Spreading the Flowers lurve again

Tags

AnthroYogini, Award, blog award, GO! Smell The Flowers, Kinky Grace, Little BigGirl, Official Flower Smeller, The Nature of My Circuitry, Writing to Survive

This award serves to acknowledge others who are in their own way, smelling the flowers.

It’s November still (but only just)… and whilst I don’t plan to dish out the Go! Smell the Flowers ‘Official Flower Smeller Award‘ each and every month…

I’ve been getting to know some inspirational bloggers recently – and thought they could do with a shout out.

Ofcourse… like everyone says about giving out these award thingys, it’s hard to choose and I don’t ever mean to insult someone by not giving them one… I read a heap of blogs (you should see my RSS reader – it’s an absolute shocker!) and I wouldn’t read ’em if I didn’t like ’em (much less comment…) but well, these are the blogs inspiring me in recent times…

So who can be a Flower Smeller exactly??

Could be anyone. They may have recovered from an illness, written a book, made waves in the blogosphere, inspired others, made a major shift in their life, quit the rat race, discovering their greatness and on it GO!s as more examples from around the world start to surface. They may not even have an online presence at all – that’s where this award differs!

This batch of awards go to…

1. Kinky Grace

A relatively new blog, Kinky Grace uses words with astonishing simplicity, and without drama, yet conveys both her day to day life right through to the most shocking stories of her life… with a sincere naiveté and beauty. I’m impressed with her writing and where her blog is heading and I think its well worth a gander…

2. Writing to Survive

She’s already been given plenty, but she doesn’t have a Flower Smeller Award yet! I’ve only recently found Jennifer’s blog but I’m so glad I did! She’s a writer who mines her painful history to poignant effect. Whilst at the tender age of sixteen, she gave bith to a still-born baby, one she was planning to give up but… what does that matter? Her writing makes me cry…

3. AnthroYogini

What do you get when you cross an anthropologist with a yogini? An AnthroYogini ofcourse! And one that lives and works in Alice Springs, a rather remote part of Australia (we have plenty of remote parts since we mostly live around the edges of this wide brown land). AnthroYogini (aka Amanda) writes about yoga, her life, dealings with depression, her family, being an anthropologist, finishing her PhD and sometimes her cracking Aussie takes on life, the universe and everything.

4. The Nature of My Circuitry

Victor and I seem to read each other’s stuff and kinda go… yeah. He’s more obtuse than I am… and certainly a great deal more up front about his relationship with his mother… and displays both extreme rage and a complete sensitivity (say, about the whereabouts of his missing hamster – and no, that’s not a metaphor for anything people!).

Read his stuff. Its intense and its kinda out there…

5. Little BigGirl

She keeps it on the down-low, she doesn’t complain very much, and she’s doing a wonderful job. This is a shout out to a dear friend of mine and some-time reader of this blog.

Earlier this year, her boyfriend (whom she moved to London to be with) contracted bowel cancer. He’s in his early thirties for crying out loud! The day after I learned this news, I couldn’t work out if I’d dreamt it or not… Luckily the medics, they caught it early and his prognosis is good.

LBG is her boyfriend’s main support, in a country that isn’t her own, without the local network of her own family or Aussie friends being close by. It’s been incredibly rough on both of them but they’re making it through.

Darlin’ I want to say how proud I am of you, and how much I admire your spirit and your loving heart, being there for your man the way you have. You are strong and beautiful.

Oh, and you rock!!

[Note: I’m not linking to her blog unless she wants me to, since its really a very personal one for friends and family]

Award winners – CONGRATS!!!

Just leave a comment at this post to accept your award and the badge is yours.

Of course, that’s if you want to… and whilst there’s rules for this award, if you wanna be a maverick and ignore them (although that’s almost de rigueur these days and so its more crazy to acutally go by the rules…) then go right ahead!

The rules are:

1. Publish the Flower Smeller badge (top of the page) on your blog, and award it to 5 others by writing a post with links to the 5 blogs or websites (or whatever) that you choose.
2. From now until eternity you can award this badge to a maximum of 5 people per month as and when you come across more Flower Smellers. And – if you do, contact GSTF to let them know the 5 you choose so they can add them to the Flower Smeller section of their site and the Flower Smeller blogroll.
3. Link to the post where your award was announced, so people can read about the origin of the award and find their way to the GSTF community.
4. Write a post announcing your award, proudly displaying the Flower Smeller badge.
5. All Flower Smellers – note that you may be approached to write a 500 word account of yourself to feature in the GSTF 2009 book – it could happen to you!!

