Best laid plans yadda yadda

Tags

40th birthday, Anywhere but here, Bali, debt free, getaway escape, huzzah, Ms Dudley-Do-Right, Sayonara Melbourne farewell tour, vaporised, warring factions

A wee urban double rainbow...

So here’s the latest.

By December, I’ll have saved up the most money I’ve EVER saved in my entire life. This saving has of course been with a plan(s) in mind. Naturally.

Earlier this year I was hoping to attend a yoga retreat with fellow Kali Girrrrl Linda, in Bali. But that didn’t happen. Then, I thought I might make it to a retreat with my Guru mid-year. But my work situation isn’t stable enough for that – I’ve been working from one three month contract to the next since the beginning of March. Then there’s been my health situation which could also be described as unstable.

So this money has just been accumulating in my high interest bank account since then, and about a month or so back, I formed a new idea: to celebrate my 40^th birthday (in December) somewhere I hadn’t been before.

Shit yeah!! Eventually I settled on the idea of going back to Bali but seeing new parts of that beautiful Tantrik island. I’ve got a chronic a case of “anywhere but here” going on and for my birthday, I just wanna be somewhere else, y’know?

But.

My conscious is screaming at me. That grown-up, party-pooping, early to bed, eat the right foods, kiss-ass, sensible, logical, Ms Dudley-Do-Right part of my consciousness. Holy Shiva, sometimes I HATE that voice! Because as much as I want to treat myself for my birthday (since there sure aint anyone else around to do it), my lovely getaway escape idea is in conflict with other goals that are just as dear to my heart.

Like, paying off my debts so I can start saving to get outta town on a more permanent basis.

Crap-balls! Ms Dudley-Do-Right is… arghhh! She’s right!!

I haven’t really talked about it on my blog this year, but since formulating my Grand-Bold-Stupid-Reckless-Awesome-Totally-Kicking-Life-Plan, I’ve been diligently reducing my debts all year long. And despite my outrageous health care bills, I’m actually making headway.

Folks, can I hear a HUZZAH?!!

I put my budgeting success down to spending the bare minimum on clothes and unnecessary “things”, without completely being a miser.

But also, it’s because I cut up my second credit card (the one with the highest interest rate) and haven’t used it at all. The only transactions on that card have been credits and it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see my credit card statement.

That card and its remaining balance are due to be completely vaporised VERY SOON.

Here’s why: I’m yet to visit my accountant, but I know I’ll be getting some $$$ back from this year’s tax return. And those delightful tax return dollars will in all likelihood pay off that card completely.

Here’s the dilemma – all the money I’ve been saving for yoga retreats that didn’t happen (while making regular payments on both cards, mind you) is enough to pay off my other credit card. Now, I’m the first to admit that it’s not as flashy as a holiday, BUT being entirely debt free would be a pretty kick-ass gift to myself for my birthday, right?

And yet, the less grown up kidult within is pouting about this strategy. Because I really, REALLY wanna be somewhere else for my birthday and I haven’t had a proper holiday in forever. Plus, all of my health problems this year have made 2011 kinda sucky…

Of course, another hitch with the holiday idea is that my current contract finishes at the end of November and right now I don’t know if it’ll be extended into the New Year. I continue to look for a more permanent role or longer term contract but so far, no luck (the universe it seems, won’t let me take jobs that are too soul-sucking anymore!). And even if I do have a job, those two weeks I want to be away for would be leave without pay. Meaning I’d have more $$ to cover.

But I think I’ve come up with a workable compromise that might just appease the warring factions of my mind. A shorter trip – five days, which includes two weekend days so I’d only be away from my job (assuming I have one then) for three days. Possibly I can even still go to Bali because the flights are cheap! Or maybe somewhere in Australia I haven’t been before. Hmmm…

I need to investigate.

Essentially, this compromise means I won’t blow all of my funds on a holiday, and I can put a goodly portion towards my debt-free status.

Which means I’m one step closer to being out of this place.

Which could very well mean that 2012 is my Sayonara, Melbourne Farewell Tour.

