News from the anti-Slim, Calm, Sexy “Yoga” trenches

Tags

American Yoga, anti-yoga yoga, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Depression, hypocritical, Land Down Under, meaningless gloop, minority voice, Mr. Men, oil and water, old fashioned mind-set, passive-aggressive, patronising, pseudo-yoga, PTSD, radical feminist, radical humanists, Roald Dhal, Samskaras, Slim Calm Sexy, Tara Stiles, trenches, Upanishads, Yoga, yoga puree, Yogis

This guy is hoping it's safe to come out of this low crouching position soon!

The ongoing discussion re: Tara Stiles’ Slim Calm Sexy “Yoga” and similar horrendous-yet-commercial “anti-yoga yoga” advertising, certainly has legs (no pun intended).

Like oil and water, seems there’s two main groups disagreeing with each other and the effects are still reverberating around the blogosphere.

I’ve been called a “radical feminist” for my opinions, although in this day and age I’ve no idea what is radical about anything I’ve said. In fact, as Linda put it (someone who was also labelled as such), perhaps we are “radical humanists” at the most. But our views on all of this are not extreme in any way.

It’s also been suggested that anyone who thinks Tara is selling out is just jealous of her success. Can you imagine that? Women who oppose yoga being used as a weapon against women’s self-esteem are being accused of things that suggest a very old fashioned mind-set, circa 1960s. And being accused by other women, no less!

Apparently, my anger and objections to the way Tara is using yoga can be boiled down to “extreme” ideas and oh… jealousy. How nice, because then you get to ignore me, right?

I shake my head in wonder, particularly because I expected more from some people. But perhaps they want to buy into the fame and glory associated with models-turned-yoga-teachers-who-don’t-know-yoga-from-a-hole-in-their… y’know. I’ve no idea! It does at least appear that some people’s heads are turned by even the slightest association with someone famous, even if they don’t actually know them personally!

But then, perhaps that’s just part of their samskaras in this life. Who’s to say?

I’ve even had to end my association with a couple of bloggers who quite frankly, have been incredibly judgey, patronising and hypocritical. Although if our ideas on yoga, human/women’s rights differ so much, then perhaps that’s for the best at this point in time.

Maybe that’s how I look to them, too. It’s possible! I’m okay with others disagreeing with me, but not with being called names and people getting all passive-aggressive about it. With me, if I don’t like something I’m gonna tell you to your face (and I have!).

So it’s been quite the ride, but then I think it just shows how important this issue is. Everyone’s personal issues (mine included) – or rather our samskaras – are flaring up like crazy!

There’s a “don’t pick on Tara, she’s not hurting anybodeee” attitude that belies the reality of what’s going on. (BTW “Lalanna”, folks who leave comments on my blog with a fake email address will NOT get published!).

But actually this isn’t about Tara personally (although please don’t get me started on the 20 hour “yoga teacher training” she offers!), so much as it is about a certain approach to yoga. Or “pseudo-yoga”, shall we call it? Or perhaps “yoga-flavoured movement to sell books and DVDs”?

There also seems to be a “peace, love and its all good no matter what” thing going on. Let’s all agree with everybody else! But in my opinion, that’s how you get something I like to call “yoga puree”, or meaningless gloop.

And if yoga puree is what people think is acceptable, why don’t we all just not bother with (expensive) yoga teacher training? Why not just read some Roald Dhal and Mr. Men and call ourselves yoga teachers? I’ll translate Charlie and the Chocolate Factory into a version of the Upanishads, shall I?

Or rather, I won’t.

Sad when a student says on the first day of my Mindful Yoga class, “I hope I survive this class!” I asked “why do you say that?” She said “I’m not flexible”, not this, not that. I said “What makes you think yoga is all about that?” She said “all the ads I see.”

So for those who think current ads for yoga have no affect on future students, look harder. She had not done yoga for 40 years – said [that] yoga 40 years ago was “about the mind”. I said, “In my class it still is”. She left feeling wonderful BTW..:)

And after class she said her hips no longer hurt.

~from Linda-Sama about a very recent student

Can you imagine? A mature-age woman who felt inadequate about going to a yoga class! Because of yoga ads.

