This year has been pretty massive in terms of facing up to myself and finally expelling trauma from my life.
It’s also been huge in terms of new pathways opening up to me. Options I never expected to have, suddenly being mine for the taking.
Options that involve a massive step-change and leap of faith (that everything will work out just fine).
In other words: things that are both exciting and scary. But also? Things that are aligned with my heart and soul, and what I want to be doing with my life.
Interestingly, even though those changes are still at least half a year away, having a commitment to heading in that direction seems to already be causing a ripple in my own personal space-time continuum. One that suggests YES, I am doing the right things.
I find myself… turning into someone who can help others. Not however, with some sort of do-gooder-this-is-good-for-my-soul agenda.
It’s kind of hard to describe.
In one instance recently, I found myself reaching out to a friend on the other side of the world. I didn’t know if she’d tell me to eff-off or not! Just that I wanted to share some ideas with her. It turns out that the timing was right and she was open to what I had to say. I don’t feel comfortable sharing her story, but suffice to say things have turned around significantly with her physical and mental health. These are her victories however, not mine. But somehow, I managed to set the ball in motion for her at the right time.
Then, just last night I found myself listening to a yoga student who’s also become a friend. After class, she explained the existential crisis she’s going through right now. Fortunately, many of my own experiences have been similar enough that I could offer the right kind of support.
Later, this friend then wrote an incredibly moving comment on Facebook about our conversation:
…you are so much more than my yoga teacher, you are helping me to find a level of peace and connectedness that I didn’t think was possible.
WOW, was she really talking about me? Her words brought tears to my eyes. I don’t know how I’ve done what she’s claiming and… it seems like a big claim!
That said, finding ways to connect with people is starting to feel a bit like teaching yoga.
By which I mean the best teachings seem to flow through me. As if I’m channelling a much wiser person. The words I say aren’t mine exactly. But somehow they’re what’s needed.
I daren’t lay claim to any of this stuff, however.
It feels like a lesson from my teacher:
Don’t be distracted or get excited when such things happen. Keep going and don’t allow your ego to get involved.
Yet none of this would be possible if I hadn’t lived through the things I’ve survived.
Last weekend I spent fifteen hours in a yoga intensive, and the following insight came to me Sunday afternoon:
Not that I wish injuries (physical/mental/emotional) on myself or anyone else BUT all of the best things I’ve learned in life were learned while healing from those injuries.
I wouldn’t take any of it back now. I wouldn’t want to unlearn the things I’ve learned in order to develop strength, balance, health and happiness.
I like LOVE those learnings.
And now? It seems as though my life lessons are becoming useful for other people in a tangible way.
I can’t tell you how thrilled I am about that, because it seems that the answer to “Who am I becoming?” is this:
I’m becoming a healer.
Whoah.
~ Svasti
Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness 