Rainbow yoga love

Tags

frowny, rainbow coloured love, serious, Shadow Yoga, Simon Borg-Olivier, Yoga, yoga teacher breakup, yoga teaching

Friday night's sunset, captured as I got off the train. Glorious!

Confession: since the whole Yoga Teacher Breakup Debacle, I haven’t been to any yoga classes. Instead, I’ve just been doing my own practice and teaching, and kinda getting over the sting of what happened.

It’s nasty when things go wrong with something you hold so close to your heart, like I do (and I’m sure many of y’all do) with yoga. And it took me a while to see that clearly, something about me pushed that particular yoga teacher’s buttons to the point that she had a very unpleasant (and rude) reaction. On top of that, she wasn’t any good at apologising or admitting her mistakes.

So, she lost a regular and committed student and I lost a place to practice a form of yoga I love doing. I haven’t actually done any Shadow Yoga since then either. I need for the situation to lose its taint and for me to feel a natural pull towards doing it again. Luckily, I love all kinds of yoga so that’s not a problem!

But today I’ve broken my yoga teacher fast and I’m feeling the love. LOVE! So. Much. Love.

A couple of weeks ago, someone mentioned to me that Simon Borg-Olivier was going to be in Melbourne this weekend. As I’ve previously mentioned, he was my very first ever yoga teacher in Sydney. My introduction to the beginning of the rest of my life – not that I knew it at the time!

So I tracked down his workshop and signed up as quickly as I could. Today’s session was a half day – an hour long talk, followed by a demonstration of his awesome yoga skills and then three hours of practice. Delicious!

I’m not sure exactly how long Simon has been teaching, but I think he said he’s been practicing for around 40 years. The dude is also a qualified physiotherapist and is insanely knowledgeable about the body. I’ll have much more to say about the workshop after tomorrow’s all-day session (HUZZAH!), but for now I’ll say that he has lots of wonderful yoga goodness going on.

Today, what impressed me most is that despite his years and years of teaching and really, being one of the biggest stars in the Australian yoga world… he’s just so human. Before and after the workshop, Simon made a point of introducing himself to as many people as he could, shaking their hand and having little chats. So lovely and inclusive.

After today’s session, he came up to me to say hello and I explained that I’d taken his classes a good 12 years ago. He had also come across this blog and left a comment on one of my posts last year, and when I told him I was the blogger in question he remembered and was so sweet about it.

It’s human nature to compare and contrast things, and I can’t help but notice the vast differences between his teaching style (warm, inviting, fun, engaging) and the woman I was learning Shadow Yoga from (serious, sharp, strict, harsh). What was I thinking?!

That Yoga Teacher Breakup Debacle was one of the best things that’s happened to me this year. Even though I currently don’t have access to that style of yoga, I’m so very glad to be out of that woman’s classes!

You see, I like my yoga all heart-centered and fun, filled with rainbow-coloured love. Not Nazi-harsh and mean! I’m just not that kind of yogi. I’m always trying to get my students to laugh in class (intentionally or not) and I wanna be in classes that make me feel like that photo up there – full of vibrant colour and life and far from being all serious and frowny.

Know what I’m saying?

Anyway, time for sleeping. Gotta big day of yoga (filled with rainbow coloured love) ahead of me and I wanna be well rested.

Update: Here’s the review

Til soon, folks!

~Svasti

Breaking up with your yoga teacher – part 2

Tags

2 William Street Balaclava, Abuse, Anxiety, arrogant, ass, assume, breaking up, Bullying, detachment, humiliated, Louise Goodvach, Melbourne, reactive, rebuked, Shadow Yoga, shit-palooza, Stress, vairagya, Yoga Moves, yoga teacher abuse, yoga teaching, zero tolerance

Click on the photo to read Yoga Dawg’s brilliant rap/poem/song!

[Read part 1 first]

Act II: After-words

So that same night and before I’d even made it home, I sent her this email:

I am sorry to walk out of your class but I was feeling very angry and it seemed to be the least disruptive thing I could do right then.

I feel that you judge me very harshly. Your assumption that I have been trying to tell people what to do in your class is incorrect. Perhaps it’s the tone of my voice, but I am usually attempting to confirm something for myself rather than tell anyone else what to do.

At the beginning of the class you spoke of never really knowing what the cause of various things are. Yet you are so certain of my motivations that you chose to embarrass me in front of everyone.

That is what I found so incredible.

Perhaps you don’t think much of my previous training or my current abilities but I am only ever attempting to improve my own practice. Generally I tend to speak a lot and it’s something I continue to work on. But my verbalizing of my own thoughts on things is not ever meant to be instruction to others.

I am sorry if you thought otherwise, but I find myself very upset at your treatment of me this evening.

Unfortunately, I was in shock and I was stressed. My body has lost its ability to handle sudden stresses like that. So I didn’t sleep well that night and the next day… well, I wrote about it here.

It sucked. That part isn’t anyone’s fault. I’m doing everything I can do heal my body and mind but there’s stuff that just isn’t resolved yet.

Hello? And once again WTF?

I wasn’t sure if I was going to hear back from her at all, which of course added to my stress. Even though my mind was cool with things, my body wasn’t.

Sometime on Friday I got a reply, if you can call it that. It was just a single sentence:

See you next week.

Oh really?!!

That pretty much resolved my will I/wont I go back dilemma. So I wrote two lines back in response:

No you won’t. I won’t be returning to your classes.

I have better things to do with my time than be abused in a yoga class.

Say what you like about my own reactiveness, but I think her behaviour was both abusive and completely unnecessary.

Then, after reading (or perhaps dismissing?) my email, she did not acknowledge what happened or make even the tiniest of apologies. In fact, she blew me off. As far as I’m concerned, that’s both arrogant and a pretty poor business decision.

In the past I’ve recommended this studio to other people. On this blog, I’ve actively written about my experiences with and love of Shadow Yoga. I’ve been nothing but positive and supportive of this yoga studio and have never had any negative interactions with anyone there ever before.

Her reply to mine?

Take good care of yourself.

And with that we were done. No longer was she my yoga teacher.

[Full disclosure: I might've also sent her an email after that one telling her that I think she kind of sucks, and that I hope she one day learns to apply what she teachers to the way she treats people - harsh but ultimately not unreasonable, I think.]

In itself, that’s not a big deal. I’m not emotionally attached to her or to the studio, and I sure as hell didn’t have her up on a pedestal (been there, done that before).