~Svasti

Human violence

Tags

Abuse, Assault, GO! Smell The Flowers, Human rights, Post-traumatic stress, PTSD, Violence, Violence against women

Over at the irrepressible Go! Smell The Flowers blog, one of the regular contributors “Aussie Cynic” (aka A/C aka Kesa) has written a post titled “Go On! Speak Out!“.

The topic is International Human Rights Day and International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

Something kinda close to my heart.

A/C asked some questions at the end of her impassioned post… True to form, in response I wrote a small essay in the comments, and I asked A/C if it’d be cool if reproduced those comments here.

Note: I’ve cleaned it up a little (and fixed the typos).

Without further ado, here’s my long and rambling response…

****

Violence against women… well, one particular woman – me – is the very reason my blog was born.

It’s my creative outlet for all of the pain, terror, trauma, repression, depression and post-traumatic stress I’ve been dealt as a result of someone’s inability to control themselves one night just over three years ago.

So the topic of violence (and like Gareth rightly pointed out, not just male against female violence, but I’d also add in same gender violence too for that matter) is one I’ve been particularly close to for some time.

Why is Violence and Abuse allowed to continue?

I don’t think it’s a case of violence and abuse being allowed to continue. It happens because human nature is as it is. Within us all is the fight or flight mechanism.

For those people without enough maturity and awareness – physical, mental and emotional abuse are ways those people feel more in control, less fearful. And sadly it becomes a pattern for them, a way of coping with whatever is thrown in their direction.

Why we must put up with such disgusting behaviour?

We don’t have to put up with this behaviour.

He only got one shot at me, just that one night – the next day I put a protection order in place. But the internal damage had already set in. There’s been a huge toll in the rebuilding from that time.

And let me say (in case you hadn’t already guessed) that I’m not one of those lay down and take it types. I’ve fought for my healing really hard and I’ve been incredibly surprised at how long it’s taken to regain a certain level of emotional balance.

I never thought PTSD could happen as a result of an incident like mine. I thought it happened to people who’d lived through a war or a major disaster. But, clearly that’s not the case. PTSD is a very real and frightening phenomena… and it’s pretty friggin rough on the body, mind and soul.

Cruelly, the balance I’d achieved after three long years has been thrown out of whack only very recently, with another repressed memory surfacing and dragging everything I thought I’d dealt with back to the surface. More PTSD: unexpected, unwelcome, unwanted. There’s no warning. It comes when it comes.

It’s been incredibly humbling and painful to realise it’s not all over yet. Not that I thought it was all completely over – I know I have major trust issues with men – but I thought I was through the worst of emotional/mental trauma and turmoil.

My brain is only just recovering from the very ‘jelly-like’ state that a PTSD episode turns it into.

And I’m back seeing my very helpful therapist.

But none of it makes sense and everything – I mean everything – hurts. The panic attacks that go with those episodes? Have to be felt to be believed. After months of freedom from this itchy scalp condition I had for years, it’s returned overnight (fear, panic, anxiety, trauma causing physical reactions).

Why as women do we not stand up and say NO MORE!

Women can and do say no – but its really cultural conditioning enmasse that people must work to change. Before I was assaulted, I could’ve never understood the impact such a thing can have on someone’s life.

I’m guessing that’s the case for a whole lot of other people in the world too. They are complacent via ignorance – that sort of violence has never touched their lives and they can’t imagine why its important to really instil in their children the supreme wrongness of it all.

Why do women suffer in silence too scared to speak out?

Good question… I’m a smart, sassy, independent woman with a great career in the digital arena. Before this, I never ever considered something like this could happen to me. Until it did. And people can tell you “its not your fault” a million times, but there’s a huge degree of shame and fear that goes along with this sort of experience.

Shame – How could this happen to me? Why didn’t I know better? How is it I couldn’t see what he was like (and believe me, he showed no signs of being a violent type before this one night)?

Fear – I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want them to judge me as weak. I don’t want to be taken advantage of (there are people who pray on those in a vulnerable state). I don’t want to be looked upon as ‘different’ for what happened to me.

Why do we allow those committing Abuse to continue to do so?

