Two Words Project: 2012 summary

Tags

Acceptance, empathic, gluten, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, Healing, healthy boundaries, highly sensitive person, I Quit Sugar, Metagenics detox, self-acceptance, self-love, two words project

As previously mentioned, 2012 was a ker-racker of a year for me. In part, this is thanks to the wonderful Two Words Project.

I’m not entirely sure how it works, but mindfully choosing two words for your year’s intentions is a VERY powerful activity. It seemingly sets a very clear agenda of possibility… the kind of possibility that makes your toes tingle (and not because you’re wearing too-tight shoes).

Those Two Words, once liberated from your subconscious mind (or wherever they reside), become alive. They resonate in your body and mind, working on your behalf even when you don’t think you’re paying attention.

Which is quite handy really.

Most of my Two Words-related changes have been subtle and were probably invisible to others. Slow changes, the way Sarah Wilson describes them with her Titanic Theory.

The changes are primarily in the way my thoughts have presented themselves to me, in light of my two words for 2012: Healing and Acceptance.

Healing

Well… [pun unintended!].

I’m not exaggerating when I say that in 2012 I spent an all-mighty small fortune on my health. I definitely exceeded the minimum spend on health-related stuff that gets you a tax break (hooray?). I know, coz it’s all typed up neatly in an Excel spreadsheet.

Coz here’s what I did: I made healing myself my #1 priority and did whatever it took in order to make it happen.

Mostly this meant favouring doctor and naturopath appointments, supplements, acupuncture and massage treatments over almost anything else in my budget. I did a heck load of research and made it my business to be firmly in the driver’s seat when it came to my health.

Then, in early January? I got my latest round of blood tests back from the doctor. I’m still finding it hard to believe, but check it out…

That’s right, biatches!

Almost all my results are now in the normal range.

Admittedly, my thyroid hormones (T3, T4, TSH) stabilised in mid-2012, as you can see from the August results (which are almost exactly the same as the January results!).

There’s still a little work to do with my TSH levels, but not much! The big change however, is my antibody levels…

THEY ARE ALMOST COMPLETELY NORMAL!

Remembering of course, that antibodies are the horned devils that destroy one’s thyroid gland over time, if left unchecked. So its super-important to have them under control!!

You would not believe the happy dances I’ve been doing since I got these results!

Of course, this doesn’t mean I can entirely relax. An autoimmune disorder is a life-long thing, and I’ll always need to monitor my health to make sure I don’t slip backwards.

But I’m now much stronger, have more energy and feel more like myself again than I did for most of last year.

AND MY BLOOD TESTS ARE ALMOST COMPLETELY NORMAL AS IF I WAS NEVER SICK.

*WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

What helped me get to this point, you ask?

• Last November I quit sugar, and since then I’ve lost over 12kg (26 pounds) where for the last few years I haven’t been able to lose any weight at all (a wonderful Hashimoto’s symptom!). AND this was achieved without starving myself or exercising excessively, either. These days, I rarely crave anything sweet and when I do, I can satisfy that urge with non-sugary foods.
• I quit gluten too. This one was harder, but it was only recently that I realised even having a little bit (like say… eating a croissant!) REALLY affects the quality of my mind (e.g. brain fog vs no brain fog).
• I completed a couple of medical-grade Metagenics detox programs and every day I take a number of high quality supplements (mostly Metagenics). These have made a huge difference. The next phase is to look at how I can derive what I’m getting from the supplements from my natural food intake.
  Even though this article is about healing from MS, it’s still relevant to what I’m doing. Basically? We can and should be getting all the nutrients we need from our food.
• Also? I’ve done epic amounts of research on food, the digestive and immune systems and so on. All to learn more about how Hashimoto’s isn’t really a thyroid condition (the thyroid is affected by other system dysfunctions in the body) and that to heal it, you actually have to heal the rest of you first.
• Especially the digestive system/gut health (aka leaky gut syndrome). Most people in fact, could do with paying more attention to their gut health BEFORE they get sick. My key learning is that most chronic health problems are rooted in digestive health issues!
• I’ve learned more about what it is to be a Highly Sensitive Person (I’ve read the book, too). Good health, you see, is more than feeling well on a physical level. It’s all about getting to know yourself and discovering your own particular needs in relation to the world. And? HSP’s actually have different biochemistry to non-HSP’s.

Acceptance

The changes wrought by having Acceptance as one of my Two Words are more challenging to quantify.