I do love Shadow Yoga, and I’ll continue to develop my home practice. There’s a couple of other studios here in Melbourne that teach it, but they’re not terribly close to where I live. And unfortunately, when the founders of Shadow Yoga come to Melbourne, they teach out of her studio. Bummer.

Detachment doesn’t mean being a cold hard biatch

If you’ve been doing yoga for a while, you might’ve heard about “detachment” (vairagya), which is much misunderstood aspect of yogic philosophy.

Non-attachment is not suppression: Non-attachment is not a mere personality trait that one practices in dealing with the other people of the world. It is very easy to fool oneself into thinking that non-attachment is being practiced when what is really happening is pretending to be non-attached.
http://www.swamij.com/yoga-sutras-11216.htm

When abusing me in class, my now ex-yoga teacher was mean, unpleasant and VERY reactive. Afterwards, she was all icy-coldness and hey, maybe in her mind that’s what she considers detachment to be (once again, an assumption on my part – I have no idea what she thinks).

But detachment doesn’t mean that you don’t care, or that you don’t have feelings. It just means that you don’t self-identify with them, and you’re not invested in the outcome of a situation.

IF she’d really wanted me to come back to classes, a simple apology would have made all the difference, but that sort of thing should not have to be prompted.

Unless of course, her plan all along was to have me leave?

Keep your integrity close and your humility even closer

We all make mistakes. We all do things we kick ourselves for later (heck, I know I do!). But if our actions have upset someone, no matter what we think of the situation it’s generally good practice to apologise.

For me, that’s a part of being a good teacher and it’s something I’ve always admired about my own Guru.

As he unfolds his own spiritual development ever further, he’ll say things like: Previously I thought this was true, but now I know X, Y and Z. What I told you before was incorrect.

It’s perfectly okay to admit to mistakes, but of course you need humility for that. The more, the better.

And speaking of detachment, I know of no one with better mastery of it than my Guru. And yet he is warm. He will hug people. He’ll laugh, he’ll dance, drink, show anger and if he sees it’s required, he’ll apologise. He’s an awesome role model like that.

There’s nothing in this life that’s not a part of the whole. Nothing.

And if you recognise that you’ve made a mistake, then WOMAN-UP and apologise (shout out to Lo for that phrase!).

Be humble. Being a yoga teacher doesn’t mean that you’re always right.

Act III: Bottom line

I’m grateful for what I’ve learned, and I still love Shadow Yoga and will continue my practice. Just not at the studio of someone who won’t even acknowledge what happened or talk to me about it.

Perhaps I won’t learn as quickly as I might by attending regular classes but thems the breaks.

Change is the only constant

Another of my friends, Linda, reminded me:

It’s not always a bad thing to be betrayed. Many times it happens when we need to move on from a person, place. And of course happens with people we are close to so that’s why it hurts more. Betrayal is not necessarily “bad energy” because it’s “good” for change.

In my grand crazy plan for my future, there were only a couple of things making me hesitate about leaving Melbourne again (eventually). There’s my sister and nieces, and my Shadow Yoga practice being tied to this particular yoga studio.

I’ll always have my sister and nieces, even if I’m far away. And I’ll always have what I know of Shadow Yoga. Who knows? I might even move to a place where I can study with another teacher some day.

But I sure as heck don’t have to accept abuse in order to learn. No one does.

~Svasti

(Also, big thanks to CK, Nancy, Rachel, Cherie, Kimberly (as well as Lo and Linda) for their real-time support on Twitter while I worked through this shit-palooza!)

**September 2013 update: Ummmm, dear judgey and outraged people reading this post and deciding that I’m being ridiculous. A few things:

1. This post was written well over three years ago. So, y’know, as you can imagine, I’ve moved on since then.

2. I am entitled to my feelings and experiences. This is my blog. So coming here and psychoanalyzing me and telling me I’m wrong? Ermmm, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? Coz you don’t know.

3. Unless you are me or the teacher in question, you’ve got no right to interpret the situation.

4. See point #1. This is O-V-E-R. Yeah, it’s an historical piece of writing on my blog. Get over it and go out and live your live. Be happy. I sure am!**

Breaking up with your yoga teacher – part 1

Tags

2 William Street Balaclava, Abuse, Anxiety, ass, assume, breaking up, Bullying, humiliated, Louise Goodvach, Melbourne, rebuked, Shadow Yoga, Stress, Yoga Moves, yoga teacher abuse, yoga teaching, zero tolerance

The silent observer…

Act I: Unrequited and un-required abuse

Say you’ve been going to the same yoga classes and the same studio for around eighteen months. It’s a place you love, feel comfortable at and enjoy frequenting. It’s become your “yoga home” and you feel invigorated by what you’re learning.

This feeling of a home away from home is comprised of a few things: the yoga you’re learning, the vibe of the studio and the teachers you’re learning from.

So what happens if one day for no reason you can be certain of, everything changes?

The smack down

What happens if you’re in class and you ask a question (the first one you’ve asked that session), only for that question to be radically misinterpreted by your yoga teacher? You ask, but your phrasing is off. Instead of, “So how do you do this pose properly…?” you say, “So you do it like this, right?”.

Perhaps the end of the question wasn’t heard. Perhaps it was, and she just didn’t like your tone. Bit hard to say really. But suddenly you’re on the end of a rather nasty and public (class of 20+ people) dressing down.

It’s different for everyone. Until you can do it, you shouldn’t try to tell others what to do.

Okay, but that wasn’t my intention…

You’ve done it before you know.

You have?!? You bite your tongue and keep going, but combined with this little diatribe and your general sense of left-right confusion you end up doing the next pose on the wrong leg. Your yoga teacher reprimands you sharply for doing so. You laugh it off and go to swap legs but are still having a little moment of “which leg forward”, when she continues her previous (and loud) rebuke:

You really shouldn’t say anything at all until you can get it right.

At which point, feeling entirely misunderstood, unfairly rebuked, mightily pissed off, and somewhat humiliated at being verbally abused in a freakin’ yoga class – you choose to walk out.

Why? Well why the hell not? Why should you stay and continue to take instructions from someone who’s just (verbally) taken a big stick and thwacked you over the head with it?

As you go to leave, more attempted humiliation: (loudly) No [insert name], don’t do that…

But you do leave because, excuse me? This is meant to be a yoga class. You’re not ten years old and you haven’t just painted the cat purple. In fact, the yoga teacher has unfairly jumped to conclusions and punished you in front of the rest of the class.

For realz?

