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Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

~ Recovery from PTSD & depression + yoga, silliness & poetry…

Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness

Tag Archives: St Kilda

Where to next?

22 Sunday Feb 2009

Posted by Svasti in Life

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Asana Pranayama Mudra Bandha, C’est la vie, Jobless, Liberated, People watching, Plans, St Kilda, The Espy, Unemployed, Yoga

So, a funny thing happened on Friday, the day after my song haunting happened again…

I lost my job.

My (now former) employers told me at the very end of the day. But that little voice I’ve mentioned here a few times, it told me all day that something was up, even though I didn’t have any reason to suspect it.

It came down to money. They were hoping to be in a position to grow the company, but given the current economic climate and whatever other factors… they haven’t been able to make the sales they need. I blame the recession.

And so, my role has been terminated. They’ve given me one week’s notice (they actually owe me two, and I’m looking into that), and I have some accrued holidays.

They also gave me the option to take the notice period in lieu, and guess what? I decided that’s a good idea.

And that actually allows me to go hang out at the hospital tomorrow and meet my brand new niece (after she’s born via scheduled c-section).

Have to say though, that before the shock and freak out started to kick in, the very first reaction I had was relief.

I haven’t said much about it here, but it’s been a pretty stressful job, which hasn’t been so great given all the recent emotional upheavals I’ve been dealing with… it is a particularly disorganised place to work, and my bosses were not very supportive at all.

So in the last month I’d been looking around for a new job, as I wasn’t planning to stay anyway… it’s just always nicer when you don’t lose your old job before you get the next!

Financially I’m okay for a little while. Looks like my little tax refund bonus is gonna be used for living expenses til there’s more moolah rolling in. C’est la vie…

But I have plans, plenty of them. In fact, just after I was given the news, I stayed behind at the coffee shop and wrote out a huge ‘to do’ list. Everything from the basics like updating my résumé, getting in touch with my recruitment contacts, spreading the word to friends in the industry… to finally pulling a finger out and creating a professional résumé website (a good thing to have in my industry) and doing a letter drop in the local area, offering all kinds of computer help, setting up websites/blogs, a little design work, and help with writing resumes and website content.

And… I might just need to consider getting a flatmate. Will see how things pan out.

Next thing I did was go take my bike to the bike shop for a service and to get the seat put back on!

Then, back to the office for the last time. Cleaned my work computer of all personal files, handed in my phone and keys and left. Texted a bunch of friends, spoke to a couple of them as well… one of whom insisted that I go out and not mope around at home that night (saved that for last night instead!).

Went to a very well known live music establishment – The Espy in St Kilda – had a few drinks, listened to some pub bands (music got better as the night rolled on, or was that the beer and shots I drank?). Sat in a comfy corner for a while, people watching, (trying not to make eye contact more than once with sleazy men) and did a bunch of writing.

So… as a result there’s heaps of raw material to draw on for my blog. Actually yesterday’s post was the first carved from pages of long-hand notes scribbled in my strange loopy and angular handwriting.

Saturday, had an orientation session at my new yoga school (I’m confident I’ll have the money to keep paying monthly instalments for my course) – which was a very positive thing to do… some asana, talking about the course, meeting teachers and fellow students, looking at the text books we’ll be using (some of which I already own – like Asana Pranayama Mudra Bandha) and discovering that part of the tuition fee includes all the books, plus a yoga mat and props, a neti pot and tongue scraper – can never have too much yoga gear so that was exciting. And everyone is lovely, so I’m thrilled.

When that was done, instead of jumping straight on the train home, I wandered up the street, up up up up… in and out of a few shops and simply enjoying the  embrace of sunshine and warmth. Walked all the way to the next train station, right down by the bay actually.

Today, I’m starting to feel the other side of things, a little less positive, a little more like – wow, I lost my job! A little angry. But I still know it’s gonna work out just fine.

