Feedback, grace and de-snarking

Tags

Anger, Dancing, downward dog, feedback, Fibromyalgia, Grace, grattitude, Hashimoto’s, inflammation, Kinesiology, massage, Road rage, snappy, snarky, snippy, Yoga

Giant demon baby: lurking outside Melbourne's town hall

So I want to tell you about teaching last night, but I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging.

I’m not.

I don’t think these things are so much about me, as a reflection of all of the wonderful teachings I’ve been fortunate enough to receive and pass on.

But I want to share what happened because so far in my still very early-days career as a yoga teacher, I’ve noticed that feedback from students – good or bad – doesn’t come around that often.

I mean, I’ve also noticed that as a student I too, do this lack of feedback thing. I go to classes that I love but I rarely share with my teacher how much I enjoy the class. Sure, I say “thank you” and smile and come back again and again. But as for implicit feedback that lets the teacher know what I’m getting out of the class? That’s not something I do very much.

And it’s a weird thing, being a new yoga teacher like me and sharing the teachings and… not really getting any information back from students. I get it, though. I mean, when a yoga class works for you, it creates a fairly internal experience. Really, it can be hard to share when you’re in that sort of space.

Then some days out of the blue and maybe after weeks or months, feedback arrives and it’s pretty WOW.

Like last night.

With downward dog/mountain pose, I like to observe how my beginner students fare before getting into sequences that use it a lot. Because while it looks like a really simple pose, there’s quite a lot going on!

I find there’s always a huge variance in how people interpret my initial instructions. Of course, there’s a bunch of reasons for that – body awareness, stiffness, injury and so on. So I get them to try the pose on for size. Then we talk about it a bit before I get them to try it again. There’s always an improvement the second time around, so I know they hear me once they’ve started to connect with their body a little more.

One girl had what I refer to as an “oh WOW moment”. With big wide eyes, she told me that she’s never felt comfortable doing that pose before and now it’s starting to make sense to her. She was astounded, but actually the astounding thing (as I told her later) is that she’s starting to connect to her own body and to the pose.

This is just the beginning, I said, keep up this sense of feeling and finding what works in your poses!

The other piece of feedback I had was after the class, from a student who’s been coming fairly steadily for about four months now. She’s a lesson in all of the things your students never tell you, even when you ask them to, and how much there is to learn from making time to talk with your students outside of the class.

Because until last night, I didn’t know she had fibromyalgia (no mention of it on her initial registration form!). She told me that doing yoga has transformed her health, which honestly makes my heart do a little dance. Yay, yoga!

BUT she wasn’t happy with the way the last two classes had been somewhat “disrupted” by individuals asking questions that were specific to their own needs. She likes it when the classes flow and we just get into what we’re doing. Which isn’t always possible, as I explained. This is a beginner’s yoga class and sometimes the beginners are total newbies who need specific help.

So we sat down for a little chat. I talked to her about inflammation, knowing from my conversations with Rachel that fibromyalgia/ME has a LOT in common with Hashimoto’s. And we talked about how anger and its cousins: irritation; frustration; annoyance (etc), are basically inflammation – which doesn’t help her health issues. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

I also told her that knowing all of that doesn’t mean that her frustrations don’t matter. They do, but that it’s another aspect of yoga, to work on finding ways to let go of that which irritates us because ultimately, it’s better for our health.

Holding onto anger = holding on to inflammation.

The win in this situation is this: her practice is showing her how easy it is to get irritated, and that’s actually an opportunity to do something about it.

So. What am I saying here?

I guess I’m saying… okay, from time to time, get into a little conversation with your yoga teacher. If they’re caring, they’ll be open to it. Tell them if you’re enjoying their class and/or if there’s something that bothers you. They’ll be very thankful for your words, I promise.

I’m also saying this – even if you don’t have fibromyalgia/ME, Hashimoto’s or any other condition caused by inflammation in the body, letting go of all the things that irritate you means less chance of ever succumbing to chronic inflammation and therefore, dis-ease.

