Fishing in the universe’s ocean

Tags

bountiful, diamond, disenfranchised, gleaming golden thread, gone fishing, Home, intangible embrace, kiss of life, learning curve, magic, peace out, sparkle, teaching, the universe’s ocean, Yoga, yoga teacher training

Sometimes before teaching a yoga class, I ask myself how it is I think I’m going to do it: teach the class, that is. Just who do I think I am, anyway?

Then it’s time to begin and I find myself speaking words that I didn’t even know were there to be said. Sure, I have a rough class plan, but how that plays out is always a bit of a mystery. And the words I use to direct the class seem to come out of nowhere, too.

Sometimes I find that I design classes based on the weather, the time of day, or the students who show up. Or even the ones that came to a previous and unrelated class. Yes… just thinking about people’s reactions/feedback to my classes is enough, because often people have similar enough experiences to make certain things (no matter how specific) quite valid for more than just an individual.

There’s magic in teaching yoga: a somewhat intangible embrace. A yoga teacher is not just speaking the words and demonstrating poses at the front of the room, but is also smack-dab in the middle of the experience of his/her students. It’s something shared. An exchange. This part of teaching can’t be measured or practiced as such, and is rarely discussed in yoga teacher training – instead, it’s all about being there and participating in a yoga class as the yoga teacher.

I know there’s a learning curve, and I’m on it. I can both see and feel it. My words and actions press against it like an invisible bubble every time I teach. A very slight pressure to make sure I’m aware of its elasticity. There’s room to move and grow and learn, it says… and I sigh with relief. Thank goodness!

I don’t have to know everything right now. There’s still plenty for me to share without being the Most Knowledgeable Yoga Teacher in the Known Universe, or even making the Top 500. So much to share! And so I do. Even though I’m not always sure where the sharing comes from.

Which sneaky corners of my body and mind have those wisdom nuggets been hiding in? Or is it something else entirely? Is it a sensibility that extends outside of myself and dipping into another? Something bigger? More?

Perhaps.

Maybe it’s like fishing in the universe’s ocean. So vast and awe-inspiring! I can load up my fishing rod with bait (the upcoming yoga class), cast the line and see what turns up on the end of my hook. It’s a bountiful ocean and whatever comes back to me is good. Maybe it’s only a tiny sliver of information but that can be enough to enrich my students and myself.

It’s all good. Engaging in this work never seems repetitive (although it is of course, to a certain degree) and never loses it’s sparkle. It’s a big wide ocean of incredible power and beauty, and every time I reach in to connect with it I’m surprised by myself.

Who do I think I am? Well actually, it doesn’t really matter what I think of myself. In fact, when I teach I don’t really think of myself at all. Just my students and how I can best find a way to uhhh… share what I know.

If a smile can be transmitted through a person’s eyes, can my knowledge of yoga (always growing and changing) be transmitted through my voice, physical demonstration and occasional adjustments? I think it can. I think it DOES.

Yoga reveals my Self to myself. I learn to banish limited thinking about my body and mind in the face of overwhelming evidence that proves otherwise. I run a gleaming golden thread between my breath, my body and my heart and they all vibrate as one (the way it should be if we weren’t so disenfranchised from our own Selves). My practice changes daily and I see how things are more clearly than if I were just to look in the mirror at my physical reflection.

So when I ask you to move, and when I spend time explaining how and why to do so a certain way, what I’m really trying to share with you is the bounty of my own practice. All the fish I’ve hooked while out in my small little row boat, fishing in that ocean (don’t worry, I always give ’em the kiss of life and throw ’em back in).

And the words that come – they aren’t rehearsed because I’m busily explaining what I see and feel right there, right then.

I want you to love your yoga practice. To find joy in it, even when you can’t do all the asana perfectly (and I mean, who ever does ANYTHING perfectly, right?). I want you to have a good time and I want you to find that place in your heart that is quiet, expansive and glows like a gazillion carrot (conflict-free) diamond. That place is called Home, and you need to get to know it because being able to go there any time you like is one of the best things going.

So yeah. Haven’t been posting much lately, I know. But I’m not gonna apologise because, you see, I went fishing. And a little transformation’s been going on while I was out there, bobbing around peacefully. Watching the stars. Breathing in the moon. And generally, making some renovations in my own Home.

But I’ve been thinking about you all. I have. And sending out lots of love.

Peace out, everyone. Big smoochie kisses, too.

More soon, I promise!

~Svasti xoxo

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Back in the land of sun

Tags

Birthday Spectacular, Catatonic Kid, champagne, childhood delights, clammy skin, clumsiness, delirium, fever, IMAX, magic, New Years Eve, newly embodied friendships, Nurofen, poached eggs, ringtail possums, Seafood, Shiv, sunsets, swearing in Italian, Sydney, under the sea, wishy washy

So, I totally lied in my last post. And I’m confessing this while under the influence of a low-grade fever and several Nurofen tablets.

