Looking both ways

Tags

#IQS, 2013, creative juices, Happy New Year, Health, India, new year, Stress, two words project, unemployable, WWF wrestler

So…hi! And Happy 2013. I hope y’all had a FABULOUS seeing in of the new year, even if that fabulous thing was having a very mellow time. Or doing nothing. Just so long as you found enjoyment, any which way.

I did! I really did! For the first time in ages, I had a truly excellent time on new year’s eve. Hooray! Friends of mine had a private party at their place, with a fab view of the fireworks over the city. But importantly, with plenty of space between our little gathering and the drunken hoardes in the city. I talked with old friends and new ones, too. Drank a little champers, literally laughed til I was flat on the floor, ate, danced, and watched fireworks.

Over the Christmas break I had a few days off and some visitors from the US – some of my world-wide family of yogis. Their stay was all too brief, and I was heartbroken when they left but also glad that they came.

So here I am, three days in to 2013 and finally I’m getting around to an update for you all on where I’m at!

Looking back – where’ve I been?

You just *might’ve* noticed that most of 2012 I was pretty quiet here on the blog, on account of a whole bunch of reasons.

First up, I’ve gotta say, 2012 was one of the best years I’ve had in well…years.

Year of the Dragon worked very well for me – all of that expansive energy saw me taking up a bunch of challenges. So, its been lots of hard work but lots of excellent results, too.

Like… the Two Words Project.

Also (and related): tackling my health with the enthusiasm of a WWF wrestler. This has wrought changes on the physical, emotional and ummm metaphysical planes. Big. Stuff.

And finally being out of trauma. I cannot express how differently I feel today to the broken person who first started this blog. 2012 has been a year of resurfacing as a stronger-than-ever and happier person than I ever was. Ever.

Not to mention: hitting my 12 month anniversary of giving up sugar! I can tell you that I don’t miss it in the least.

And I know – I owe you guys more details on all the above!

Those are all normal-busy kind of things though, right? Then, there was the rest.

Mid-year my last living grandparent passed away, and that seemed to cause a subtle but significant gear-shift. Something about, I dunno… stepping in to the next generation of “elders” in my family. More Big Stuff.

Around the same time, my dad had his own health scares and diagnoses of chronic illnesses. Things are evening out for him a bit more now, but it hasn’t been much fun. And there’s more work to do.

On top of that, my 9-5 job has grown increasingly unpleasant. It’s not so much my team (who are great) as it is the next level up management. My usual pattern of finding myself being given more responsibilities and more and more work has arisen yet again, and this (so it seems) rather specifically, has been the main factor in dampening my creative juices.

I noticed the difference immediately when I went on my writing retreat – given a release from the day-to-day stresses, and enough space and time, all the words erupted like wildfire.

Then when I came back home…once again the words dried up. Damnit.

Which was an excellent indicator: it seems I’m approaching that point Nadine’s written about of being unemployable.

See, my future life is starting to converge with the here and now, which is a little disconcerting when you don’t think you’re quite ready for the future just yet!

On that note, I’ve also finished my second full year of teaching yoga. Which has kind of flown by and it’s taken me by surprise at how much I’ve learned in such a tiny amount of time.

Looking right in front of me

Here we are, at the tail end of the Dragon Year before the Snake emerges on February 4^th. Already there’s a LOT going on.

Right now, I’m working my way through Leonie Dawson’s colourful and charming Create Your Incredible Year workbook and planner. I highly recommend it for a positive start to the year!!

Next? I’m signed up for Nadine’s Light Up Your Life e-course. It’s an extended version of the Two Words project (which, heads up Melbourne peeps, is happening again in February!).

Between Leonie’s planner and Nadine’s e-course I’m thinking my year is gonna be super-charged!

Which is waaaayyy different to how I was feeling at the beginning of 2012 (hint: I was terrified!).

And just when you think I couldn’t possibly fit more in to the start of 2013, I’ve got two HUGE things happening:

1. Nine days of yoga teacher training in mid-January.
2. Then, end-February I’ll FINALLY be meeting my long-term friend and Kali sister, Linda-Sama!! We’re meeting in India for her study group. But I’ll be there for six weeks in total: two before and two after the study group. I KNOW, RIGHT?

Looking forward – wassup 2013?

Well, a lot of that is still in the works, but there’s a few things I know already. Like…

• I’ve quit my job and will finish up just before I go to India (I’ll find work of some kind when I get back!).
• One very specific mission while in India (there are several) is to buy a harmonium, so I can learn to play kirtans myself!
• I gave up the class I’ve been teaching for the past two years! The end of the year seemed like a natural pause and my plan is to teach a lot more classes per week when I’m back from India, in my own ever-unfolding style.
• Mid-year, there’s the possibility of a heck-load more change (of the positive kind). But I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself yet…

And: a new blog!

No. I’m not killing off this blog, or stopping writing here. But for a while now, I’ve wanted a place to write that’s a little less anonymous than this one. Yet… I’m not ready for everyone in my life to read the archives here.

So, I’ve started a separate blog under my own (first) name.

Many of you will be getting an email about it shortly. But feel free to let me know if you’d like to be in the loop – as it’s where I’ll be blogging about my adventures in India! ;)

More soon. Very soon. I promise!

~ Svasti xxx

So-called “normal” life makes us sick!

Tags

autoimmune disorders, calm down, do less, Hashimoto's, over-stimulated, over-tired, run on adrenaline, Silence, Slow down, slow yoga, slow yogis, Stress, Yoga

So here I am, second week back from my lovely writing retreat and I’ve come down with the flu.

Bah! Change of season and all of that, but honestly, what I’ve noticed more than anything since my return to the “normal” world is that this world? It really ain’t so normal.

In the middle of the bush, with all of my basic needs met – sleep, food, yoga, meditation, writing and hiking – I can’t express how INCREDIBLY well I felt. Just… brimming with health and vitality.

