Show and tell

Tags

AnthroYogini, Beyond Words, copywriting job, hand-bound book, Karin, Lady Luck, life update, prize winner, weird job

I never usually win stuff, but this morning I woke up to find out that Lady Luck has kindly smiled down on me!

Karin from Beyond Words (one of my favourite artists in the blogosphere) had a little giveaway competition for her first blogiversary.

All the entrant’s names went into a hat, and somehow Karin pulled mine out as the winner!! Even better, the prize was a very special hand-bound book Karin made and created some tutorial videos about, should you ever want to try making your own book.

This is it (click to see larger image)!!

Isn’t it beautiful? I love the gorgeous lotus flower stamp (also created by Karin) on the front, and the pretty green cover. I think its just stunning and I’m thrilled to be the winner of this wonderful prize!

As Karin suggested, I do plan to use it for writing poems, ideas and stories when I’m out and about, and not next to my computer. 🙂

My other show and tell item is the copywriting job I’ve been telling y’all about. The flyer it was intended for has now been designed and made awfully pretty.

Click to read my words (PDF file, 3.5MB)

In other news… the job I started a little while back (the one that saved me from absolute financial ruin) is very strange.

As I mentioned, its with this big corporate, in fact its the company that owns the previous big corporate I worked for (the one I quit when I went to Thailand around 12 months ago).

I’m being paid pretty crap money for what I’m doing, but then, its still not too bad. Just not what I’m used to being paid. Anyway, its enough to live on for now.

But the weird thing is, they really don’t have enough work to keep me busy. And last week I found out I wasn’t the only one in this situation. They’ve got digital producers (my job) and developers sitting around doing sporadic work. An email here, a meeting there, the odd phone call. Maybe half a day of documentation…

Don’t get me wrong, the people here are nice and I’m glad to be earning money. But it feels kinda wrong to be getting paid to do nothing (I’m writing this post from work at the moment).

Last week in my extensive down-time here, I finished two yoga studies assignments and made some awesome digital art to go with one of my essays (a cut down version of the essay plus the art I made will be shared here). Oh, and I sorted out payment for most of my overdue bills.

I suppose the upside is that its not a stressful  job and no one here (my boss included) seems to mind that I’m not doing anything, despite me constantly letting them know. But it doesn’t sit well with my work ethic – I’m used to doing at least half a dozen things at once… and yet, perhaps this is just what I need right now, a non-stressful re-introduction to the world of 9-5 work?

My final piece of exciting news is that next month I get to meet Anthroyogini and Mr Anthroyogini in person. Woot!! As I type, Anthroyogini is heading to Canberra to successfully complete and hand in her PhD thesis (which she is gonna kick ass at doing!).

Then once she’s done, we’ll rendezvous to celebrate in a coffee shop in Melbourne for our very first meet up.

Something to look forward to!

More posts coming soon, I just needed a little break in the past week to deal with some stuff. But my short spell of radio silence is done and I’ve got plenty more to share…

~ Svasti

Cursed?

Tags

Curse, Cursed, Don't belong, Fail, Jobs, Karma, Lady Luck, Murphy's Law, Nick Cave, Shivers, Unemployed

Taking a leaf out of Dr Jay’s book here with the quoting…

I’ve been contemplating suicide, but it really doesn’t suit my style,
so I think I’ll just act bored instead who can take the blood I would’ve shed?
She makes me feel so ugly my heart is really on it’s knees
but I keep a poker face so well that even mother couldn’t tell
– Nick Cave, Shivers

I’ve had enough. Of everything.

You know, I’ve worked hard to make the best of what I’ve been given in this life. It hasn’t been much love and light and happiness. I’ve tried hard to follow the path in front of me. But every time I think I’m doing that, the rug gets ripped out from under me.

As I’ve mentioned before, it seems I’m a game of catch between Lady Luck and Murphy. Something half-way decent happens in my life and then it sucks all over again.

Right now I’m about to puke I’m so unsure of myself. Am I cursed? Should I be paranoid that someone/something is out to wreck my life? What the?!!

Jobs are around, they’re everywhere. But I can’t get one. Not even a waitressing job and believe me, I’m trying. I’m getting plenty of interviews. All the recruiting agencies I talk to are impressed with me, my skills and experience. I get to second interviews and then nothing – so close and yet so far… For six whole weeks its been like this. Jobs are all around me, just out of reach.

When I left my job, all the signs were there I was doing the right thing. If you’re wondering what I mean about that, its all about how easy it is. How smoothly everything goes. It feels right at a gut level.

But I can’t shake the idea that I just don’t belong here, on this plane of existence. Its something I’ve always lived with. And at times like this, that feeling becomes much more intense.

Today I was excited, going for an interview for some freelance work. Sure, all went well and they were talking about how they’d like to get me in – but they need to wait until they get their next big piece of work to justify paying me, even though they’re trying to cover off replacing a full time role. I do understand ofcourse, but what a tease! That could be… well, not for ages! And who knows if they were just blowing smoke anyway?

