#reverb10 – Yes, I’m beautifully different

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#reverb10, Amazon, Amazonian-built yogi, beautifully different, differentness, existence, God, hour glass figure, Kali, Kinesiology, Mother Earth, mundane, overlay of otherness, physical presence, physique, practical world, quirkiness, Shiva, swimmers shoulders, Universe, Yoga teacher

Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
~ December 8 prompt

For everything about me that’s the same as someone else, there’s a bunch of things that aren’t. I mean, we all have the same experience of being alive to a certain extent, but its how we process, interpret and consider those experiences that create a sense of differentness.

Ultimately of course, that’s all just cosmetic if you buy into the idea (and I do) that we’re all part of the same creative intelligent force (e.g. God, Shiva, Kali, Allah, Mother Earth etc) that causes the world and universe to exist.

As I like to say: God’s in everything, even the damn toaster. But then, in this conditioned experience of existence, I’m definitely NOT the toaster. Right? Oh geez, I hope not!

So yes, there are things about me that are different to most. Here’s a sampler for ya!

My body

At 5’10.5”, broad swimmers shoulders, an hour glass figure and just… generally bigger than most – I stick out. It’s something I’ve railed against for most of my life and it even came up in my most recent kinesiology session. I want to accept that my body will never blend in with the crowd, but it’s a tough gig.

Recently I commented over at Curvy Yoga: We who do not match up with the oft-projected image of how women should look need to take counsel amongst our own, and find role models that demonstrate positive acceptance of our shape and size.

I cannot change my height, the breadth or width of my ribcage, or the width of my shoulders. All of these things make me larger than the average woman. As one of my exes once said “you’re the same proportions of most other women, but just magnified”.

I am an Amazon. No matter how much I diet, even at my thinnest healthy weight, this is always the case. Being different like that is difficult in so many ways, and the best way to learn acceptance is to start being positive about myself and others who fall into that category.

That same ex once said that he was amazed to notice how people make way for me when I enter a room. I’ve been told I have a strong physical presence and I guess that’s a good thing although it’s hard to accept when for so much of my life, people have pointed and stared, sometimes even groped.

My non-typical yoga teacher physique

Following on from that, I really like demonstrating that yoga isn’t just for the waif-thin and uber-flexible (although I guess I AM pretty flexible).

There’s no criteria for being a yoga teacher other than your love of yoga, dedication and desire to share what you know. It’s not about how you look and never should be – not for the students or the teacher.

A by-product of yoga is the increase in suppleness, flexibility and strength. And okay, your body might start looking better than it has. BUT there’s no magic recipe.

So I’m doing my bit as an Amazonian-built yogi!

Quirkiness

There’s a general quirkiness to me that you might not pick up on first viewing. Amazonian-ness aside, I look pretty normal!

What are you doing, one of my yoga students asked me as I stood outside before class.

Oh, just talking to the birds in the trees. I’ll talk to any animal really… we both giggled.

As long as you don’t expect them to talk back, she offered. I wisely held my tongue! 😉

Look, I live in the practical world as much as I can but there’s ever an overlay of otherness for me. I smell, hear, see and feel it. Call me crazy if you like, but I’ll talk to that tree over there. I’ll have a conversation with the rain and I’ll make a decision about what I’m teaching in a yoga class based on the vibe I get from the air.

This quirk-streak colours my view of the world and consequently feeds my writing and the words I choose, my yoga, the way I ride my bike and the things I make for my nieces.

But actually, I suspect all creative types have their own kind of overlay on the mundane, fueling their vision and creations. Otherwise, where else does it come from?

Really, that’s just a sample of my own personal brand of madness. There’s much more for people to discover if they dare!

Now, tell me some of the ways in which YOU are beautifully different… I dare ya!

