Looking both ways

Tags

#IQS, 2013, creative juices, Happy New Year, Health, India, new year, Stress, two words project, unemployable, WWF wrestler

So…hi! And Happy 2013. I hope y’all had a FABULOUS seeing in of the new year, even if that fabulous thing was having a very mellow time. Or doing nothing. Just so long as you found enjoyment, any which way.

I did! I really did! For the first time in ages, I had a truly excellent time on new year’s eve. Hooray! Friends of mine had a private party at their place, with a fab view of the fireworks over the city. But importantly, with plenty of space between our little gathering and the drunken hoardes in the city. I talked with old friends and new ones, too. Drank a little champers, literally laughed til I was flat on the floor, ate, danced, and watched fireworks.

Over the Christmas break I had a few days off and some visitors from the US – some of my world-wide family of yogis. Their stay was all too brief, and I was heartbroken when they left but also glad that they came.

So here I am, three days in to 2013 and finally I’m getting around to an update for you all on where I’m at!

Looking back – where’ve I been?

You just *might’ve* noticed that most of 2012 I was pretty quiet here on the blog, on account of a whole bunch of reasons.

First up, I’ve gotta say, 2012 was one of the best years I’ve had in well…years.

Year of the Dragon worked very well for me – all of that expansive energy saw me taking up a bunch of challenges. So, its been lots of hard work but lots of excellent results, too.

Like… the Two Words Project.

Also (and related): tackling my health with the enthusiasm of a WWF wrestler. This has wrought changes on the physical, emotional and ummm metaphysical planes. Big. Stuff.

And finally being out of trauma. I cannot express how differently I feel today to the broken person who first started this blog. 2012 has been a year of resurfacing as a stronger-than-ever and happier person than I ever was. Ever.

Not to mention: hitting my 12 month anniversary of giving up sugar! I can tell you that I don’t miss it in the least.

And I know – I owe you guys more details on all the above!

Those are all normal-busy kind of things though, right? Then, there was the rest.

Mid-year my last living grandparent passed away, and that seemed to cause a subtle but significant gear-shift. Something about, I dunno… stepping in to the next generation of “elders” in my family. More Big Stuff.

Around the same time, my dad had his own health scares and diagnoses of chronic illnesses. Things are evening out for him a bit more now, but it hasn’t been much fun. And there’s more work to do.

On top of that, my 9-5 job has grown increasingly unpleasant. It’s not so much my team (who are great) as it is the next level up management. My usual pattern of finding myself being given more responsibilities and more and more work has arisen yet again, and this (so it seems) rather specifically, has been the main factor in dampening my creative juices.

I noticed the difference immediately when I went on my writing retreat – given a release from the day-to-day stresses, and enough space and time, all the words erupted like wildfire.

Then when I came back home…once again the words dried up. Damnit.

Which was an excellent indicator: it seems I’m approaching that point Nadine’s written about of being unemployable.

See, my future life is starting to converge with the here and now, which is a little disconcerting when you don’t think you’re quite ready for the future just yet!

On that note, I’ve also finished my second full year of teaching yoga. Which has kind of flown by and it’s taken me by surprise at how much I’ve learned in such a tiny amount of time.

Looking right in front of me

Here we are, at the tail end of the Dragon Year before the Snake emerges on February 4^th. Already there’s a LOT going on.

Right now, I’m working my way through Leonie Dawson’s colourful and charming Create Your Incredible Year workbook and planner. I highly recommend it for a positive start to the year!!

Next? I’m signed up for Nadine’s Light Up Your Life e-course. It’s an extended version of the Two Words project (which, heads up Melbourne peeps, is happening again in February!).

Between Leonie’s planner and Nadine’s e-course I’m thinking my year is gonna be super-charged!

Which is waaaayyy different to how I was feeling at the beginning of 2012 (hint: I was terrified!).

And just when you think I couldn’t possibly fit more in to the start of 2013, I’ve got two HUGE things happening:

1. Nine days of yoga teacher training in mid-January.
2. Then, end-February I’ll FINALLY be meeting my long-term friend and Kali sister, Linda-Sama!! We’re meeting in India for her study group. But I’ll be there for six weeks in total: two before and two after the study group. I KNOW, RIGHT?

Looking forward – wassup 2013?

Well, a lot of that is still in the works, but there’s a few things I know already. Like…

• I’ve quit my job and will finish up just before I go to India (I’ll find work of some kind when I get back!).
• One very specific mission while in India (there are several) is to buy a harmonium, so I can learn to play kirtans myself!
• I gave up the class I’ve been teaching for the past two years! The end of the year seemed like a natural pause and my plan is to teach a lot more classes per week when I’m back from India, in my own ever-unfolding style.
• Mid-year, there’s the possibility of a heck-load more change (of the positive kind). But I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself yet…

And: a new blog!