Yep! This is what happened to me last week at the Shadow Yoga school I’ve been a faithful patron of since October 2009.

My first thought as I left: “Well, that’s a shame”.

I was trying to work out if I would/could/should consider returning to the classes at all. Or if not to that teacher’s classes (who is also the studio owner), then to other classes there.

I sat outside the class for a bit, focusing on my breathing and probably looking something this (but less furry):

A somewhat confused yogi – adapted from: http://www.toonpool.com/cartoons/Yoga%20Yogi_95284

I went for a walk to calm down. I ordered some food. And I tried to make sense of my Wednesday night.

Nobody’s perfect

Perhaps she was having a bad night? Maybe I was? I mean, on the way to class that night I couldn’t shake the nagging bundle of nervous anxiety in my belly.

And maybe she didn’t hear the end of my question? Who knows? But WHY on earth would you talk to someone like that, no matter what the circumstances? It seemed highly reactive and downright mean.

Heck, if I was having problems with a student (or anyone) I’d talk to them privately, and I don’t think I’d ever publicly rebuke anyone like that unless someone’s health or life was in danger.

And despite her assertion that I’d “done it before”, this was the first time I’d been made aware that she thought that. Not once in all the time I practiced there was it pointed out that I was supposedly doing something “wrong”.

But the reality is that I wasn’t doing what she thought I was doing. When I attempted to say so I was cut short, and then I was rebuked again, and one final verbal kick in the ass when I chose to leave.

Incidentally: this is the very first time I’ve ever walked out of a yoga class in over ten years of doing all kinds of yoga!

A little background

Just a couple of weeks beforehand; this same yoga teacher told me that I “had to choose”. When I asked her what she meant, she told me that I shouldn’t do Shadow Yoga and any style of yoga because “it will be confusing for my body”.

Not that she’s ever said so explicitly, but these are impressions (possibly incorrect but it’s a feeling) I’ve gathered from her:

• She doesn’t think much of my previous training
• She’s convinced that Shadow Yoga is THE only yoga people should be doing
• She doesn’t think I should be teaching because I really don’t have Shadow Yoga down at all

I could be wrong about any/all of the above, but her attitude and general snippiness towards me in certain situations have created this impression.

She asked what I was teaching, and I explained that I teach foundation yoga for beginners – which is all about the basics of body movement etc. I suggested there’s a place for other forms of Hatha yoga that aren’t Shadow Yoga and that not everyone wants a strong practice like Shadow Yoga.

She also asked about my teacher, so I explained my background with my guru as well as my teacher training. I said I’d send her links to information about him and she said she’d like that. When I sent her the URLs, I didn’t get a “thank you” email or any kind of acknowledgement at all.

The very next week was last week, when I walked out of her class. Were these incidents related? Hard to say but I have to wonder, right?

Perhaps she decided to “choose” for me, and manufactured the whole thing? I won’t jump to conclusions and assume that’s the truth, but I’m just sayin’…

Implied intimacy and trust

For me, being in a yoga class is very personal. I’ve found this both as a student as well as a fledgling teacher. There’s a whole bunch of intimacy going on.

As a yoga teacher, you’re instructing people how to move their body and when to breath. You’re working with your student’s fears as well as their monkey mind. In my limited teaching experience to date, I feel very much that teaching is a service. I’m not there to be a schoolmarm and demand obedience – instead I’m trying to get people to explore, feel, experience, sense.

As a student, I am trusting my yoga teacher to be a good person. A helpful person. Someone who is kind and considerate – at least while the class is in session. In a yoga class I open myself up and I am vulnerable physically, mentally, emotionally and energetically. I am shrugging off my baggage as best as I can and leaving it at the door. I am trusting you to be careful with me while I follow your lead.

In my books, it’s absolutely unconscionable to use your position as a yoga teacher to smack down one of your students.

You don’t have to take anybody else’s shit, no matter who they are

These days, I have a zero tolerance approach towards bullying and abuse.

I was both surprised and pleased to observe my very healthy boundaries when it came to dealing with her crap. It hasn’t always been like that, y’see.

Something my Guru has always said to his students is this: You don’t have to accept anyone else’s trip.

Look Guruji, I totally DIDN’T!

Assume makes an ASS out of U and ME

I don’t know for sure what was in her mind any more than she knows what was in mine. Based on her reaction and what she said, I’ve got a pretty good idea of what she meant.

But she assumed my motives were different than they were. She didn’t check in with me to find out what I was saying, she just jumped right in.

Dear ex-yoga teacher of mine: you behaved like an ass.

[Read part 2]

~ Svasti

**September 2013 update: Ummmm, dear judgey and outraged people reading this post and deciding that I’m being ridiculous. A few things:

1. This post was written well over three years ago. So, y’know, as you can imagine, I’ve moved on since then.

2. I am entitled to my feelings and experiences. This is my blog. So coming here and psychoanalyzing me and telling me I’m wrong? Ermmm, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? Coz you don’t know.

3. Unless you are me or the teacher in question, you’ve got no right to interpret the situation.

4. See point #1. This is O-V-E-R. Yeah, it’s an historical piece of writing on my blog. Get over it and go out and live your live. Be happy. I sure am!**

If yoga was a slurpee, what flavour would it be?

Tags

blueberries, happy feet, If yoga was a slurpee, mango and banana, Mumble the penguin, resorative menstrual practice, Shadow Yoga, Uddiana Bandha, Yoga, yoga workshops

Perhaps all mango and banana-type goodness? Maybe with some blueberries thrown in? Something at any rate, that satisfies all the senses and leaves a super-wonderful after-taste and a shiny glow of satisfaction and joy.

Perhaps y’all can tell that I’m a little bit excited about a couple of yoga workshops coming up for this month? They’re happening at the Shadow Yoga studio I frequent, and if I was Mumble the penguin I’d be doing my happy feet stomp right about now…

(I know. You’re asking, what’s with the slurpee and penguin metaphors? Well just blame Summer, which has FINALLY and indelibly arrived! Yay!)

This weekend I’m participating in a four-session (twice a day) series on the practice, theory, purpose and benefits of a resorative menstrual practice. It’s kind of for women, natch.

Which is awesome, because sometimes us chicks just don’t have the same energy to practice when menstruating. And I want the download from some of the most awesome yoga teachers I know on the topic! Good for me, and good for my current and future yoga students.

Then, the week after next is a five mornings-in-a-row series on cultivating Uddiana Bandha – considered to be “the bridge between the gross and subtle practice of yoga”.