Everything I did for myself was appropriate to the day and how I felt. If I needed more sleep, I took it. If I wanted a longer/shorter meditation, so be it. Time wasn’t a feature in most of my activities other than remembering to go down the hill for dinner just before it got dark.

And then.

I returned to Melbourne. A biggish city. Well, big enough anyway. The response in my body was immediate. Sluggishness, exhaustion, headaches and generally feeling disinclined to leave the house unless I have to.

That was last week. Now, I’m sick again. Which isn’t so great in some ways but on the other hand, its served to ring the reality bell around how completely unhealthy our western world lifestyle is. And I’m not just talking about people who eat junk food 24/7.

Word is that one of the biggest triggers for autoimmune disorders is our environment. Yep. Exposure toxic chemicals and heavy metals. In our cities and suburbs, we’re saturated in them.

Coming down from the mountain, it’s all the little things I noticed, that seem to add up: traffic and street lights; cars, buses, trucks and planes; too much concrete; pollution; loud noises; unaware people smacking their bag into your arm on the train; working hard and long hours; not resting when we need to; staying up late. Etcetera.

We get stressed, over-tired and over-stimulated. We run on adrenaline (another autoimmune trigger!) and then when we fall over, we wonder why.

Really though, is it such a surprise that so many of us feel sick all the time? That we drag ourselves through our week days and then to make up for having to do a job we don’t love, overdo the fun and exhaust ourselves even further?

That whole routine? It’s nuts.

We need to overhaul our entire way of living. But how?

Well… from my perspective and experience, the answer is the same for everyone.

No matter the current status of your health, we all need to:

SLOW THE HECK DOWN!

Recently, the lovely Rachel wrote about Slow Yoga – something a few of us yoga teacher types have been talking about on Twitter for a while now – which is our way of describing a philosophy towards both yoga and life.

We’ve ripped the term from the “slow food” movement of course, but the principals are the same. Well sorta. From a yoga perspective, we’re saying no to Bikram and don’t believe you get any more benefit from a fast-paced vinyasa “power flow” than you do from working more slowly and calmly.

We “slow yogis” all teach what we like to call “nanna yoga” – each of us in our own style. Of course, in slow yoga you can still work your ass off if you want. But instead of feeling exhausted afterwards, you’ll ideally feel more energized and awake.

And… Sarah Wilson wrote about the need for silence. Holy Shiva, we need more of this. Each and every one of us. Less headphones plugged in to the iPhone with music blaring (and disturbing others around you), more observing the world. Taking time to see (and perhaps photograph) things that move you.

Things that make you feel connected to the world. Without having to blah blah blah all the time, yeah?

Personally I crave silence, and fortunately for me I have my yoga practice which serves as both alone AND silent time. I also try to get as much silence into my day as possible. No radio or TV in the morning while I get ready for work. No TV at all really, unless I’m watching something specific.

So yeah… we can all basically do with slowing down, calming down and doing less. It doesn’t make us weak, lazy or pathetic. Instead, it can be an opportunity to listen to your body. Find out what you really need in order to be well.

And when you’re not well? Pay attention. Not just to getting over your cold, but to what you might be able to change in your life to reduce the levels of stress you face on a daily basis.

~ Svasti

Yoga Nidra + a giveaway!

Tags

Annandale Yoga, Anxiety, deep relaxations, Depression, free stuff, give away, guided meditation, Meditation, reducing stress, rest, self-love, Sevadevi, Sevapuri, Stress, Swami Satyananda, Yoga, yoga geek, yoga nidra

You guys! Have you ever heard of, or practiced Yoga Nidra before?

If not, then you’re totally missing out.

Yoga..wha? Is what most people say when they hear of Yoga Nidra for the first time. So don’t be embarrassed, you’re far from alone.

The fact is, Yoga Nidra is one of the bestest, most good for you things you can do with your eyes shut while remaining awake. I can’t think of *too* many other things you can say that about, right? ;)

Anyway, let me tell you more about it…

First of all I have to say – I LOVE Yoga Nidra! As much as I love big warm hugs and snuggling under a blankie. Maybe more.

I mean, this stuff is a top shelf relaxation technique, people. It’s also an act of self-love that you can do for yourself every day and it will yield results. That’s a promise.

So what is it again, I hear you ask?

Okay. Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation you do while lying down and its considered to be more rejuvenative than sleep! OR if you’re having trouble sleeping then it will either help you get to sleep (which is okay, too) or provide you with a wakeful-yet-restive alternative to feeling miserable about your insomnia.

Yoga Nidra is also excellent for reducing stress, depression, anxiety and generally making you feel better about life.

I wrote a little about Swami Satyananda – the founder of Yoga Nidra – a couple of years back when he passed away.

If you’re a yoga geek then I also recommend reading his book on the topic, too.

About the give-away

It was via the happy accident of blogging and tweeting about hummus, that I first came to know of the lovely Sevapuri and his wife Sevadevi.

We don’t talk a great deal, but we’ve met in person a couple of times and Sevapuri is always around on Twitter, where we regularly exchange messages.

Both Sevapuri and Sevadevi are lovely souls and personally I’m jealous of all the kirtan they have going on in Sydney!

Anyway, Sevapuri and Sevadevi now run Annandale Yoga, and the first I was aware of Sevadevi’s Yoga Nidra recording was a direct message on Twitter offering me a copy. Because that’s just the kind of people that they are.

Of course being beautiful and generous souls, not one but THREE copies arrived in my letterbox. I gave one to my neighbour (the wonderful person who made me food when I was really sick last year – she really needs some chill time right now)… and I thought I’d give the copy away here.

Just to keep paying forward the generosity and the love!

I’ve trialled Sevadevi’s CD of course. It contains a short and a long Yoga Nidra practice (23 and 32 minutes respectively), as well as a beautiful Heart Meditation that you can do in a pinch, anytime/anywhere.