The police… the night I was assaulted, were exceptionally unhelpful. I guess they’ve got so much going on, so many ‘worse’ things to deal with… and they’re under-staffed.

Yet we rely on our police force to manage law and order. But violence like this is not considered enough of a problem to send a police car out to comfort someone who’s been severely traumatised and go arrest the bastard who did it.

The night I was assaulted, many people would have heard my screams for help but no help came. And, very few people in my life have had enough courage, emotional fortitude and good old fashioned compassion to deal with the emotional aftermath that night has wrought in my life.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m being dramatic or over-stating what happened. I hope I haven’t. I’ve had to be very careful about who I tell these things to – and for whatever reason it’s been so much easier to do in the anonymous environs of a blog. I’ve gained more support from people who don’t know me than from most of the people that do.

Why if we know something is going on do we choose to ignore it?

I think as CC said, many people don’t want to look, lest they see something that reminds them of their own fears and/or mortality.

I don’t judge them for that; I simply understand that not everyone is equipped that way.

I continue to talk to those who can listen and understand. And I continue my healing process, damn determined this will not cast a shadow over my life any longer than absolutely necessary.

******

And then my follow up reply…

Hugs are more than welcome. Its one of the things I’ve missed like crazy – too afraid to get close to men in my life, but at the same time desperately wanting (safe) male hugs. I just haven’t been able to do it – well, I have recently just begun that process (reaching out to male friends I think I can trust), but its tough.

PTSD… what a fucking sick joke that is! I think it was easier to deal with when I was experiencing it more frequently. Because I’ve been free of such episodes for months… its hit much harder. Might have been easier to get hit with a concrete baseball bat than this!

No, Andre was never charged. I did get a very long protection order in place though, and I took action in other ways – letting his ex (with whom he has kids) know what happened, and the place I met him (where he used to work as a musician), I told them too. They were pretty unhappy about it, because they want their patrons to be safe. So I think I did him out of a job at that venue anyway…

Of course what happened is not my fault. Logically I know that. But it’s not so easy to believe. And I get it – you know, how weak he is, how much pain and fear he must be living with to act in that way. I know from talking to his ex that I was not the first person he’s assaulted.

And I learned in therapy that often, men with violent tendencies are exceptionally good at hiding that side of their personalities.

So I know all of that, but still, some of my anger is reserved for me. And I haven’t forgiven myself yet, not properly… no matter what I know logically and reasonably. It’s just not that simple. Wish it was!!

But I keep up the good fight. The ongoing attempts at self-acceptance. And finally it seems, I’ve been able to let out all of the murderous rage I’ve been feeling that I never felt at the time… because I was too fearful and sad and concerned with making sure I got out of that situation in one piece.

So it seems that recently I’d processed enough that my sub-conscious said okay, she’s doing well enough – let’s send out the next wave of stuff to be dealt with.

And that’s what I’m in the middle of right now. It is getting better and continues to do so.

~Svasti

P.S. I should add, that today as I write this… things are getting better. They are. Day by day. Hugs and kisses to everyone who’s been so wonderful to me in this time. xoxo

Some Flower Smeller awards…

Tags

Award, blog award, Flower Smeller, GO! Smell The Flowers, Inspiration

Time to dish out my first batch of Flower Smeller awards – courtesy of Go! Smell the Flowers, who kindly bestowed this award on my blog.

Lucky me, I now get to hand out five awards a month for as long as I feel like doing so…

<Shamelessly ripping off Jim’s words>
This badge serves to acknowledge others who are in their own way, smelling the flowers.

So who can be a Flower Smeller exactly??
Could be anyone. They may have recovered from an illness, written a book, made waves in the blogosphere, inspired others, made a major shift in their life, quit the rat race, discovering their greatness and on it GO!s as more examples from around the world start to surface. They may not even have an online presence at all – that’s where this award differs! </Shamelessly ripping off Jim’s words>

Now, some of the blogs I read frequently are already Flower Smellers! Still, I have a decent list of blogs to draw my five for the month from.