Most yoga classes taught in the western world primarily focus on the synchronisation of breath and movement (if you’re in a decent class), but rarely touch on the bandhas – a Sanskrit word meaning “lock”. And I get why that is, what with the turn-over of students and just how long it can take people to develop any sort of body awareness. Even learning how to breathe and then remembering to do so while holding Warrior II can be challenging enough!

But Shadow Yoga is very big on Uddiana Bandha. In fact, you could say that it’s central to the practice. From regular use of this bandha over the last 15 months I can tell you it’s a super-wonderful addition to any yogi’s practice. I mean, I’ve studied and occasionally/randomly used the bandhas (there’s actually four of them in total) for years before I started Shadow Yoga, but I’ve never had a teacher emphasise their use quite like this.

Anyhoo… it’s Friday afternoon (huzzah!) and I’m due at the studio at 7am tomorrow morning. Must remember to get to bed early! And yes, there will be reports from each of these practices…

Hope you’ve got a WONDERFUL weekend planned, too!

~ Svasti xo

Partying on with some integration #reverb10

Tags

#reverb10, Awareness, bhakti, bliss, Body integration, chanting, dirty rotten hippie, heart chakra, kirtan, Mark Whitwell, Meditation, party, Presence, Sanskrit, Shadow Yoga, Vahni, Yoga

Almost at total catch up point now! Today’s been a weird day that involved a grown woman – at least ten years older than me – throwing a fully fledged tantrum in the work place. I can’t tell you how befuddling I find that!

Unfortunately I also find such things a little stressful, and with stress comes my good friend Anxiety. Let me tell you that anxiety blows. And this close to Christmas, it’s the last thing I need!

Anyhoo! On with the #reverbing!!

Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
~ December 9 prompt

Go ahead, call me a dirty rotten hippie if you must but my idea of an awesome time is a night of kirtan – that’d be a Sanskrit word meaning something like chant/sing the glory/repeating.

And generally kirtan involves repetitive singing/chanting of a stanza or two – usually also in Sanskrit – sung over and over with varying degrees of intensity pretty much til your heart bursts open in joy, sitting on a cushion in a small crowd of like-minded souls, singing and later sipping chai, copping a hug or two and looking forward to the next one.

The end result is usually some form of ooey-gooey loved up state of being, having been hit by the bliss machine and feeling like a million bucks, plastered with the widest smile you’ve been wearing all week.

I know some people aren’t into kirtan because they think chanting the names of gods and goddesses they don’t believe in is somehow hokey. But the beauty of Sanskrit is that the words themselves have a vibrational quality. Simple repetition of these sounds and letting your singing voice come from the heart (not your head or your throat) creates an incredible heart chakra opening. It doesn’t really matter what the words mean!

Earlier this year, one of our group decided to have a kirtan party for her birthday. So a whole bunch of us gathered to eat wholesome pot luck yogic-type food, drink chai and chant for hours on end.

The party was held at a beautiful place called Prana House, upstairs on Sydney Rd on the north side of Melbourne. White drapes are the main decorations there, with incense burning and people wandering around in stocking feet. Everyone in comfy clothes, ready for a boogie!

We always start a kirtan session seated, but once the bhakti takes hold people often want to dance. And that night we certainly did! People of all ages were getting their groove on, including some very cute little munchkin yogis-in-training.

Before the night was out I’d been hugged ferociously, I’d sung my heart out and danced up a frenzy. No one was drunk; no one threw up or passed out. Everyone I met there was pleasant and happy to talk to others – no aloofness or sexual politics. Just a bunch of hippie/yogi types enjoying that expansion of love that kirtan generates…

::

Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
~ December 12 prompt

Let your mind rest in the practice, says my Shadow Yoga teacher.

I’d heard that one dozens of times before but didn’t really understand what she meant until recent times.

Mark Whitwell talks about the same thing in a different way – he says that asana can be your senior spiritual practice. That there is no meditation, just resting in the present moment.

I’m from a school of training that focuses on asana leading to seated meditation practice, and I still believe in the importance of an extended seated practice (starting at an hour, working up to multiple hours). BUT meditation with the same focus I described above.

As I’ve mentioned before, one of my nemesis-asana in Shadow Yoga is Vahni. I’ve been working it for the last year or so and yet it still causes me grief. These days I pretty much have it down on the left side of my body, but I regularly fall out of it on the right. Generally speaking, I fear it on some level and I know my fear contributes to how well I can do the pose.

In class a few weeks ago, I was most surprised to find myself moving fluidly into Vahni (on the left, of course). I sat back on my left heel with the right leg crossed over the left, and I discovered poise and comfort. But more than that, my mind and body were completely in this pose I’ve found challenging for so long. It was silent and calm. It was glorious!

Right then, a little voice at the back of my mind got all excited and said, Oh WOW! Look, we’re doing it, we’re doing it!!

Listening to my inner dialog caused me to fall out of the pose and land on my butt! I let loose with a hearty chuckle as I hit the floor.

As my Guru often says – the moment when you’re telling yourself that you’ve “got” something is actually when you don’t. There is nothing to attain or point to, we only need to come naturally to that state of pure presence and awareness. It can’t be forced.

It was a great teaching for me as a student and as well as for teaching others. Finding that sort of presence in asana practice (and not just meditation) isn’t easy to grasp. But what it showed me is how often I am NOT in that state while I practice asana, and that’s just a wasted opportunity.

The other thing I realised is the ease with which I can perform asana I’m otherwise a little frightened of in that state – a meditative mind isn’t providing confidence exactly, just a state of openness where anything is possible if you let it be just as it is…

No struggle. No drama.

~Svasti

I can’t believe it’s not…

Tags

beaches, Clear seeing, Cleopatra the Cat, coiffed, down the wire, eyebrow wax, Game Plan, Hollywood Eyebrows, I can't believe it's not butter, immersion, interconnected energy body, introspection, Kinesiology, kooky, Making of Plans, Retreat, Shadow Yoga, Thailand, Yoga

Butter? Chocolate? Retreat?

Yeah, maybe the end one. There’s been plenty of the first two around, so I know they aren’t facsimiles. Or… is the pun (Fabio included) not actually about facsimiles at all? I mean, today I went for an eyebrow wax and was told the method was something called Hollywood Eyebrows. As though it was something different. But the end result was nicely shaped and coiffed (can eyebrows BE coiffed?) brows, so… you say tomato, and you know the rest.