So: work at defusing your road rage, and/or all those little things that niggle you in life. The stuff that makes you snarky, snippy or snappy at yourself/others on your bad days.

Because my lovelies, THAT is all inflammation. And too much inflammation will make you sick.

You can try things like kinesiology, yoga, massage, dancing and other kinaesthetic-based practices that help you connect with what’s really going on with yourself.

It isn’t easy, but it’s possible, says the formerly VERY ANGRY person writing this post.

Coz life is better when we’re not snarky at a moments notice – for us and everyone around us.

~ Svasti

Yoga, Grace and time out

Tags

Asana, bones, Dagnabbit, dancing dust motes, Dyson, fox hole, freelance, Grace, herbs in the window, Lululemon, marmas, mirages, mission-critical, new things, remedial massage, security blanket, Shadow Yoga, substitute teaching, Tara Stiles, time out, Universe, Yoga, Yoga In Daily Life, yoga teaching

Just to be a touch more specific (as opposed to my previous post), here’s one of those New Things I hinted at but with a few more details this time.

Well, it’s a new-old thing really: last Friday I finished up a five week stint of freelance work. Originally it was meant to be only two weeks. And when I started at the very end of July, I had several seemingly decent options for more permanent/long term work.

I was even verballed: “We definitely want you, you’re the right person for the job!”

Uh huh.

But as the freelance work was extended, the other offers evaporated in ways most surprising. From one angle they looked very solid and convincing but shifting to the side a little,  seems they were nothing but dancing dust motes glistening in the sunlight. I’d tell you how it all went down but y’know, the upshot is that those so-called possible jobs weren’t real.

It was weird, and not weird. I mean, before going into some of those interviews I KNEW already that they weren’t gonna work out. In one instance, I looked into the face of one of the people interviewing me and thought: This is a very angry man and I wouldn’t care to work for him. In yet another, I realised even as I was doing my best to spruik my skills, I knew I didn’t want to work there.

So what was wrong with these people and places? Probably nothing. I think it has more to do with me (and more on that soon, too)…

Meanwhile, I was totally rocking the freelance job. Possibly because the actual work involved was stuff I’d mastered long ago so it wasn’t challenging. Not that that matters for freelance work, and still, I LOVE making stuff in the digital space. The people were nice, and it was a twenty-minute cycle from my place when the traffic was heavy. Fifteen minutes on a good day!

Even at this job however, there were mirages… people sniffing around to see if they could hire me. The only problem was that the job that was available was the one I was doing for them already. Which means that basically I would’ve been ridiculously bored within a few months. So, not ideal…

Then last Wednesday I was unexpectedly told that Friday would be my last day. They’d found someone for the role who was more “mid-weight” in their experience (and presumably not costing them as much as I did). And that was that… I was out of there. The way of the world in the freelance space!

So I’m once again faced with joblessness. And I know that a couple of you have outrageously suggested that perhaps this is all a sign to move on to a New Path! Yes, yes… I get that! And I get that from the Universe as well, who is being rather persistent in Her attempts to push me towards New Things, too.

Dagnabbit!

So, on top of the substitute teaching I’m doing with the blokey yogis (last week’s class didn’t happen BTW, because too many of them were away but we’re soooo ON for this Friday), I’ve also scored another subbing gig. This is a one-off for now, but in general I’m on their books!

And it’s all thanks to the wonderful Sevapuri (@yidl), who I became friends with via Twitter. We met up a few months back when he was in Melbourne (from Sydney) for dinner and a chat about all things yoga. Recently, he kindly suggested me as a sub to the Melbourne Yoga In Daily Life school.

So last Saturday I sat in on the class I’ll be teaching (a very easy/general level class) and got the run down on turning lights and heaters on and off etc. As it turns out, this week I’ll be teaching a Hatha/Vinyasa blokes class on Friday (very early in the morning!), followed by a super-gentle/traditional Hatha class mid-morning on Saturday. Quite a nice balance really.

