Zoom zoom zoom

Tags

Bali, Birthday, flowers, Howzat, Kinesiology, new job, yoga teaching

Whoah, so how did we get to Thursday already?

While I am in fact sitting down right now, I feel like I’ve just stepped off a boat or plane or something that moves p-r-e-t-t-y swiftly. Everything that’s meant to be still is sort of pulsing and my legs are a tad wobbly. Whiplash? Might have that, too.

That’s how fast this week has travelled. And busy? Ohmigoodness.

By end of play Tuesday, I’d had two first interviews, one second interview and a job offer. Howzat for a head spin?

Seems I’m gonna have to learn how to work for a really cute boss and not get distracted. There are worse things than working with a gorgeous man, yes?

[Edit: Cute boss turns out to be a smoker. Instant de-ranking from the Cuteness Scale!]

Truthfully, I’m relieved. I honestly didn’t expect to land a job this side of Christmas let alone be asked to start before I go away to Bali (more on that next week!). They actually wanted me to start today but I needed some time to get a few things done if I’m gonna be working right up until I leave.

But then, just a couple of weeks ago I had a kinesiology session to get balanced for finding a job. The following Monday (last week) the phone started ringing off the hook!

No word of a lie.

The same week, I thought about letting go and living life the way I teach yoga. Just to see what happens.

I also had a few words with the Universe about what I really needed.

As in: I have $X in the bank and need roughly $X more in December to stay solvent. Funnily enough, with the yoga teaching, freelance work and working five days for my new employer, I think I now have that covered.

The phone kept ringing all of last week. Then an old workmate forwarded me the info about the job I’ve now been offered. An interview was organised for Monday of this week. Then a second interview Tuesday and a job offer only hours later!

In terms of what it’s paying, it’s a little bit under what I wanted. But it’s a permanent role, which is a bonus on account of the job security and not having to look for work all the time. It’ll also give me experience in a couple of areas that I haven’t touched on that much so far in my career. So I think it’s gonna be good!

I’ll work Friday-Thursday and then Friday week I’m flying away on a jet plane… then I’m not due back at work until 4^th January.

Exciting!

Also this week:

• Met with my freelance client to get her WordPress site up and running. That wee project is well underway.
• I was given flowers (photo at the top of this post) as an early birthday present from the yoga school I teach at. Totally unexpected and so sweet! Miss Cleo the cat and I are enjoying them very much.
• Got a taste of my future lifestyle as a part time yoga teacher, while working part time in the digital industry, as I did a couple of jobs for MM… Yoga! Lots of fun. 🙂
• Did heaps of running around today. Errands. Stocked up on vitamins. Bought a cheapie digital camera (since my other one bit it), plus a crazy-cheap new dress and shoes for work!

I am officially exhausted from the pace of this week and it’s very nice to be sitting still with some downtime on hand.

So I’m having an early-to-bed evening to make sure I’m all shiny and energetic for my first day at the new job tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

~Svasti

Decompressing on the downlow

Tags

Carried by a Promise, cartoon series, feta and silverbeet pie, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, little girl giggles, Mojo, new job, Nieces, Papa Bear, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, satire, suppressor, The Wonky Donkey, Tinkerbell, update, world of impermanence, Yoga

A little more street art from my 'hood

 

There’s been the odd hint or two from certain people about my lack of blog posts in recent times. I know.

Well, blame it on all the energy I had to put into surviving the Hellhouse of Horrors, but I’ve been a touch short on inspiration lately.

Thing is, I don’t wanna post just for the sake of posting either, and I do know I sort of owe a few posts that I promised in January – more on Carried by a Promise, and reviews of the two yoga intensives I went to.

So believe me when I tell you that they’re still coming. They are. No really, they are!

I haven’t forgotten my bloggy friends either, believe me. I’m still reading your blogs and commenting when I can and right now, I’m preparing for my first day on the new job (back into contractor mode – I jokingly refer to this as the world of impermanence, which is more of a yogi joke than anything else!) tomorrow morning.