Its all about creating a bit of space and calmness in your life…

As a bonus: Sevadevi has a gorgeous velvety voice that you’ll never get tired of listening to.

This is a quality Yoga Nidra and meditation CD, and YOU could be the lucky winner of a copy!

Be in it to win it!

It’s very simple. Anyone can enter, anywhere in the world.

To enter: Leave a comment below sharing your favourite thing to do to unwind and/or re-connect with the world when you’re feeling crappy.

Bonus entry: Share this give-away on Twitter or Facebook and let me know you’ve done so in the comments below.

The mission being to raise awareness of Yoga Nidra and get more people curious to give it a try!

Entries close: Friday 15th June

Lots of love to y’all.

~Svasti xxx

Spaciousness vs Tension

Tags

Don’t over-work, Freedom, spaciousness, strength, Stress, tension, Wisdom, yoga teaching

Enjoying a little spaciousness while I cycle...

As I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before, sometimes the words I say when I’m teaching a yoga class seem to appear from thin air. I haven’t planned them or rehearsed them but there they are, being all reflective and wisdom-ish like.

I guess I find my inspiration for what I’ll talk about from observations of my experiences or other’s. Which are really one and the same thing. This is why I can talk of these things and be pretty sure that most people are going to relate to some of what I’m saying.

Because while we all have our own experiences, many of them are shared and/or similar enough in content to be relatable. Shareable. Yes?

So. Tuesday I got to thinking about spaciousness, and how when we tense everything up in our body or mind, there isn’t a huge amount of spaciousness going around. So over-tensing, over-concentrating, over-working, pushing yourself to the limits, killing yourself with running or gym (or intensive yoga) workouts isn’t necessarily helping you.

I told my students what I learned from having a couple of fairly respectable injuries in recent times: you don’t have to push to your edges in order to get the benefit of your yoga practice.

You can do less and it is okay. You don’t have to be sweating like a fiend or waking up sore the next day in order to build strength, stability and openness in your body.

In fact the harder you strain and over-work on strength, stability and openness in your body, the more likely you are to cause an injury. And that’s just on the physical level.

Then there’s the way that pushing too hard mentally can injure your emotional well-being. You judge yourself for not being able to do everything/as well as others in the class. You develop a mindset that says if you’re not pushing yourself to the edge, then you aren’t working hard enough and you won’t get the results you want.

None of this is true, but thinking or acting in these ways can cause physical, mental and/or emotional stress.

And stress is tension. Which makes us feel small and crowded.

But life and our body and mind, feel MUCH better when we have space. When our joints and spine aren’t compacted, we feel better. When we’ve got plenty of time to do the things we want to do, we feel better.

So we practice this in our yoga, and take this idea out into our life.

Be relaxed and comfortable in your poses. Be okay with where you’re at without pushing yourself so hard. Work effectively and functionally, but not excessively.

You will still get stronger.

You will still develop better core strength.

Your body and joints will open over time, to the degree that is possible for your body.

You will find it easier to calm your mind for meditation.

And you will be able to take this sense of calm and spaciousness out into other parts of your life.

So – work as well as you can in your yoga practice, on any given day. Do today, what is appropriate for your health and energy levels today. Do what’s appropriate for you tomorrow, when it is tomorrow. Don’t over-work. Doing your best without straining or forcing is enough.

Find ways to enjoy your practice. You develop more sensitivity and body awareness when you aren’t pushing so hard, because this leaves room to feel subtleties.

You are enough as you are (injured/sick/low energy etc), and you will get the benefits of the practice anyway.

It went something like that, anyway…

~Svasti

Re-alignment

Tags

antsy, cranky, fake it til you make it, life purpose, real yoga teachers, Stress, Teaching yoga brings me happiness, yoga teaching

Confession: since coming back from Bali I’ve been outrageously cranky. Out of sorts. Not terribly pleased.

It’s been suggested by one of my lovely friends that my holiday was simply too short, although I didn’t feel that way at the time. I really, really enjoyed my wee break to Bali.

Perhaps, I thought, it was because I’d had a taste of what I want for my future life. Yoga, yoga and more yoga in a beautiful tropical part of the world. I could see myself living there, teaching yoga.

Or, maybe it was a cultural thing? In Bali people are mindful, even if they’re harassing you to buy something or hire them as a taxi. Everything is done with a sense of politeness and respect.

Back in Melbourne, not so much. Road rage, people who bash into you with their bag or their person, and a general numbness and lack of care shown by the general population towards each other. Perhaps it was that, I thought.

Then there’s looking inwards. Any rage or unhappiness I feel is of course, emanating from within. No one causes my reactions except for me. I own it all, baby. But why now? What arked up all of this personal dissent?

It hasn’t helped that my home has been infested with tradies working on the two apartments above mine. Like cockroaches, they’re hard to get rid of. My request to not start work so very, very early in the morning (by law they can start at 7am!) with their banging and hammering and drilling… were pretty much ignored.

More – they’ve taken to openly taunting me and harassing me. Several large burly men outside where I sleep and live in the early morning. The police have been called but are useless unless something “actually happens”.

I’ve recently expressed to the body corporate, the landlord and the real estate agent that I will move out unless something can be done to manage these horribly aggressive men. We’re working on it…

This has been going on for a couple of months now, and unfortunately it’s not so great for my stress levels. And stress isn’t great for my health.

So, perhaps it was this, too. Probably. Maybe it’s an “all of the above” situation, perhaps?

Then last night happened.

The yoga school I teach at re-opened this week and I was back on for my regular Tuesday night teaching gig. Hooray!

For January we’re on a reduced timetable, so where there would usually be two classes running on  Tuesdays, for the next few weeks there’s just my class.

Usually I teach in the smaller room at the back, which holds twelve students at the most. Last night for the first time, I taught around thirty people in the main room. Some of whom usually do the intermediate class.