So. I’m not in Thailand, obviously. Not on retreat, where I wish I was. And at first I thought a teensy little part of me was sulking about that. Maybe I was. But then, this quiet time that’s meant less Svasti posts and well, really, a heck-load of other stuff… it’s not about sulking. And don’t get me wrong – there’s been PLENTY of yoga going on!

How do I put this without sounding entirely kooky? Uhhh, perhaps there isn’t any way to do that. So, ahhhh… okay. The bond formed with my teacher and fellow students means that I’m part of this wider and pretty much always interconnected energy body. I mean, generally speaking ALL people are part of an interconnected energy body, but our group was formed quite intentionally and with a lot of energy, meditation and ceremony behind it.

So, even if I’m not with my teacher and fellow students when they’re together doing a lot of spiritual practice (which has happened a handful of times only since I was initiated into the school), I find that down the wire, I get the the gist of what’s going on anyway. Even if they happen to be half a world away.

Really.

There’s energetic stuff that happens, things I feel, messages I receive (not as emails though!) and the general overall tone of whatever’s going on. Then there’s the physical stuff (okay, I’m not quite ready to share all the details about that). BUT, let’s just say it’s all happening again. I thought maybe this time it wasn’t going to be like that and for a while I thought I was right. Because usually the energy that comes out of retreat is BIG and DYNAMIC but this time it seems to be much more introspective. Quiet revelations and deep inquiry that’s blossoming into Something New. Dunno what it is yet, but it’s definitely happening.

And before you say, oh, that’s not necessarily anything to do with your group half a world away, things like that are going on for me too! Let me just add that yes, that’s very possible. All of our retreats are based around specific times of the year, so that astrologically (if you go in for that stuff) whatever we’re doing is supported by the universe in every possible way. So you could say that in general, right now is a huge time of change for many people.

And things have been profound while I’ve been all radio-silence-like. I’ve been doing a lot of Clear Seeing. And Making of Plans. And Realising I Don’t Have To Live In Bolivia To Be Happy. And figuring out a new Game Plan. One that’s gonna make me Happy, without sacrificing myself for others (bad, bad habit of mine!).

So that’s what’s been going on for me, in so many words anyhow.

In other news…

• While it’s not a huge HOORAY but perhaps a HooRay moment… I have finally found some permanent (for now) work. In the digital media industry but quite outside the usual sorts of companies I work for, I guess. Which is both good and bad. Let’s just call it a lifestyle choice, which means it’s not the most highly paid job in the world, but it’s damn-well-stable. And right now, I need a bit of Stable. Actually, I need a LOT of Stable. So it’s good for that, and also for being near some of the more beautiful beaches you can visit in Melbourne (without driving and hour or two south or south-west around the bay).
  It’s good-ish, but not what I really want to be doing. And yet, I don’t feel like I’m selling my soul by taking this job, so that’s an improvement, yes?
• And… still hunting down places where I can set up yoga classes. Not as easy as you might think!!
• Speaking of butter, I think I might have finally perfected making my grandmother’s coconut biscuits. Quite a simple recipe, but awesomely delicious, too. The trick is making sure you cook them not too little, not too long. Juuuust right!
• Miss Kitty (Cleopatra the Cat) has been in the wars and also in my wallet, getting in some kind of cat fight (we think) and had quite a close shave really with a BAD bite in one of her back legs. Poor meow! For her troubles, she was awarded stitches, a drainage tube and the weekend spent at the vet’s practice.
  

  A cone-headed kitty

  She’s been in the plastic cone since it happened. The drainage tube came out last Thursday and this Thursday she has her stitches out and the cone comes off! Thanks Miss Kitty, I really, really could have used that $550 for you know… getting by until I get paid. But whatever! I’m just glad she’s okay now (almost back to her normal self).

• YAY for next Monday! I’ve been paying attention to my intuition which said Get Thee To A Kinesiology Session! So on Monday evening I’ll be seeing Kerry. (Can I have another YAY?) It’s been a while since my last one.
• I am almost back to normal in terms of my desire to write more. The introspection phase is passing, and it’s been wonderful.
• From tomorrow evening I have a yoga-ish house guest staying for two weeks. She’s a fellow Shadow Yoga student and she’s visiting from New Zealand. I offered to billet her because, well why not, eh?

~Svasti

Yoga, Grace and time out

Tags

Asana, bones, Dagnabbit, dancing dust motes, Dyson, fox hole, freelance, Grace, herbs in the window, Lululemon, marmas, mirages, mission-critical, new things, remedial massage, security blanket, Shadow Yoga, substitute teaching, Tara Stiles, time out, Universe, Yoga, Yoga In Daily Life, yoga teaching

Just to be a touch more specific (as opposed to my previous post), here’s one of those New Things I hinted at but with a few more details this time.

Well, it’s a new-old thing really: last Friday I finished up a five week stint of freelance work. Originally it was meant to be only two weeks. And when I started at the very end of July, I had several seemingly decent options for more permanent/long term work.

I was even verballed: “We definitely want you, you’re the right person for the job!”

Uh huh.

But as the freelance work was extended, the other offers evaporated in ways most surprising. From one angle they looked very solid and convincing but shifting to the side a little,  seems they were nothing but dancing dust motes glistening in the sunlight. I’d tell you how it all went down but y’know, the upshot is that those so-called possible jobs weren’t real.

It was weird, and not weird. I mean, before going into some of those interviews I KNEW already that they weren’t gonna work out. In one instance, I looked into the face of one of the people interviewing me and thought: This is a very angry man and I wouldn’t care to work for him. In yet another, I realised even as I was doing my best to spruik my skills, I knew I didn’t want to work there.

So what was wrong with these people and places? Probably nothing. I think it has more to do with me (and more on that soon, too)…

Meanwhile, I was totally rocking the freelance job. Possibly because the actual work involved was stuff I’d mastered long ago so it wasn’t challenging. Not that that matters for freelance work, and still, I LOVE making stuff in the digital space. The people were nice, and it was a twenty-minute cycle from my place when the traffic was heavy. Fifteen minutes on a good day!

Even at this job however, there were mirages… people sniffing around to see if they could hire me. The only problem was that the job that was available was the one I was doing for them already. Which means that basically I would’ve been ridiculously bored within a few months. So, not ideal…

Then last Wednesday I was unexpectedly told that Friday would be my last day. They’d found someone for the role who was more “mid-weight” in their experience (and presumably not costing them as much as I did). And that was that… I was out of there. The way of the world in the freelance space!