Right now, I’m waiting for my feta and silverbeet pie to finish cooking – my lunch for the next few days.

This weekend has been busy, too. First, there was that glorious experience of reveling in not having to go back to my old job any more, not ever-ever-ever-ever. Once I’d gotten over that, I realised how freakin’ tired I was!

And Saturday afternoon/evening was a family thing for my (currently) youngest niece’s birthday (there’s another niece-ling in the oven right now!). That cheeky lil cutie just turned two and is apparently fascinated by “Tubba” (Tinkerbell). So much fun!

I also had my hands full “doing tricks” (yoga) on command, helping both nieces do some acrobatics of their own, and reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears in my best character voices (you should hear my Papa Bear, it rocks!). Oh, and I was introduced to a very fabulous kid’s book called The Wonky Donkey. It’s rather hilarious and another good one for character voices and other exaggerated noises that elicit perfect little girl giggles! 😉

So today I just kinda collapsed, and thought very hard about writing a post or two but… not. Instead I had a lazy day of enjoying the rain from inside my apartment, eating an incredibly late lunch at one of my favourite local spots, grocery shopping and preparing for tomorrow.

So, I’ll be back soon okay? I just need to get a lil more inspiration mojo back, which will arrive once I’ve recovered from the stress and exhaustion. Because I’m a suppressor of my own “stuff”, in case you hadn’t realised. I’ll put up with ridiculous things for a really long time and sometimes it takes me a while to recognise what’s going on. Then it takes me a little while longer to recover…

Hey, let’s just call that another very handy side-effect of Post Traumatic Stress, shall we?

Anyway, if you draw all of the above on a graph, then I’m somewhere towards the end of that particular timeline, but just not quite there yet.

HOWEVER, I will have something delightfully wicked for you shortly – a brand new cartoon series called “The Yoga Rebel”… *cackles maniacally*

Of course, I’m no artist so my stick figures could be slightly on the ugly side. But ah well, I read Toothpaste for Dinner and understand the irony of bad art and satire, and it will amuse me and hopefully also readers of this here blog. If I haven’t lost y’all yet with my radio silence, that is!

Catch ya on the flip side, folks!

~Svasti xxx

Gotta new job!

Tags

Anxiety, education, good things, new job, pronto, public service, relief, snail's pace, unemployment

There’s a lot of relief flowing ’round the ever expanding Svasti-world right now. (Read the title of this post for a clue why)…

Yeah. Phew!

In June this year, I took a contract job that I wasn’t particularly happy about on account of the fact that it’s a big corporate giant that owns the company I worked for last year, just before I quit and went to Thailand. Not to mention the pay was pretty average, the contract written heavily in favour of the company (they could call an end to the contract any time without notice). But it was that, or continued unemployment.

And considering I was out of a job for roughly four months prior to this job offer, I wasn’t in a position to say no.

So I took it, with reservations… someone I used to work with once made me promise to never work for this company, but such things mean little when you’re wondering how you’ll pay rent next month. I also had the words of a Vedic astrologer ringing in my ears from a reading two years ago… something about a karmic debt still owed to my employer.

Really, it’s been a bit of a mixed blessing.

The good: a regular pay check; nice people; not being homeless; a non-stressful work environment. Well, sorta.

The bad: anxiety (due to nature of contract); the corporate environment I’d tried so hard to escape; the lack of actual work to do.

Seriously.

Y’know, when I’ve needed to hire a contractor myself in the past, it’s usually because there is too much work to do and we need help, pronto.

But not this job. I’ve never actually figured out why they decided they needed to hire me. They just did, and I’ve really only done little pieces of work (they call them projects, but I’d describe them as small tasks) here and there.

Some people might think it’s cool to get paid to sit on your butt all day and do almost no work. For me, it’s kinda okay for a short period of time. But not for months on end.