Whoah. The pressure. Haha.

At least I thought it’d be a little scary but I simply taught what I know, the way I usually teach. Of course I had to project my voice and look around a heck of a lot more. But it was cool.

The dynamics of large classes are different – less time to deal with people’s individual issues, not as much explanation time and wow, but the class flew!

For sure it was less intimate and although I think I prefer teaching smaller groups, it was lots of fun.

Afterwards I felt just really, really happy. Teaching yoga brings me happiness. Then I realised that the last class I taught was exactly four weeks ago. Wow. That long?

So. That’s what I’d been missing, huh?

Come February, I’ll have been teaching yoga on a weekly basis for twelve months. Before that I taught more sporadically. So teaching has become a part of my routine and my favourite part of the week. But I don’t think it’s just the routine I was missing.

It’s this: even though I know I’ve got a long way to go in my yoga teaching career, and a WHOLE BUNCH to learn… it feels like I’m doing something right.

So often in the last year I’ve questioned my teaching: I’m not a perfect yogi; I haven’t mastered every pose; my body isn’t the right shape or size; there’s heaps of poses I can’t do yet; my knowledge of A&P isn’t as deep as I’d like… so why am I teaching again?

Surely I should just leave it up to the REAL yoga teachers?

Another confession: at Nadine’s yoga teacher Christmas party in December, I very much felt like an imposter. There I was surrounded by all of these REAL teachers, hoping no one would figure out that I’m just faking it til I make it. I don’t have the same level of knowledge or experience as everyone else. WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!!

Only it seems that this teaching thing is a part of my purpose in this life. I felt it last night as I walked to the yoga school, as I began the class and all the way through. And especially afterwards. I humbly accepted compliments on the class and headed home feeling ecstatic.

And lo, all of the antsy cobwebs and crankiness of the last few weeks have vanished like magic.

Almost as if this time out and then coming back was a reminder that yeah, I AM doing the right thing. I AM in the right place, as a yoga teacher who will forever be also be a student who never feels like she’s learned everything she needs to know.

I’m not perfect, and perhaps I’m not a real yoga teacher yet. But I’m on the way, baby.

~ Svasti

Swaying in the wind

Tags

aneurysm, Anxiety, Depression, Donkey Kong, evil zombie ninja, indelicately explode, newspaper cartoonery, Potential Impending Unemployment Survival Kit, PTSD, quitting sugar, Repression, sapling, Stress, vrksasana, Yoga

Found in a local newspaper this week!

I laughed out loud when I saw this and not just because hey, yoga is now so mainstream it’s an object of daily newspaper cartoonery. But because I recognised myself right there.

Despite our best intentions of being steadfast and strong, sometimes we look more like the right side of that cartoon than the left.

Guess you could say I’m feeling a little sway-ish once again.

Seven more working days in total. That’s how much/little confirmed work I have left right now and believe me, I’ve been looking for a new (and more permanent) job for at least the last six months. But for one reason or another, nothing has turned up. And now this contract is coming to an end and… nada.

So I am very busily finding my balance right now and doing an awful lot of wobbling in the process.

Sometimes I’m all calm and mellow and trusting in the universe to provide.

Others, I’m all twisty leaden bellied and constricted chest and throat on account of the OMIGODDESS it’s-right-before-Christmas-and-my-fully-paid-up-holiday-and-whoooaaaah-what-am-I-gonna-do-if-I-don’t-get-a-job?

Which causes me to batten down the hatches. Which helps me to understand how I did such a good job of hiding my PTSD and depression for years on end from anyone but the most observant of folks.

Because I internalise like a champion. It’s a super power. I mean, if I could take down  a hoard of evil zombie ninjas by internalising my rage and fear, they’d ALL BE DEAD AND THERE WOULD BE NO EVIL ZOMBIE NINJA PLAGUE TEARING APART SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT…

Whaddya mean there IS no evil zombie ninja plague? And how can you be so sure? Evil zombie ninjas have many faces, y’know!

Anyway, the point is that I’ve got a killer “there’s nothing going on here” facade, which kicks in when I get hyper-stressy. Yet all the while I’m wobbling like a wee baby vrksasana sapling in a hurricane.

Well, sometimes anyway. When I’m feeling less super-heroish, that is. Which is only sometimes.

At this point I could go on and on about all kinds of angsty things and I realise my luverly readers here would probably let me get away with it. But that’s kind of a crappy use of my blog, I’m thinking, over something as piddling as potential impending unemployment.

And trust me, I’m working my connections and contacts to find some work ASAP. It’s on like…like…Donkey Kong!

So instead of letting my anxiety run riot here (which I’m trying not to have anyway because hello, Hashimoto’s), I thought that instead, I’d tell you about my…

Potential Impending Unemployment Survival Kit

Because that’s MUCH MORE fun. Such a kit contains:

• Invoicing slightly early for my October yoga teaching duties, the sum of which almost pays for an entire term of me being a yoga student – until the end of the year. So that the yogas are covered.
• Getting a much overdue haircut this coming weekend so I look stylish while I’m broke.
• Making plans for the 16th November (potential impending unemployment day 1) which include: taking the cat to the vet (immunisations and grooming); and going to see my accountant (still haven’t done my taxes yet for this year).
• Being resolved that even if I do get a job, I won’t work on the 16th so I can get to the vet and the accountant anyways.
• Committing to getting some of my writing work going. On account of if I don’t get it out of my head soon, I might just get an aneurysm or otherwise explode rather indelicately. And nobody wants to see that.
• Putting out the feelers for some extra yoga teaching gigs. It mightn’t pay the bills too well but it’ll sure keep me in a good mood. Which might be beneficial for job interviews.
• Spring clean of the house. It. Must. Happen.
• More riding of my push bike, which has sadly spent a great deal of the last few months doing very little.
• Otherwise spending as much time as I can outside and by the beach.

