Tags
#reverb10, bird’s eye view, confluence of flow, Consolidation, Depression, everyday writing practice, grime-laden details, harmony, let go, loyal, oga teacher, One word, People, Procrastination, PTSD, Re-birth, Return, rivulets, satay sauce, slithery fear, way-back machine, writer’s constipation, Writing
Monday’s got a couple of points on me so far today. Let’s just say loose lids leak satay sauce on the inside of one’s fridge, absorbing precious get-ready-for-work time. Also, ninety minutes of down-time can be achieved at work by some kind of mysterious power board/circuit-thingy outage, taking down monitors and destroying any kind of first day of the week productivity.
But now (mwahaha!), I’m determined to score a couple of runs for MY side! So y’all will be pleased to know I’ve jumped in the way-back machine to address not one but THREE #reverb10 prompts that I missed earlier this month (not necessarily in order, of course). Huzzah! I think I win now, okay Monday?
One word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
~ December 1 prompt
Some people have this ability to envisage their coming year and then sum it up in carefully chosen inspirational words. I’m not one of those people, folks!
My Januaries all look a little bit like that first part where you’ve landed in a new country and you’ve just left the airport. I’m not yet oriented to my surroundings in any meaningful way, and all I see are the grime-laden details: the much-in-need-of-maintenance lawns and gardens; wow, there seems to be a LOT of stray dogs around here; hey, who knew car horns could be used like that; someone still hasn’t taken their trash out (but it must’ve been an awesome party!).
While the stamps on my passport show where I’ve been, if I’m very lucky then there might also be a visa or two confirming a couple of bright lights in the distance: a rough outline of places I’m heading and things I’ll be doing.
But as for a bird’s eye view of the upcoming landscape, forget about it. I’m as clueless as a baby. I mean, I didn’t even know I was going to be a yoga teacher til half-way through last year, and that was after I’d been doing the course for six months!
However, I’m pretty good at the retrospective. Hoo-yeah! So, as we near the ass-end of the year I can name the word that illustrates my 2010 with stunning precision: Consolidation.
Last year (2009) was the year of Return, or perhaps Re-birth. This year with my newly acquired status as a yoga teacher, and someone who has pretty much conquered (so it seems) her PTSD flashbacks, and with her depression on a very tight and well managed leash… I’ve begun to feel stronger.
Like a human being who possibly has a future, with things to dream about that might actually happen. Honestly, I can’t explain how astonishing that feels.
As for this time next year and what I’d like my word for 2011 to be, see paragraphs 1-4 above.
Although just to take a punt, let’s go with: En-route.
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Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
~ December 2 prompt
Besides my old friend Procrastination (and yours too, probably)… overwhelm is the main issue with establishing an everyday writing practice. It manifests sneakily in a range of distractions – too tired, too lazy, too busy, etc, etc – but underneath it all is that slithery fear of too much information.
Sometimes I just don’t want to process stuff by writing about it. Sometimes that makes me feel tired, if you know what I mean? It feels like I’m getting too stuck in my head and a better alternative might be to go for a walk, y’know?
Problem is that if I don’t write frequently enough I get a little case of writer’s constipation going on. The works get all backed up with words unwritten and while there’s plenty to say, the words no longer flow freely.
So I think if I can be disciplined enough to write a few paragraphs a day, I’ll strike a balance there. It’s not like they all have to get published or anything (good god, no! You don’t want to see some of the shite that ends up in my writing files!). But just to y’know, keep the plumbing in good working order, I think I just need to get it down.
And that’s my plan!
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Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
~ December 5 prompt
People in both my online and real life lives. People who weren’t for one reason or another, quite the right fit.
Something you should know about me is this: generally I’m one of the most loyal hard-to-shake friends you can imagine. Smack me down a few times and even then I’ll stick by you. If I call you friend, you can expect me to remember your birthday even if you don’t remember mine. I’ll go to battle on your behalf if required, all guns blazing!
And yet, this year I’ve begun noticing my own energy levels more clearly. For whatever reason some people are much more of a drain than others, and not just once but every time we interact.
Had a disagreement with a friend in the first half of this year and we didn’t talk for a few weeks. But I only noticed that towards tail-end of it all and I thought, Well, I actually haven’t missed spending time with her.
So the people I’ve let go of this year are those that aren’t in harmony with where I’m at and probably where I’m going. It’s not about fault or finger pointing, not at all.
Like leaves floating down a stream, we might find ourselves travelling down same or separate rivulets. Maybe later we’ll find a confluence of flow that draws us back into each other’s spheres. And maybe then, we’ll meet and smile at each other and say, how nice to find you in this space and time. Gimme a hug!
Then, maybe it’s not so much people I’m letting go of, as it is holding on to old patterns that include certain ways of interacting with others in my life.
And my wish for myself and others is for old hurts to be washed away so that when we do meet again, it’s as if it’s for the first time.
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~ Svasti
Svasti: A Journey From Assault To Wholeness 