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Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

~ Recovery from PTSD & depression + yoga, silliness & poetry…

Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

Tag Archives: Laughing at myself

How was your Sunday?

24 Sunday May 2009

Posted by Svasti in Fun, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Bikes, Bogans, Cave in the Snow, Cycling, Family, Flat tyre, Hermit, Humour, Laughing at myself, Mona Lisa, Nieces, peek a boo, Spirituality, Sunday, Surrender, Tenzin Palmo

What to say to a day where you try to do a nice thing (for your 94 year old and increasingly senile grandma) only to be insulted quite rudely (by said grandma – we’re not sure how much dementia is ruling the roost and how much is just her), and then on the way home, discover a flat bike tyre as you get off the train, and the spare tyre tube’s faulty too (but you didn’t know til after you’d been trying to pump it up fruitlessly for at least ten minutes).

Argh!!!

When trying to repair the original tube, discover the hole is in the worst possible spot, and while waiting to see if one of the many things you’ve tried has worked, get approached by a totally drunken bogan who says… ooooh, hey honey, what do YOU neeeeed? …as you frantically pace around trying to work out how to/if you can fix the damn tyre tube at all!

Mumbling more to yourself than anything, Need a band aid or something that might work as a stop-gap to get home!

For some reason the long haired drunken bogan leans in and salaciously whispers, Ohhhh I think I really want yoooouuuu! To which you reply, That’s great but I DON’T want you.. (why don’t really cute guys EVER say things like that?). Standing too close still, Mr Bogan is smoking (a major pet hate) so you tell him to smoke elsewhere. Anywhere else!

Another dude on a bike wanders by to commiserate at which point, Mr Bogan again feels the need to stick his face right near yours, PLEASE get out of my personal space!

Damn bogan!

So you give it up. Put the original tyre back together, wheel back on the bike and resign yourself to more train travel (two trains) and wandering home from the closest station with your poor limp bike and its sadly flaccid front tyre squeaking in protest at having to roll with not enough air in there…

Thank goodness for adorable two year old nieces playing peek-a-boo with your hair and chanting 1-2-3-ready-not! (translation = coming, ready or not!). Giggling in a way even the Mona Lisa couldn’t resist. And three month old baby nieces smiling wide cheesy baby grins, highly infectious those…

Not to mention being grateful for some time to re-read a rather wonderful little book, Cave in the Snow (will do a write up soonish), allowing those latent hermit-like tendencies to quietly re-surface… twas enough, too, to make me laugh at the madness of the day.

~Svasti

Talkin’ to myself

21 Thursday May 2009

Posted by Svasti in Fun, Life

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Anxiety, Dialouge, Did the cat write this?, Foot in mouth disease, Haha, Humour, Laughing at myself, Make of this what you will, Oh just get on with it, Random conversations, Shut up, Silence, Silliness, Talking to myself, Which voice do I listen to?

What a mess we’ve made! Now, I don’t know quite what to say.

Say anything! Say something!

But what if it’s the wrong thing (again)?

You’ve gotta try… and you’re a smart girl…

Easy for you to say! What if my attempt is unwanted?

The way things are going, you’ll never find out!

But… I don’t want to seem needy (yet again)!

It’s not all about you, you know…

That’s true, I know that, and I want to ask, but…

But what?

What I said before, what if the question, any question from me is unwanted?

After all this time, you think it’s that simple?

I don’t know! I hope not! But I’m a little scared to ask in case…

Okay, but perhaps that’s how it is for…

Yeah, yeah, maybe but there’s no clues either way! I don’t know what’s happened, if that’s it, or…

Have a little faith!

But I don’t know! I don’t want to push my luck, or look desperate or manipulative?

Hey, posting this to your blog could be seen as any one of those things, too.

True… but I don’t mean it that way. I can’t read minds you know! And I’m scared…

No, and most other people can’t either, but I get why you’re scared…

What do I do? I just don’t know…

So wait, give it more time.

I’m trying to do just that! But the silence is killing me. It’s deafening.

Yeah, it’s tough… but hey, why not just send out some love, see what happens? Everyone needs support and love, even if they can’t reach out in return…

You’re right! So… here’s some love, just for you. And you. And [looks straight down the camera] for YOU too.

You know the rest, I hope…

~Svasti

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