Oh, and as of Monday, I’m going to be starting a new experiment: the quitting of sugar.

I’ve done it before, many years ago now. But I lapsed. Because of the Hashimoto’s I’ve been seriously curbing sugar anyway, but I’m convinced the timing is right to give it a go once more. For my health, and not just for vanity or because everyone else is doing it.

But I’ll talk more about that next week.

Anyway, the plan is to keep trying to find my balance and engage in activities that’ll make me feel good. Well, except for the cat grooming – although that’ll help with less cat hair to clean up. And the accountant – although hey, a tax refund will be in the works, so yay!

Also, my giveaway winner finally turned up (HOORAY!!) so there will be no re-draw of the yogAttitude cards.

Til soon, lovely peoples…

~Svasti xxx

World Thyroid Day

Tags

adrenal exhaustion, epidemic, Malnutrition, Stress, Yoga

This is where your thyroid gland is...

Well, colour me purple and pink stripes, there’s such a thing as World Thyroid Day!

Those who don’t have thyroid health issues might be all “who cares?” about an awareness day for the not-so-humble thyroid gland.

But the truth is that we all need to care.

You don’t need to experience PTSD to be over-stressed and unfortunately, one of the triggers for thyroid problems is just that – stress.

Stress, perhaps the greatest threat to health in contemporary life, can be caused by a wide range of factors: toxins in our air, water and food; poor dietary choices and nutritional deficiencies; chronic bacterial, fungal, viral or parasitic infections; and lifestyle issues such as insufficient sleep, lack of exercise (or for some, overexercising); and chronic worry and anxiety.

The first points of vulnerability in the body are the adrenal glands, which become exhausted, and then our immune system, which weakens, opening us to all sorts of imbalances and ailments.

~ Words from the Stress-Buster & Adrenal Strength Workshop

As mentioned previously, one of my friends in the US is a naturopathic doctor and in her words, thyroid issues are reaching epidemic proportions. What a surprise in our over-worked, unhealthy western world!

Something else I’ve recently learned is that once you have thyroid health issues, if you don’t start taking good care of yourself it can get much worse. Say you don’t have the auto-immune version of hypothyroidism – you can easily develop this if you continue to ignore your body.

Another friend of mine (they know who they are!) puts it like this: You don’t f*#k around with your thyroid!

Basically, if you live with constant worry, anxiety, or stress then it’s your responsibility to yourself to sort it out before it becomes a chronic condition that affects your physical health. Of course, stress doesn’t just affect your thyroid. You need to take care of your heart health, too.

Some of us can’t help it though – PTSD is like a car crash for the body’s stress responses, and it takes time, effective therapy and support to resolve.

What surprises me however, is that people with chronic anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD are not (at least in my experience) advised to make sure they don’t neglect their physical health. Malnutrition is another trigger for thyroid problems and those with a broken fight or flight response are prone to self-neglect. Their minds are too busy just trying to make sure they are safe, and eating properly is often the last thing on the agenda.

So here I am, working it out for myself and doing my part to spread the word:

Dudes! Stress is bad for us in many more ways than we realise.

Here’s a short list of stuff we can all do to reduce our stress levels:

• Eat well – if the body is malnourished, our ability to cope with stress and change is reduced.
• Get appropriate exercise – getting the heart pumping and blood circulating around your body regulates your hormones and calms the mind and emotions.
• Find people to laugh with – laughter is one of the best stress-relievers around. Laugh with your friends, hang out with little kids and delight in their giggles, and read hilarious blogs like my friends Lo and Y-Dawg. ;)
• Get hugs or physical contact – it sounds cheesy but seriously, most of us don’t have enough physical contact in our lives. I know I don’t, and it’s tough if you’re single and/or coping with mental health issues that make you pull away from others. These days, I always hug my friends and get massages as often as I can.

Luckily for me, yoga and mediation are very beneficial for stress management. Hooray for yoga! And shoulder stand is considered to be one of the best poses for assisting thyroid function but there are others, too. Check it out:

From: http://www.yogacards.com/Yoga_for_thyroid/thyroid_problems.html

Right then. Enough said for now on the whole thyroid health/stress reduction stuff. Get on it, people! Relax, eat well, get plenty of sleep and bring enjoyment back into your lives. And stay healthy, okay?

~ Svasti xo

The teachings – not the teacher – is the rock star

Tags

blood donation, chi, haemoglobin, iron levels, kidney, liver, maya, non-difference, pescatarian, Prayer, PTSD, self-doubt, source, Stress, Suffering, yoga teaching

The yoga class I taught last night was electrified. Not as in struck by lightning, but it was a really, really good class. I can’t explain why exactly, and I don’t think it’s worth trying to break it down. In this case, I think the sum was definitely greater than the parts.

After my recent yoga teacher break up, I seriously questioned myself – what was I even doing teaching yoga? Not that it was ever said in so many words, but I got the very distinct impression that this teacher didn’t think I should be teaching. Which hey – could well be just my own interpretation and insecurities , but then again maybe not.

I know that my own personal practice is far from perfect. There are the poses I’m yet to master and others I’m still regaining my previous level of proficiency in (thanks, long-term annoying shoulder injury!).

The weekend after my YT break up, my body was still a little freaked from the resulting stress reaction. But anyway, I went to give blood (well, plasma actually) on the Saturday only to be told that my haemoglobin levels were too low to donate.

They quizzed me a bit and get this – six or seven years ago my haemoglobin levels were awesome. Back then I was a pescatarian (fish-eating veggie) so I was arguably consuming less iron than I do these days now that I sometimes eat meat. The last few times I’ve donated, my haemoglobin has been quite a bit lower, but still acceptable.

After running through a whole bunch of possible scenarios, one of the nurses asked me about stress.

Me: Stress?

Nurse: Yes, it can affect your iron levels.