It’s not like I’m saying it’s all the fault of people like Tara Stiles, but she sure isn’t helping the situation! She herself is caught up in her own samskaras. So she really can’t help it, I guess.

And this is what we need to be mindful of. We cannot be okay with calling everything and anything yoga! We cannot let yoga be over-run with a very narrow definition of acceptable physical appearance in the same way the fashion industry has! We cannot allow yoga to be co-opted by the fashion industry (any more than it already is) or other commercial pursuits!

I realise that those of us who are dissenting are apparently the minority voice. But then, that’s traditionally been the role of yogis anyway. And yoga has always been about freeing the mind of such shallow and limited points of view. So really, it makes sense.

It’s just rather sad.

Years ago, I remember listening to my Guru explain a bunch of stuff about “American Yoga”, and make clear definitions between what we were studying and ummm, other kinds of teachings. Not in an elitist way, however. Back then, I didn’t really get it. But now I do, and I also understand why he refuses to live in America and be a part of the yoga scene there. It’s just too KRAAAAAZY for him!

I also recall the yoga debate on Yoga Dork’s blog a while back. At the time, I didn’t understand why the Indian community was so angry about the western-world co-opting yoga the way it has. I’d like to apologise to those people now!

Perhaps I didn’t get it because I’ve only ever been trained in a relatively traditional way. I have an authentic Guru who’s given me an incredible knowledge base already. And all of the yoga I’ve studied, practice and teach is relatively traditional, too.

Also, here in Australia we simply don’t have the same sort of yoga scene that the US does.

In the Land Down Under, yoga is still just plain old (but super-wonderful) yoga. No bells. No whistles. No catchy slogans to manipulate people into signing up for yoga class or buying a book or DVD.

Just yoga.

And really, that’s all I’m interested in.

I’m not giving up my position in the trenches. I’ll still disagree with blatantly commercial and self-esteem harming advertising in the name of yoga. BUT, I won’t bother trying to convince those who are too deluded to see. Not any more, anyway.

And I’ll still be here writing about real yoga (I won’t be shutting up any time soon), along with topics like PTSD and depression. Because they’re all inter-related as human experiences, and we need to look for truth in each of them.

You can count on that. You can also count on me being fierce (as is my warrior nature) as I do so, and truthful. And I won’t give up, I promise!

~Svasti

A Writerly Dilemma

Tags

blockade, clamshells, correct reflection, Echo and Narcissus, ego, fool’s gold, honesty, Kali, MySpace angles, narcissism, pearls, post-PTSD memory, rambling, Samskaras, slash and burn, unfinished business, Writer's block, WWF smackdown

Having another one of those writer’s blocks thingies.

Got heaps of posts at about 70-90% readiness, yet… it’s like extracting fingernails, getting them over the line. It’s a little bit like a WWF smackdown, but neither side is winning.

This time though, I know what the blockade is called. Definitely not a shortage of ideas or words. Nor time – ha! Got plenty of that in a job that calls for me to come in for certain hours, but actually do very little. That in itself, can be somewhat paralysing, and draws up my tendencies to indulge in laziness.

But actually, I am writing. This current working file in Word (I group them by the month) sees me on page 10 of 24. I am writing post number 7 for the month, but ahead of this one, there’s many, many pages of unfinished business.

And here’s why.

I’ve been pondering the nature of my writings, and worrying if they are just a little too self-involved/narcissistic/painting myself as the heroine or victim/not honest enough/rambling/telling stories for the sake of the telling/without a point… and so on.

Am I just writing to feed my ego?

Presently on the go, are three strands of story. Two of them have remained loose ends for most of this year. I’ve yet to sew them up and make neat seams as my mother does when she knits sweaters for my nieces.

If that’s even possible! But at least some semblance of finished. Finished for now, would be close enough…

And I fear that I’ve perhaps presented MySpace angles of my stories instead of representing things more neutrally.

Some stories I’ve written purely out of raw, hardcore, seething, ragged, painful need. The kinds of stories that, if not written and released, eventually work to implode your vital organs or make you desperately ill.

But the ones I’m writing now, they aren’t like that.

For example, the stories from earlier in my life. At the time they were very traumatic and painful and I know they inform my relationships with men and many other important decisions in how my samskaras operate.

