Love, love, love

Tags

Love, Mark Whitwell, monkey mind, rainbow heart, Vajra pride, Valentine's Day, Yoga

A rainbow heart valentine - given out by Nadine at our workshop

On this day of over-hyped super-commercial celebration of romantic love, I’m taking a short break from my current series of posts. Because I need it – I’ve been struggling a little with pulling it all together. And because it’s good to reflect on how far I’ve come since that time in my life, not to mention how far I’ve come in recent years. It’s a lot of work, a great deal of healing but it’s not more than anyone else has to do for themselves.

I honour every person out there in the world coming to terms with their wild and wacky monkey mind, the mind that wounds our Selves as well as others. The mind that makes us believe we are not enough, we are not okay and we are not who or what we should be. I also honour those that haven’t had that battle yet because at some point in our lives, it seems to me that we all come face to face with our inner demons.

It’s hard work facing up to ourselves, being honest about where we’re at and finding the courage to implement changes that release us from negative self-patterns.

So, I honour everyone who lives and breathes and I sincerely hope that one day we all find for ourselves what my guru calls “Vajra” pride or the “essential dignity of being alive”.

Recently Brooks wrote a post about the ways that blogging has enhanced her life and I completely agree with her sentiment!

Case in point: I’ve spent the last two days in the company of some truly fantastic people at a workshop led by the marvellous Mark Whitwell.

This came about because I created this blog and as a result, I’ve made connections with other bloggers. Both Linda and Anthroyogini have mentioned Mark’s book and teachings, as well as Nadine’s blog. This caused me to add Nadine to my RSS, and I’ve been enjoying her posts very much. Of course, she then wrote about her plans to bring Mark to Melbourne for a weekend workshop!

With everything I’d heard from Linda, Anthroyogini and Nadine, my curiosity was peaked. And call it synchronicity, grace or a happy accident but I found myself signing up.

And all I can say is thank god (or whatever force of the universe you can relate to). Mark’s teachings are full of LOVE in a very powerful way. I promise I’ll write more about my experience in a separate post but for now I’d like to share the following with you:

Yoga = (intimacy & interconnectedness of breath + body + mind) = Love

That’s a very neat summary of my realisations for the weekend, and there were LOTS!

In many ways, doing yoga all weekend was the perfect activity for our so-called day of celebration of love. Except it wasn’t commercial, objectified or specifically aimed at one person. It didn’t exclude those who are single (like me), meaning the absence of love and affection – quite the opposite in fact. And we all received a Valentine (see photos), courtesy of Nadine’s inspiration (thank you!).

At the conclusion of 2x six hour days of yoga I feel my heart has cracked wide open (love that feeling), brimming over with love for ALL beings. I also feel much gratitude for Nadine in organising for Mark to be here, and for Mark in sharing his humble, wise and compassionate teachings.

Also, I now feel like I finally know how I’m going to begin to teach yoga – because up until now, I was really feeling a little lost there…

On the reverse of our Rainbow Hearts

Om Shanti, beloved beings!

And happy Valentine’s Day.

~Svasti xoxo

Yaaawwnnn…

Tags

Bellydancer, Broken ribs, Depression, Guru, Head on, Human dignity, Kinetic energy, Medication, Muay Thai, Pharmaceuticals, Repression of the Self, Shiva, Susceptibility, Therapy, Vajra pride

Art by Lisa Longworth

This dusty and sticky cocoon of listlessness is claustrophobic at best. At worst… it’s just soooo boring.

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons I think it’ll never really claim me. Not fully. Not forever. Not to the point I can’t eventually pick myself up, even if I do need a little help.

Thing is, I get disgusted with it all in the end. The waste of time and space. Missing the beautiful weather and doing absolutely nothing.

For days. Hiding away, shirking my connection to this world – nature, people, fresh air, self-respect.

But it comes and goes.

Interesting for the first few days, perhaps, sort of. Or, just all-consuming. When the worst of the darkness has passed and I’m still alive and breathing, then… what then?

Need to stop staying up all night (waiting for… what exactly?), start waking up at a decent time, have a shower in the mornings instead of late in the day (if at all), feed myself nourishing food and re-engage with my dignity as a human being.

Dignity, just for being alive.

It’s called Vajra pride – or relating to the world as if you and Shiva (or God or the Universe, or whatever you call it, or not) are one. You are the sun, you are the creative force, you’re already all of these things. And if you are those things, then how does it feel to relate to the world like that?

Now as meanings go, sure, that’s contrived. Like they all are. But it’s a heck of a lot better to relate to that kind of meaning than some others that’ve been floating around in my mind of late.

My Guru once explained that depression is a high energy state, even though it appears to be the opposite. That, maintaining such repression of the Self, is like trying to hold a basketball underwater. You can do it, but its not the natural state of things and it takes a fair bit of effort. And that when the ball is released, it shoots upwards. All that kinetic energy is finally available. So what are you gonna do with it?

Kind of annoying, but good to be aware that once you’ve let depression in, you’re always susceptible. I’ve never felt quite as crushingly awful as I have in the last couple of weeks.

But you know, I never let my susceptibility to anything get in the way before now. For years I had this crazy cyst in my toe which meant it was weak and wearing high heels would hurt. Eventually, I had to give up my weekend job as a bellydancer in the Arabic clubs and restaurants of Sydney because it hurt so much. But after a while, I started dancing again. Took up Muay Thai (kick boxing), too.

Eventually, it broke and I had surgery and now its mostly better. But still, there’s no 12″ heels in my closet.

Last week, my therapist asked me for the first time, if I’ve ever considered medication. And to be honest, I haven’t. Never been big on using pharmaceuticals. Even once scoffed at a doctor who wanted to give me pain meds for my broken ribs. Thank goodness I took the script for that one, though!

Maybe I’m a sucker for punishment, but at the same time and as I told my therapist, unless I find myself unable to get out of bed for two weeks straight, then I’d rather deal with whatever comes up head on.

~Svasti