I’ve written a lot about it, of course. You could say this entire blog is all about the process of self-acceptance!

There’s been a lot of inner work going on, especially during my kinesiology appointments, which I’ve been having every 6-8 weeks all year. The beauty of kinesiology is that the changes it brings, persist. Grow, even. Unfold ever-after.

But what’ve I done this year around acceptance? Especially the self-acceptance kind of acceptance? For me, this is how it’s looked on a daily basis…

It is all about generating self-love, which means stuff like this:

• Examining my patterns around what kind of love I’m willing to accept.
• Being real with the idea that I might not get to have kids.
• I’ve learned that my destiny is to become a healer: knowing who you are and where you’re going is incredibly empowering!
• Listening closely to what I really need on a physical, emotional and spiritual level.
• Checking in with myself. If I’ve changed my mind about something, paying attention so I can do what I should be doing instead! Too often, I’ll let things be as they are instead of changing direction to where I should be going.
• Getting to bed early enough. I’m still a little patchy on this one but hey… I’ll be working on it more this year. More sleep is always required.
• Eating foods that are nourishing and full of goodness (e.g. organic meat/veg and LOTS of green foods!!). Cooking – more than one friend in recent times has complimented me on my cooking, which consists of very simple but tasty ingredients.
• Respecting my need for self-expression and being creative, and partaking in creative pursuits as often as I can. Writing. Teaching. Yoga. Singing. Dancing. Yup.
• Developing healthy personal boundaries. I’m often way too agreeable for my own good, and in the past I’ve let people get away with things that I really shouldn’t. In terms of how they act around and towards me. Not any more, though. This can come across as being disagreeable or unfriendly. But it’s absolutely necessary in order to take care of myself.
• Developing stronger energetic boundaries, too. I’m yet to work out the day-to-day benefits of being highly empathic (not the same word as empathetic!), which means that without realising it I take on other people’s emotional states/feelings and even physical pain. But I’m getting much better at noticing this now, and I’m working on patching up my energy field.

My teacher likes to say that you can’t save anyone else until you can save yourself. Since I’m fond of metaphors, this is like saying there’s no point in saving people from a sinking ship if you’ve got leaks in your own hull.

I think like most people, my self-acceptance work is ongoing. But the key is to have self-acceptance as part of your make up in the first place. As long as you keep paying attention to it (sub-consciously or not), you’re gonna be doing yourself and other people a good turn.

~ Svasti

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Looking both ways

Tags

#IQS, 2013, creative juices, Happy New Year, Health, India, new year, Stress, two words project, unemployable, WWF wrestler

So…hi! And Happy 2013. I hope y’all had a FABULOUS seeing in of the new year, even if that fabulous thing was having a very mellow time. Or doing nothing. Just so long as you found enjoyment, any which way.

I did! I really did! For the first time in ages, I had a truly excellent time on new year’s eve. Hooray! Friends of mine had a private party at their place, with a fab view of the fireworks over the city. But importantly, with plenty of space between our little gathering and the drunken hoardes in the city. I talked with old friends and new ones, too. Drank a little champers, literally laughed til I was flat on the floor, ate, danced, and watched fireworks.

Over the Christmas break I had a few days off and some visitors from the US – some of my world-wide family of yogis. Their stay was all too brief, and I was heartbroken when they left but also glad that they came.

So here I am, three days in to 2013 and finally I’m getting around to an update for you all on where I’m at!

Looking back – where’ve I been?

You just *might’ve* noticed that most of 2012 I was pretty quiet here on the blog, on account of a whole bunch of reasons.

First up, I’ve gotta say, 2012 was one of the best years I’ve had in well…years.

Year of the Dragon worked very well for me – all of that expansive energy saw me taking up a bunch of challenges. So, its been lots of hard work but lots of excellent results, too.

Like… the Two Words Project.

Also (and related): tackling my health with the enthusiasm of a WWF wrestler. This has wrought changes on the physical, emotional and ummm metaphysical planes. Big. Stuff.

And finally being out of trauma. I cannot express how differently I feel today to the broken person who first started this blog. 2012 has been a year of resurfacing as a stronger-than-ever and happier person than I ever was. Ever.

Not to mention: hitting my 12 month anniversary of giving up sugar! I can tell you that I don’t miss it in the least.

And I know – I owe you guys more details on all the above!

Those are all normal-busy kind of things though, right? Then, there was the rest.

