• About Svasti
  • Crib notes
  • Poetry
  • Blog Awards
  • Advertising/offers of work

Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

~ Recovery from PTSD & depression + yoga, silliness & poetry…

Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

Tag Archives: Queen

Internal since the vernal

20 Wednesday Apr 2011

Posted by Svasti in Life

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cardio fitness, dregs, enjoyment, Fat Bottomed Girls, Ferritin, fun run, haemoglobin, journeying, letting go, low iron levels, malingering habits, Queen, traumatised, vata derangement, vernal equinox

Why hello there!

Nope, I haven’t forgotten y’all, but I’ve just been doing more journeying. Inwards, that is. And sometimes that makes it hard to write, even when there’s a lot to say.

Since last month’s vernal equinox, I’ve just been kinda hangin’ out on the downlow. But there’s been plenty happening! Yes indeedy!

Seems as though I’ve been working through some more of the dregs of malingering habits formed around being traumatised. It’s difficult to explain any more clearly than that right now, but sometimes that means I do very little.

Other times, it means I find joy in tiny things like this adorable hand-made broach.

Really, you’ve no idea how much this cute lil thing just perks me right up! And I remember… yes, this is more of how things were for me once upon a time. But I’m not trying to put myself back together exactly as I was. It’s just that my capacity for enjoyment is slowly returning (in fits and starts) and I find myself surprised by my appetite for such things.

And then I’m amused, because there I am getting up at stupid-o’clock on a Sunday morning to stand in a huge crowd of people for a 5km fun-run with a couple of my (recently returned from London) friends.

Seems I’ve discovered some inspiration to get cracking with my cardio fitness and I’ve scored some jogging buddies as a bonus.

More evidence of my regenerating appetite for fun: post-run and on our way to brunch my friend and I sang “Fat Bottomed Girls” at the top of our lungs while her hubby chuckled at our silliness. Okay, I sounded silly but she has a GREAT voice.

Unfortunately, this low iron level thing is a bit of an issue. After the fun run I noticed that I was disproportionately tired. Exhausted, even.

My letter came last week from the Red Cross and folks, it’s not great. Here’s my results:

Haemoglobin: 112 g/L (normal for women is 120-165 g/L)

Ferritin: 7.43 Ug/L (normal for women is 15-200 Ug/L)

Related: I think all of this low iron levels business is also contributing to a little vata derangement, and as such I’m a touch ditsier than usual right now…

The good news is that I finally tracked down a decent GP – one with an interest in alternative therapies – and I’ve an appointment Wednesday next week.

I guess I still don’t know much about what’s going on with me physically and/or spiritually. But I do know this – despite the carnage PTSD has had on my physical body, I’m doing okay. Somehow.

Even though my life is far from perfect and I still have no job security and/or a whole bunch of other stuff I’d like (such as hey, sex! Damn it, but I’d REALLY like to get laid!).

None of this seems to matter. The more yoga I teach, the more I learn about letting go.

The more I let go, the more I see the world in a different way.

That’s all I’ve got for y’all right about now. I know this post doesn’t really make much sense, but this is where I’m at. Floating on the tide and letting things be as they are.

(There I go again, sounding quite mysterious and strange.)

But life is actually quite “normal”, whatever that means. Except for the bits that aren’t.

Imma coming back to writing soon, when the mood strikes. I’ll probably have a bunch more to say after Friday when – SQUEEEEE – I’ll be meeting one of my blogging buddies in the flesh!! More news on that soon. 😀

In the meantime, I’m putting an extra large order of love ‘n’ hugs ‘n’ kisses in to send out to my wee blogging family.

Even though I’ve been reading and commenting on a handful of posts here and there, I do miss our regular interactions. But I’ve been thinking of you all and I’ll be back soon to get this party re-started.

Adieu, mon amis! Bisous!!!

~Svasti xoxo

-37.814251 144.963169

Car-less Biking Babe

30 Sunday Nov 2008

Posted by Svasti in Learnings, Post-traumatic stress

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

Bicycle Race, Bicyle, Bike, Bike-y, Camping, Cars, Healing, Push-bike, Queen, Road trips, Rocky

I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride my bike

I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride it where I like…

~ Bicycle Race, Queen

This is "Bike-y" - my mountain bike

A history of cars…

I’ve never had particularly good luck with cars.

My first car – Rocky – was a hand-me down Toyota Sunbird. He’d belonged to my great-aunt and uncle.

