Yoga, Grace and time out

Tags

Asana, bones, Dagnabbit, dancing dust motes, Dyson, fox hole, freelance, Grace, herbs in the window, Lululemon, marmas, mirages, mission-critical, new things, remedial massage, security blanket, Shadow Yoga, substitute teaching, Tara Stiles, time out, Universe, Yoga, Yoga In Daily Life, yoga teaching

Just to be a touch more specific (as opposed to my previous post), here’s one of those New Things I hinted at but with a few more details this time.

Well, it’s a new-old thing really: last Friday I finished up a five week stint of freelance work. Originally it was meant to be only two weeks. And when I started at the very end of July, I had several seemingly decent options for more permanent/long term work.

I was even verballed: “We definitely want you, you’re the right person for the job!”

Uh huh.

But as the freelance work was extended, the other offers evaporated in ways most surprising. From one angle they looked very solid and convincing but shifting to the side a little,  seems they were nothing but dancing dust motes glistening in the sunlight. I’d tell you how it all went down but y’know, the upshot is that those so-called possible jobs weren’t real.

It was weird, and not weird. I mean, before going into some of those interviews I KNEW already that they weren’t gonna work out. In one instance, I looked into the face of one of the people interviewing me and thought: This is a very angry man and I wouldn’t care to work for him. In yet another, I realised even as I was doing my best to spruik my skills, I knew I didn’t want to work there.

So what was wrong with these people and places? Probably nothing. I think it has more to do with me (and more on that soon, too)…

Meanwhile, I was totally rocking the freelance job. Possibly because the actual work involved was stuff I’d mastered long ago so it wasn’t challenging. Not that that matters for freelance work, and still, I LOVE making stuff in the digital space. The people were nice, and it was a twenty-minute cycle from my place when the traffic was heavy. Fifteen minutes on a good day!

Even at this job however, there were mirages… people sniffing around to see if they could hire me. The only problem was that the job that was available was the one I was doing for them already. Which means that basically I would’ve been ridiculously bored within a few months. So, not ideal…

Then last Wednesday I was unexpectedly told that Friday would be my last day. They’d found someone for the role who was more “mid-weight” in their experience (and presumably not costing them as much as I did). And that was that… I was out of there. The way of the world in the freelance space!

So I’m once again faced with joblessness. And I know that a couple of you have outrageously suggested that perhaps this is all a sign to move on to a New Path! Yes, yes… I get that! And I get that from the Universe as well, who is being rather persistent in Her attempts to push me towards New Things, too.

Dagnabbit!

So, on top of the substitute teaching I’m doing with the blokey yogis (last week’s class didn’t happen BTW, because too many of them were away but we’re soooo ON for this Friday), I’ve also scored another subbing gig. This is a one-off for now, but in general I’m on their books!

And it’s all thanks to the wonderful Sevapuri (@yidl), who I became friends with via Twitter. We met up a few months back when he was in Melbourne (from Sydney) for dinner and a chat about all things yoga. Recently, he kindly suggested me as a sub to the Melbourne Yoga In Daily Life school.

So last Saturday I sat in on the class I’ll be teaching (a very easy/general level class) and got the run down on turning lights and heaters on and off etc. As it turns out, this week I’ll be teaching a Hatha/Vinyasa blokes class on Friday (very early in the morning!), followed by a super-gentle/traditional Hatha class mid-morning on Saturday. Quite a nice balance really.

And… I do hear you, Universe. I do. I get that I’m meant to do more yoga teaching. BUT I need you to understand that right now, just teaching a few classes here and there isn’t gonna pay my rent. So I’d appreciate a little leeway and I’d ESPECIALLY appreciate a semi-long term/more permanent job in the interim. Yeah?

If we can get that happening, then I promise that I’ll step up my plans for yoga teaching!

In fact, I’ve already started. Last Saturday on my way back from the Yoga In Daily Life school, I dropped in at Lululemon to inquire about running classes there. I’m now on their yoga teacher list!

Also, after thinking about it for months, today I finally took down the number of a church hall round the corner from my place. I’m gonna call them and see what they charge to rent out their space. There’s also a PCYC just down the road from me I’ll be getting in touch with, too.

Truthfully, I’ve been quite afraid of taking on yoga teaching properly. For reasons I might explore in another post sometime!

But then in light of the whole Tara-Stiles-fat-burning-yoga/hey-yoga-is-anything-we-want-it-to-be saga… well, I’m feeling more confident in what I have to offer. I mean, I know there’s this whole new skill I’m learning (called teaching other people!!), but my knowledge of yoga and years of training means that yeah, I’m pretty sure I’ve already got something to share.

In some ways I still consider myself a beginner in terms of my yoga studies. Okay, perhaps I’m a little more than a beginner, but there’s still SO MUCH I don’t know! But hey, if something I’ve learned in the past nine or so years can provide inspiration, an opening, some joy etc, to others, then whoohoo!

Right…

I made very good use of today, my first day of not having a job again. I can’t quite believe it, but I did something incredibly domestic (and much needed): took my Dyson vacuum cleaner in for a service. There’s one service center in Melbourne, and it’s only open 9-5 Monday-Friday. Of course! So heck yeah, why not use my time off to sort out such ridiculous things, eh?