~Svasti xo

P.S. You might notice I’m in catch-up mode right now for #reverb10… I’ve got a few more posts a-coming and I’ll try to keep them snappier. 😀

Spellbound turn-o-the-year musings

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Asana, Divinity, Enlightenment, God, Guruji, Happy New Year, Love, Mantra, Musings, New Years Eve, Non-dual, Sanskrit, Yoga

Written after a good hour of book browsing and buying…
(thanks to my employers for the Borders gift voucher!)

It’s easy to love with abandon a child, our favourite sport, poetry, chocolate, alcohol, movies, nature, our lover…

But not our Self.

We are cynical about such things. We have trouble thinking we’re more than what we see in the mirror. Often, we think we’re even less than that.

Human beings are truly magnificent – if we can get over our own suffering, selfishness, self-importance and smallness. Greatness is inherent. Waiting for us.

Yet, often we don’t want to expand the boundaries of possibility too far – in case we can’t recover ‘when bad things happen‘. We don’t want to open our hearts too much to another for the same reason.

We have trouble with the concept of God, especially those who are not traditionally religious, like me (a pagan/yogi). Whether it’s the connection to our own divinity, the use of the ‘G’ word, wavering between direct knowledge, belief and doubt… what we can’t see, we question.

There’s a profound issue with our ability to see our Self as God, all beings as God… and to give ourselves over to that larger possibility of human life.

But to me, love of God/Self is actually, the same thing. And, also the same as loving anything else in our lives – our favourite TV show, popcorn, porn… whatever… it’s the same. Just… those things are a smaller version of that larger concept of love.

The obsession/small love for ‘objects’ can arise from the sub-conscious desire for union of self with Self. Unlimited, a sense of connection that when we get it – be that through orgasm, a sunset, realising one of our dreams, meditation – feels so incredibly wonderful. We project this experience on whatever object is around. We want that feeling to last forever. And when it doesn’t, we’re disgruntled.

Home base for human beings is that state of union as a permanent experience.

Trini Girl Blue wrote today that she feels people would shun her if they knew her inner secrets.

Perhaps. More fool them.

Perhaps not. Not everyone thinks that way, thankfully.

This is just fear and the sense of isolation talking. I’ve been in that space too – and continue to experience it off and on. But this state lacks any of the love we easily extend to another person/object.

Some of my most wonderful moments of opening have occured when I’ve told a friend something I was sure they’d think less of me for… only to receive love and support and a different viewpoint on what I thought were my ‘evils’.

Are we afraid of our own divinity so much, that we push aside any possibility of seeing ourselves that way? This is self-cruelty. Are we so afraid of our ability and capacity to be whole and real? To be connected to others – everyone and everything else?

Tonight I sit here alone, deciding if I should venture out and listen to some music – or stay in and meditate (what do I need most of all??)…

Right now my only company is the cat.

Or is it?

This room, if I choose to feel it, is alive with love. There’s… an inter-connectedness of all things…

When I perform yogasana, I clear my channels…

There’s not really a set of channels for each person you know.
Actually there’s only one set of channels for the whole lot of us!
~Guruji

And so I awaken myself through asana to the mass of swarming energy that is life.

I sit for contemplation or meditation, and I lose my sense of I-ness. As a separate being, alone, without other.

When I chant Sanskrit prayers and mantra, it’s the vibrations that tune my heart – allowing me to open wide and have that feeling for myself. To know that it’s true…

The paradox of me – my yogini Self and my suffering Self… I’ve learned and experienced a lot of very profound things in the last eight or so years since I met my Guru.

Whilst the wisdom is with me daily, those experiences of everything being one – they haven’t cemented yet. If they had, I’d be enlightened! 😉

So for now, I honour the duality whilst respecting the non-dual knowledge and experiences I’ve learned and earned.

And here I am, in all my imperfect glory… dealing imperfectly with what I have to deal with… knowing full well its not the entire picture.

I am human, I am flawed
I am human, I can grow
I am human, and love
Is my weakness
And my greatest victory!
~Svasti

Wishing everyone a good dose of peace and harmony on this eve of new tidings. May 2009 bring you insight, love, healing and happiness. May you achieve your heart’s desire.

~Svasti