…How nice it’ll be to have a little holiday (just a week) in the gorgeously warm Sydney (as opposed to unpredictable Melbourne)…

At least, the weather made a complete mockery of the above. Bah!!

Sydney, it seems, is no longer reliable mid-Summer for perfect and continuous sunny weather. The day I left Melbourne was a perfect summery day and yet I arrived in Sydney to find rainrainrainrain! It’d been raining for days before I arrived, so no one can blame the weather on the Melbournite, okay?

In fact, Sydney probably had only two days (maximum) where the weather could’ve been described as Sydney-like (based on previous experience). Melbourne on the other hand, had decidedly nicer weather all week (*shakes head sadly*). Also, Melbourne had lightning to go with their (decidedly less special) fireworks.

Never mind! Sydney was fabulous for other reasons. Like… all the friends I got to see!

Stop one of four

Stayed with a fellow yogini (and very good friend) in Bondi. Yeah, she lives a short walk from that very famous beach. Not that I got to see it in all it’s glory this time. But we hung out, worked out, made food (she’s an awesome cook), did some yoga, puja and generally had some girl time. I seriously miss that girl now we live in different parts of the country!

Two of four

Hopped over to the other side of town to visit one of my favourite married couples, CB & B, just in time for CB’s birthday. Amongst other things, CB is a volunteer Wildlife Rescue Officer, currently caring for four adolescent ringtail possums. They’re the cutest critters! Also, there are two fully grown ringtails living in her front yard – CB hand-reared them herself and they’re so tame, I was able to help feed them (chopped up carrots and vegies) and pet them just behind their little furry ears, allowing them to wrap their deceptively strong tails around my pinky finger. Adorable!

And yes, that’s them below…

Three of four

Blog buddy adventures for New Year’s Eve! Yep, it was time to meet up with Catatonic Kid and Shiv. Just before my arrival and while the cab driver bumbled around and refused to look in the street directory (even though I asked him to do just that), I had a flash of panic. Turning up to the house of a complete stranger (in the flesh anyway) and staying two nights there? Ummmm…. *smallish freakout*!!

But of course, it was more than fine. It was fabulous! With some initial mutual nervousness out of the way, we swapped presents (thanks guys!!) and chatted while preparing for our evening picnic – watching the world-famous Sydney fireworks display (see photo at the top of the post). Although the weather looked dodgy, we had no other plans and lucky us – the rain miraculously held off.

A fun night was had by all, despite my nearly taking out an entire hillside of people via clumsily stepping on some plastic sheeting while trying to navigate the breadth of said hillside (it was kinda steep). A dude swore at me in Italian but Shiv vigorously defended my clumsiness (thanks again, hehe!). And despite Sydney police almost begging for the opportunity to arrest us while we were trying to leave peaceably somewhere around 1am – seriously! There were about five of them all lined up, making smartass comments at us. Perhaps to see if we’d fire up? Musta been a slow night! Anyway, all three of us managed to leave without the need for bail, and not suffering too badly from being in the midst of 20,000 people.

Next day was Shiv’s birthday… but really, I should let him talk about that one. Perhaps he’ll grace us with a post on the topic (*here’s the post!!*)? Suffice to say, CK and I pulled off a total Birthday Spectacular. We pretty much rocked the entire day! But let me use the following descriptive keywords: poached eggs, magic, 3D, childhood delights, under the sea, sunsets, seafood and champagne. I will mention one of the surprises – it was seeing Avatar at IMAX, which completely entranced all three of us. So incredibly magical!

It was brilliant to spend some time in the flesh with two online friends. We even spoke to a third on the phone for New Year’s (a rather late night for her!). All up, it was piles of fun meeting the people behind the blogs and it’s only the beginning for our newly embodied (as opposed to virtual) friendships…

Cheers you two, and thanks heaps for the excellent adventures. 😉

Four of four

Finally, back over the bridge to the north-side (no, due to people’s birthdays I was not able to coordinate my movements as well as I’d have liked…) to see another friend (JM), her hubby and her 13 month old baby boy. Have to say; by this point in my travels, I was pretty exhausted. So JM and I indulged in some girly chats lying on her bed, played with their very cute red haired/blue eyed bubba and just did some chillin’. Which worked for her, on account of the cold she and the little guy were getting over.

Unfortunately I managed to collect said cold… let’s call it a Sydney souvenir. Hence the fever I’m waiting out rather impatiently (*wipes sweat beads from upper lip*).

Regardless, I had a blast seeing everybody. Oh and while I was away, I managed to scribble down a bunch of plans for this year! I don’t call them resolutions, coz I reckon plans are things you can make happen. Whereas resolutions always seem kinda wishy washy to me.