So I’m once again faced with joblessness. And I know that a couple of you have outrageously suggested that perhaps this is all a sign to move on to a New Path! Yes, yes… I get that! And I get that from the Universe as well, who is being rather persistent in Her attempts to push me towards New Things, too.

Dagnabbit!

So, on top of the substitute teaching I’m doing with the blokey yogis (last week’s class didn’t happen BTW, because too many of them were away but we’re soooo ON for this Friday), I’ve also scored another subbing gig. This is a one-off for now, but in general I’m on their books!

And it’s all thanks to the wonderful Sevapuri (@yidl), who I became friends with via Twitter. We met up a few months back when he was in Melbourne (from Sydney) for dinner and a chat about all things yoga. Recently, he kindly suggested me as a sub to the Melbourne Yoga In Daily Life school.

So last Saturday I sat in on the class I’ll be teaching (a very easy/general level class) and got the run down on turning lights and heaters on and off etc. As it turns out, this week I’ll be teaching a Hatha/Vinyasa blokes class on Friday (very early in the morning!), followed by a super-gentle/traditional Hatha class mid-morning on Saturday. Quite a nice balance really.

And… I do hear you, Universe. I do. I get that I’m meant to do more yoga teaching. BUT I need you to understand that right now, just teaching a few classes here and there isn’t gonna pay my rent. So I’d appreciate a little leeway and I’d ESPECIALLY appreciate a semi-long term/more permanent job in the interim. Yeah?

If we can get that happening, then I promise that I’ll step up my plans for yoga teaching!

In fact, I’ve already started. Last Saturday on my way back from the Yoga In Daily Life school, I dropped in at Lululemon to inquire about running classes there. I’m now on their yoga teacher list!

Also, after thinking about it for months, today I finally took down the number of a church hall round the corner from my place. I’m gonna call them and see what they charge to rent out their space. There’s also a PCYC just down the road from me I’ll be getting in touch with, too.

Truthfully, I’ve been quite afraid of taking on yoga teaching properly. For reasons I might explore in another post sometime!

But then in light of the whole Tara-Stiles-fat-burning-yoga/hey-yoga-is-anything-we-want-it-to-be saga… well, I’m feeling more confident in what I have to offer. I mean, I know there’s this whole new skill I’m learning (called teaching other people!!), but my knowledge of yoga and years of training means that yeah, I’m pretty sure I’ve already got something to share.

In some ways I still consider myself a beginner in terms of my yoga studies. Okay, perhaps I’m a little more than a beginner, but there’s still SO MUCH I don’t know! But hey, if something I’ve learned in the past nine or so years can provide inspiration, an opening, some joy etc, to others, then whoohoo!

Right…

I made very good use of today, my first day of not having a job again. I can’t quite believe it, but I did something incredibly domestic (and much needed): took my Dyson vacuum cleaner in for a service. There’s one service center in Melbourne, and it’s only open 9-5 Monday-Friday. Of course! So heck yeah, why not use my time off to sort out such ridiculous things, eh?

Then after a rather mission-critical (i.e. no food in house) grocery shop, I ate lunch at a delightful little cafe near my place, where the above photo was taken. Don’t you just love the herbs in the window? I was drawn to them, and sat at the bench there to eat a most flavoursome minestrone.

For the afternoon, I’d booked a remedial massage for that pesky shoulder of mine. It is getting better BTW, slowly but surely with a combination of yoga, physio, massage, and probably some acupuncture thrown in soon, too. It’s still rather painful, but I’m able to do much more yogasana than I could earlier this year. Which is a win! Things like Catuspadapitham (table top) have been beyond my pain threshold until recently. As has Sarvangasana (shoulder stand) and Chakrasana (wheel) to name but a few. Now these movements are slowly coming back!

And then, oh… more Shadow Yoga this evening. Goodness but I LOVE that practice! Although I haven’t mastered the series yet (ha! suspect mastery is a while off still), I’m quite amazed at how much stronger I am and how much less I fall over/out of the asana. Interestingly though, none of this strength comes from stronger muscles as such… it’s more about the mind and the bones.

Incidentally, Shadow Yoga is only the third time I’ve ever heard anyone talk about moving from the bones in relation to asana. The first person was my Guru. Our retreat in Bali about four years ago was focused on asana and we had many discussions about awareness of and movement from the bones. I don’t think I understood it all properly then! Linda has also spoken about bones, and about her teacher Paul Grilley’s work in the area.

And now with Shadow Yoga, there’s always a discussion on various marmas and bones, as well as the breath (but of course). Actually, it’s probably time I added another Shadow-specific post here…

So that was my day. Basically, I’ve decided to embrace my time out while continuing to look for more work. But in the mean time, I’m also considering how to diversify my income through teaching more yoga classes, freelance writing and who knows what else!

The first time I was out of work for a long period of time was last year and I pretty much fell to pieces (admittedly I WAS still in the deathly grip of depression!). The second time was July. ALL of July really! And I did better then, but still, I spent most of my time holed up in my fox hole. Still a bit afraid and unsure of what to do with myself. This time I’m pretty sure I know what I need to do.

So I am listening, Ma. I am. Just please don’t whip away all of my security blankets/support too quickly! Thanks ever-so-much…

~Svasti

Change with a sleight of hand

Tags

astrological transition, Change, epic, Limitations, Shadow Yoga, steel wool, Vahni, Yoga

When you’re not paying attention exactly and the wind puffs a hint change through the door that you feel but can’t see… how do you figure out what’s actually going on?

Yeah, good question!

So, determined to keep some structure in my life right now, I insisted on going to my Shadow yoga class on Wednesday night despite the cold and the rain, necessitating that I drape myself in four layers of clothing PLUS a fluorescent orange rain jacket – just so I could cycle down to the studio without turning myself into an ice-block.

It was a good move. Always is, right? Yoga versus no yoga? Really folks, it’s a no contest. I just wish I remembered that at all times (on occasion, this yogini has been known to sink deeper into the couch and tell stories of being too tired for yoga… yeah I know!!)

I’ve had to stop my physio sessions right now due to my lack of employment and all. Y’know, eating and paying the rent before physical therapy! But I knew I couldn’t give up my beloved Shadow yoga classes, so I made sure to pay for the term ahead just as my previous contract job finished. It was a must-have.

Yoga at home is one thing. Teaching classes is another. But then there’s going to a class that truly challenges me with a wonderfully inspiring teacher. It’s so worth it!