*dingdingding* went the lights and bells in my mind.

Of course. I explained that five years ago I developed PTSD and while it’s mostly under control now, this week had been particularly stressful. That’ll do it, apparently.

(I am also six years older than back then, however the difference in my haemoglobin levels is considerable).

Had a great chat on Twitter with Cora Wen about such things, and she reminded me of the blood’s connection to our chi, and that stress affects liver and kidney function (the purifiers of the blood). Of course.

I was stunned in some ways, but now I have a new focus – ramping up my liver and kidney chi.

The very next day however, I woke up sick. Like, got out of bed and whoah, I was in the midst of a nasty dose of the flu. Related? Yeah, probably.

Which meant I missed out on teaching last week’s class. Last night I returned to the studio, just not sure what to expect of myself. For my own personal reflection, I was thinking about what I’ve learned from recent events because I feel like I can only teach from what I know and understand personally.

And it was this: non-difference. None of us are different from each other no matter who we are or what we’ve learned or are doing with our lives. Society teaches us that we are independent, individual, different. But this is part of the veil of maya, and it strongly contributes to our suffering – this idea of differentness and separateness.

I went to set up the mats in my little room and completed my pre-class ritual – a short prayer to the gurus who govern the school where I practice (not my gurus personally, but I think it’s only polite. Also: non-difference, remember?). I pray for the right words, the right actions and the best approach for the upcoming class. And I pray that my ego takes a hike while I teach.

Teaching from this place I feel connected to the Source, y’know? Sure, it might be my from limited-new-yoga-teacher version of the Source, but still… I feel the difference. Or the non-difference.

The class was packed, which is the complete opposite of the last two. I think we managed to squeeze fourteen people into the room and had to turn more away (they went to the intermediate class instead).

Everyone was patient and accepting of the crowdedness. I found myself almost immediately throwing out half of my class plan and included some poses I don’t normally do with this group, just so I could see where they were at.

The all worked well together and I let things flow a bit more than usual, not stopping as much to provide breakdowns of some of the more challenging poses this time. I figure sometimes it’s better to just let people feel it in their body and do what they can rather than aiming for precision.

What else made it a good class? Nothing. Everything. I don’t know. It just was. And there were lots of appreciative noises afterwards.

And I knew. I’m not what makes me a good teacher.

It’s when I kick out all of the hang ups that accompany who I am, and when I’m offering people love, smiles and support to do their best, no matter how accomplished their practice is that I’m a good teacher. When I care about what’s going on in that room with as much attention to detail as I can muster, and when I get out of the damn way of the wisdom in the teachings, that’s when the classes really rock.

The teachings are the rock star, not the teacher.

And here’s another prayer: please Kali-Ma, make sure I never forget that!

~ Svasti

Breaking up with your yoga teacher – part 2

Tags

2 William Street Balaclava, Abuse, Anxiety, arrogant, ass, assume, breaking up, Bullying, detachment, humiliated, Louise Goodvach, Melbourne, reactive, rebuked, Shadow Yoga, shit-palooza, Stress, vairagya, Yoga Moves, yoga teacher abuse, yoga teaching, zero tolerance

Click on the photo to read Yoga Dawg’s brilliant rap/poem/song!

[Read part 1 first]

Act II: After-words

So that same night and before I’d even made it home, I sent her this email:

I am sorry to walk out of your class but I was feeling very angry and it seemed to be the least disruptive thing I could do right then.

I feel that you judge me very harshly. Your assumption that I have been trying to tell people what to do in your class is incorrect. Perhaps it’s the tone of my voice, but I am usually attempting to confirm something for myself rather than tell anyone else what to do.

At the beginning of the class you spoke of never really knowing what the cause of various things are. Yet you are so certain of my motivations that you chose to embarrass me in front of everyone.

That is what I found so incredible.

Perhaps you don’t think much of my previous training or my current abilities but I am only ever attempting to improve my own practice. Generally I tend to speak a lot and it’s something I continue to work on. But my verbalizing of my own thoughts on things is not ever meant to be instruction to others.

I am sorry if you thought otherwise, but I find myself very upset at your treatment of me this evening.

Unfortunately, I was in shock and I was stressed. My body has lost its ability to handle sudden stresses like that. So I didn’t sleep well that night and the next day… well, I wrote about it here.

It sucked. That part isn’t anyone’s fault. I’m doing everything I can do heal my body and mind but there’s stuff that just isn’t resolved yet.

Hello? And once again WTF?

I wasn’t sure if I was going to hear back from her at all, which of course added to my stress. Even though my mind was cool with things, my body wasn’t.

Sometime on Friday I got a reply, if you can call it that. It was just a single sentence:

See you next week.

Oh really?!!

That pretty much resolved my will I/wont I go back dilemma. So I wrote two lines back in response:

No you won’t. I won’t be returning to your classes.

I have better things to do with my time than be abused in a yoga class.

Say what you like about my own reactiveness, but I think her behaviour was both abusive and completely unnecessary.

Then, after reading (or perhaps dismissing?) my email, she did not acknowledge what happened or make even the tiniest of apologies. In fact, she blew me off. As far as I’m concerned, that’s both arrogant and a pretty poor business decision.

In the past I’ve recommended this studio to other people. On this blog, I’ve actively written about my experiences with and love of Shadow Yoga. I’ve been nothing but positive and supportive of this yoga studio and have never had any negative interactions with anyone there ever before.

Her reply to mine?

Take good care of yourself.

And with that we were done. No longer was she my yoga teacher.

[Full disclosure: I might’ve also sent her an email after that one telling her that I think she kind of sucks, and that I hope she one day learns to apply what she teachers to the way she treats people – harsh but ultimately not unreasonable, I think.]

In itself, that’s not a big deal. I’m not emotionally attached to her or to the studio, and I sure as hell didn’t have her up on a pedestal (been there, done that before).

