Overwhelm 2012-style

Tags

blood test places, doctors, health food stores, Kinesiology, loaded bases, new year, overwhelm, specialists, Twister, yoga classes

A huge chunk of last year felt like one long relay lap between the doctors, specialists, blood test places, health food stores, yoga classes and my bed. There were a handful of bright lights in 2011 – my good friend getting married, starting a tradition of Sunday walks with said friend and new hubby, my third niece’s birth, and my trip to Bali. Teaching one yoga class a week was a steady constant and a blessing, and I’m forever grateful for my ongoing kinesiology sessions. But everything else felt VERY BLEH.

It was all about the descent into being Very Unwell and the subsequent healing work.

Basically, 2011 was exhausting and extremely tough. Just when I thought I’d finished all of my hardest work.

And, dear readers, over the last few days I’ve begun to notice with total clarity that I’ve not come into 2012 feeling all shiny-brand-new-bursting-with-energy-and-positivity.

You heard me. NOT.

Instead, what I’ve got right now is a case of overwhelm.

Life feels a bit like a game of Twister.

All the bases are loaded with hands and feet everywhere and WHERE ON EARTH is the next foot or hand going when the wheel is spun, once again? Will we topple over in a heap, or keep the precarious balance going a little longer? And just how do we get things untangled again?

You see? Overwhelm.

I’m pretty sure most of this hangs on the issue of:

My Health
(dun dun duhhhhnnnnn!)

Currently it can best be described as “hmmmm, okay-ish”.

Seems I’ve hit another wall in the healing process, which means that the early January 2012 version of Svasti is issued with less than a full tank of energy. And when it’s gone, there aint no more.

The only remedy is rest, calm and quiet. Eating right, sleeping a lot, doing yoga, getting acupuncture and/or kinesiology and praying like crazy for better health.

Yet… there’s been so much going on:

Finding a new job yet again and all the new job stress; dealing with the two apartments above mine being renovated for months and months on end (So. Noisy.); thinking I was going to be penniless again and then I wasn’t; organising my birthday trip to Bali (to relax, ironically!); coping with Christmas; and then looking after my mother.

On top of this, I haven’t gone back to see my expensive thyroid doctor for further tests and treatment because I didn’t have a job for a while. Now I’ve changed jobs, her offices are nowhere near where I work or live. Plus, I wasn’t entirely happy with some of her suggestions last time.

So… I’m a little bit at a loss as to what I should do next. I mean, I know I should go back to my GP and get another round of blood tests to see where things are at. But then I think I need to keep looking for the right specialist to further investigate the cause of my health problems (on top of my kinesiology sessions, of course).

And damnit, if I’m not totally anxious about getting my health back on track! I want it NOW.

Which is ridiculous. I’m also:

• Frustrated that I didn’t get to pay off all my debts by the end of 2011.
• Determined to get my debts paid off THIS year, but afraid that some other minor financial disaster will strike again. I really hope it doesn’t.
• Worried/hopeful about fitting in/coping with my new job okay. I don’t want to have to look for work again in a hurry!
• Really wanting to move to a cheaper place to live but at the same time, I’m loathe to do so.
• Wanting to write my books!
• Wanting to teach more yoga.
• Wanting more FUN and socialising in my life this year.
• Desperately missing my guru and wishing that it was possible for me to both pay off my debts this year AND travel to see him. But I really doubt it. And being debt free has to come first, so I can do all of this.
• Really, really, really wanting to date or have a guy in my life again. Really.
• Aware that I probably can’t really have all of these things, certainly not while my health is still all wonky.

So, this weekend I’m gonna do some goal setting using Kerry’s Alignment Kit.

I think its perfect timing, albeit a few days later than the first day of the new year.

But oh so necessary. So that I don’t burst.

~Svasti

Guest post at The Joy of Yoga

Tags

guest post, nadi shodhana, pranayama, surya namaskar, The Joy of Yoga, Yoga, yoga classes, yoga sequences, yoga teaching

Emma over at The Joy of Yoga has kindly posted my yoga sequence from the class I taught on Tuesday night.