Mid-year my last living grandparent passed away, and that seemed to cause a subtle but significant gear-shift. Something about, I dunno… stepping in to the next generation of “elders” in my family. More Big Stuff.

Around the same time, my dad had his own health scares and diagnoses of chronic illnesses. Things are evening out for him a bit more now, but it hasn’t been much fun. And there’s more work to do.

On top of that, my 9-5 job has grown increasingly unpleasant. It’s not so much my team (who are great) as it is the next level up management. My usual pattern of finding myself being given more responsibilities and more and more work has arisen yet again, and this (so it seems) rather specifically, has been the main factor in dampening my creative juices.

I noticed the difference immediately when I went on my writing retreat – given a release from the day-to-day stresses, and enough space and time, all the words erupted like wildfire.

Then when I came back home…once again the words dried up. Damnit.

Which was an excellent indicator: it seems I’m approaching that point Nadine’s written about of being unemployable.

See, my future life is starting to converge with the here and now, which is a little disconcerting when you don’t think you’re quite ready for the future just yet!

On that note, I’ve also finished my second full year of teaching yoga. Which has kind of flown by and it’s taken me by surprise at how much I’ve learned in such a tiny amount of time.

Looking right in front of me

Here we are, at the tail end of the Dragon Year before the Snake emerges on February 4^th. Already there’s a LOT going on.

Right now, I’m working my way through Leonie Dawson’s colourful and charming Create Your Incredible Year workbook and planner. I highly recommend it for a positive start to the year!!

Next? I’m signed up for Nadine’s Light Up Your Life e-course. It’s an extended version of the Two Words project (which, heads up Melbourne peeps, is happening again in February!).

Between Leonie’s planner and Nadine’s e-course I’m thinking my year is gonna be super-charged!

Which is waaaayyy different to how I was feeling at the beginning of 2012 (hint: I was terrified!).

And just when you think I couldn’t possibly fit more in to the start of 2013, I’ve got two HUGE things happening:

1. Nine days of yoga teacher training in mid-January.
2. Then, end-February I’ll FINALLY be meeting my long-term friend and Kali sister, Linda-Sama!! We’re meeting in India for her study group. But I’ll be there for six weeks in total: two before and two after the study group. I KNOW, RIGHT?

Looking forward – wassup 2013?

Well, a lot of that is still in the works, but there’s a few things I know already. Like…

• I’ve quit my job and will finish up just before I go to India (I’ll find work of some kind when I get back!).
• One very specific mission while in India (there are several) is to buy a harmonium, so I can learn to play kirtans myself!
• I gave up the class I’ve been teaching for the past two years! The end of the year seemed like a natural pause and my plan is to teach a lot more classes per week when I’m back from India, in my own ever-unfolding style.
• Mid-year, there’s the possibility of a heck-load more change (of the positive kind). But I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself yet…

And: a new blog!

No. I’m not killing off this blog, or stopping writing here. But for a while now, I’ve wanted a place to write that’s a little less anonymous than this one. Yet… I’m not ready for everyone in my life to read the archives here.

So, I’ve started a separate blog under my own (first) name.

Many of you will be getting an email about it shortly. But feel free to let me know if you’d like to be in the loop – as it’s where I’ll be blogging about my adventures in India! 😉

More soon. Very soon. I promise!

~ Svasti xxx

Two Words Project: 6 months of Acceptance & Healing

Tags

Acceptance, autoimmune conditions, boundaries, Hashimoto's, Healing, inappropriate men, Kinesiology, old patterns, two words project

Six months into the Two Words Project, and here’s where I’m at…

The last few weeks have been stressful. Soooo busy at work with my boss away and in this job (where I LOVE the people and the place), I’ve been given more responsibilities than I initially signed on for. Which is exciting, but it does mean learning new skills. Stuff I don’t have down pat. Stuff that means I’m not 100% brilliant at my job right now, while I undergo this new learning curve.

I can’t tell you how much I hate not being 100% brilliant at my job.

So it’s been busy and crazy and with my boss away, a bit of a strain. Because I’m one of those people who looks around and if I see something that needs doing and when there’s no one to do that task, I’ll try to fill the gap.

None of this is good for my health, as you might imagine. Stress is debilitating for folks with autoimmune conditions. It causes physical pain, and a resurgence of symptoms. For example, my memory gets even fuzzier than normal, and my throat tightens up. I get a bit mopey and exhausted.

What I’m beginning to realise however, is that these new circumstances in my job are shining a light on old patterns that’ve been around for a really long time.