And… I do hear you, Universe. I do. I get that I’m meant to do more yoga teaching. BUT I need you to understand that right now, just teaching a few classes here and there isn’t gonna pay my rent. So I’d appreciate a little leeway and I’d ESPECIALLY appreciate a semi-long term/more permanent job in the interim. Yeah?

If we can get that happening, then I promise that I’ll step up my plans for yoga teaching!

In fact, I’ve already started. Last Saturday on my way back from the Yoga In Daily Life school, I dropped in at Lululemon to inquire about running classes there. I’m now on their yoga teacher list!

Also, after thinking about it for months, today I finally took down the number of a church hall round the corner from my place. I’m gonna call them and see what they charge to rent out their space. There’s also a PCYC just down the road from me I’ll be getting in touch with, too.

Truthfully, I’ve been quite afraid of taking on yoga teaching properly. For reasons I might explore in another post sometime!

But then in light of the whole Tara-Stiles-fat-burning-yoga/hey-yoga-is-anything-we-want-it-to-be saga… well, I’m feeling more confident in what I have to offer. I mean, I know there’s this whole new skill I’m learning (called teaching other people!!), but my knowledge of yoga and years of training means that yeah, I’m pretty sure I’ve already got something to share.

In some ways I still consider myself a beginner in terms of my yoga studies. Okay, perhaps I’m a little more than a beginner, but there’s still SO MUCH I don’t know! But hey, if something I’ve learned in the past nine or so years can provide inspiration, an opening, some joy etc, to others, then whoohoo!

Right…

I made very good use of today, my first day of not having a job again. I can’t quite believe it, but I did something incredibly domestic (and much needed): took my Dyson vacuum cleaner in for a service. There’s one service center in Melbourne, and it’s only open 9-5 Monday-Friday. Of course! So heck yeah, why not use my time off to sort out such ridiculous things, eh?

Then after a rather mission-critical (i.e. no food in house) grocery shop, I ate lunch at a delightful little cafe near my place, where the above photo was taken. Don’t you just love the herbs in the window? I was drawn to them, and sat at the bench there to eat a most flavoursome minestrone.

For the afternoon, I’d booked a remedial massage for that pesky shoulder of mine. It is getting better BTW, slowly but surely with a combination of yoga, physio, massage, and probably some acupuncture thrown in soon, too. It’s still rather painful, but I’m able to do much more yogasana than I could earlier this year. Which is a win! Things like Catuspadapitham (table top) have been beyond my pain threshold until recently. As has Sarvangasana (shoulder stand) and Chakrasana (wheel) to name but a few. Now these movements are slowly coming back!

And then, oh… more Shadow Yoga this evening. Goodness but I LOVE that practice! Although I haven’t mastered the series yet (ha! suspect mastery is a while off still), I’m quite amazed at how much stronger I am and how much less I fall over/out of the asana. Interestingly though, none of this strength comes from stronger muscles as such… it’s more about the mind and the bones.

Incidentally, Shadow Yoga is only the third time I’ve ever heard anyone talk about moving from the bones in relation to asana. The first person was my Guru. Our retreat in Bali about four years ago was focused on asana and we had many discussions about awareness of and movement from the bones. I don’t think I understood it all properly then! Linda has also spoken about bones, and about her teacher Paul Grilley’s work in the area.

And now with Shadow Yoga, there’s always a discussion on various marmas and bones, as well as the breath (but of course). Actually, it’s probably time I added another Shadow-specific post here…

So that was my day. Basically, I’ve decided to embrace my time out while continuing to look for more work. But in the mean time, I’m also considering how to diversify my income through teaching more yoga classes, freelance writing and who knows what else!

The first time I was out of work for a long period of time was last year and I pretty much fell to pieces (admittedly I WAS still in the deathly grip of depression!). The second time was July. ALL of July really! And I did better then, but still, I spent most of my time holed up in my fox hole. Still a bit afraid and unsure of what to do with myself. This time I’m pretty sure I know what I need to do.