And my October awards go to…

It aint easy, and there will be more ofcourse, but for now… here’s my first five (in no particular order):

1. A joint Flower Smeller award goes to Catatonic Kid (a previous FS award winner) and Isabella of Change Therapy.
CK, a fellow Aussie, is a brave, talented and artistic writer who struggles daily with depression and related issues. Isabella is a Canadian psychotherapist. They’ve been hosting a cross-blog conversation, an exchange that is both beautiful and inspiring. Thanks to you both for this series.
Some of their exchanges are as follows…

• CK: A State of Subtraction
• Isabella: Depression and the power of language
• CK: Doors for Depression?
• Isabella: Escaping the prison of depression, out into a landscape of … ?
• CK: Fighting Darkness, Recovering Words

2. Yoga For Cynics
Now don’t go getting a big head or anything Dr Jay… ah what the heck! I’m a huge fan of this man’s writing. An established author and academic, Jay has a talent for combining his exploration of yoga with his very own personal brand of cynicism and humour. Jay’s blog posts are poetic, intelligent and thought provoking (even when his political satire goes over my head).

3. My very good friend, author and fellow yogi, Karen Birkemoe
In 2000, my Guru and I were in London together and he suggested that on my return, I meet a Canadian ex-pat student of his who was coming to Australia to live in his house in Sydney. We met and instantly were friends – she’s just that sort of sweet and gorgeous spirited gal. I adore her.

I was extremely proud when she had her first ever book published “Strike a Pose: The Planet Girl Guide to Yoga“. The intent of this book is to make yoga “cool” for young teenage girls. A worthy aim if ever there was one!! So… if you know any teen or pre-teen girls, I suggest buying her book ofcourse!

She doesn’t have a website yet although I keep threatening to build one for her, but she’s escaped me for the moment, off visiting family in Canada. 😉

4. Miss Sensuality
Amy writes about love, romance and related topics in a highly sensual and insightful style that’s very accessible. She’s also a published author, a podcast star in the US and is the creator of Aphrodisiac6 product line; a line of essential oils, candles, soaps and bath herbs. You go girl!!

5. Last but far from least – The Itty Bitty Kitty Committee
As an animal lover, I’m very inspired by IBKC. Based in the Seattle/Tacoma area (USA), Laurie both runs this blog and is a kitty mama extraordinaire. She fosters and lovingly names all the orphaned kittens and helps them find a home. And her blog is a great way of getting the message out about these sweet little balls-o-puff. Laurie, I applaud you!

Award winners – CONGRATS!!!

Just leave a comment at this post to accept your award before the end of the month and the badge is yours.  😀

The rules of this award are:

1. Publish the Flower Smeller badge (see above) on your blog, and award it to 5 others by writing a post with links to the 5 blogs or websites (or whatever) that you choose.
2. From now until eternity you can award this badge to a maximum of 5 people per month as and when you come across more Flower Smellers. And – when you do, contact GSTF to let them know the 5 you choose so they can add them to the Flower Smeller section of their site and the Flower Smeller blogroll.
3. Link to the post where your award was announced, so people can read about the origin of the award and find their way to the GSTF community.
4. Write a post announcing your award, proudly displaying the Flower Smeller badge.
5. All Flower Smellers – note that you may be approached to write a 500 word account of yourself to feature in the GSTF 2009 book – it could happen to you!!

~Svasti

Its Spring time and…

Tags

blog award, Flower Smeller, GO! Smell The Flowers

Apparently, I’m an Official Flower Smeller! It must be awards season or something!

One of my new online hangout zones is the GO! Smell the Flowers blog.

There’s a bunch of contributing authors, and an active community commenting and interacting with each other.

The people commenting there don’t necessarily agree with each other all the time, but that’s kind of half the fun. Its a great place for some general online nattering. And I find it a useful outlet for stuff that isn’t necessarily topical for my blog, but that I like to write about/discuss anyway.

Blog topics include: Health, Inspiration, Food, Media, People and Places.

Anyways, the rules of this award are:

1. If you are awarded the flower smeller badge then publish it on your blog, and award it to 5 others by writing a post with links to the 5 blogs or websites that you choose.
2. You can award this badge to a maximum of 5 people per month from now until eternity as and when you come across more flower smellers.
3. Link to the post where your award was announced so people can find the origin of the award and find their way to the GSTF community.
4. Proudly display the Flower Smeller award with a link to the post that you wrote announcing your award.
5. All flower smellers – be prepared to be approached to write a 500 word account of yourself to feature in the GSTF 2009 book – it could happen to you!!

What a heady power to be able to pass this award onwards! And I will, all in good time…

Right, very shortly this blog will get back to its regular programming.

There’s a small backlog of topics just dying to get out of my head and into the pixellated universe here…  😀

~Svasti