Then after a rather mission-critical (i.e. no food in house) grocery shop, I ate lunch at a delightful little cafe near my place, where the above photo was taken. Don’t you just love the herbs in the window? I was drawn to them, and sat at the bench there to eat a most flavoursome minestrone.

For the afternoon, I’d booked a remedial massage for that pesky shoulder of mine. It is getting better BTW, slowly but surely with a combination of yoga, physio, massage, and probably some acupuncture thrown in soon, too. It’s still rather painful, but I’m able to do much more yogasana than I could earlier this year. Which is a win! Things like Catuspadapitham (table top) have been beyond my pain threshold until recently. As has Sarvangasana (shoulder stand) and Chakrasana (wheel) to name but a few. Now these movements are slowly coming back!

And then, oh… more Shadow Yoga this evening. Goodness but I LOVE that practice! Although I haven’t mastered the series yet (ha! suspect mastery is a while off still), I’m quite amazed at how much stronger I am and how much less I fall over/out of the asana. Interestingly though, none of this strength comes from stronger muscles as such… it’s more about the mind and the bones.

Incidentally, Shadow Yoga is only the third time I’ve ever heard anyone talk about moving from the bones in relation to asana. The first person was my Guru. Our retreat in Bali about four years ago was focused on asana and we had many discussions about awareness of and movement from the bones. I don’t think I understood it all properly then! Linda has also spoken about bones, and about her teacher Paul Grilley’s work in the area.

And now with Shadow Yoga, there’s always a discussion on various marmas and bones, as well as the breath (but of course). Actually, it’s probably time I added another Shadow-specific post here…

So that was my day. Basically, I’ve decided to embrace my time out while continuing to look for more work. But in the mean time, I’m also considering how to diversify my income through teaching more yoga classes, freelance writing and who knows what else!

The first time I was out of work for a long period of time was last year and I pretty much fell to pieces (admittedly I WAS still in the deathly grip of depression!). The second time was July. ALL of July really! And I did better then, but still, I spent most of my time holed up in my fox hole. Still a bit afraid and unsure of what to do with myself. This time I’m pretty sure I know what I need to do.

So I am listening, Ma. I am. Just please don’t whip away all of my security blankets/support too quickly! Thanks ever-so-much…

~Svasti

So much to say that there’s nothing to talk about

Tags

angsty, bones, freelance writing jobs, highlights reel, mirages, Parental Unit, tight-lipped wordless denials, unemployment, untethered, work, yoga teaching

‘Course, that’s not entirely true. And yet it is. But then, right now I’m either finding it hard to make time to write or I’m really just avoiding it in case I accidentally write something that I’d rather not let slip. Y’know how untethered the connection between the mind and typing fingers can get!

So consider this the highlights reel, and perhaps I’ll get around to filling some of these tidbits out in more detail. Sometime soon. Maybe!

There’s been… lots of anxiety lately. So many potential possibilities floating around, most of them little more than a mirage on closer inspection. I still don’t have a permanent job of any kind, but I have been working. Full-time and quite intensely. I’ve sort of possibly been offered a job where I am, but the work situation isn’t quite right. I can feel it in my bones. Yes, it’s been pointed out to me that the technically unemployed shouldn’t be too choosy. And yet… I’ve been there before. I know where that path leads, and how easily one’s heart can be overcome that way. Which is why I haven’t made any decisions there yet.

Also, unless I manage to land a couple of rather large freelance writing jobs in the next month (or find some other way to make some money), then I won’t be going on the retreat I’m meant to be attending. Even though this is the final year of seven years worth of training. This makes me feel very sad and a bit empty. I’ve missed my yoga family so much, and I haven’t seen my teacher now for two years. Of course I haven’t completely ruled out the possibility that things will somehow turn around. But really, I’ve no idea how that’s gonna happen. If you’ve got any ideas, feel free to let me know!

There’s been a recent encounter with the Parental Unit type people. And heck, if there’s anything I’m not writing about right now, it’s probably that. Hate to come across all angsty and stuff… and I would. Least, if I started writing about it all straightaway. Involving money, tight-lipped wordless denials and semi-conversations that didn’t really get as far as they might, but possibly as far as was practical anyways. Yeah…

Somehow, the volunteer yoga teaching thing has sort of ground to a halt. I mean, with the people just not turning up for the last couple of weeks. Who’d a thunk that giving away your time could be so difficult?!

But then, it looks like I’ll be teaching three paid classes next month, as relief for another teacher. And it’ll be an all-male class, comprised of personal trainers and chiropractors, bright and early in the pre-dawn morning. Am I feeling a little intimidated? Erm… yessss. So I’m going to join them this coming Friday to check out the class (Hatha/Vinyasa style) and assess how I’m going to teach these strong/fit men with limited flexibility. (**Note: This would be a good moment for you other yoga teacher types to chime in with thoughts on teaching all-guy classes**)

And there’s more. Of course. As always. I wish I was a little more disciplined in my writing, just making myself write anyway regardless of what’s going on. I have tried that but sometimes the results are a little pointless, and certainly not fit for blogging.

I’ll be back on track soon I hope. Once I stop feeling all cranky about everything in my life continuing to fall apart around me. Because on the flip side, I actually kinda like it when things fall apart. Call me crazy if you like. It’s all part and parcel of being one of Kali’s own. Well, I generally don’t mind as long as it’s not too inconvenient…

Seeya on the flip side, folks!

~ Svasti xo