So I am listening, Ma. I am. Just please don’t whip away all of my security blankets/support too quickly! Thanks ever-so-much…

~Svasti

New things

Tags

Change, Fear, geekery, Grace, iPhone, iPhone 4, Ma, new things, parallel universe, scary factor, siren song, Stress, swan song, Tara Stiles, Yoga

"In a parallel reality I was spinning out of control..."

Finally caved and got myself an iPhone. It arrived a couple of days ago. In fact, this post (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) was MEANT to be a test-run publish from the aforementioned new phone via a WordPress iPhone app. But y’know how test-runs often go… things have a tendency to not work out quite as planned. Kind of like life. But yeah.

Anyhoooo. Til now, I’ve resisted all of the wonderful iPhone goodness for one very simple reason: none of the previous models have had a good enough camera. Look – it’s not like I don’t have a decent stand-alone camera. I do. BUT I don’t always carry it with me everywhere, and I like to be able to take photos on the fly of whatever inspires me. Hence the reliance on my mobile phone’s camera. And it has to be good. Well, good enough. And Apple have finally got with the program on that front!

(Evidence: see the strangely appropriate street art photo at the top of this post)

Of course, it helped that my phone contract was up, too. And that my previous phone has been performing it’s swan song for months. So it was perfect timing really. I’d agonised over whether to go with an iPhone, HTC or Android (please excuse the geekery if you’ve no idea what I’m talking about!) but for various reasons, iPhone 4 won. For now.

The last couple of days have been quite geeky as a result. Had to get to know my new friend (yes, a phone can be a friend, can’t it?), and there’s been all sorts of things to set up and configure. Apps to download that make life oh-so-much-easier. Syncing it with my Google contacts and calendar. I’m quite into mobile internet access, and wow, I really didn’t get it before that le iPhone makes many of the things I do on my phone a zillion times easier and funner.

I heart it very VERY much! 😀

And this has of course, been one of the new things in my life recently. But it’s not the only one. There are others. Even if they aren’t all quite as delightful. Actually, some of them are old-new things with an update to keep them ‘fresh’. Others are sooooo brand-new, I don’t have appropriate words for them right now. On account of the scary factor.

More on all of that soon.

Also, more soon on the whole Tara Stiles thing. I’ve calmed down enough now to be able to explain in more detail why I have such an issue with what she (and countless others) are doing in the name of ‘yoga’. That post is a-coming.

There will be another post (also coming soon) titled: “Why it’s actually okay if/when your life falls apart”.

Really!

In the mean time, I’m trying to find a way to bow down graciously in the face of Ma’s (i.e. the universe or whatever you call it!) siren song.

She’s a-coming for me.

Like a big mother bird, she’s firmly but lovingly nudging this little chickling towards the edge of the nest and insisting that I stretch my wings and try flying a little. Whether I like it or not.

As I wrote on Twitter (my favourite place to hang out online) just the other day, right now… I’m living on yoga and Grace. Everything else is completely unknown. And that’s okay by me. Sorta…

~Svasti xo

Ruby slippered steps

Tags

Adventures, bliss, castles, Fear, Grace, impenetrability, opportunity, Poem, Poetry, ponderously, potentiality, Probable Cause, Twitter, Universe

‘Round the ends of the universe

And back (again)

Enfolded in blissful possibilities

Of adoration and

Great big shining opportunities

So melts the Castle

Of Impenetrability

Because all things have a Time

And a Place

~ Potentiality ~

Now just looking

For Probable Cause

It MUST be Real

Requiring bone-deep

Introspection

Deeper, even

Now to discover

That first ruby slippered step!

(That is my current plan…)

~Svasti

(A little late-night Twitter-composed poetry, while lying in bed PONDEROUSLY attempting bravery to figure stuff out.)