So I’ve pretty much had it. I’ve talked to umpteen recruitment people. They all want me to come in and talk to them about ‘possible upcoming roles’ but they never seem to materialise.

After the interview, which should have been good, but left me feeling despondent, I wandered the city. I should have been enjoying the random lovely Spring day we were having but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to go home to my parents’ place either. I felt and feel utterly defeated.

Bawling as I walked from the bus stop, I invoked the universe. I said – I’ve had enough of all this suffering. I know I’m partly in control, but I don’t know the way out. I need your help, because I’m sick of this fucked up life I’ve led. Things are just getting worse and worse. So either help me get a job – any job – so I can try and make some changes – or just take me out. Kill me. Tonight. I’ve had enough and I want out of this shitheap of a life.

That’s how I’m feeling right now… if I was hit by a bus or died suddenly at the moment I would welcome it.

Don’t worry – I’m not about to do anything rash, but I’m haunted by these thoughts anyway. Its not very comfortable to be me at the moment.

I’m stuck in the maze of karma and nothing makes sense.

~Svasti

In a whirl…

Tags

Batman & Robin, Confusion, Dating, Lady Luck, Men, Mexican stand-off, Murphy's Law, Relationships, Writer's block

My brain feels like a schmooshy mixture of brain, goo, mist and haze. Add a dash of confusion and its all whirly.

I’m still battling this cold/ear infection/burst ear drum. Also, there’s that bunch of stories wanting to be told. They’re confusing me at the moment however, and its blocking up the pipes again. Sigh. They want to be longer and more mindlessly detailed than I want them to be. And they refuse to be edited. So, I currently have a number of unfinished pieces of writing and we’re having a bit of a Mexican stand-off.

Which is not so bad really, except for the desire I have to create, express, to publish more bloggy oddness.

But right now my focus is a little skewed because I’m waiting to hear if I managed to get a job I really want (whilst trying not to get too attached to the idea of having it).

And… I *think* a boy might like me… which is REALLY confusing…

My life is a series of question marks at the moment. Cartoon ones, like those that used to appear over the heads of the villians in the Batman & Robin TV series. Will I get the job I want? Or like Catatonic Kid, is my relationship with Murphy really that ironic? I do wonder about that. Actually, I wonder if Murphy and Lady Luck have battles over who I really belong to. It seems a bit that way sometimes.

Then there’s this boy. Well, I suppose at my age I shouldn’t be calling grown men “boys” any longer, but its a habit that’s stuck.

He’s someone I used to work with, and I’m unclear if he likes me or not. I mean, in my experience, unless you’ve become good friends with people you’ve worked with, they don’t generally try to stay in touch once you’ve left the place of your mutual employment. And you certainly don’t go out of your way to invite them to your birthday drinks, giving them plenty of notice of the date etc. But we’re not that close, and he’s done just that.

Towards the end of my trip in Thailand, I logged on to check my emails. Like alot of people I work with, he’s a friend on my GTalk (we’re geeks!) and he started chatting to me. Since I’ve been back we’ve had a couple of other online chats as well. Then last week he invited me to the birthday drinks he was organising for himself. I mean, they’re straight after work on a Friday, near a place I no longer work at.

In the course of that chat, I discovered by the way that he and his girlfriend had broken up. They’d been together for almost as long as I’ve known him. The conversation was a little flirty I guess. And the idea percolated away there – wow, what if he likes me? But am I just imagining things?

Tonight is the night. But its not a date or anything – there will be heaps of people I know there. And maybe he’s just being friendly?

I suppose I can only go with my gut feel – even though he was with someone else, there was always a bit of a spark between us. I think anyway! Actually, I sort of need someone to spell it out for me if they like me, otherwise I really don’t get it. As a rule, I tend to think men don’t have any interest in me. So I don’t know.

But he did send me another message just today, checking to make sure I’m coming tonight. So I am nervous.

I do like him. I think he’s cute. And he’s really sweet natured too. He was one of the “safe men” I used to enjoy hanging out with and having a harmless flirt with during the time I was working out how to relate to men again. I suppose I don’t know him well enough to work out if there could be anything more than that. One of the posts that I wrote not long after getting back was about how I can’t be in a relationship at the moment.

For one thing, I simply have no sense when it comes to men, and working out what’s best for me. Secondly, as I mentioned in that earlier post, I find that men tend to flock around me once I’ve returned from retreat – energy sucking men that is. Not that I think this boy is an energy sucker at all.

But whenever I decide these sorts of things, it seems that fate has its own way with me. Its not like I really need more time to myself I guess. But I really haven’t processed all the stuff that goes with getting close to someone again. So… even the thought that someone might like me, and that I might have to face some of this stuff is a little scary.

Right now my life is still in limbo. My sister still isn’t talking to me properly. I don’t have a home of my own and I don’t have a job. There haven’t been any men in my life for the longest time. It would be nice if things started turning out for the better…

And if someone has a good cure for Writer’s Block, please feel free to pass it on!

~Svasti