I don’t know  how people work here permanently and do it for a much longer timeframe!

In a way it’s been kind of a blessing, too. I mean a job where I have almost no work to do? Giving me time to read blogs and write and no one gives a damn?

I suppose it’s been nice having time to get my head together as I’ve worked to shrug off depression.

But then there’s my work ethic, sense of pride in my work, and the endless hours of utter boredom to contend with!

Not to mention the anxiety I felt for a couple of months there. I mean… there I was on a contract that could be terminated with no notice. None! And there wasn’t enough work to keep me busy all day, every day. So I was waiting to be told they’d worked out they didn’t need me there any more.

Eventually, one of my work mates told me that pretty much EVERYONE in the team is in the same boat. Either there’s a stream of last minute/short run ‘project’s or there’s nothing to do. And that it was extremely unlikely they’d end my contract early.

Okay… but I was still bored and felt like I was losing my edge, so to speak. I could feel my brains turning to mush and seeping out my ears. Welcome to an ex-public service company, apparently!

Probably, I shouldn’t confess this. But, here goes! Look, things got so bad there for a while, with no motivation to go to work and do nothing all day, that one particular Monday I simply didn’t show up. And I didn’t ring. I was kinda testing to see if anyone noticed. AND THEY DIDN’T!! Seriously.

I was also worried about my résumé. There’s not a heck of a lot I can say about my time here, and very little that I can point to and say: This is what I achieved. Which bothers me, and my work ethic!

Also, I have a wide range of skills that are just sitting idly by in this job. In fact, its a job I can do with my eyes closed (when there’s actual work to do).

Anyways, the contract end-date was early December, and that brought on a whole different kind of anxiety: Potential unemployment through December/January!!

So for months I’ve been slogging away, trying to find another job. I’ve been to a bunch of interviews. There were a couple of near misses. Each passing week meant more anxiety… here comes unemployment again, here it comes, here it… THEN one of my recruitment contacts called me.

That call resulted in a new contract job offer. HOORAY! Which keeps me employed til end-June next year. Maybe longer, potentially.

But the best thing is that it’s a job working in my industry (digital media) on something that’s actually worthwhile for once: Education.

The company I’m going to work for is a government initiative delivering digital/online education resources for primary and high schools throughout Australia and New Zealand.

My role will be as a Digital Project Manager… pretty much what I do anyway, just with a different title. Which is cool. And they are paying me a proper contract rate. And I’ve had three endorsements to date that my new workplace is good.

So I’m excited!!

I start my new job on Monday. Which means I have approximately one day and three hours to go (at the time of writing) here in my current job… where the people are nice, but mostly a little incompetent… where the pace of doing things equals a snail’s.

Also, the other cool thing that happened recently was the re-signing of the lease on my apartment. I fully expected some kind of rent increase, but nope! The last place I leased before going to Thailand was quite maniacal about upping the rent. Not so much with my current place.

I suppose none of this is particularly unusual news. It’s just that I’d kind of gotten out of the habit of expecting good things to happen. Really.

Is it any coincidence that as I’m healing and growing stronger, other aspects of my life are improving, too? I think not!

~Svasti

Euphoria & other things

Tags

abundance, Corporate-landia, Denial, emotional honesty, Employment, euphoria, Hanumanasana, Malasana, Meditation, nadi shodhana, new job, Reality, Release, samskara, Spirituality, Surrender, Yoga, yoga retreat

Of late, my yoga practice has been revealing inner layers of truth, ironically ‘visible’, during meditation. Especially post-pranayama.

The other week it was two words, pulsing and glimmering like a coin underwater – emotional honesty – yes… that’s taken a little while to understand.

I cast my mind back to Sydney, mid-winter several years ago, on one of the numerous yoga retreats I’ve attended. We were about to do some kind of serious meditation work, and it’s customary to do such things with clean teeth.

Before we started, my Guru looked at us and asked, So have you all brushed your teeth?