Waking up

Tags

cheerleader dance, Essence Nature, Grace, Guru, Guru Purnima, Jaya Gurudev, Love, non-dual state of awareness, Yoga

Here’s what Grace looks like sometimes: a photo of someone you love unflinchingly with your whole heart; someone who inspires you and is both honest and fierce in their approach to life and seeking a truly non-dual state of awareness. They aren’t even looking at the camera and yet love, joy, and open-heartedness ripples and radiates from every pore of their being. It’s uplifting and you can almost taste it. This photo has the power to reflect your true Essence Nature right back at you without effort. BAM!

I have a photo like this. It’s of someone very, very special to me that I haven’t seen in two years now, and who I might not get to see later this year unless I get a job and/or money coming in VERY soon. My heart’s inspiration. My Guru.

Yesterday – 25^th July – was Guru Purnima. A day to celebrate all gurus and wisdom masters. And celebrations were had although I didn’t get to attend any. Not that it matters – this photo (which I am loathe to share with others because it is such an intimate matter for me) is more than enough. Without a word, it speaks volumes, and wakes me right up.

It says: Drop the frustration, for that is no way to live! Are you paying attention or are you forgetting? Tune into your heart; tune into the things that make you sing! Are you really alone anyway? Railing at life will not make it better. To grow, you MUST do the work! Celebrate! Get EXCITED!

Yes, a photo can say all of those things. At least, this one does. Well, that’s what is reflected back at me when I look at it, and what rises up within me in response.

There’s a very real possibility I might not be able to go on retreat as planned in October – back to Thailand and my fellow yogis and yoginis – because currently I’m living on the money I was saving for my flight and living expenses… and even that will be running out pretty soon.

That’s all I have. I don’t have other savings. Four months of unemployment last year knocked all of that out and the last twelve months have been about re-stabilising myself, trying to save for retreat and make sure I don’t look too shabby (i.e. owning relatively decent work clothes etc).

So, I might not get to go. Even if I get a job now, it might not be possible. I’d really have to save like the blazes to make it happen, but then, who am I to say what the next few months will be like?

In some ways it doesn’t matter at all. I have a wealth of teachings and practices to revel in. I know I am fortunate to be able to call someone like my Guru, my teacher. And I can’t begin to explain all of the ways that the distance doesn’t matter.

Anti-guru sentiment often surrounds the concept of someone being perceived as setting themselves up as a Guru while really just being a charismatic charlatan. There’s this suspicion that all they’re doing is building up a bunch of blind followers who unquestioningly adore them, and manipulating said followers to do their bidding – whatever that might be.

Even in India, there are both the pro-guru and anti-guru camps. I know it. There are even teachers I respect who, while not exactly anti-guru, sure aint pro-guru either.

And I know I can’t speak for anyone else’s experience of gurus, because my experience only includes mine.

But like any experience and preference we have, a guru-student relationship isn’t for everyone. In the same way I’m never going to be an astronaut or a dentist, not everyone will want to/be able to have a guru.

None of this matters to me. For whatever reason I was fortunate enough to meet this wonderfully inspiring person. I was also open enough at the time to see there was something to learn from him (massive, MASSIVE understatement).

And while I have many teachers of yoga and wisdom in my life – and I am profoundly grateful for all of them – my Guru alone causes my mind and body to sing (quite literally sometimes). He shines a great light on the possibilities of this life and when I’m not around him, I miss him very much. I wish I had the karma to live nearby him – perhaps that will happen later in my life, but not now.

Often, he is in my dreams and there are photos of him in my house and on my computer. Somehow, even those interactions are lessons with much to offer.

Guru to me, is essentially a big mirror. But one that reflects back my true nature as a human being, not just the small distorted view of myself I often have! Eventually, the idea is that one day I’ll I look in the mirror and see Guru and my Self as one. No separation, because Guru is me, and I am my Guru. In a real sense, not just imagined or desired.

Also, Guru is someone who has travelled the path I’m on and has come back to share knowledge with others. Guru is experienced, wise, compassionate and patient while I struggle with my fears. And always, Guru is waiting to help me take that next step whenever I am ready. And when I do, Guru is the first to break out the cheerleader dance.

Jaya Gurudev! Om gum gurubhyo namaha!

~Svasti