BUT they don’t eat at me like acid. Not like the stories of assault, PTSD and depression did (and heck, who knows, there might even be more of them in there somewhere?).

And the stories I’ve humourously titled my ‘spiritual quest’ – I know they’re related somehow too, but they’re not urgent.

And I wonder if that lack of urgency makes the pointy end of truth, the poke you in the ribs and soft tissues of your body kind of truth, harder to uncover?

I’m almost finished writing the next part – sort of – but I look at all the details and it’s like I can’t see the fool’s gold from the real stuff. So much going on, what’s important? What’s not? What’s just me rambling for the sake of it?

So I edit with my slash and burn tactics. I am after all, one of Kali’s own and I wield my spurious (perhaps) red pen with detached abandon. But then, do I remove too much? That bit I thought was a little goofy or unrelated, is it really related and if so, how can I write about it in a way that counts?

Then I say to heck with it! And I write some more, letting floodgates fall away and the polluted garbage flow back to source, atop the waterways that support the real stories.

But real stories aren’t the waterways. Instead they are pearls inside the carelessly scattered clamshells littering the sandy waterway floors. I dive time and again, and fumble with my diver’s knife, prising one open and then the next to find many that are seemingly empty.

And just maybe, another fragment of the story is revealed. Or I miss it all together and I write about other things that don’t ring with truth. And I fail to notice the shining gem that will undoubtedly sing brightly once liberated and polished.

Dimmed by a shoddy post-PTSD memory (which is still not that fantastic) and also with time, they all look alike.

After all, these are clamshells I’ve allowed to close and accumulate, never thinking til now I’d have to open them ever again. They seemed unimportant at the time. Are they unimportant still?

Perhaps…

But then, what would I know? I don’t have a bird’s eye view. I can only tell my story from what I think I understand, and even then, that’s surely not the full picture.

More than anything though, I hope I do not write with a kind of avarice, feeding that part of me that, as a yogini I seek to dismantle. For that would just be folly, right?

Correct reflection I fear, is what’s missing right now…

~Svasti

Illumination

Tags

clarity, full moon, Guru, Guru Purnima, illumination, initiation, kickboxing, kula, Muay Thai, sadhana, Samskaras, Yoga, yogi, Yogini

Clarity can come at the strangest moments. And the volume or quality of such a moment is hard to qualify – once it hits, it doesn’t fade, but damn, it can happen so fast!

The light of such clarity reaches into every corner of your being. Things that were complex and confusing become simple and 100% crystal clear.

Just as an aside, although it’s related… in my experience there’s a few rather disconcerting things that occur if you’ve found your Guru and have taken formal initiation (if you’re that way inclined).

For one thing, you become part of a collective energy body, connected, even if you’re on the other side of the world. And that means all kinds of weird and wonderful things. I could tell you about it, but you’d just think I was taking LSD or something!

I mention this because of the recent full moon, which also happened to be Guru Purnima – a traditional yearly festival where initiates pay homage to their Guru – and to the Guru lineage in general, actually.

Jaya Hanuman! Jaya Gurudev!!

Right now, some of my kula are hanging out in Thailand together, celebrating this event with our Guru. I was of course, there for the festivities last year. Sigh!

Whenever there’s a large gathering of my kula somewhere in the world, if I’m not there, I feel it anyway.

I get ‘zapped’ by the energy being generated. Others do, too. Often, I can’t sleep, which also happens for many of us in the lead up to any intensive retreat we’re about to attend.

Two nights ago I had the worst sleep I’ve had in absolutely ages. Woke up and realised, oh yeah… full moon… Guru Purnima!!

It’s always a very powerful time of year.

Though it wasn’t just me and my kula. A lot of people were reporting (via Twitter) this particular full moon was affecting them intensely.

Even though I felt awful when I woke up Tuesday morning, I also felt renewed. Almost like… a lot of ‘stuff’ had just been clawed away.

And I was clear – it’s time to stop leaking energy all over the place.

When doing sadhana over time, practitioners build up a lot of energy. It can be quite a heady experience, especially if you’re not ready to deal with it.

Often what happens to inexperienced yogis (definitely happened/s to me) is that you’re a bit like a sieve, full of leaks through which you lose much of the energy you’ve generated. Kind of like that hole in the pot.