Pretty much all factions of my mind kinda like that idea…

I’ll keep y’all informed when I know more. 😀

~ Svasti

Checking in

Tags

Akismet, banal, cookie monster, cupcake, Depression, huzzah, no-holds barred, PTSD, tete-a-tete, time flies

Hey… it’s been a while since we last sat down for a decent chat. Just you and me. You know. No audience, just us girls.

Yeah I know! Crazy how time flies, huh?

Sure is! And I’m wondering how you’re doing lately. I mean, we used to talk every day but now, not so much. It’s not like you’re ignoring me, I realise that, but…

Hey, I am sorry if you’re feeling neglected. It’s just that, well, I don’t always know what to say. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I do have plenty to talk to you about but the thing is, I’m not suffering from depression or PTSD any more. Which is a HUGE win…

Totally! And you know I’m on your side, right? I just wanna celebrate with you…

I know you do. And I want to share all of that with you too, but it’s just that I have so much more energy these days. So I’m doing more stuff, y’know? I’m getting out more, I’m being a heck of a lot more social than I’ve been in ages. Which all boils down to a little less time on my hands.

I understand…

No, but that’s not the whole story either! I mean, there’s still heaps to say. But you know that sometimes I have a hard time putting things into words, right? That awesome things happen, or brilliant (for me!) insights occur and as much as I want to talk about them, it’s a little challenging sometimes to find the right words.

Sure. You want me to really get you, but then when you can’t find the right way to tell me, you just… don’t. We’ve talked about heaps of stuff in passing already, but we’re yet to go into details on some of it.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate you or anything like that. It’s just that our time together is special, and I want it to be right…

*hums* Do you know what today is?

Of course! How could I forget!

Awww man, I’m getting all teary now…

Happy 2^nd bloggiversary Svasti-blog. You’re awesome! Hanging out with you has saved my butt AND my mental health too many times to count. I really do love having you in my life. I like it that I can share all kinds of things with you and feel okay about it. Also, I love the way you’ve brought new friends into my life from all over the world! Not to mention your awesome capacity to document my stories, your technical abilities, your white space and of course, your impressive spam filtering functionality.

*sniffles* Thank you!! That means soooo much to me. I like having you around too, otherwise what would I publish? And your friends here? They’re pretty cool, too. I think you’re a lucky lady to have them AND me. Now, what are we gonna do to celebrate?

Hmmm… Well, we could publish this little tete-a-tete as a way to say HUZZAH! We should be proud of how we’ve worked together for the past two years. You’ve given me a place to express the craziness and the pain, and the triumphs, too…

And you’ve given me lots of interesting things to share with people. I’m kinda proud of you! I mean, I never thought you’d end up becoming a yoga teacher! And I LOVE my banner image. I liked the last one too, but I really appreciated the spruce up. And I’m not just sucking up to you, I swear!

Okay, okay. We like each other. Cool. So… should we do it?

Yeah, okay!

You and me, we’re doing alright, aren’t we?

I like to think so.

So then, should we keep this gig going for a while longer?

Well, I’ve kinda gotten used to having you around. So yeah… Although PLEASE… don’t ask me to publish too many of the super-weird dreams you’ve been having lately. It’s kind of tough to make them read sensibly.

Oh, c’mon!

No! We’ve all got our standards and despite your no-holds barred approach to writing; I still think there are some things you should keep to yourself. The word “banal” strikes a chord.

They’re not banal! They’re interesting, but perhaps a little weird.

Yeah, too weird for the general public, I’m thinking. And besides which, nowhere in the description in the header does it say “sharing of weird dreams”.

I could change that…

You WOULDN’T!

Just messin’ with ya… happy bloggiversary my lil electronic buddy…

Heh! Are you gonna share that cupcake or what?

Dude, you’re a blog interface. Can’t have you getting crumbs in the system…

*sighs* But I can watch, right?

Of course!

~Svasti

Huzzah! Here’s to flow, change & working things out

Tags

chai, Change, Depression, flow, hooray, huzzah, kirtan, mental health, physio, PTSD, Shadow Yoga, shoulder injury, Twitter, Yoga, yoga for depression, Yoga teacher

Here’s what’s going on right now: more whirring, more change and more opportunities continuing to unfold even as I don’t notice them until they are knocking on my door!