I do love Shadow Yoga, and I’ll continue to develop my home practice. There’s a couple of other studios here in Melbourne that teach it, but they’re not terribly close to where I live. And unfortunately, when the founders of Shadow Yoga come to Melbourne, they teach out of her studio. Bummer.

Detachment doesn’t mean being a cold hard biatch

If you’ve been doing yoga for a while, you might’ve heard about “detachment” (vairagya), which is much misunderstood aspect of yogic philosophy.

Non-attachment is not suppression: Non-attachment is not a mere personality trait that one practices in dealing with the other people of the world. It is very easy to fool oneself into thinking that non-attachment is being practiced when what is really happening is pretending to be non-attached.
http://www.swamij.com/yoga-sutras-11216.htm

When abusing me in class, my now ex-yoga teacher was mean, unpleasant and VERY reactive. Afterwards, she was all icy-coldness and hey, maybe in her mind that’s what she considers detachment to be (once again, an assumption on my part – I have no idea what she thinks).

But detachment doesn’t mean that you don’t care, or that you don’t have feelings. It just means that you don’t self-identify with them, and you’re not invested in the outcome of a situation.

IF she’d really wanted me to come back to classes, a simple apology would have made all the difference, but that sort of thing should not have to be prompted.

Unless of course, her plan all along was to have me leave?

Keep your integrity close and your humility even closer

We all make mistakes. We all do things we kick ourselves for later (heck, I know I do!). But if our actions have upset someone, no matter what we think of the situation it’s generally good practice to apologise.

For me, that’s a part of being a good teacher and it’s something I’ve always admired about my own Guru.

As he unfolds his own spiritual development ever further, he’ll say things like: Previously I thought this was true, but now I know X, Y and Z. What I told you before was incorrect.

It’s perfectly okay to admit to mistakes, but of course you need humility for that. The more, the better.

And speaking of detachment, I know of no one with better mastery of it than my Guru. And yet he is warm. He will hug people. He’ll laugh, he’ll dance, drink, show anger and if he sees it’s required, he’ll apologise. He’s an awesome role model like that.

There’s nothing in this life that’s not a part of the whole. Nothing.

And if you recognise that you’ve made a mistake, then WOMAN-UP and apologise (shout out to Lo for that phrase!).

Be humble. Being a yoga teacher doesn’t mean that you’re always right.

Act III: Bottom line

I’m grateful for what I’ve learned, and I still love Shadow Yoga and will continue my practice. Just not at the studio of someone who won’t even acknowledge what happened or talk to me about it.

Perhaps I won’t learn as quickly as I might by attending regular classes but thems the breaks.

Change is the only constant

Another of my friends, Linda, reminded me:

It’s not always a bad thing to be betrayed. Many times it happens when we need to move on from a person, place. And of course happens with people we are close to so that’s why it hurts more. Betrayal is not necessarily “bad energy” because it’s “good” for change.

In my grand crazy plan for my future, there were only a couple of things making me hesitate about leaving Melbourne again (eventually). There’s my sister and nieces, and my Shadow Yoga practice being tied to this particular yoga studio.

I’ll always have my sister and nieces, even if I’m far away. And I’ll always have what I know of Shadow Yoga. Who knows? I might even move to a place where I can study with another teacher some day.

But I sure as heck don’t have to accept abuse in order to learn. No one does.

~Svasti

(Also, big thanks to CK, Nancy, Rachel, Cherie, Kimberly (as well as Lo and Linda) for their real-time support on Twitter while I worked through this shit-palooza!)

**September 2013 update: Ummmm, dear judgey and outraged people reading this post and deciding that I’m being ridiculous. A few things:

1. This post was written well over three years ago. So, y’know, as you can imagine, I’ve moved on since then.

2. I am entitled to my feelings and experiences. This is my blog. So coming here and psychoanalyzing me and telling me I’m wrong? Ermmm, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? Coz you don’t know.

3. Unless you are me or the teacher in question, you’ve got no right to interpret the situation.

4. See point #1. This is O-V-E-R. Yeah, it’s an historical piece of writing on my blog. Get over it and go out and live your live. Be happy. I sure am!**

Breaking up with your yoga teacher – part 1

Tags

2 William Street Balaclava, Abuse, Anxiety, ass, assume, breaking up, Bullying, humiliated, Louise Goodvach, Melbourne, rebuked, Shadow Yoga, Stress, Yoga Moves, yoga teacher abuse, yoga teaching, zero tolerance

The silent observer…

Act I: Unrequited and un-required abuse

Say you’ve been going to the same yoga classes and the same studio for around eighteen months. It’s a place you love, feel comfortable at and enjoy frequenting. It’s become your “yoga home” and you feel invigorated by what you’re learning.

This feeling of a home away from home is comprised of a few things: the yoga you’re learning, the vibe of the studio and the teachers you’re learning from.

So what happens if one day for no reason you can be certain of, everything changes?

The smack down

What happens if you’re in class and you ask a question (the first one you’ve asked that session), only for that question to be radically misinterpreted by your yoga teacher? You ask, but your phrasing is off. Instead of, “So how do you do this pose properly…?” you say, “So you do it like this, right?”.

Perhaps the end of the question wasn’t heard. Perhaps it was, and she just didn’t like your tone. Bit hard to say really. But suddenly you’re on the end of a rather nasty and public (class of 20+ people) dressing down.

It’s different for everyone. Until you can do it, you shouldn’t try to tell others what to do.

Okay, but that wasn’t my intention…

You’ve done it before you know.

You have?!? You bite your tongue and keep going, but combined with this little diatribe and your general sense of left-right confusion you end up doing the next pose on the wrong leg. Your yoga teacher reprimands you sharply for doing so. You laugh it off and go to swap legs but are still having a little moment of “which leg forward”, when she continues her previous (and loud) rebuke:

You really shouldn’t say anything at all until you can get it right.