Writing sequences is a very important skill for a yoga teacher to learn, and hey, I know I’m still a beginner. But I was rather tickled by how well my very swiftly composed class plan worked out on Tuesday night!

Emma’s blog is a self-described wiki for yoga sequences and she recently mentioned she’s always looking for guest posts and so…voilà!! I am kind of nervous about sharing so publicly, but then hey, why not right?

Another cool thing about Tuesday’s class – none of the seven women I taught had even heard of pranayama before that night, and so I gave them their first dose of nadi shodhana – which is wonderfully calming after a busy day at work if the mind has been running non-stop. Here’s a little video I found on You Tube for those who might be unfamiliar with this practice…

On reflection, the class was a definite a mash-up between my Hatha and Shadow training and practice. Several ladies told me how much they enjoyed the class. One even said she thought it was refreshing not to have any surya namaskar going on (truthfully, I had thought about it but because it was only an hour long class and I wanted to include pranayama, I left that yoga class staple out for once!).

Fellow yoga teachers: If you have any comments or suggestions on how my sequence could be improved, I would love to hear your thoughts!

~Svasti xo

Joyful living

Tags

bleeding from the heart, Cycling, Depression, Friends, Happiness, Jill and Kevin's wedding dance, joy, Nieces, Skiing, yoga classes, Yoga teacher

Watched this today…

Found my eyes were leaking (a bit) and I have to admit I felt a little envious of the joy being expressed.

Most of the time, we western-world folk do not express this much fun and happiness in our day-to-day lives. Or even weekly. Maybe not even monthly.

Sure, some people might. But most of us don’t due to habit, cultural acceptance, and generally because most people are bleeding from their hearts instead of singing.

Aren’t we?

We hurt, we try to keep our hurt to ourselves and we barely ever notice that everyone else around us is doing exactly the same.

This morning as I wandered around my flat getting ready for work, I realised that (for now) my interactions with depression are in recess.

I’ve got more energy than I’ve had in ages and I can actually get out of bed in the morning with relative ease. I’m starting to be much more excited about becoming a yoga teacher (OMG, I’ll be qualified at the end of the year!).

And yet, still… it’s possible to wander around and feel less than joyful for most of the day or week. Especially when doing a job I could care less about (except for getting paid).

My joy comes from my yoga classes, my nieces, cycling, and talking to my friends (most of them live far away).

But this morning I also realised I could add more joy into each day.

A little like the way BlissChick schedules time to dance regularly.

Because joy shouldn’t be something we experience infrequently like clinging to a life raft within a sea of unhappiness…

Then there’s Tricia’s latest post (a meme) – 6 things that make you happy.

There’s a world of difference between depression going away and actively seeking out the things that make you smile.

While the thrall of depression has lifted, the habits I formed to cope with that existence also need to be broken down. The staying in and not socialising. The having fewer expectations of my life. The not taking care of my appearance or what I eat. The not looking to the future… these are but a few.

In Tricia’s comments, I wrote my own 6 things that make you happy list (definitely in no particular order):

1. Thinking about becoming a yoga teacher
2. My fan girl night (meeting my celebrity crush earlier this year) – still makes me smile!
3. My glorious nieces
4. My yoga school’s spiritual home in north-east Thailand
5. Snow skiing
6. My wonderful friends (both virtual and IRL kinds)

It’s not a bad list, but if the meme had asked for 10 things, I might’ve come up a little short.

Which is ridiculous when there’s so many things to be happy about, right?

So. Here’s to the energy behind the wedding dancers in the video.

Even if we don’t actually break into dance as we wander throughour days, we each deserve the feeling that goes with this kind of celebration.

And I’ve decided the next step to climbing out of the dark, dank abyss of depression includes adding more activities into my life that are designed to tap into that kind of joy. Yes!

I’ll let you know how I go.

~Svasti