No. I’m not killing off this blog, or stopping writing here. But for a while now, I’ve wanted a place to write that’s a little less anonymous than this one. Yet… I’m not ready for everyone in my life to read the archives here.

So, I’ve started a separate blog under my own (first) name.

Many of you will be getting an email about it shortly. But feel free to let me know if you’d like to be in the loop – as it’s where I’ll be blogging about my adventures in India! 😉

More soon. Very soon. I promise!

~ Svasti xxx

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Dear Sweet Chocolate

Tags

#IQS, breaking up, chocolate, chocolate addiction, Dear John, I Quit Sugar, parfum de sucre, sugar, sugar addiction, Sweet Tooth, willpower

Dear Sweet Chocolate,

You and me, we’ve had a lot of fun over the years. So. Much. Right?

I know. It all started when I was very young. I’d no wrinkles and barely any sense, busy playing with dolls and trucks and riding my orange tricycle as I was.

When you think about it, it wasn’t either of our faults – I mean; it was almost an arranged marriage. We were introduced, for crying out loud.

Right there in my own home. My dad worked for a company that sold you and your cousins – all the sweet sugary treats imaginable. And he’d bring some of you home, sitting right there on the desk in my parents’ bedroom.

Tempting me with your parfum de sucre. Making eyes at me from beneath your packaging. Giving me blood sugar spikes with each and every bite, making me want more-more-more…

As I grew up a little more, Dad didn’t work for a purveyor of your wares any more, but the whole family was hooked.

Deeply. Wholly. Irrevocably. Yours.

Before I was out of my teenage years, one of my teeth had been exchanged for another kind – a Sweet Tooth. Mmmmm. Right there in my mouth, sprinkling my tongue with a whisper of the so-called goodness of the ingredient at the core of your being: sugar.

Oh yeah. My particular brand of your poison remained the same, however.

Chocolate, it’s always been you.

Sure, Ice-Cream got a look in from time to time. Occasionally I’d flirt with Cake. But Chocolate, you’ve always been my guy. I’d have you in biscuit form, or blocks or any which way I could get you.

You, Chocolate, wormed your way into my tastebuds and heart and you weren’t getting away that easily. Not that you wanted to, I’m pretty sure. I doubt that you ever even tried.

Then I grew up and left home and suddenly, I could do anything I wanted. And besides staying up late, one of the things I wanted was you. All the time. Every day. I was even encouraged by others who were as devoted to you as I was…

At first, I’d tell myself it was ok if I had just a little bit every day. But there were times when I’d scarf down an awful lot more. Pretty soon, I had to avoid keeping you in the house because you wouldn’t last.

Chocolate – it was around about then that I noticed you’d kinda taken over my life.

Or my willpower at any rate. And I think it was around then that I first felt uncomfortable with the level of power you held over me. Not that it stopped me wanting you – but I… I… well, I noticed that we weren’t equals. I was pretty much your slave.

I didn’t like it but it was true. The only difference was that I knew it now.

There were so many times when I tried to leave you.

We even had a few separations, but they never worked out. There were too many cravings. Or withdrawals? At any rate, as much as I tried I just couldn’t quit you.

Because you had a dirty little secret, didn’t you?

It wasn’t enough for the heart of your being – sugar – to be spread far and wide in every sweet treat around. You had to insinuate your way into supposedly non-sweet foods. Even some so-called health foods, too.

Then there’s this – even eating too much of certain things that are supposed to be good for me (like fruit) can mean I’m getting way too much sugar.

So even when I thought I wasn’t eating you, I really was. Like, all the time. Sometimes three times a day. Every single meal that wasn’t called dessert, still had you. I just didn’t know it.

Which meant I was powerless to stop my attraction to you. You were always in my blood, damnit.

But then I got sick. Really sick. And in the process of working out how to get well, I did a lot of reading. A HUGE amount of self-educating and suddenly my eyes were open. The rose coloured glasses off.

I saw you for what you really are.

Fortunately, there were support groups to join. Wise advice to listen to. I began to formulate a plan of how to leave you. For good this time.

It wasn’t going to be easy, but I was now uncomfortably aware that you weren’t any good for me and by not leaving, I was doing myself more harm than good. So I had to go for my own sake.

In some ways it’s true to say that it wasn’t you, it was me.

But truthfully, I think the same can be said for you.

You really aren’t any good for me, or pretty much anyone else. Not in the sorts of doses we’ve adapted to having you in, anyway.

So I did the work. Slowly at first. Bit by bit. But I was dedicated, because I had a motive. I wanted to get well. Also, I think it helped that I’d done all the reading and prepared myself mentally in advance.