I still have my struggles with vahni and my ridiculous shoulder injury persists. BUT this week I discovered a new quality to the wrestling match I’ve got going on with my limitations. It’s not like anything in particular gave way, and yet… wait a second…

Hmmm, it’s interesting to note that vahni is a fraction easier all of the sudden. And that actually, I just need to re-balance with my weight a little further back and WOW that makes all the difference. I’m still yet to master the pose, but already it’s so much less of a struggle. Fractions upon fractions!

When I stood up a powerful current ran right up my arms and legs which made me feel both light headed and really STRONG. Also, while my shoulder joint still feels as though it might be coated in a layer of cement embedded with steel wool, it too, is begrudgingly yielding its limits.

Wednesday night was a wonder.

Thursday was a blur of things I didn’t expect and couldn’t predict. I’d already told the various recruiters I’m dealing with that I wouldn’t be available Friday as I’d made (much needed) plans to hang out with my sister and little nieces.

Of course, this meant the usual cross-purposeful demands for my time arose. Lots of them, most of which I had to put off til next week because there was no way I was cancelling on my sister. So what did people want all of the sudden? Two interview requests. And within the space of an hour I found myself booked for a two week freelance contract (doing my thing in the digital industry – and just in time!).

So my head was already spinning, and then:

• People I haven’t spoken to in ages got in touch wanting to make plans. Via Facebook chat, but of course.
• The lovely Desert Book Chick offered me some freelance writing work, which I am exceptionally grateful for.
• And the aptly named Yogic Muse honoured me in her blogiversary award.

Heh. What the? Is this all some kind of astrological transition I’m unaware of? Or is everything getting just a little more unstuck?

Hard to say, really.

And then there was Friday. But I really need to write another post to tell you about that. Because Friday was epic.

~Svasti

Mind warriors

Tags

arch-nemesis asana, façade, flexibility, guard duty, in my head, keeping up appearances, mind warriors, Shadow Yoga, Shakti, strength, survival, Uddiyana bandha, Vahni, Yoga

When I first came to yoga and indeed even up until a few years back, it was just a physical/mental practice I did because I liked it. But nowadays, I find myself engaged with yoga on so many different levels. Some I’m aware of, and others… well, I’m not, or at least not straight away. Then, there’s the little hits of shakti that occasionally smack me right between the eyes during or after a yoga practice, revealing the truth as it actually is.

Like on Monday night. Oh yes.

I’ve noticed lately that a lot of my yoga blogging friends have been writing about their arch-nemesis asana(s). And don’t we all have them! Poses we’d happily never do again in our entire lives. Those we’d like to obliterate from the annals of yoga history if we could! Okay, maybe it’s not ever *that* bad or dramatic. Right?

Personally, I don’t want to abolish any poses. Not really. In fact, I enjoy taking on the challenge (most of the time) of working on asana I find challenging and discovering how joyful I feel when my body finally opens a little more until I find I can move into a pose with ease, when previously I’d thought it impossible.

My own current challenge concerns a Shadow yoga pose called Vahni.

I have this suspicion that in many ways, my body and therefore my yoga practice reflects my life. When dealing with PTSD, my attempts to protect myself involved trying to keep up appearances. As such, I’ve spent a lot of time mimicking the behaviour of others. Trying to look like I was okay even when I was a huge, HUGE mess.

I know I was somewhat successful in this, because there’s plenty of people I worked with who never knew. The reason I know this is because I’ve since told some of those people a little about what I went through and they’ve exclaimed their surprise.

I also know the balance in my body between flexibility and strength isn’t quite right. I’m really flexible in some parts of my body and not others. I have very muscular legs but they can still be very weak. And I think I’ve learned to adapt the way I move in some yoga poses rather than learn to do them properly.

But with Shadow yoga, there are no shortcuts (which is part of why I love it). And I find that every movement informs me of where I’m still struggling – I’m grateful for the struggle because it demonstrates what I still need to do.

If you take a look at the photo of Vahni above, you’ll see that the upper body is sitting on the back heel, with the toes flexed. The front foot is parallel to the back, and the feet are not very far apart. To successfully ‘sit’ in this pose, the body must rest on the legs and both legs/feet must be working. Uddiyana bandha is also engaged.

My problems with Vahni seem to be in my hips and the alignment of my legs. I don’t have slender thighs and there’s a voice in my head that tells me I can’t bring my feet as close together as I need to, because of the size of my thighs. As such, I find my hips twist when I’ve been sitting in this pose for longer than a few seconds. Once my hips twist, my knees do too, and then my front foot starts to slip and I fall out of the pose.

My teacher has been very patiently trying to help me with this, talking me through it in detail. But even when she put a little weight on my front foot, I still fell out of the pose!

That’s when she looked me in the eye and said: You’re too much in your head.

I looked at her and nodded, before continuing with the practice.

Then the inner dialog began.

Huh? What does she mean? And why did I agree with her? I mean, I never USED to be an ‘in my head’ person. Quite the opposite! Right? I’ve always been so embodied, as a swimmer and a dancer…

And then I realised why it was true. Because I needed to be in my head to survive.

Apu – the man who assaulted me – struck my body with his fists. He took away the safety I felt in my own skin. The only place he couldn’t reach (although he tried that, too) was my mind.

And how does one keep up a façade of being okay when they are not okay at all? With very stringent control via the mind. That’s how.

Oh.

These realisations bubbled up as the practice continued and I thought I was okay with it all. Until we got to the end of the session, when we slowed down to focus inwards. I felt the tears racing towards my eyes and (of course) I tried to control it. Tried not to cause a scene.

But as that small yet significant piece of the truth replayed itself over and again, I realised how much it mattered. And suddenly I couldn’t partake in the final closing movements. Thank goodness I was at the back of the room! I dropped to the floor, leant against the back wall and sobbed. Again, trying not to make too much noise, but I let myself cry and it was a great relief.

The class ended and I pulled myself together enough to leave, avoiding looking at anyone. Rode my bike home, crying some more. But they were good tears.

So what does this mean, I hear you ask?

Even though I don’t need it in the same way any more, apparently my mind is still on guard duty. Weapons at the ready. It’s a routine devised out of fear, one that will protect but not bend or change easily. However, constant vigilance limits flexibility by design. The capacity for letting anyone or anything in or out is also limited.

And anything that causes even a hint of fear in me is enough for my mind to pull the brakes on – Vahni is definitely one of those things. I fear I can’t do it, that I’ll fall over, that I’ll hurt myself. I’m sure there’s more fears there, too!