As sucky as facing up to old patterns can be, I keep telling myself: this is all a part of the healing process.

My life is currently more balanced than ever. So I figure I now have the capacity to face up to other issues, whereas in the past there wasn’t space to deal with anything other than healing my body and mind. But now I’ve done enough work to stabilise my life, there’s room to look at other issues that are holding me back. So here they come!

Luckily, I had a kinesiology session booked for this weekend. Perfect timing as always, to help me clarify some of this stuff.

Here’s what I’m looking at right now:

I tend to put my own needs at the very bottom of the pile, underneath everyone else’s

This is an oldie but a goodie, and very common for women. It’s a people pleasing thing that goes hand in hand with my (previously out of control) poor-self esteem. I’ve mostly healed my self-esteem issues now, but this whole thing of not speaking up for what I need is still kicking around. And kicking my ass.

The reality is, I can’t afford to let this pattern remain active anymore. My health can’t take it, so like everything else that’s bringing my health down, it has to go.

Building appropriate boundaries for myself that allow me to take care of my own needs while interacting with others

So, there needs to be a balance between being of service to other people and doing the same thing for myself. I now have very specific health needs and if I don’t take care of them appropriately, I fall over in a heap.

And if I can’t take care of myself, then I can’t help anyone else, either. One of my lovely yoga teachers likes to say: teach from a place of abundance, never from a place of lack.

I’m actually pretty good at taking care of myself now, until other people come into the picture (see previous point!).

Until recently, I would always dropped whatever it is I was doing for myself in order to fulfil the needs of others. This can be seen as being over-helpful, and also it just isn’t balanced.

Plus, this isn’t what I teach as a yoga practitioner and teacher. So once again, I find myself drawing on the wisdom of yoga to bring into my life.

If you don’t have appropriate boundaries and awareness when doing yoga, you can hurt yourself. If you try too hard, you can hurt yourself. The teachings of the middle way are what I’m reminding myself of here:

Put in effort, but NOT too much effort. Work at a moderate pace. Don’t strain or force. Enjoy.

Men: this is pretty much my Achilles heel

In all the work I’ve done to recover from PTSD, this issue is one I’ve dodged since the beginning.

For many years after I was assaulted, I had no interest in men at all. NONE. I was completely shut down in that respect. Then I started feeling less shut down. But there were (and are) some big fat issues in the way: betrayal; physical/emotional intimacy; trusting myself; trusting men; feeling powerless; being unable to open up…

Those are the general themes. I think I’m now in a stable enough space to consider the idea of dating men, BUT, there’s still lots of fear swirling around.

See, I’ve been out of the dating game for so long that I feel like an awkward teenager. Around men I’m attracted to, my carefully re-established self-esteem goes up in smoke.

The irrational fear-voice in my mind says things like: I’m too old for men to be attracted to me; he’s gorgeous so why would he be interested in me; is he flirting with me? I can’t even tell; what if he DOES like me – I’d have to be vulnerable (and that’s insane); it’s probably safest to assume he isn’t into me… and so on.

Of course, this has come up because there’s a guy that I’m RIDICULOUSLY attracted to at the moment. Well, on a physical level anyway. It’s both uncontrollable and undeniable (believe me, I’ve tried to quell it!).

However, I really don’t think we’re compatible in other ways, and I suspect that this is my old pattern of being attracted to men who are wrong for me. Which is all about choosing men I can’t ever really be close to, as a way to keep myself safe (ha!). This is the very same pattern by the way, that once upon a time allowed me to invite a sociopath into my home… (not that I think the guy I’m now attracted to is a sociopath!)

Unfortunately, knowing such things hasn’t stopped this rampant attraction from growing like wildfire. I’m pretty sure it’s only one-way, too. He is someone I have to interact with on a regular basis (at work), and he’s very demanding in his dealings with me. So also: hello, boundary issues!

That’s right – my current work situation is a triple threat of my old patterns coming up to bite me. Hard.

But out of my kinesiology session, it became clear that perhaps this has come up to help me close out the these lessons: being able to have my needs met; setting appropriate boundaries; not being attracted to inappropriate men.

Which helps me put the whole thing in a new light.

This guy that I’m wildly attracted to? He isn’t here to tempt me, but to teach me.

And that’s a lesson I’m willing to accept. 😉

~Svasti

P.S. Don’t forget my Yoga Nidra give-away! It’s open until Friday 15^th June – spread the word!