I sure didn’t quit you cold turkey, but quit you I did.

And then, amazing things started to happen.

In the five months since we’ve been apart, I’ve lost 10kg and 5cm off my waist (to date). So I look better, but I also feel better, too.

Then there’s this: I’d no idea that all of those cravings were a part of your deal.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’d go back and forth with myself. Do I or don’t I? You’re right there in the supermarket. I want you. But I know I shouldn’t have you YET again…right?

Argh, it was always so hard and inevitably I’d lose the battle. If not that hour or day, then it was the next. I’d slink into a shop and guiltily put you in my shopping cart, pretending that no one noticed how often I’d bought you that week already.

But… time apart has done wonders for me. Those cravings? They’re gone. GONE. That awful slippery-dip of desire vanished right alongside your daily presence. Gone, gone, gone.

Have to say, I didn’t miss you at all. Surprising but true.

Then, around Easter someone gave me a present: a Lindt bunny with its gold wrapping and tiny little bow around it’s neck. Oh, Chocolate! You brazen hussy!

Even my naturopath (who generally isn’t a fan of yours either) had said – well, Easter is different. She gave me permission to indulge in you and so I thought… okay. Just this once. Yeah, perhaps we can at least be friends. Or acquaintances.

I was in for a shock, though. For when I peeled back the wrapping and bit in to what USED to be a mouth-watering treat. I found that… well, now you taste oddly bitter and leave a funny burnt flavour on my tongue.

Sugar. Chocolate. I’ve come to my senses and now I get it. You guys. You’re just TOO MUCH. What’s more, you’re a drug.

You’re the sort of drug that hides your wickedness behind a cloud of saccharine love. You spin a web of beautiful crystalline lies, making promises you can’t ever keep.

More than that: you flat out misdirect everyone who’s attracted to your wiles.

But here’s the truth: spending too much time with you can cause illness. Weight gain. Poor self-esteem (on account of the former and the latter).

And the whole addiction/co-dependency thing you’ve got going on with me and every other sucker out there? Kind of yucky when you take a proper look at it.

So anyway, I just wanted you to know that I know. You don’t have any power over me anymore. My thraldom has passed and I won’t ever let it happen again.

Sorry Chocolate, Sugar. You and me? We’re done. This time its for real.

~Svasti

How to have an awesome Single Gal’s V-Day

Tags

#IQS, Barista, Coffee, flirting, single girls, Valentine's Day, Yoga

Start early. The earlier the better. Like January. But don’t worry if you can’t start early this year. There’s always next year (in case you happen to be single then).

Face up to your fears (again and again and again) and get some healing and acceptance going in your life (or whatever other words you choose to set sail by for the upcoming year).

Get your good self aligned with those awesome words so they start to seep into every fibre of your being.

Realise that you’re actually really and truly enjoying your new job. The people, the work, the clients. It’s crazy busy there, but the job is a fit for your quirky personality. 

Make a teensy, tiny decision that you’ll allow yourself one cup of (good) coffee a day, Monday to Friday. Search for the best coffee shop near your new workplace. Get to know the baristas.

Notice that all of your hard work is starting to pay off. Physical and emotional healing, strengthening through yoga, giving up sugar. Even when you thought you’d never be able to say such a thing (about it all paying off): it’s true.

Revel in fitting into clothes you haven’t been able to get into for ages, AND be accepting of your body as it is – ill health, extra kilos and all.

Get a little more yoga crazy than ever before. Spend eighteen hours over the weekend before V-Day doing lots and lots of excellent yoga with one of the best teachers in Australia.

Go to work the next day absolutely glowing (or so your workmates tell you).

Plan a very special V-Day yoga class for your students. All about “spinal love”, aka taking care of the spine: learning how to bend through the spine properly; and how to effectively and slowly build core strength.

On V-Day itself, wear one of those dresses you can fit into again (thanks to losing weight from giving up sugar), knowing you have a client meeting. Get compliments from workmates on your ensemble.

Head over for an early morning coffee at the start of the day (it’s gonna be a loooong and busy one at work).

Grab your coffee when the tall, ruggedly cute barista calls your name. Have a very funny interaction with him that goes something like this…

Barista: There you go darlin’. So, were you showered with kisses this morning, like you deserve?

You: Ummmm, perhaps by my cat…

Barista: Well I’d be happy to do it but it might overstep some barista/customer boundaries.

You: Well perhaps I could get my coffee somewhere else then??

Barista: Perhaps you should… 😉

Realise that you can’t remember the last time anyone flirted so brazenly and publicly with you.

Have a massive grin on your face for the rest of the day.