Rocky didn’t get that name for nuttin’. He wasn’t the fastest car, there was no power steering and air conditioning was a fantasy. The heating wasn’t so great in winter, to the point I’d drive in gloves and a ski jacket. I dented his driver side door when I was still learning how to drive… and later he got rear-ended by some young dude. Rocky was never quite the same again.

My next car I bought with my fiancé (at the time) – something I contributed several thousand towards… but when I left him (and he kept the car), d’ya think I saw a cent of that cash? (I’ve managed to be ripped off by a couple of exes…)

Finally I got a loan and bought my very own car – a big-arsed dual-fuel station wagon – great for throwing my bike in the back, camping and road trips. But it was a money pit with multiple (expensive) issues over the years. I finally sold it (to Andre no less) and I was glad to see the back of it.

Travelling in style…

When I moved to Melbourne and started a rather cushy job with a large corporate, I decided to take advantage of a salary packaging option – a novated lease car. Which meant I sacrificed $XX pre-tax but that included all fuel, servicing… everything.

For the last few years, that’s what I’ve been driving. Yet I’ve never been a car person. You can’t impress me with ‘hot wheels’. I was just glad to have a reliable car with no additional out of pocket expenses.

Then, when I chose to quit my job I knew that meant quitting my car too. I didn’t even flinch.

Bike-y and me…

So now its just me and my two-wheeled friend. I’ve always loved cycling… the pic above was taken when it was brand new and before I’d fitted it with panniers (and also before I almost destroyed it when I forgot it was on top of my car whilst trying to enter a car park – its all good though!).

“Bike-y” is now my main form of transport which is proving extremely pleasurable. Much more so than driving. Most days I ride to work (just fifteen minutes) because it’s easier and kinda faster than the bus or the tram. And it gives me more freedom too.

In fact, Bike-y has played a very important in role in recovering from my latest headlong nose-dive into PTSD (episode XVIII, approximately)…

Tearing around the neighbourhood on Bike-y, I noticed my poor bruised and beat up heart began to feel… less painful. Even if it was only for a little while… so I kept riding. And whilst it wasn’t everything I needed to get better, its helped a lot.

Thing is, if I’d still had a car, there’s no way I would have been out on my bike given how I was feeling. Because you see, I associate cycling with pleasure and my self-negating state of mind would have cancelled that out… if I wasn’t reliant on Bike-y for transport.

Better…

Yesterday I cycled 10kms each way (not so far) to work as an election counting officer for the day. As I cycled home, I found myself singing AC/DC (‘Rock ‘n’ Roll aint noise pollution…’) as I built up speed along wide sun-speckled tree-lined streets. And I realised right then – oh wow, I’m… not in that place any more. At least not for now. Not right now…

It felt rather odd, kinda like I’d escaped prison when the warden wasn’t looking…

So, I sang even louder and thanked my lucky stars I was on my bike instead of in a car. Generally whilst driving, everything is about what happens in the car and making sure you drive safely, avoiding other people’s bad driving.

On my bike… I’m in the world, participating…

~Svasti

-37.814251 144.963169
Follow me on Twitter Subscribe to my posts via RSS Follow me on Twitter or subscribe to RSS!
Svasti's Public Declaration of Excellently Awesome Future Life Plans

Enter your email address to receive email notifications of new posts.

Join 386 other subscribers

Archives

Browse by category

Recent Posts

  • My father’s been slowly dying for almost a year now
  • It’s all about my brother
  • The work continues
  • In case you missed it…
  • Two Words Project: 2012 summary
  • Looking both ways
  • A forked road
  • Who am I becoming?

Guest posts by me on other blogs

  • Yoga with Nadine: 5 Key Tips for Healing From Trauma
  • The Joy of Yoga: Guest post from Svasti
  • Suburban Yogini: My yoga story
  • BlissChick: EmBody Talk: Svasti, Yogini & Survivor
  • CityGirl Lifestyle: A Pearl of Wisdom {by Svasti}
  • Linda's Yoga Journey: I don't know how old yoga is and neither do you - part 1
  • And part 2
  • Getting help

  • Beyond Blue (Australia)
  • Black Dog Institute
  • EMDR Assoc. Australia
  • Gift From Within
  • Root Cause of PTSD
  • Trauma & mental health
  • Women Against Domestic Violence
  • Blog at WordPress.com.

    Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
    To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
    • Follow Following
      • Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness
      • Join 146 other followers
      • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
      • Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness
      • Customize
      • Follow Following
      • Sign up
      • Log in
      • Report this content
      • View site in Reader
      • Manage subscriptions
      • Collapse this bar
     

    Loading Comments...