Those leaks aren’t easy to control initially. There’s guidelines you can follow, to help you reduce and eventually stop any such leakages. But, there’s usually a few weaknesses (habits/samskaras) that are harder to stop than others.

And so you keep haemorrhaging energy until you can give them up.

Upon waking after my very rough four hours of sleep, post full moon/Guru Purnima, things were perfectly clear.

Illuminated, you could say.

Time to put away my emotional hooks and hang ups as much as possible. I know what they are – I crave feeling connected to others. I fear rejection because it’s been a theme in my life. I hate feeling alone because I’ve been alone much of my life. So I try to forge connections where perhaps there aren’t any. I seek kindred spirits, perhaps a little too intensely.

And its time to stop. No more allowing myself to carry dead weight – mine or anyone else’s. No holding on to people or things or ideas for the sake of it, hoping for change that never comes. Just… no more of that!!

Whatever happened this last full moon, I feel like I’ve been given a wakeup call. A very loud and clear surge of clarity and self respect!

Now, I feel like I’m rebuilding my yoga practice from the ground up. Starting with the vessels containing all the good health and energy I generate – my physical and emotional bodies.

So I’ve hauled myself into the dockyard for renovations, and not just a patch up job!

Time for me to start taking names (mine!) and kicking some ass (again, mine!).

Fittingly I’m also starting Muay Thai (kickboxing) again for the first time in over five years (a nice counterbalance to the stillness).

Its way past time for the fighter in me to come out and get rid of everything standing in the way of becoming physically, mentally and emotionally healthy.

Rock on!

~Svasti

Bottomed out

Tags

Depression, Disaffection, Frida Kahlo, Samskaras, Sorrow, Struggle, Wasteland

Did I have to come this wasteland? Place of no-things, loss and aloneness, just so I could really see?

Even once I’d arrived, was it necessary to strip away any last vestiges of safety and comfort? Key lifelines, no matter how tenuous, taken too?

Nothing grows here. Nothing happens. There’s a silence I can hardly stand.

A dusty dustbowl, static frozen representations of what my life once was. Kind of like those movie special effects, where someone has the power to stop time. I can move around, but nothing else does. You think it’d be cool for a while, and it is. Then, it’s more horrifying than anything else.

There’s no activity. Nothing to say or do.

Just try going about your regular (haha!) activities. Go on. Nothing here is conducive shielding the eyes from clear understanding.

Distractions lose their lustre. No shine or pleasure. Can’t hold my interest, I have no interest. Its nil, zilch, de nada.

There’s many tears, as always. But I don’t know what I’m crying for any longer.

Much as I’ve always respected crying for the great relief it offers, just maybe I’m getting a little sick of that, too.

I’ve heard it said before, but you should never reveal your secret identity, coz it always backfires somehow. And now I’ve learnt that lesson for myself.

Seems at the heart of the matter, are my over-powering desires that still, after all this time, rely on some kind of confirmation. The samskaras that rule my disposition in this birth push so hard, especially now.

It’s enough to drive a person insane.

The harder I try, the more confusing things become. Or is that, the less I try? The difference appears to be lost on me right now.

So I’ve stopped. I am stopping.

Is this all that’s left?

Funny how, people can show such disaffection and/or lack of care, isn’t it? But take part of their life away, and they’re devastated. Even if that part was only tiny and relatively unimportant. It was still something that contributed to their view of life, how they relate to everything and everyone.

Really, if there was an easy way, I’d take it. No hesitation. I’m so familiar with struggle these days, perhaps I wouldn’t recognise it now, even if it did show up?

The worst thing about all this is that no one can help me. No one. I want to be helped so badly – part of my problem, actually. I want to be able to rely on other people, but repeatedly I’ve seen how that just leads to more heartache.

I am an ocean of intensity and neediness. I am relentlessly in need of love and affection that never arrives. Or when a facsimile appears, I’ll take it. But later I always discover it was just a copy… because it never lasts.

Nothing ever does.

There’s no hand, no shoulder, just… other people also in pain and struggling and they can’t help me either. It’s understandable, really.

So I take it all back. I have to. Because I didn’t know that heartache could make your entire body hurt.

Just gonna hang out here in nowhere land a little longer…

~Svasti