At which point, feeling entirely misunderstood, unfairly rebuked, mightily pissed off, and somewhat humiliated at being verbally abused in a freakin’ yoga class – you choose to walk out.

Why? Well why the hell not? Why should you stay and continue to take instructions from someone who’s just (verbally) taken a big stick and thwacked you over the head with it?

As you go to leave, more attempted humiliation: (loudly) No [insert name], don’t do that…

But you do leave because, excuse me? This is meant to be a yoga class. You’re not ten years old and you haven’t just painted the cat purple. In fact, the yoga teacher has unfairly jumped to conclusions and punished you in front of the rest of the class.

For realz?

Yep! This is what happened to me last week at the Shadow Yoga school I’ve been a faithful patron of since October 2009.

My first thought as I left: “Well, that’s a shame”.

I was trying to work out if I would/could/should consider returning to the classes at all. Or if not to that teacher’s classes (who is also the studio owner), then to other classes there.

I sat outside the class for a bit, focusing on my breathing and probably looking something this (but less furry):

A somewhat confused yogi – adapted from: http://www.toonpool.com/cartoons/Yoga%20Yogi_95284

I went for a walk to calm down. I ordered some food. And I tried to make sense of my Wednesday night.

Nobody’s perfect

Perhaps she was having a bad night? Maybe I was? I mean, on the way to class that night I couldn’t shake the nagging bundle of nervous anxiety in my belly.

And maybe she didn’t hear the end of my question? Who knows? But WHY on earth would you talk to someone like that, no matter what the circumstances? It seemed highly reactive and downright mean.

Heck, if I was having problems with a student (or anyone) I’d talk to them privately, and I don’t think I’d ever publicly rebuke anyone like that unless someone’s health or life was in danger.

And despite her assertion that I’d “done it before”, this was the first time I’d been made aware that she thought that. Not once in all the time I practiced there was it pointed out that I was supposedly doing something “wrong”.

But the reality is that I wasn’t doing what she thought I was doing. When I attempted to say so I was cut short, and then I was rebuked again, and one final verbal kick in the ass when I chose to leave.

Incidentally: this is the very first time I’ve ever walked out of a yoga class in over ten years of doing all kinds of yoga!

A little background

Just a couple of weeks beforehand; this same yoga teacher told me that I “had to choose”. When I asked her what she meant, she told me that I shouldn’t do Shadow Yoga and any style of yoga because “it will be confusing for my body”.

Not that she’s ever said so explicitly, but these are impressions (possibly incorrect but it’s a feeling) I’ve gathered from her:

• She doesn’t think much of my previous training
• She’s convinced that Shadow Yoga is THE only yoga people should be doing
• She doesn’t think I should be teaching because I really don’t have Shadow Yoga down at all

I could be wrong about any/all of the above, but her attitude and general snippiness towards me in certain situations have created this impression.

She asked what I was teaching, and I explained that I teach foundation yoga for beginners – which is all about the basics of body movement etc. I suggested there’s a place for other forms of Hatha yoga that aren’t Shadow Yoga and that not everyone wants a strong practice like Shadow Yoga.

She also asked about my teacher, so I explained my background with my guru as well as my teacher training. I said I’d send her links to information about him and she said she’d like that. When I sent her the URLs, I didn’t get a “thank you” email or any kind of acknowledgement at all.

The very next week was last week, when I walked out of her class. Were these incidents related? Hard to say but I have to wonder, right?

Perhaps she decided to “choose” for me, and manufactured the whole thing? I won’t jump to conclusions and assume that’s the truth, but I’m just sayin’…

Implied intimacy and trust

For me, being in a yoga class is very personal. I’ve found this both as a student as well as a fledgling teacher. There’s a whole bunch of intimacy going on.

As a yoga teacher, you’re instructing people how to move their body and when to breath. You’re working with your student’s fears as well as their monkey mind. In my limited teaching experience to date, I feel very much that teaching is a service. I’m not there to be a schoolmarm and demand obedience – instead I’m trying to get people to explore, feel, experience, sense.

As a student, I am trusting my yoga teacher to be a good person. A helpful person. Someone who is kind and considerate – at least while the class is in session. In a yoga class I open myself up and I am vulnerable physically, mentally, emotionally and energetically. I am shrugging off my baggage as best as I can and leaving it at the door. I am trusting you to be careful with me while I follow your lead.

In my books, it’s absolutely unconscionable to use your position as a yoga teacher to smack down one of your students.

You don’t have to take anybody else’s shit, no matter who they are

These days, I have a zero tolerance approach towards bullying and abuse.

I was both surprised and pleased to observe my very healthy boundaries when it came to dealing with her crap. It hasn’t always been like that, y’see.

Something my Guru has always said to his students is this: You don’t have to accept anyone else’s trip.

Look Guruji, I totally DIDN’T! :D

Assume makes an ASS out of U and ME

I don’t know for sure what was in her mind any more than she knows what was in mine. Based on her reaction and what she said, I’ve got a pretty good idea of what she meant.

But she assumed my motives were different than they were. She didn’t check in with me to find out what I was saying, she just jumped right in.

Dear ex-yoga teacher of mine: you behaved like an ass.

[Read part 2]

~ Svasti

**September 2013 update: Ummmm, dear judgey and outraged people reading this post and deciding that I’m being ridiculous. A few things:

1. This post was written well over three years ago. So, y’know, as you can imagine, I’ve moved on since then.

2. I am entitled to my feelings and experiences. This is my blog. So coming here and psychoanalyzing me and telling me I’m wrong? Ermmm, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? Coz you don’t know.

3. Unless you are me or the teacher in question, you’ve got no right to interpret the situation.

4. See point #1. This is O-V-E-R. Yeah, it’s an historical piece of writing on my blog. Get over it and go out and live your live. Be happy. I sure am!**