Stay tuned, I’ve much more to share this week. And while I try to ignore my delirium and clammy skin, I think I can manage to get a few runs on the board. Or at least, draft posts in half-decent shape.

I hope y’all had an enjoyable Christmas/New Year, and that you’re settling into 2010 just fine.

~Svasti xo

History of a spiritual quest – part ii

Tags

acting, Bellydancer, Halloween, high school dropout, leaving home, magic, Melbourne, Newtown, NIDA, Pagan, paganism, Pagans in the Pub, performing, Stripper, Sydney, topless waitress, VCA, Wandering gypsy, witchcraft, Yellow Pages, Yoga

[Read part i first]

I left home permanently at age nineteen, though I’d lived away from home a couple of times before that.

Summary of a teenager

Some of the experiences of my teen years have been documented on this blog already, with more to come (see Timeline for a list of related posts).

If ya don’t have the time/inclination to read them, suffice to say I was a pretty unhappy, wounded and messed up kid. And read the summary below…

Before I turned twenty-one I’d already clocked up two different addresses. And then came my move to Sydney. Why was that again? Oh yeah…

Moving out of the family home wasn’t far enough away from my emotionally and physically abusive older brother. He could still turn me to ashes with one of his laser-like hate and anger filled glances, directed solely at me. Even though he couldn’t hit me any more, his hatred still cut deeply.

Then, I hadn’t finished high school properly and I dropped out of repeating my final year. Shortly thereafter I wound up working as a topless waitress and a stripper.

I also performed in all kinds of theatre productions (I’d been acting since my early teen years) and working as a waitress earning just enough money to make rent with a little to spare.

Somewhere in there I’d gotten into the party drug scene rather significantly, and at the time of my move still had a few years to go before I gave it up.

Wandering gypsy

I also couldn’t feel or see a future for myself in Melbourne. What I really wanted to do was go overseas, but I didn’t have enough money for that, and living away from home, I was having trouble saving anything.

Unsettled and flighty, I had no idea what to do with my life (I still struggle with that!).

However, I was auditioning for two famous drama schools (VCA in Melbourne & NIDA in Sydney). I already realised that if I got into NIDA, I’d be moving interstate. My next thought was: What if I don’t get in? What will I do then?

Speedily, I decided if that happened, I’d go to Sydney anyway. That decision brought sunshine and possessing possibilities to my world…

What happened next was, I auditioned and almost got in to NIDA, but didn’t make the final cut (and bombed the VCA audition). Disappointing as it was, I was excited about moving to Sydney!

I decided I’d try to get into NIDA again the following year, and in the meanwhile I’d study at the prestigious Actor’s Center in Sydney. That was the plan.

So I packed my meagre belongings, bought a plane ticket and landed in a brand new town – one that felt like home from the moment I arrived.

Pagan leanings

It’s fair to say I was fascinated by magic and witchcraft etc before I ever knew what they were. Like there was some kind of electric pulse that bleeped whenever I thought about such things.

And so, around six months after moving to Sydney and through a series of very strange events (a tale for another time perhaps… in which I ended up having a fling – twice – with a supposedly gay man), I was living at my third Sydney address in lovely inner city Newtown.

Back then, Newtown was still very gritty, artsy. Yuppies hadn’t discovered it yet and the vibe was all hippy/uni student-ish which suited me perfectly.

I spent half of my Sydney life there and I’ll always love that place passionately.

It was the launching pad for my career as a bellydancer, where I took my first ever yoga class, met my ex-fiancé, and began my spiritual quest in earnest – and much more.

So yes, I’d once again begun thinking about my interest in paganish things.

Only problem was I had no idea where to start. So… what does a girl do in the very early 90’s before the internet was widespread?

Picked up the Yellow Pages (print book) of course! I laugh about that now, but it seemed so logical at the time. Hey, perhaps I can find witches in the Yellow Pages!!

And it was Halloween.

I don’t remember what I looked up exactly. But I think I called the Sydney Psychic’s Hotline. Some kinda hotline anyway.

Spoke to this lovely man, who kind of freaked out when I told him what I wanted (I was still unsure of the labels).

Oh, you want to know about witchcraft? Paganism? Just so we’re clear, we don’t do any of that stuff HERE. But I can put you in touch with someone who does.

That was my introduction to T – a darkly witchy type, all dressed in black with his redwood bookshelves, better stocked than many a new age store. We met at his place (a short walk from mine), and discussed all things magical over a pot of tea. It was a tantalising sampler.

He also told me about a weekly event called “Pagans in the Pub”.

Yessiree… you read it correctly. Coz it was a group of Pagans getting together in a Pub. Get it?? Yukyukyuk!! And, tantalisingly, only two short blocks from where I lived at the time…

Even better, the next event was coming up that week. I was going and I’d meet up with T there. I couldn’t believe my luck!!

[Read part iii]

~ Svasti