You see, I’ve worked out what was holding me back in the area of yoga teaching. Right now, I don’t want to do it for money! Well, not just yet anyway.

Let me explain – starting with today, even though of course today isn’t the first thing I’d tell you about if I was to write this story in chronological order.

Finally (and it only took me four months), I faxed (and emailed) all the documentation I needed to send in for my membership application to the Yoga Teachers Association of Australia. Hooray! Including payment of my membership fee, and by the time I got home I had an email confirming my membership number!

Double Hooray!! Which means I can now get my public liability/indemnity insurance. Which means I’m all systems go for teaching where ever and whenever.

Also, I went to see my new physio for the first time today. One I found out about via Twitter. After several sessions with my former physio I was getting frustrated when he kept insisting that my shoulder problems were actually just referred neck pain from my messed up neck. And while it’s true that I do have a messed up neck, my shoulder problems are quite specific from a bike accident I had last year (see this post: Crash). As a yogini, I’m probably more familiar with my body than many people and I wasn’t buying his diagnosis.

So I was complaining about that on Twitter, and I got a reply from some guy I’ve never met recommending another physio – someone who looks after all the circus people in Melbourne. Which sounded promising – since circus people and yogis both do relatively weird things with their body.

And yay! He was very competent and definitely thinks there’s something up with my shoulder as opposed to my neck (which has its own issues, but nothing unmanageable). After much prodding and poking, he has a working theory which will require an MRI scan to confirm or deny. And while it may require surgery – we don’t know yet and I’m not about to freak out. Whatever the deal is, I feel like I’m on my way to the correct treatment path and it will be SO GOOD to eventually have full use of my left shoulder back. Which is all good!

After the physio I met up with a new friend – a fellow yoga teacher that I met at Mark Whitwell’s workshop in February. We’ve been discussing the idea of approaching a national organisation here in Melbourne about running some free yoga and meditation classes for those with depression. We both have a history with depression ourselves, and want to give something back to the community. Also, he wanted to borrow a book and ended up borrowing two, and I scored some home-made and very nommy bliss balls!!

My physio appointment finished slightly earlier than I expected, so while I waited for my friend to pick me up, I briefly plonked myself down in a small cafe/wine bar, which didn’t seem to have a name. Bonus – during the week they have a very VERY cheap happy hour, so I downed a lovely glass of red, which set me back all of $2 (I’ll be back!). 😉

ALSO, I’ve just lined up a face to face meeting with another charitable organisation I’ve been in discussions with (via email thus far) about running some free yoga classes. I got the name of the organisation from someone in my kirtan group! This one works with “those who experience mental illness, disability, homelessness, substance abuse issues, addictions, and social and economic hardship”. I will be so happy if I can get some classes going!

There are plenty of yoga classes out there for those who can afford to go. There are even free classes at studios that offer them. But there’s a segment of the community that would probably never make it to a studio yoga class, whether it’s because of socio-economic and/or mental health issues.

And I’ve been in that place where the world seems exceptionally small and painful and feeling nourished and loved seems impossible. Except I was lucky. By the time I developed PTSD and depression, I’d had yoga in my life for many years, and it was instrumental in my recovery. However, there’s a lot of people out there who don’t have yoga, and might never try it. People who’d really, really benefit from it and not just because they want to learn to touch their toes or do a headstand.

I want to bring yoga to those people. And that’s my first order of business as a yoga teacher! Once I worked that out (it came to me in a meditation session on Monday), then suddenly everything started happening.

I’m sure I will eventually start doing some classes that I charge for. But not just yet!

Finally – tomorrow I start a new phase in my Shadow Yoga practice and it’s both exciting and the teensiest bit terrifying. After an awesome conversation on the weekend with the woman whose classes I’ve been attending, I think I might finally be ready to write more about my experiences with this intense and amazing practice.

And that’s my update for now. More to come soon, I just need to find some time (currently in short supply) to sit down and write my heart out for a bit…

~Svasti xo