Get changed at the end of the work day, into yoga teacher mode and fabulous shiny pants.

Teach a VERY full yoga class. Watch as your students enjoy the new things they’re learning about their bodies.

Also, tell them the thought that popped into your head the previous week:

It doesn’t matter who does or doesn’t love you, as long as YOU love you.

Admit that you’re not sure if you read that somewhere or if it was an original thought. But that it doesn’t matter as long as you really and truly get it, on a cellular level.

On the reverse of our Rainbow Hearts

Talk to your students about how real love starts with:

• Self nurturing
• Self acceptance
• Self respect

Be amazed at how awesome your class was and grateful that you get the chance to spread a little love around in a non-clichéd/commercial V-Day way.

Go home, still smiling about the bold flirting of a Certain Barista.

Discover your neighbour has cooked dinner and saved you some. Because she is awesome. Make tentative plans to have a girls night out with her some time.

Bask in all the love.

Clean the house.

Go to bed, still smiling…

~Svasti

xxx

P.S. Happy V-Day to you all!

P.P.S. See, coffee isn’t entirely bad for you… 😉

#iquitsugar #IQS weeks 6-8 and beyond

Tags

#IQS, I Quit Sugar, sugar detox

Gimme some sugar, sugar

What with everything else going on around here, I’ve let my I Quit Sugar updates slide.

Ooops.

The eight week program is now officially over. It’s been a mixed bag, but overall I’m really happy with my progress, and I’m gonna keep right on going!

I totally own up to cheating/caving a handful of times in these final weeks. Mindfully so, however. And mostly in Bali, because it’s very difficult to turn down all of that amazing fresh fruit.

While I don’t weigh myself, my clothes ARE gradually getting looser. I once again fit into a work dress that I hadn’t been able to zip up for most of last year. My jeans are threatening to fall down. It isn’t a dramatic change, but I’m digging it.

The best thing however is that I don’t have daily sugar cravings anymore. When the cravings do come, I can usually recognise them as one of two things: boredom or stress. To distract myself from either, I used to eat chocolate mostly.

Sugar cravings used to feel like a slippery slope. As soon as they arrived, it used to mean that I’d inevitably cave in. Maybe not immediately but it was definitely a sure thing.

Now the initial impulse arises and there’s no compulsion to back it up. It’s like: YEAH I WANT SOME CHOCOLATE…. wait a second… Nope. I really don’t.

Well how ‘bout that.

Week 6 (ending 18^th December)

The lead up to my trip to Bali, and my first couple of days there. I took sugar-free snacks on the plane – macadamias, almonds, pepitas and cheese. At first, I was really good and avoided the fruit, the juices and everything. I felt very virtuous!

Week 7 (ending 25^th December)

Then my birthday came around (while in Bali) and I was a bit cest la vie, and had the most wonderful grilled banana and ice-cream for desert. Heaven.

I started eating a bit of fruit here and there, but not gorging on it.

Also, I indulged in the organic raw chocolate cake at Kafe.

However, I never felt like I was over-doing it and I didn’t feel like I HAD to have more. For years, that’s how it was.

Once I came back to Melbourne, there was Christmas. But I’d already asked my family not to give me chocolate as a present. However, I did have a small slice of gluten free plum pudding. I know. *sigh*

Week 8 (ending 1^st January)

New Year’s Eve meant I drank a little wine, which I seriously regret. Ugh, dehydration!

But that was about it. No sugar binges. Hooray!

It seems I’m now in control of my sugar addiction instead of it controlling me. I can take it or leave it and most of the time, I leave it. Sugar doesn’t interest me anywhere near as much as it used to, now that I’m not a sugar slave.

And beyond…

My approach now is pretty much as it’s been through the eight weeks of my sugar detox.

I actively avoid added sugar, confectionary and I’m keeping my fruit consumption really low. For most of last year, I didn’t really drink (alcohol is often high in sugar) since it’s bad for my autoimmune condition, and I honestly don’t miss it too much. If I want some, I have it. Otherwise I don’t.

So it’s all very conditional. I refuse to be completely stringent about it all, but on the other hand I no longer NEED sugar every day or even every week.

Sarah’s ebook was helpful because it was like having a friend along for the ride to hold your hand. Someone who’s been there, done that.

If you’re thinking about trying to quit sugar for the new year, Sarah is also running an I Quit Sugar support group right now, with weekly posts to help you through the process.

I highly recommend giving up the sweet stuff if the idea appeals.

Even if you don’t stick with it, I promise you’ll learn things about yourself by changing your diet for a while.

And you might even find that you like sugar-free and/or really-really-low-levels-of-sugar living.

Whatever you do with your health and diet, take care of yourself.

~Svasti