And I’m picking up a hire car so I can drive to the hospital tomorrow for the birth of my sister’s new baby – my second niece! My friend L and I are having a late lunch, too.

Then, seriously, I’ve got heaps to do. Writing posts, updating and sending résumés, getting my professional website up and running and creating flyers to offer my professional services.

I’m kinda pleased though, how well I’m doing with this sudden change. I actually feel liberated instead of overly stressed out. Free, not victimised. Excited about new possibilities.

And, as I said in my last post, there’s no such thing as an ending, really… just other directions to travel, other paths to explore…

~Svasti

Sunday soliloquy

08 Monday Dec 2008

Posted by Svasti in Awards, Learnings

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

Birthday presents, blog award, Confidence, Makeup, Mexican food, molè, Soliloquy, St Kilda

What a weekend of strangeness, joy and beauty this has been…

The wonderful John D of Storied Mind kicked off proceedings by offering a blog award in my general direction… many thanks for your generosity!

I’m still getting used to having my own space, and for me, lots of it. This place is quite huge from my humble perspective. And so different from my last place – which was something of a cave, perfect for hiding out in – but I’m done with the hiding, in more ways than one…

That bullet-hole ridden memory of mine almost cost me an early birthday present! L said on Friday night (out at dinner – it’s the time of the year for multiple outings…) she’d treat me to lunch on Sunday at one of our favourite places to eat in St Kilda, possibly all of Melbourne…

Well, actually, it’s probably second… only to the amazing Mexican place in Fitzroy with the molè (we’ve dubbed it ‘sex food’ coz it’s that good). But still, our favourite vegetarian eatery with a view of the bay and always, always great food. And did I mention the chocolate coffee pot dessert yet? No? Well… it’s an essential when eating there. Mmmmm…

I’d said I’d ring and book and I forgot. Then I forgot til I saw L that we were even doing lunch before shopping! Somehow, we got the last available table…

That feeling I’ve mentioned before of ‘not belonging’ – something I experience a lot – is more about people than places. Some people feel like ‘home’ to me, but most do not… L is one of those people who do.

I’m so thankful for you L, having you here in my life… I really and truly am. I didn’t know the smile I’d get in return would be so beautiful…

Our last big night out, L demonstrated her impressive makeup artist skills on my face and told me… we need to take you makeup shopping. I bow to her wisdom… she’s been trying to get me to pay more attention to girly things for a while now… attempting to build up my (almost non-existent) confidence in my looks…

We walk into the brightly lit makeup area of a large department store in the city and L immediately strikes up a conversation with a cute gay guy with bright blue eyes and insanely colourful tattoos. At the Mac counter (no, not computers!).

The two of them are speaking a language I can’t decipher. Something about tones, and finishes and stuff…

He starts peppering me with questions I don’t know how to answer. I look helplessly at L… She’s never done this before, L explains to the funkily dressed makeup dude-in-a-hat. He draws me over to a chair in front of a large, confronting mirror and turns on the fluorescent lights… [inward cringe]

A smart black toolkit slung over his shoulder is full of mysterious brushes. He expertly applies foundation in thirty seconds flat. Then the two of them decide I also need a bronzing powder, some blush and a touch of eyeliner.

Its way more makeup than I’d normally wear, even to go somewhere special… but I look… sorta kinda okay… you can see my freckles and my green eyes shine brightly (what’s in that stuff that it makes my eyes shine?).

They both scoff at me when I protest the amount of goop on my face. My makeup dude says: I won’t have you going out looking disgusting or anything. Trust me, you look hot. Come back and see me when you get braver and want to try more colour.

More colour?? Sure, they’re all pretty neutral tones but I still feel like a scarlet peacock in all this… stuff.

I giggle, amused by his confidence and allow myself to be swayed… okay, so this is my early present to myself! Why not? I leave with a small bagful of goodies in their expensive cardboard wrappings…

It’s all part of a plan… to try and, um, think of myself as somewhat attractive again.

It’s been a while…

~Svasti

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