My first instinct was to nod my head, even though I hadn’t. Nod, and say yes, rather than admit I’d forgotten, be different and stand out.

I learned a great lesson right there, when one of my fellow students unashamedly shook her head. Go on then, we were told. I scooted out the door with a couple of others.

I’m not a liar as such, but there’s been many a time like that where I’ve lied rather than face a perceived ‘scary’ reality, no matter how minor.

Emotional honestly is not something I grew up with. Just… telling it like it is. Instead it was a constant stream of deny, deny, deny. Deny anything, deny everything. My blood was steeped in denial.

These days I’m much braver but still, I have my moments.

Today, sitting in near stillness, once I was able to ignore the constant stream of inner chatter long enough… I could see… wow, almost like the mechanism of grasping, desperation and neediness that drives my actions sometimes.

Briefly I saw how this force sometimes creates activity that causes me to behave in ways I’d rather not. And I saw that somewhere in there, is the capacity to set that aside. Maybe not today, or tomorrow. But sometime, sure.

Today in our yoga class, we did a lot of very deep forward bends ending with Malasana (garland pose) and Hanumanasana (the splits). Reaching into places that are usually left dormant, un-stretched. Moving slowly, repeatedly and determinedly.

It’s not surprising to find that yoga both generates and releases emotional states. Today’s asana class was highly, deeply and strongly moving and energising in the pits and creases of my body.

After some counter-poses, we eventually finished with nadi shodhana (alternate nostril breathing), which I always find very grounding and centering. It’s important to sit still for a while once you’ve finished and just… allow the sensations you’re experiencing to flow through you.

Right there, the chattering sufficiently ignored… I could see the ongoing suffering I cause myself through my samskaras (deeply embedded patterns of behaviour), and the choice we all have to step away from these patterns. Not without a lot of effort first, of course.

Leaving class, I felt incredibly euphoric and I’m still floating in that state…

Anyway, now for some other news:

Finally, after more than three long months, I HAVE A JOB!

I know… I should be celebrating this fact a little more. But I’m not. I am grateful – it came along right when I was about to have absolutely NO money at all.

However, it’s not my dream job. Sure, I’m working in my industry (digital media) but it’s a contract role (not permanent), its back in big Corporate-landia, and it’s really not the best money for a contract job either.

I also discovered the contract heavily favours the rights of the company (they can terminate my role with no notice – I’m sure a sign of the current financial times), while affording me almost no rights… except to get paid.

Then, the organisation I’m contracting through pays fortnightly, but it’s actually going to be three weeks until I’m paid for the first six days of work, leaving me with precious little cash (all I’ve got) to get by on until then.

However, the people there are nice. So I’m trying to stave off the sense of foreboding I feel being back in an uber-large company (it’s been almost twelve months since I quit my previous corporate gig).

Ironically, the day I was verbally offered this role, I was also offered another (less lucrative) contract, and an interview for a permanent role. Even more ironically, I had that interview at lunch time of the first day on the new job this week (Thursday). Then, on the Friday another recruiter rang with an interview request for another permanent role. That one will be Tuesday after work.

Feast or famine, right?

Usually, I’m very loyal to my employer, sometimes to my own detriment. But recent times have shown that’s not the most prudent course of action. So, given the relative lack of stability of my contract job (when is a contract not really a contract? When there’s a ‘no notice’ clause in it!), I’m taking a slightly more aggressive line.

I guess I’ll see what happens – could be I get offered neither permanent role (my fate in recent times) – but then again, I might. And I will keep looking.

In the mean time, I’m repeating my yoga teacher’s oft-repeated mantra – there will always be enough – while I prepare to live on a tiny amount of cash for a few weeks to come yet.

And, I’ll also keep attempting to disengage with the samsaric patterning I’ve just witnessed so clearly. If I can surrender that, and strive to live as emotionally honestly as possible, hopefully I’ll be open to new opportunities I might not otherwise have a shot at.

~ Svasti