Seems I need to have a few words with these mind warriors of mine – ask them to stand down, take a leave of absence. Learn a new drill, one that’s only activated when I really need it. Relax, because the danger is well and truly over.

Except of course, that the danger of limitation remains. If I’m too much in my head, that means nothing gets out and there’s also no way in…

Stand down mind warriors, stand down!

~Svasti

The skinny on Shadow Yoga – part 2

Tags

Asana, dandasana, glowing, Hatha yoga, philosophy, Prasarita Padottanasana, Shadow Yoga, Shandor Remete, virasthana, Yoga, Yoga teacher

[Read part 1 first]

Have you ever considered your body’s limitations as ‘just how things are?’, only to discover that it’s not really true? It was never true; but it’s just what we thought of ourselves and our body. Yet, despite that realisation, we still give little consideration to our other limitations – of the body or mind.

And I’m not just talking about lack of flexibility in your hips (for example). I mean, things like… the physicality of ankles that seemingly do not touch when you’re seated in dandasana (feet straight out in front of you). How can that change when its about how your body is made? Or do you just *think* that’s how it is on a very deep level?

My body aches desperately from the very hard work asked of us. Even with movements I dread because I can’t quite do them properly and because they require much strength, I’m willing to try again and again. In this, I found that what I think I know about my body is shifting. And I realised it wasn’t my body being built a certain way that stopped me – it was just my thoughts that said so.

Right in the moment when I realise this, I leap ahead of where I thought I was at to discover the truth. My body wants to weep while it celebrates, too…

~Notes from an immersion, January 2010

Shadow Yoga was developed by Shandor (Zhander) Remete – he has a background in Iyengar Yoga and martial arts, but developed the Shadow Yoga practice and philosophy from reading early Hatha Yoga and Tantrik texts. All of these influences can be observed in the practice, but Shadow Yoga is something else again.

When first coming to the practice, everyone learns a series of “warm up” exercises, as shown in the video below. While some of these actions may appear simple and unimportant, they in fact establish patterns of movement that are important later in the practice.

Now, because Shadow Yoga is so complex, I’ve decided to use the format of a very traditional way of teaching Tantrik philosophy – with an outer, inner and secret meaning (where secret just means hidden or less obvious) – to describe what I know so far.

(This is just a way to help me organise my thoughts on various aspects of the practice a little better!)

Also, please note that the below observations are from my experiences – what I’ve been taught and what I’ve learned. I reserve the right to update this list at any time if what I learn changes over time

• Outer – Including: set forms of movement and asana; a focus on correct movement of joints and limbs; pre-asana asana (that help you do asana correctly and without injuring yourself); building physical strength; and learning to move without forcing yourself, because this is not a competition…
• Inner – Including: a strong focus on breath work and correct use of Uddiyana bandha, (Bandhas = locks, there are four of them and Uddiyana is the abdominal contraction) which is practiced every class and eventually there’s meant to be a 1:1 uddiyana contraction with each movement. Everything about the practice is designed to reduce excess apana vayu, which is the energy/chi responsible for processes of elimination in the body. This correlates to toning of the digestive system, increased agni (digestive fire) and increased flexibility of one’s joints (ankles, wrists, hips etc).
• Hidden – This is the hardest part to describe accurately, because it’s going to be different for everyone. But to summarise, I’d say it involves the deconstruction of physical, energetic and emotional limitations, resulting in all kinds of experiences that may or may not seem related at the time.

For example(s):

One class, I vomited part of the way through, but not because of anything I ate! Other times I’ve simply found tears rolling silently down my face. And I can’t count the number of classes I’ve walked out of at the end and found myself unsure of who or what I am. Or I realise part way through that my feet or the crown of my head are tingling wildly.

Note: as stand-alone experiences, none of what I described in the last paragraph is important. It’s not like I’m all whooo, I’ve just had a “mystical experience”, let’s burn some incense and talk about it… Not at all! Rather, I see them as indicators of internal activity that I sometimes barely understand the meaning of and try not to over-analyse…

These classes tend to bring on some very intense energetic, emotional and physical sensations for me. Not every single class, but a fair portion of them. And way more than any other type of yoga I’ve experienced to date. It might not be like this for other people, and some yogis may have similar experiences by doing another form of yoga all together. But for me and at least for now anyway, Shadow Yoga is the bomb.

The classes are investigative, in a way I’ve rarely come across. Sometimes we do a lot of asana and others it’s more like a workshop, a kind of question and answer session with asana in between. It’s not a class for those who wish to hide; you enter the studio to discover more about the practice each time. To break down the way you are moving and to observe others, too. A bit like a science lab instead of a competitive-who-has-the-best-asana environment.

Often I find myself thinking I won’t be able to do something we’re asked to do. It looks hard, and it is hard when each movement is being studied so intensely. But then I realise I can. Perhaps not as gracefully as I’d like at first. But eventually it comes and I am elated.

As both a yogini and a yoga teacher, my experience of Shadow Yoga is that it helps correct some long-held bad habits in my practice and invaluably, it deepens my knowledge of yoga and bodily movement. Oh yeah, and it helps me shift all kinds of suppressed energy, which can only contribute to better health (lately I get told that I’m “glowing” a lot!).

One example of this is my somewhat hyper-flexible knees. For years I simply thought I couldn’t hold prasarita padottanasana for long because it hurt my knees – a standing, deep forward bend can put a lot of pressure on them, especially those that hyper-extend. Now, whether it’s because I never really expressed my issue with this pose before or if it was just down to less than perfect instruction (and I’m sure when I start teaching, I will be guilty of this for a while!)… but for a person with crazy knees, it’s not a good idea to advise them to pull up through their hamstrings and quadriceps. That’s because the natural tendency of over-extending knees when doing so, is to lock, leading to eventual ruination!

However, one of the focuses in Shadow Yoga is releasing the body’s weight into the feet as much as possible for the entire practice. And so prasarita padottanasana transformed for me when I stopped focusing on what my leg muscles were doing (of course, they still need to work) and started focusing on my feet! Suddenly I didn’t feel like I was in a war with my knees any longer…

I consider myself to be at the beginning of some kind of very extended journey with this practice. It’s not separate from other yoga I do at all. But it is markedly different, and intense and exacting (not in an Iyengar-y kind of way) – more of a detailed under-the-microscope-study of where my body and mind are at on any given day.

And I am in awe of the power of this practice.

~Svasti