeping in all hours of the night and day any more. I can actually get up when my alarm goes off. For the longest time, I didn’t even hear it go off.

And – there’s the year and a half where I ran away down to the beach to live. Or rather, to hide. Didn’t have many people over to visit. And I didn’t go out much at all. Especially on weekends where I’d literally only leave the house to buy groceries.

So, taking charge of doing my taxes, along with my yoga course, improved ability to get out of bed, and getting the therapy help I need… all add up to me kicking depression’s ass!!

Just a little bit more, y’know?

~Svasti

Are we all insane? Not a movie review…

Tags

Basic sanity, Brad Pitt, Burn After Reading, Cinema, Clear seeing, Cohen Brothers, Frances McDormand, George Clooney, House hunting, insanity, John Malkovich, Response, Spiritual work, Stimulus, Tilda Swinton

My rather pathetic attempts at house hunting this weekend ended with little to show for my efforts. This is partly due to poor planning. What I really should’ve done (and will do next weekend) is hire a car. All these places you’ve gotta get to in a short space of time not so easy on the ol’ public transport.

After viewing a couple of places (duds), I found myself in one of my old haunting grounds. I allowed myself to be diverted, knowing I wouldn’t get to see all the places I wanted to see, and resolving to do better next weekend.

So I felt drawn towards the local art house cinema. Well, it does play mainstream movies too, but it’s a great venue for seeing flicks on the road less travelled. I went to see “Burn After Reading” the Cohen Brothers’ latest offering.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. But not because of George Clooney and Brad Pitt! And not even because of John Malkovich, Frances McDormand or Tilda Swinton. It’s full of dark humour a-plenty which tickled my fancy almost as much as some of the slap-stick moments.

But none of these were the reason I enjoyed it so much.

What was blatantly clear as the story unfolded was the madness of mankind. We’re all happy to point the finger at someone else’s craziness, but we often fail to see our own day to day activities or thoughts as quite insane.

Frances McDormand’s character justifies her attempt at bribery due to her desperation for plastic surgery. When her first plan fails, she is insistent it could still work: “There’s always the Chinese!”

George Clooney’s smooth player/nutter was so sure he was in control until his encounter with Brad Pitt in the wardrobe. Things took a turn for the worse when he realised who was following him and why. His is easily one of the most lost characters in the movie, and his ultimate spin into paranoia is splendid to watch.

Mr Malkovich on first appearance is logical and rational. Even if he is an alcoholic. But in the end proves to be just as crazy as the others.

Richard Jenkins as the owner of the gym where Frances and Brad work even has his moments. In his misguided but well meaning way, he brings disaster down on his own head (a pun for those who’ve seen the movie), in the name of love.

Thing is, it’s possible to sympathise with each of these characters. From their own particular world view, everything they think and do is quite logical. Even when it’s clear they are deluded.

My Guru talks about ‘basic sanity’. He says there’s no point attempting spiritual work until you are basically sane. That said, many of my Guru’s students (including me) are still struggling with 100% basic sanity ourselves!

Perhaps the most ubiquitous and subtle form of our madness is plain old every day insanity which is in fact how most people function.

Let me try to explain…

Human beings take what we think we see and assign it a meaning regardless how relevant or irrelevant that meaning is. We do this in all sorts of situations down to the tiniest thoughts and feelings.

We layer many such meanings on top of each other and then we assume we see things clearly based on what we already ‘know’. As long as we’re not on medication, we think we are sane and logical.

But what do we really actually really ‘know’?

How can we be sure we haven’t hoodwinked ourselves at some point, or at multiple points? When do we truly see clearly?

We regularly assume the actions and reactions of others around us are personal. But most of the time other people are too busy doing the same thing as we do ourselves, within the confines of their own befuddled brains.

George Clooney’s character demonstrates this very well when he freaks out in the park with Frances McDormand.

Clear seeing is crucial to basic sanity. By that I mean seeing reality as it actually is. Without story. Separating fact from exaggeration and emotional bias.

Once clear seeing comes to the party, it’s possible to create some space between stimulus and response. And learn to become detached and non-reactive in a way you never could before.

Which means most of us are insane to one degree or another. We don’t possess basic sanity when our daily experience is one of stimulus / response / stimulus / response without pause.

For mine, yoga/meditation is the path that delivers this knowledge for me. It can create the ‘gaps’ required to allow basic sanity to gain a foothold.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t other paths that work just as well. But when people start assuming their way is the only way that too is a form of madness.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, that’s okay. That probably means that you’re a little insane and you just don’t know it.

But don’t worry – you’re in good company with a solid 95% or more of the world’s population!

~Svasti